lcoxwell

I haven't been feeling well, so I took a nice, long nap today, and my Pit Bull, Boo, curled up beside me on the bed to cuddle. I love her cuddles.

I am not as far out, so I cannot offer advice, from that perspective. What I can say, most assuredly, is that not every part of our lives can be explained, gotten over, healed, or moved on from. Not everything in life is fixable. Sometimes, learning to do the best we can with the pieces left, even though the pieces are still shattered, and our hearts are still broken, is the very best that can be done. Sometimes, learning to carry on, even if we are just going through the motions, or endlessly repeating the day before, there mere fact that we continue to carry one from one day to the next, is the healing, and that's okay. It may not be what we had wanted or expected, but it is okay.

This picture was taken almost exactly 4 years ago. My Kenneth was so happy to be holding our grandson. That was a really good week, visiting our son and his family in CO!

His name was Kenneth, and tonight, I just needed to say it, because I am really, really missing him like mad lately. I miss him so much, it's hard to breathe.

If nothing else works, I have an overly affectionate Pit Bull I could loan you. She'd be so busy lickin' 'em to death, and they'd be so busy trying to get her to stop, that they'd have no time for stupid remarks.

Ah-ha! I now know who to turn to, if I get to missing my hubs and his inappropriate conversation skills, or if I get bored listening to the radio. I will have to admit, however, that there were times, when his foul-mouthed ways drove me crazy, too. I was raised in the Deep South, with strong, Christian values and the idea of how to properly behave in public, so as not to embarrass or draw attention to oneself. Let's just say, my Kenneth was not. He was raised in a family full of functional alcoholics, who proudly claim the phrase, "We put the fun in dysfunctional", as a family motto. They can drop more curse words into a five minute conversation than an entire caravan of truckers or an entire shipyard of sailors. Thanks to their lovely influence, Kenneth had no problem saying anything, anywhere; and he sometimes found it highly amusing to make me blush in public. In so many ways, he was my total opposite, but there was just something about him that was right, for me. I sure do miss that man!

Would ya like me to join in and smack 'em upside the head for ya? I'm from the South, and we have smackin' people upside the head down to a special art form. ;D

Personally, I have to admit, taking care of a terminally ill man for 13 years was HARD. I truly spent years thinking that, once Kenneth was gone, I would happily spend the rest of my days alone. I even fantasized about having a small, studio apartment somewhere. It would be inexpensive, easy to clean, and would allow me to travel and have time to enjoy my life. I figured I had been with the great love of my life, even though it was just for a short while, and that would be enough to carry me through, after he was gone. The idea of dating never would have even occurred to me, had Kenneth not insisted I date again and had he not made me promise him, over and over, that I would. Once Kenneth was gone, I realized he knew me far better than I knew myself. I was not made to be alone. I hate everything about being alone. I did start dating, relatively soon, and New Guy and I have taken things slowly, just as everyone says we should. My problem is, I sometimes (not always, just sometimes) get really tired of moving at a snail's pace. Sometimes, I want to move forward much faster, than we are. I want to spend my life with New Guy, and to be a wife again, not just be talking about "one day" getting married (which we have been doing, for months). I am beginning to feel impatient and want to stomp my foot, like a petulant child, and tell my man we've waited long enough, now. It is so hard to deal with that dichotomy of longing for our spouses and wanting to find new love, of not wanting to be alone anymore yet not wanting to have to deal with all the hard work and painstaking efforts to be in a new relationship. It all just sucks, but kudos to all of you for trying, or not, based on what you feel you are capable of handling, at the moment.

I am right there with you on this. The last few days have been harsh, for lack of a better word to explain it all. (((hugs)))

Once again, Saturday evening is upon us (I think, though I am losing track of time, so I could be off a day, or two). I happen to be in pretty sad shape today, missing my Kenneth and just all around miserable, so I am hoping to live vicariously through the rest of you today. Tell me about your sexy selves and all your exciting plans.

For a variety of reasons, the last few days just seem to have been particularly hard, and I am grieving my Kenneth's loss so much more than I have in a while. There's so much I could add to that or say, so many explanations that I could give, but the tears just won't stop flowing long enough for me to get it out. So, for now, I will just say I hate that my Kenneth is gone. I hate that I have to carry on without him. I hate that he can't be here, when I need him. I just love and miss him so, so much! :'(

Today, I just miss everything. :'(

If I had to do the yard work all by myself, I would go with luxury condo. Speaking of luxury condos..... Condo on the top floor of a luxury high rise, or poolside condo with easy access to the pool and spa?

SVS makes quite a bit of sense, given the uniqueness of your situation. Under these circumstances, I would likely tell your children and follow her advice. I want to add that I am sorry you are having to deal with this medical issue, on top of everything else you have been through, and I hope that the side effects aren't too bad and that the tumor shrinks quickly.

If you like the envelope system and are tech savvy, you can always try the Mvelopes app on your smart phone or tablet. It seems to be the best app I have found for budgeting, though there are others out there, and it is based on the envelope idea. Once I set it up, I found that it only takes less than five minutes of my time, every few days, to manage and track where my money is going and exactly how much money I have to spend.

While I have never had to go through what you are going through, post widowhood, I did go through a similar situation in my younger days. I can relate to having too much time on your hands for thinking and to also your expressed fears of being in trouble for not answering the phone. The one thing that helped me, more than anything else, was to lean on my close friends and family. They helped to strengthen my resolve, when I felt uncertain. They reminded me I owed him nothing. They helped me keep my eye on the prize, which was a life in which I did not have to fear or feel belittled. You have come through one of the hardest parts, which was the leaving. Now, you have to do the work of healing. It won't be easy, and it will take time, but you can do this. We are all still behind you, 100%, sending you warm wishes, lifting you up in prayer, and supporting you in any way we can, given our relative distance. In time, it will get easier.

This is such wonderful, exciting news! I am so happy for you, and so happy that the patience and prayers have paid off! I am hoping even more blessings come your way!

I know I am a little late responding to this, but I would concur with the advice you have been given here. It is so easy to see the grief of our loved ones and to want to do something to help them. As another eternal people pleaser, I often find it difficult to turn down the requests of others, even to my own detriment. In this situation, you should put your possible needs before other people's wants. Several people here have suggested diplomatic ways to handle the situation, and I think you would be wise to listen to them and do what feels right, for you. Good luck with this.

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. It is so easy for our minds to go to the worst case scenario, now that we have been through the loss of our loves. It does suck, not having that one special person in life to turn to, when we need someone to talk to and to share with. I hope things work out for your brother, and that whatever the situation, it won't be too bad. Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way.

I have been wrestling with this same question, my own self, especially in the last month, as I prepare to move away from the life I lived here with my Kenneth. There are days, when I think I am probably closer to being here, than I am to actively grieving, and then there are days, when I can barely move, because I simply miss him so very much. As everyone has mentioned, it's different for each of us. I think I will know I have reached that point, when I am more focused on the future, than I am on the past. I am ever so slowly getting there, but I don't think I have made it quite yet. I think Maureen brought up an interesting point about introverts. While I am not an authority on this, by any means, nor do I claim to be, I can say my introvert and extrovert scores are nearly identical on the personality scales, with my introverted self being only slightly stronger. I do find that I seem to grieve more, when I am alone for extended periods of time. When I am going out and doing things with people, I still grieve, but not quite so deeply and all encompassing, if that makes sense. I think introverts have a smaller circle of friends, and therefore, have a smaller support system. This could potentially make them feel the aloneness a little more and could potentially make it harder for them to move beyond actively grieving. Of course, that's just my opinion.

Personally, I wouldn't worry too much about it, unless it should happen again. The reality is, had they done anything too bad, you would have heard from the police, or a ticket would have been issued. The neighbor could have easily been mistaken or misinformed. There's also the possibility that the police may have shown up, but were at the wrong address, which is something that happened to me and my mom, years ago (now that's a humorous story, I shall have to share at some point).

I agree with Portside, on the level of openness being somewhat related to the individual child's anxiety. For the most part, I have always been very open and honest with my children, and I tend to prefer that approach. Kenneth's daughter, though, was always one, who struggled with anxiety and would often work herself into hysterics. With her, we often had to downplay the severity of Kenneth's hospitalizations, for her own good. Sad to say, but I used to be able to be more truthful with my two, who were 7-9 years younger than her. All five of her siblings knew to keep certain information from her. I am sorry that you are facing health issues, and I echo what others have said. I hope that you are getting the medical treatment that you need and that everything is alright.

^^^^Okay, this completely made me laugh, and I was having a really bad day. Thank you for that! Back to the OP: I am so glad that things are going better with your devil dog. My dogs have been such a source of healing for me, but I have to admit their training has been sporadic over the years. I sometimes worry about how they are going to adjust to our move that's coming up, and I am hoping they will be little angels and not little devils.

I can so completely relate to this, today. In the last twenty-four hours, I think I have missed being a wife and having a husband far more than I have in a very, very long time. In fact, I went to bed with tears in my eyes last night, for that very reason. I love New Guy, and we do plan on having a life together, but we just aren't at that point, quite yet. Sometimes, I just want my husband, who could share my burdens and solve my problems, and who just completely understood everything about me. * I came back and edited out the whining. Someone should remind me not to post, when medicated.

Sometimes, life just steps in and answers questions for us. I am glad that you are not still left with that sense of maybe you are missing out on something. It seems like you did the right thing, sending her the email, and she must be at least a little interested, if she is writing back, so quickly. My advice is to do what feels comfortable and right, for you. If nothing else, you may make a great new friend. Worse case scenario, you have learned that you can take those first few steps of showing interest in someone new, and that can't be a bad thing, at all. Good luck to you!