On line dating vents and laughs......

[Mrskro]

I am smartassy, so I think it's probably better to get it out there in the beginning of my profile. 

 

But I can see Portside's side of things.  Men and women do look at things a bit differently.  I can see how having the opposite sex help write a profile may help.

 

I will say you've all given me a kick in the pants to re-write mine.

[tybec]

I by no means have any clout or real experience in the dating world or on line.  But I wrote a short bio in Christian Mingle, as that was important to me for the man to share my faith.  I am writing this from NG's home as we just got back from a night out to see the Googoo Dolls, but he had to get to a breakfast meeting.  He is the only guy I talked to on and off line, and so far, the stars have aligned for us.  5 months yesterday for first face to face meeting.    This is a paraphrase of my writing.  I did get some attention.  I posted about 5 pictures and put dates on them, as ten year old pics are not honest. Boy I wish I looked like I did ten years ago!

 

"I have loved well and long, and life changed on a dime. I had to admit I had not put God first in my life and trusted Him.  So with time, here I am ready for Chapter 2.  I am a responsible, independent, serious and sometimes funny person who likes to try new things.  I love live music, traveling, experiences.  I have learned that experiences are far more valuable than anything, making memories.  I am searching for more JOY in my life independently but am ready to share with another.  I know what it is like to have a life long companion, and hope that is in my future. "

 

Then there were some demographics in there, and that was it. I put widowed.  It is who I am.  I contacted one guy just because his profile was so absurd,  and I was curious.  He was funny but almost manic.  He briefly talked to me, but he was not a dating choice for me or vice versa.  There were others that I sent a message and some contacted me, but this guy I am with now is great.  Good luck with the writings and searching.  I am enjoying this chapter.

[arneal]

A different take on smartassy? Had a guy on OKCupid send me a message. I messaged back. He sends all this contact info (IM, email. phone# ...) and is pressing to know more about me. Minimal info on his profile, didn't give up much when I asked him, other than he's posted in Syria right now (go on and roll your eyes, I did). My reply? 'As I am not able to travel right now, I am looking for someone closer to me so we can meet. Best of luck with your search.' His reply? 'You could post a sign in front of your house saying you want to meet somone closer and then maybe you will' (paraphrase). Didn't you know I was far when you answered my message.' (yes, closed a question with a period lol)

 

So here we go -- maybe this is the site where I learn how to ghost. Nope. I answered: 'Yes, I saw you were far but answered because it would have been rude not to. Again, all the best in your search.'

 

Am supposed to get together with my local guy this weekend. Still looking forward to the day when I can delete these profiles lol!

[arneal]

Good for you Tybec! So happy for you as well and can't wait to tell such a great story

[JoviGirl]

Like many of you here, I go on and off the online dating sites, hiding my profile for a while, and then reactivating when I feel alone and frustrated that I just don't seem to meet anyone in my every day soccer mom life.  Reactivated my OKC profile this morning,and already received this gem of a message LOL.

"I love your long legs, and can't wait to think of them tonight when I have a release."  Ugh.  Same old same old.

 

[SemperFidelis]

Jovigirl, I cringed when I read that. I wonder if this has got to be a scammer or something..... Sounds like weird language someone might use as a second language.

 

If not, gawd......So weird.

[TofinoMan]

Klim, wow, kudos to you being brave talking to someone without a picture. To me that's forbidden territory. Partly on the basis of shallowness and partly on the basis of just wanting a face to a name.....even when I am talking to co-workers IRL, if they are talking about other people  in their lives outside work, I find it super helpful whenever I get a visual to the characters in their lives.... I can somehow be a better listener that way lol. 

I am always a fan of the direct route though, if I was in your position I would be directly asking for a picture in the grounds of curiosity or having a face to a name. Or I would be so curious about their reason for opting out of a profile picture that I would ask why they choose to do so and throw in an "on that note, May I request a picture of you?" or something like that.

 

I don't want to date, but if I was going to try online dating I would not want a photo. It could make it to easy to judge a lady on her looks, and not on her heart.

Better to be with a 4/10 in looks with a 10/10 personality....than the other way around.

[tybec]

TofinoMan,

 

I so agree about the photo/pic thing on line. But my brother lost his wife a year later after I lost my DH.  He started the on line dating one year to the date, taking the grieving recommendations from Griefshare.  He had a friend that helped launch one of the main dating sites who helped him with his profile.  She noted that you get more reads if you have picture, a significant amount, though the percentage leaves me.  Also, ChristianMingle only allows head shots for the profile pic and approves all pics and profile writing, an attempt to keep the site in line with the faith base. There are no risque pics, no bathing suit shots or such.  In chat, you can't even use certain words as it will not allow it. My guy I see works at a government contractor that makes explosives, and I tried to type "blow" up things, and it would not allow it.  I realize there are still the crazies out there, the scammers, and you must beware, but at least this site for me worked. 

I hate pics.  In fact, NG tried a selfie at the concert, and I said no.  Took one, and it is awful! 

I did chat for 2 weeks with NG before we met up. I knew we needed a face to face.  There is something unexplainable about a connection, a chemistry, and on line loses that, I am afraid.  I know, there are exceptions, but I guess I am not that evolved.  I didn't fall in love with my husband of 21 year by looks, but there was some kind of physical connection between us that you can't get on line or even in Skype.  The presence of that human is powerful.  I am thankful for that!  Good luck everyone!

[arneal]

Ugh, Jovi! That's too much.

 

I deleted all my profiles ... I wasn't satisfied with the conversations that were popping up and it was too much of a distraction. I had a wonderful date with my local guy and will focus my attentions there. I know he's real lol!

[Portside]

"I love your long legs, and can't wait to think of them tonight when I have a release."  Ugh.  Same old same old.

 

Ugh! What a ass. Block. Next. I must admit, some of the fella's calls/mails and texts to you all are embarrassing to me as a fellow guy and human.

 

There is a positive to be gathered here - he selected himself out of your pool of possibilities. That's important. But still, wow. Loser.

 

Here are some profiles that I thought are decent examples. Of course, not everyone needs to (or should!) follow this template, it's just few items to get the thoughts going.

 

#1

 

“It sure is hard to meet people! I thought I'd give this a try. I'm looking for someone who's at a place in his life where he's comfortable with who he is, has a good sense of humor and has common interests...and chemistry! I like to do all kinds of things....the mountains and the beach..boating, hiking, cooking...depends who I'm with. I have 2 twenty-something sons who I'm very close with - one's in Thailand with the Peace Corp and one's in med school. I'm not sure what else to write, so if you want to know something, just ask. ”

 

Again – a quick note with just enough to catch a guy’s interest. She provides an opening and seems approachable – “Just ask.”

 

#2

 

“I am not new to the online dating experience, it is different for sure, especially at this age. I am not on here to see how many men I can go out with, I am only looking for one. I don't play games with anyone's head or heart, I expect the same consideration.

 

I am a woman with many sides, I can dress up, dress down, whatever the occasion calls for. I love history, exploring small towns, finding the best out of the way places to eat. I enjoy being around the water, it brings tranquility to the soul. I enjoy motorcycle touring, festivals, cooking for family and friends, just to name a few.

 

I am a Family oriented woman, a mother and a grandmother. I don't want us to have separate lives, I want us to enjoy both of our lives. I am not your ex so please don't compare me to her. I am my own person, I treat everyone I meet with the respect they deserve. I am kind and loving, would like to meet someone that is the same.

 

I am tall, so I love being with a tall man, lets me wear all my heels:-)

 

I do not want to email endlessly on this site, if you are interested in meeting, and I feel the same, let's meet.”

 

Again, a good one. Here the woman is upfront that she is seeking a guy for a serious relationship – not something casual. Good to know.

 

#3

 

“In my youth I lived in and traveled to several countries in Central and South America before I settled down to have a family. Those were great adventures. I spent 25 years caring for my family and nearly 30 running a home business to support us. Being a mom has been an even greater adventure. My youngest is 23 so the parenting is pretty much over. I loved being a mom and now I love being a grandmother. When I turned 65 this June I began thinking about the changes I need to make. I am downsizing my business. I am hoping to find a companion for new adventures. I am a Christian and my relationship with God is the foundation of my values and my life.”

 

Short and easy to read. Guys loath lengthy profiles. Loads of info packed into a tiny space: Mom and grandmother. Widely traveled. Christian faith is important. Self-starter as she ran her own business. A guy knows right away if he would find this woman interesting or not. 

 

To sum up – while what every man is looking for varies by the individual, I think most good men hold some common traits important; good guys want to know you are a non-crazy, interesting woman. Comfortable with herself and someone that can see the beauty in a world that has its ugly side. A woman that takes care of herself as best she can and is willing to bring the guy into her life as well as allow herself to be immersed into the man’s life. 

 

I must say though I am getting discouraged by some of the garbage you are getting back from some guys you meet at the dating sites. I honestly don’t know what to tell you so as you do not run across the crumbs.  I am sorry. 

 

I hear you that I may have misinterpreted the sassiness within the profiles earlier in the thread. Tone is very difficult to convey within a profile so maybe, if there is any question, it might be best to reword it. If I misread it, possibly other men might too. Or not, you never know.  ???

 

Good luck - Mike

 

 

 

[tybec]

Oh, a FYI that I find funny.

 

My brother 16 yrs. older was widowed in 2013 and went on line after the obligatory one year wait recommended for grieving.  Anyhoo, I read his profile as I was ready to jump as I figured if he could, I could.  Well, my brother is as fundamentally Christian as they come.  We don't agree on everything by far and I am a Christian, too.  So, I am reading his profile, and I just couldn't help but get silly and a bit snarky.  He stated he was a first born, and you know from birth order what that means.  Ummm, no, I told him.  He is far from a first born, not being a leader,  does not take initiative, not helping with care of our parents despite being closet to them geographically.  My 2nd eldest brother and I take care of my elderly mother, financially and physically.  He didn't like that.  He also put down he speaks German.  Umm, no.  That makes it look like you are fluent.  You are not.  "I took it in high school and speak some."  I took French for 4 years but don't speak it fluently.  He also had something down about certain exercise classes he did.  Yeah, 30 years ago.  He closed the computer on that critique.  My point, my very honest straight laced brother did not see a problem with umm, embellishing his profile.  Be careful out there!

[SemperFidelis]

Tybec, yikes! Classic!

[arneal]

Tybec -- that's rich! LOL!

[SemperFidelis]

Hmmm all of this has me wanting to see I can find my old profile that my ch2 responded to.... I am curious to read it with a new perspective

 

Arneal, congrats on the profile deletion step you are taking with your local guy. Sounds like things are moving in the right direction for you!

[arneal]

Thank you, Semper - we had a lovely time. I am very hopeful.

[klim]

By the way I like some of the  sassy/ sarcastic/witty profiles, they catch my attention. I don't like when they go too negative about the online dating scene( if you're on it you know it's not perfect).....I feel like these people will go negative on other aspects of life as well and I'm looking for a positive person.

 

ok this may sound weird but one aspect of this online dating that I don't like is rejecting people. I have preferences so obviously some guys that reach out to me do not impress me or I don't think they are compatible. I hate telling them that. I often just ignore but it's worse if I start a conversation or have coffee and realize somethings not clicking. How do you gracefully tell someone NO.

[Portside]

I hate telling them that. I often just ignore but it's worse if I start a conversation or have coffee and realize somethings not clicking. How do you gracefully tell someone NO.

 

The next time you talk to them maybe say something along the lines of "Thanks for the coffee/dinner/whatever last week but I don't think we are a match. Good luck with your search."

 

Mike

[arneal]

 

ok this may sound weird but one aspect of this online dating that I don't like is rejecting people. I have preferences so obviously some guys that reach out to me do not impress me or I don't think they are compatible. I hate telling them that. I often just ignore but it's worse if I start a conversation or have coffee and realize somethings not clicking. How do you gracefully tell someone NO.

 

klim - this is something I struggled with as well. I had someone nicely give me a rejection and I've mirrored it. So I had sent an innocuous message like, 'I really liked your profile' and he wasn't interested. His response was something to the effect of 'Thank you for stopping by my profile. While I appreciate it, I am not sure we'd be a match. Best of luck in your search!'

 

I've had a few be weird about it, at which point I ignore them. Occasionally, if they say something that gets under my skin, I have a comeback but try to be decent. Higher road and all that

[RobFTC]

Some profile thoughts, since I am reading them again :-)

 

I would be careful with the negativity.  What's the purpose of dwelling on the negatives of online dating?  In driving training, they tell people to look where you want the car to go, not at the hazards, and I think some of that may apply here.  When I read a profile with a lot of complaints, I wonder if that's how the date will be.  And I've had dates where the major topic of conversation was bad dates - guess how I judged the quality of those dates.  I'd at least keep the negatives clumped together instead of sprinkled throughout.

 

That doesn't mean that comic set pieces like momtokam's aren't OK, mining something for humor is can be great fun.  And if you're first language is sarcasm, don't waste your time trying to channel Polyanna.  I also don't mean to diss deal breakers - if you won't date a smoker, or won't date someone with kids of any age, or you would be allergic to my cats, it's a time-saver to see this.

 

I tend to like to know what people are looking for, though I think some people need to give their heads a shake to see if their "asks" even make sense.  For example, one woman here has a horse property with horses and loves the lifestyle - and insists that her suitor also has a horse property with horses.  Is that really necessary? :-)

 

One more idea: having had two contrasting dates recently, I will be looking at profiles for hints about what I might talk about with a woman.  One woman I met didn't seem to be living a very interesting life, and the topics of conversation were not very interesting, either.  Another had us talking about Henry The Eighth, birth order dynamics, how parenting is different for Moms and Dads, and team leadership.  Guess which lead to a second date and more good conversation?

 

Regarding turning people down, I greatly appreciate a clear "no thank you" because I can stop waiting and wondering.  I think situations that feel wrong are most often not as much about someone being a bad person as the "fit" just not being right, so something that focuses on that is ideal - Arneal has a good thing there.  I know many women won't do this because they have had blowback from jerks.  I used to take the silence personally, but now I expect to be ignored most of the time (sigh), and just resolve to not do this to the women who express interest in me.

 

Take care,

Rob T

[SemperFidelis]

Okay I thought I would see if I could dig up my old profile summary, and I succeeded. This profile yielded my amazing ch2, and I did get quite a few responses from guys who seemed lovely and decent (but just not for picky picky me) and spent some time on their initial messages to me. I did also still get responses from people way outside my stated age range. I remember one fella was in his 80s. Yeesh.

 

"Strenuous long hikes in the wilderness are what I look forward to every week, ending each night with a thought-provoking book about neurology, psychiatry, war, or theoretical physics.  Add my dogs into the picture, and I am content.

 

Integrity, patience, dedication, courage, honesty, perseverance, humility, wisdom.....these are the virtues I strive to embody, and I look for the same on others.

 

I am testing the waters here on Match. It takes a lot to get me away from my little paradise in the woods, but with the right bait I'll emerge. "

[arneal]

I love that, Semper! I wish I'd saved the one that I had on the site where I met my current prospect ... don't remember what his said either, but the cool thing about the site was that you could indicate interest in someone and if they indicated interest back, the two of you could message one another as much as you wanted for free. We sent a few messages and he sent me his #; I sent him mine and he called in about five minutes. We set up a lunch date and the rest is unfolding now. Guess that means something I wrote and said was working lol!

[StillWidowed]

Here was mine.......

 

I enjoy strenuous long periods of time on the couch while watching The Kardashians, ending each night with a titillating book like 50 Shades of Grey.  Add my ability to break out into night sweats before I even fall asleep and I have another sleepless night!

 

The ability to know the difference between their, there and they’re, and you’re over half way their…wait they’re….crap, there!

 

I am testing the waters on this seemingly website of freaks.  It takes a lot to get me off the couch, but with the promise of a really big cheeseburger, I’ll emerge.

 

No wonder I can’t get any dates……

 

[SemperFidelis]

Here was mine.......

 

I enjoy strenuous long periods of time on the couch while watching The Kardashians, ending each night with a titillating book like 50 Shades of Grey.  Add my ability to break out into night sweats before I even fall asleep and I have another sleepless night!

 

The ability to know the difference between their, there and they’re, and you’re over half way their…wait they’re….crap, there!

 

I am testing the waters on this seemingly website of freaks.  It takes a lot to get me off the couch, but with the promise of a really big cheeseburger, I’ll emerge.

 

No wonder I can’t get any dates……

 

 

Lol, hahaha, I think I just died a little of laughter.  ;D

 

Please for the love of god, someone go forth and use that profile and come back with the results!

[SemperFidelis]

but the cool thing about the site was that you could indicate interest in someone and if they indicated interest back, the two of you could message one another as much as you wanted for free.

 

Cool template for a site - so if I understand right, no messaging unless mutual interest was expressed? If so, it seems like this would effectively weed out the nasties.

[arneal]

Right, Semper -- that's how it was most likely intended. However, there was still the lack of reading on the part of some who expressed interest.

For example, I had one guy message me who lived in Virginia or somewhere. After the first few messages, he asked when I was coming there. I said I wasn't and asked when he was coming to California. He said he wasn't. I said, 'Good luck with your search.' He replied with something like, 'Oh, that was quick.' To which I responded with a bit of logic: If I'm not traveling and you're not traveling, it seems our ability to meet would be um ... limited. He answered with an 'okay' and asked if I was on the site for a hookup. When I said no, he ghosted. The next person I got a like from is the guy I've been seeing. Didn't go back on after that, other than for a quick look around once and then to delete my profile.