lcoxwell

I can so relate to this! I hated that Kenneth smoked, and wanted him to quit for years. The last thing I saw him doing, before he died, though, was to light up a cigarette and to hug our daughter. For the longest time, I left his ash tray sitting, just as he left it. I could not bring myself to throw out the ashes and cigarette butts, no matter how hard I tried. Eventually, I ended up taking the last one to ever touch his lips and placed it in a baggie. I put the baggie inside his coat pocket, and bagged them all up together. I never did empty that ash tray, though. When I moved, I made my son take care of it.

Last year was my first Christmas, without my Kenneth. Since I was planning on not being home for the holidays, I did not even bother decorating, at all. The two years before that were spent in the hospital, taking care of Kenneth. The house didn't get decorated those two years, either. This year, I am in a new apartment. I live alone, and there is no one to decorate for; but I think it is time I joined the rest of the world and decorated, too. Count me in!

I know I have said this a number of times, but I am going to say it again, anyway. I truly wish I had the right words of encouragement, or that I could magically make things better. Sadly, I just have nothing. I did want you to know, though, that I am thinking of you. (((Hugs)))

Honestly, I cannot add to what others have already stated so very well; but I wanted you to know that I did take the time to read what you posted, and I am sorry that you are struggling. (((Hugs)))

My husband, Kenneth, died just over 20 months ago. I was amazed at how much I missed hugs. There is something in the power of touch, that we often take for granted, until the one person we chose to share our lives with is gone. Early on, I was afraid that I wouldn't ever feel the warmth, security, and love that comes from a hug, again. I think the loss of that physical intimacy was the hardest part of being widowed, at least in the early days.

I have always been a strong believer in the power of prayer, and have found that prayer has been instrumental in my ability to put one foot in front of the other on a daily basis. There will be good days and bad, all along the way; but, I hope that you continue to find peace.

I truly have no words to express how sorry I am, that you have a reason to be here. It breaks my heart, each and every time a new person has the need to join us. You will find that the people here are always willing to listen and to offer up support, whenever you need it. I never would have made it through the first couple of months, without the advice and strength I found here. (((Hugs)))

I am so sorry that you had a reason to join us. Truthfully, no one wants to join this club, but there are some wonderful people here that I never would have met, otherwise. Sometimes, it is hard not to question why these tragedies have had to occur to us, and not to others, or to wonder what we might have done wrong. In all honesty, I am sure that it is nothing you did wrong. Sadly, life just seems to happen, and death and sorrow are a part of that. People may try to lift you up, or make you feel better, by saying that there is a reason, or that God wouldn't give you more than you could bear, or by sharing any number of other platitudes. I know it doesn't help to hear it, but people will say it, anyway. I find that, for the most part, people don't mean to be hurtful, when they say that you are strong. Most people genuinely want to help, but have no idea what to say, so they do the best that they can. One thing I can tell you, if you feel you are too weak to go on, or question whether you can even make it through the day, I can guarantee there are people here, who can relate and understand. The rest of the world may recognize that making it through another day is done out of necessity, rather than strength; but there are people here, who know the truth. Please, feel free to come here, as often as you need. You will always find someone, who is willing to listen and who can empathize, or sympathize.

Karin, I am sorry that I missed this, when you originally posted. I am also so very sorry that you have a reason to be here, but want you to know that there are good people here and that this is a safe place to come, to share memories, to talk of your husband, and to discuss anything that might come up, along the way. My heart breaks for you. Some of the very best advice I received, in the early days after my Kenneth died, came from the people here. A few things to remember are this: Right now, it is most important to take care of your basic needs and survival. Just do what you must to get through the day, and try not to think too far ahead. Eat when you can, sleep when you can, and drink plenty of water. Allow yourself to cry. Let others help you, when they offer, even if you aren't really sure what you need. Most of all, just remember to breathe. When you feel overwhelmed or like your whole world is caving in, taking the time to take concentrated, deep breaths will help to calm you, if nothing else.

Today, I am just thankful. Like everyone else, I could look around and find so many things to complain about, if I wanted to; but I woke up this morning, I have a wonderful family, and I have a place to lay my head at night. God loves me, and so do my friends and family. I have food to eat and clothes to wear and a job that I love. I had thirteen years with my Kenneth, who loved me to his dying breath; and I am blessed to have found another great love with New Guy. One day, I hope to look back and be able to say that I was fortunate enough to be called his wife, too. There are so many things to be thankful for, I just can't list them all. So today, I am just thankful.

I just want you to know that I love your definition of what true love is. I also agree that we should pay attention to those deep down, often buried, secret longings. Whether we take an active part in going after those dreams, or not, it is important to acknowledge them, because otherwise, we are denying who we really are and what we really need to be happy.

I haven't had time to come here and thank you all for the well-wishes and birthday greetings. My birthday ended up being a nice one, but it just isn't the same, without my Kenneth. I think that is, in part, because it was this time of year, three years ago, when I first realized that he was going downhill fast. Now, every year, during the time I should be celebrating my birthday and Thanksgiving and Christmas, I am reminded that this was when I first knew I was truly losing him. * sigh....

I have no words, but I am sending you tight, tight hugs. I guess, if I were in your shoes, I would likely be crying, too. Having been married to a former, decorated cop, I feel that honors, like these, should be something they are here to receive. They should be able to look back at all the good they have done, and I am sorry that your husband can't be there to be honored in person.

Like Jen, I truly wish I could somehow take the pain away and fix this for you. I am so sorry that you are hurting so badly, and I do wish I could make it better, somehow. Sadly, all I can do is send you big widda hugs, and tell you that I am thinking of you and sending you strength from across the way.

I am so very, very sorry for the sudden loss of your wife, and in such a violent and horrific way. My husband died peacefully, after a very long battle with terminal illness, so I cannot even begin to imagine how hard it must be to have those memories of her final moments running through your mind, when you close your eyes. What I do know, though, is that there are people here, who can understand what you are going through. I also know what it is like, to feel that there is no reason to live any more, because the one person you loved with all your heart is gone. Please, come here as often as you need. I promise that there will be people, who can encourage you and help you along the way.

I am so very sorry that you are feeling like you are in hell, right now. I so often wish I could erase the pain, and make things better, especially for those, who are in the first few weeks and months of this horrible journey. I spent 13 years as an extreme caregiver, making critical decisions and running on fumes, in order to take care of my beloved husband. And then he was gone, and I could barely get out of the bed in the morning. As others have said, right now, you are in survival mode. Don't try to take on the world, just yet. For now, just do what you must, to take care of yourself and to get through the day. Eventually, you will realize that you do have what it takes to live again, and not just merely exist; but that takes time. For now, just know that there are people here, who are always willing to listen and to support you. We know what it is like, to feel we are overburdening our friends, and we know what it is like to feel that desperate need to talk about the one person we loved more than any other, who is no longer with us. Come here as often as you need. We understand, and we will never, ever get tired of you sharing here.

I don't drop in as often, as I one-time did, so I sometimes miss the opportunity to welcome new people. If I am a little late on this, I apologize. I am so very sorry that you have a reason to be here with us, but you are welcome here. Here, you will find some of the finest people, you will ever have the privilege to know. No matter what you are going through, you will find great wisdom and support here. Come here as often as you need. There will be someone here, who is willing to "listen" and understand. Some advice that was given to me early on, was to take care of yourself, as best you can. Take one day, one hour, one minute at a time, if you have to. Only worry about those things that absolutely must be done, and save the rest for later. Most of all, just breathe. It may not feel like it now, but you will manage to make it through one day, and then the next; because life will go on, whether you want it to, or not. (((Hugs)))

I absolutely love reading the responses on this thread. So much love is expressed here, just from the saying of their names, and it always, always reminds me of the love that I once shared, as well.

You are going to be in the area where I grew up, and where I all my family is. I am so jealous! If you would like, I can get in touch with a few of my family members to get suggestions for good restaurants or family friendly activities. One restaurant that was always a favorite of mine is Apollo Flame. They have pretty good Italian food, and they're located in the Biltmore area.

[imghttp://][/img] Even though this was taken on the way home from one of his many hospital visits, this is still one of my favorite pictures of my Kenneth. I sure do miss that man!

You're right. She should have been there to see your son reaching this incredible milestone, and I am sorry that she cannot be there to share it with you. My children have gone through a few significant milestones in that last year, too, and I remember thinking the very same thing. He should be here for to see the amazing young adults that they have become. (((Hugs)))

Today is my birthday - my second one without my Kenneth, and I am missing him a bit more than usual tonight. It didn't help that memories of past birthdays with him popped up on Facebook, as if I needed the reminder that he is no longer here to celebrate with me. Two years ago, I knew it would be my last one with him. I knew he wouldn't live to see another one. Even though he had beat the odds for 13 years, I just knew he was going downhill and that the days of beating the odds were getting fewer and fewer. As sick as he was, though, he made the efforts to try and make my birthday special, even though he was bed-bound and unable to take me out or buy me a present. I don't think I will ever have another birthday, without thinking of the last one with him and wishing he was still here.

There are so many memories I could share of my Kenneth. Some are so incredibly sweet and funny. Others are of terrible fights or moments in which I didn't like him nearly as much as I loved him, or vice versa, but that's how life works. Since today is my birthday, I have been thinking back to the very last couple that I had with him. Three years ago, he was in the hospital and couldn't take me out to dinner or buy me a present, so he gave me money and told me to go enjoy dinner at a nice restaurant on him, rather than having to eat another meal of hospital food. Two years ago was our very last birthday together, for either of us. Again, he was too sick to take me out or buy me a present, but he did everything he could to make the evening enjoyable, and for that. It was a wonderful evening, and I shall always cherish the time I spent with him that night.

July works far better for me, too, as I will be off during the Summer. May is hard, since it is the end of the school year. I vote for July, too.

I could do almost any Saturday or Sunday in May; though Saturdays tend to work best for me, since I have church on Sundays. I was thinking about trying to plan our Disney Adventure on Saturday, May 7th or Saturday, May 21st. The other two weekends are Mother's Day weekend and Memorial Day weekend, so there might be more of a crowd then. I am, however, open to suggestions and am willing to plan this shindig for any day that might fit with people's schedules. With that being said, does anyone have a preference on what day we plan to have our Sunny CA Bago?