On line dating vents and laughs......

[klim]

Arneal that sounds like Tinder...

 

So.... I let one guy know I wasn't interested ia second date saying he was nice but I didn't think our activities/ interest matched...He texted back

 

"LOLhahaha"

"Too Shallow"

 

I did not understand so expanded "I like hiking you like antique hunting ec.

 

He responded "well you were too old but I didn't care, you said it!"  ( he was 49 and I'm 54)

 

I have no idea what his problem was but as you can see that is why I wanted advice about letting them down easy........and I also think I'm happy I made the call as early as I did based on how he handled it.

 

 

 

[SemperFidelis]

Klim, I think some men will start behaving childish with ANY rejection. (And I am sure some women behave the same). For some, there just is no such thing as an easy letdown. You can only Do the best you can do, and how they respond is up to them.

[Guest nonesuch]

In one of my profiles I wrote that I could patch sheet rock, mow my own lawn, and swap out the kitchen faucet on my own.  One man replied that he was good at watching joint compound dry, like to watch grass grow, and could turn faucets on and off.  Yes, we went out for a while, but we were at different places in our lives.  He was looking for someone ready to retire.

[arneal]

klim - that reminds me of the guy who told me I should put a sign on my lawn that I was looking for someone close by. Some people will be jerks via online media. Doubt they'd have the stones to say it in a face to face situation. Although, I wouldn't bet on it  ;D

[Guest nonesuch]

I've encountered a couple folks who didn't add a picture to their profiles.  One was a doctor who wrote he didn't want his patients trying to fix him up.  Another was a local radio personality.

 

Current Beau was careful about dating people in his home town:  He was on the city council at the time.  e didn't want to deal with gossip, or accusations that this woman or that one got a variance for zoning or got a ticket "fixed" or whatever.  He dated a couple discreet women, but was glad I lived in another town.

[SemperFidelis]

I've encountered a couple folks who didn't add a picture to their profiles.  One was a doctor who wrote he didn't want his patients trying to fix him up.  Another was a local radio personality.

 

Current Beau was careful about dating people in his home town:  He was on the city council at the time.  e didn't want to deal with gossip, or accusations that this woman or that one got a variance for zoning or got a ticket "fixed" or whatever.  He dated a couple discreet women, but was glad I lived in another town.

 

I was contacted on Match by a guy without a picture but he promptly sent one by email. He explained that he was a local attorney and wanted some privacy. Made sense to me.

[arneal]

If you use Google Chrome, you can right-click on the photo and search Google for it. That way you can find out if it's been used on scammer profiles. There's also https://ctrlq.org/google/images/ for Google reverse image search if you don't use Chrome

[Needytoo]

Not sure if it is just the bad luck odds from dating sites but I am attracting some weird ones again.  Here is my profile any advice I would greatly appreciate it. 

 

I can swing a hammer (but I wouldn’t stand too close, seriously stand back a bit), kayak, zip line, and get thrown gracefully off a sea do. But there’s a lot more to me than that, I’m a traditional and sophisticated/outdoor, lady who loves to have fun and let loose.

 

Here’s what I figure, I’m living my life enjoying my friends and family, seeing and exploring new places, challenging my mind and body and inspiring others to live their best lives. I am very outgoing but sometimes I just like to sit back and listen.

 

Meantime, I keep learning and getting inspired by taking all kinds of classes from yoga, meditation to the arts. I have to say I am more connected to life and living in the moment than ever before. I am loving life but still missing that connection that amazing wow factor of life.

 

One of my favorite places on this planet is sitting on the beach at Windy Lake watching my dog swim and just observing the waves and the landscape. Combine that with the right man would be one of my ideal perfect portrait of a wonderful day.

 

You understand that being bold and gentle, adventurous and kind can co-exist. You also have created some security and success in your life, but that doesn’t define you….you know there is so much more. Maybe you haven’t travelled the world but you accepted your past and who you are. If you’re smiling and this sounds good, get in touch with me and let’s talk.

[SemperFidelis]

Needytoo, looks great to me! I laughed at the first line!

 

I don't necessarily think there's a strong correlation between the quality of a profile and the weirdos it attracts.....I think the weirdos will respond to anything.  And sometimes too there's just a lull in whose out there... I checked match every month for three months and saw a few recurring faces but plenty of new ones each month.

[momtokam]

Needytoo, I'm sorry you are dealing with the weird ones again. The good ones are out there, it's just that they are harder to find. They are mixed in and rare, amongst all the crazies.

 

I really like your profile. It's honest and real. But, I'm not a man out there looking. I often wonder what they really are looking for or what will get their attention. My latest crazy sarcastic profile was an attempt to see if a different approach would get a different response.  The jury is still out on whether it has worked or not.

 

I still believe that being yourself in your profile is the way to go. You want someone to gravitate towards you for the real you. Not some made up idealistic profile. If it takes longer, then it is what it is. I have a new attitude towards all this dating/relationship stuff...If it's meant to be, it will happen. I am not overthinking anything. I am enjoying what comes and open to different scenerios...even surprising myself.

 

I know it's really hard Needytoo. I hope that real and deserving men will show themselves to you soon.

[Portside]

Not sure if it is just the bad luck odds from dating sites but I am attracting some weird ones again.  Here is my profile any advice I would greatly appreciate it. 

 

I can swing a hammer (but I wouldn’t stand too close, seriously stand back a bit), kayak, zip line, and get thrown gracefully off a sea do. But there’s a lot more to me than that, I’m a traditional and sophisticated/outdoor, lady who loves to have fun and let loose.

 

Here’s what I figure, I’m living my life enjoying my friends and family, seeing and exploring new places, challenging my mind and body and inspiring others to live their best lives. I am very outgoing but sometimes I just like to sit back and listen.

 

Meantime, I keep learning and getting inspired by taking all kinds of classes from yoga, meditation to the arts. I have to say I am more connected to life and living in the moment than ever before. I am loving life but still missing that connection that amazing wow factor of life.

 

One of my favorite places on this planet is sitting on the beach at Windy Lake watching my dog swim and just observing the waves and the landscape. Combine that with the right man would be one of my ideal perfect portrait of a wonderful day.

 

You understand that being bold and gentle, adventurous and kind can co-exist. You also have created some security and success in your life, but that doesn’t define you….you know there is so much more. Maybe you haven’t travelled the world but you accepted your past and who you are. If you’re smiling and this sounds good, get in touch with me and let’s talk.

 

Needy – If you don’t mind, I’ll offer my comments. A profile and how it impacts a reader is a very personal thing. Just because it leaves one person lukewarm, doesn’t mean it isn’t a great one so please accept my comments in that spirit. Thanks!

 

First off, very well-written – it flows nicely, spelling and syntax are great and you made fine use of paragraphs. That’s not important to many but for others, poor writing skills make one winch.

 

As a guy, however, it just doesn’t reach out and grab me. (The hammer comment does though! Good one!  ;D) In general the profile leads a guy to come to the idea that you are on an ongoing quest for self-improvement and that this is important to you. While, I think we can all agree that is a wonderful and worthy goal, that is not what a man wants to read in a profile. I know, I know – what could be wrong with that you ask yourself. Rightly or wrongly, most men don’t care about that. We aren’t interested in your self-growth. Oh, it is certainly a commendable way to live, but guys don’t want to hear about your yoga or meditation activities. That’s girly stuff. We want to know if you would be a good fit for me. Self-centered yes, but that is how it is. A man’s take may be – after all this self-improvement stuff, she’s gonna come after me with it and he’ll run screaming from the room. And “living in the moment” is a meaningless phrase to us.  That phrase means nothing to a guy other than what they hear if listening to advertisements on the Lifetime channel or scan the magazines’ covers in the checkout line at the grocery store.

 

I mentioned earlier in the thread how one must be careful to write for your prospective matches, not your own sex.  Portions of the last paragraph – “Maybe you haven’t travelled the world but you accepted your past and who you are.”  - will confuse most men. What does traveling the world have to do with my past? Does traveling necessarily mean I have accepted my past? What does ‘accepting my past’ even mean? I haven’t accepted who I am? Wait – what? It’s confusing is all I am saying. Men are, by and large, simple creatures who don’t want to read a profile that causes them to ponder more questions than it answers.

 

I’m not sure a profile itself attracts or repels creepizoids or the weird. They don’t read profiles for content anyway. They are primarily looking for the desperate and the weak but will toy with a well-adjusted woman if she offers herself. Writing a profile in a particular way will not deter them. I suppose you just have to put up with them until you weed them out.

 

As I said, what jumps out and reaches me is only one man’s opinion. Please take it as food for thought only.

 

Good luck! Mike

 

[Trying]

I'm not doing online dating so my opinion really means nothing but this thread is always interesting, making me laugh or cringe at times. 

 

I think it's a great idea to have a few people of the opposite sex read a profile and give opinions because men and women really are so different.  Needytoo I loved your profile but maybe because it made me want to hang out with you and be friends! Reading Portside's take on it made me look at it in a different way and I could literally hear how my DH would have reacted to any talk of self improvement or self discovery and it made me laugh. I'm also wondering how many men read past the first 2 sentences unless something is in bold...

 

Good luck to all of you brave enough to put yourselves out there, keep your sense of humor, stay open to different possibilities.

[Needytoo]

Thank you for the advice Mike. I think you are correct drop the girly stuff. I will try to change things up and get everyone's opinion.

Momtokam I find writing these profiles very difficult and showing the real me is very difficult.  My sons and I had some pictures taken with a photographer I included one picture in my profile and one guy said he would be worried my sons would kick his ass. At first I was worried about posting a picture with them but I think I will keep it for awhile. 

[Needytoo]

New revision, and I am up for suggestions.  I find guys ask what I do for a living before asking what my name is so I thought I would answer that question. I live up in Northern Ontario and most of the guys online like fishing and hunting.  I have fished but haven't for years.  Do guys really want girls that hunt? 

 

I can swing a hammer (but I wouldn’t stand too close, seriously stand back a bit), kayak, zip line, and get thrown gracefully off a sea do. But there’s a lot more to me than that, I’m a traditional and sophisticated/outdoor, a lady who loves to have fun and let loose.

 

Here’s what I figure, I’m living my life enjoying my friends and family and love to explore new places but feel something is missing.    Yes, I am employed and have the best job. I get to challenge my mind and inspiring others to do as well. I am very outgoing, but sometimes I just like to sit back and listen.

 

Currently, undergoing a bunch of home renovations and have to admit I am a little overwhelmed.  Just had the weeping tiles changed no more leaking basement which is great but where the heck is my lawn?  Now to make my new shed, I hope I got this.  So glad there is such a thing as wine therapy.  On a brighter side all of this has urged me to find the perfect recipe for Sangria. 

 

  One of my favorite places on this planet is sitting on the beach at Windy Lake watching my dog swim and just observing the waves and the landscape. I am now out venturing other lakes and going kayaking, sure would be nice to have some company.

 

You also have created some security and success in your life, but that doesn’t define you….you know there is so much more.  If you’re smiling and this sounds good, get in touch with me and let’s talk.

 

 

 

[arneal]

needy - I think your profile is very good. I laughed at the first line as well

 

Do you put 'widow' as your status? I think that's a weirdo magnet sometimes. I wonder if those persons think we're desperate, needy, stupid, wealthy, or some combination of all. Sigh.

[Needytoo]

I do have widowed as my marital status.  In the beginning of online dating I found when I read that a guy was single I found I "judged"  thinking there was something wrong with them. I don't feel that way now, guess time has changed the way I think about all of this. 

Maybe I should change that as well.

[arneal]

I would be curious to know if anyone has 'experimented' with both statuses to see if there is a difference in the caliber of people who respond. I did not do that but I think it was OKCupid did not have widow as an option so I went for single. Got more hits for the little bit that I was on there, but I don't know if that was a status thing or just due to the site itself.

[tybec]

I think it was on the former web site that someone recommended not to put widow.  When I finally took the leap, I put widow.  I am single by legal standards, but all singles are not the same.  WE have commonalities, but there are some huge differences in never married, divorced, and widowed.  I didn't limit my matches to widowed, though, and have accepted life is just going to be messy with whoever I date but that it can be grand.  Hope is the anchor to my soul 

[arneal]

Agreed, tybec! I was irritated by OKCupid that there was no widowed option. It seemed wrong because as you said, there is a difference.

[Momtojandj]

I have experimented with widow, and single . Honestly saw no difference . What I do find l even if I list widow , guys seemed surprised when I mention it . Maybe they don't look at that part of the profile ?

[arneal]

Thanks for sharing, Momto ... there are many parts of a profile that don't get read That was one of my pet peeves. I'd get questions from people and I'd say things like, 'Guess you didn't read my profile -- it's all there' ...

[RobFTC]

I am sad that some feel they need to avoid listing their widow status, because I know as a widower I would prefer to find someone who Gets It.

 

Take care,

Rob T

[arneal]

Agreed, Rob -- and that we are discounted by some sites, like we shouldn't mention it or something.

[patswife22]

What a learning experience online dating was for me.  I did a profile without putting personal info on it as directed.  However, when I listed my marital status as widowed, I was unindated with what I eventually found to be scammers.  The chats were amazing.  Just what I wanted to hear.  Then the shoe dropped.  They asked for $$$$.  Don't even ask cuz I don't have any to give to family members much less to a total stranger. 

 

I ended the chats for a bit and educated myself with the help of a fellow widow.  I then changed my parameters to within 50 miles from my home.  I was soon contacted by other guys.  I made a date with this one guy at a bar less than 50 miles away from my home.  As soon as he stepped out of his vehicle I knew it would NOT lead to a 2nd date; he lit up a cigarette.  My one big no-no. 

 

I had set up another date with this one guy.  He was a no-show.  I got home and found out he had left me a message 10 minutes before we were suppose to meet.  I did not have internet on my phone.  He didn't want to re-schedule so I wrote him off.  Another guy I met up on all days, Mother's Day.  We met at a restaurant/bar.  He was more interested in the hockey play offs than chatting.  I finished my drink said my good bye and left. 

 

Eventually I struck up another online chat with one guy.  As soon as I suggested meeting up he got evasive.  We did exchange cell phone numbers.  At the same time I was also chatting with another guy.  This guy was more interested in online chatting.  I told him that I was in the midst of something.  He told me he would be patient but could we still chat online.  What harm is that?  When the other guy thought I was after his money I told him I was done.  Good luck with his life and I was in the wind.  I then pursued the other guy for the next month or so. 

 

Soon after chatting for about a month or so he asks to meet.  I had absolutely no idea it would come to this.  I was hesitant at first then thought WTH!!!  I suggested a place closer to his place.  I thought if it didn't work out I wouldn't have to worry about running into him again.  The 3 hour coffee date turned into a date at the ballpark later that day.  At the game I met his daughter and her boyfriend, his grandson and granddaughter and his ex-wife (the mother of his children) and numerous others.  They all welcomed me into the group.  To make a long story short that relationship turned into a full fledged relationship.  He recently moved in with me.  We've been together for alittle over 3 years and we couldn't be happier.  Luckily, our families and friends have welcomed our relationship.  Luckily, for me he understands my widow status as his previous wife passed away from breast cancer more than a year before we met. 

 

As each of us go through different aspects of our widowhood, learn from it.  In this new relationship we tell each other "I love you", give each other a hug and NEVER take each other for granted.  Keep the lines of communication open and go with the flow........whenever possible. 

 

This may not work for alot of you.  You will know when it is your time to accept someone in your life.  For me it was 6+ years of widowhood. 

[arneal]

Thank you for sharing your story, patswife ... you are right about each of us knowing when we feel ready to have someone in our lives again. And even when we think we know, it may not be right. I had that moment of panic a while ago and it was precipitated by a person I was texting who asked me if I felt ready for a relationship. I hadn't actually thought about 'being ready' until he asked. The problem was, he was trying to press me to meet. I need to decide those things on my own terms. As you said, I was in the wind quick with him

 

The guy I am talking to now was different. There was something about our initial online chats and the first phone conversation. I knew right then I wanted to meet him and we set it up at a place I knew that was about halfway between us for two days later.

 

I had an epiphany about dating the other day. This is really my first experience that I would call dating. With my first and second husbands, we were in close proximity to each other -- first husband worked as a contracted driver at the university where I was a student so out of seven days, we probably saw each other five or six days even when before we started talking. My second husband and I worked at the same college and saw each other about five days a week as well. I was reading some info on how to conduct yourself in dating situations and one of the things the writer mentioned was giving yourself time to miss one another. I didn't realize how it worked after my previous two relationships that seemed to develop quickly -- it wasn't that they developed quickly, it was that we were always around each other! With ng, we typically see each other on the weekend because we work weird schedules, text after a date, and then text again maybe mid-week to say hello and figure out what we want to do the coming weekend. It is an interesting experience that is teaching me a lot. I had to consider that since the end of May, we've seen each other about every weekend except maybe one or two, so the progression in our connection to one another is pretty appropriate ...

 

Yes, patswife -- learning experience is the perfect term!