Virgo Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 It's like high school. Breaking up and getting back together. I don't understand that. To me they're settling while hoping it will get better. I'm not going to settle or be settled for. Moving on.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 This week has provided a couple doozies.... 1. Conversing with someone I was really enjoying. I got the best first line ever, about him saving a bird on his property, when I asked him to tell me something about himself. He seemed extremely interested and we made plans to meet this Saturday. Then late Wednesday....POOF! Stopped responding. Completely out of character as he was a prolific caller and texter. Another one Ghosted! I decided to reply as follows.... Hey XXX, I'm guessing you are no longer interested? Not sure why the complete reversal of intentions within hours. I wish you could just be honest about it. Trust me, I have survived much worse! Why men feel the need to just vanish in thin air, I don't know. Good luck in whatever you are looking for. I hope you find her. I am quite a catch and the right real man will be one lucky guy! I felt much better after that! 2. Matched and messaged with someone and seemed ok to exchange numbers with. First text I get was a picture. I was worried it was "one of those pics". Nope, it was a pic of a much older and heavier person. I was not impressed and said so. He tried to say hello a couple days later. Then looking through my FB people I may know....are 2 profiles....young pic with name he gave...older pic with a different name. Called him on it and he brushed it off as lots of people have 2 FB profiles. I told him to bugger off and within minutes I get a group chat set up on Viber from younger profile with a bunch of other women. None of us had a clue what was going on. I blocked and reported it. I threatened him with telling the head of his company what he did. Ironically I know the CEO of where he works. He denied everything. Block!!! I felt such ICK after that. I hid all my profiles! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Oh, momto ... glad we have the 'like' button back, but I couldn't use it, even though I wanted to give you kudos for calling them both out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 I have been chatting/talking with a guy that lives 3 hours away for months now. I like the guy but I just don't think it is going to go anywhere. I keep asking when we are going to meet and he avoids that question. Time to move on. Went out with supper with some old friends this week, each of them met their significant other online so I opened up my profile, yet again. Lots of "likes" and one message. The guy's profile is so "wild", it is so long and doesn't make any sense at all. I am trying to be open, but...???? If he can't commit to a meet, he never had an intention of meeting. Just my experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 I think you are right momtokam, he just wants a "text" buddy and I am alright with that, I enjoy hearing his text early every morning. Received a message back from the "weird" one, there is something not right with him, staying away from that one. Momtokam, I wish I had the guts to say the truth to these guys. I seem to have a repeat problem with online dating: -1st the ghosting problem, am I that boring? -guys who don't even send a message just their cell numbers. Is it because they don't have data on their phones, want to send "those" kind of pictures, want a hookup? -first meet, all they do is talk about themselves Any opininions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SemperFidelis Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 Then looking through my FB people I may know....are 2 profiles....young pic with name he gave...older pic with a different name. Called him on it and he brushed it off as lots of people have 2 FB profiles. I told him to bugger off and within minutes I get a group chat set up on Viber from younger profile with a bunch of other women. None of us had a clue what was going on. I blocked and reported it. I threatened him with telling the head of his company what he did. Ironically I know the CEO of where he works. He denied everything. Block!!! Wow, lots of people have two FB accounts? Omg. What a joke. Only people trying to decieve and conceal have two FB accounts. Classic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted January 14, 2017 Author Share Posted January 14, 2017 Needytoo, Ghosting sadly is the norm rather than the exception. I am definitely not boring and I get ghosted. I think these guys have many on the go and pick and choose who to continue with. This is fine, it's not like we are exclusive at this initial point. My issue is that they are not upfront about it and they feel disappearing is easier than saying something. My ghoster from above really bugged me though because the time and effort he put in didn't feel like he was juggling with anyone else. Lesson learned! Phone number only in the first message? This is a no for me. It's a sign they want you off the site to communicate. It could be for many reasons, most not good. I need a few messages on the site first to rule out any major red flags or deal breakers. My first meets generally go very well. But I am a talker and an extrovert so I have no problem keeping things going back and forth. I've never had a first meet that didn't want to see me again. I am the one that has chosen not to continue at times. My problem is getting to the first meet. I really don't know why for sure. I still suspect that my age, 51, and having 3 kids, 2 youngish, has a lot to do with it. The men my age want younger or very free and available women it seems. The much older men who contact me have not appealed to me. I'm ok with 5-7 years older but more than that doesn't appeal to me. Just like more than 5-6 years younger doesn't appeal to me. If anyone has suggestions to get to the first meet stage, let me know! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 I can't say I had very many first meets but each one has been the same. They ramble on and on, pretty sure they are doing it because they are nervous. I too am very outgoing, but for some reason, I can't be myself on these first meets. Not sure what the psychology with that is? Hopefully next time it will be better. I am a bit of a sign-up junkie. I would have so much stuff going on that when I guy would ask me out I would have to say no. A dating coach suggested I "make room" for dating. I cut back on everything and then I went through very lonely to enjoying my solitude a little too much. This year I am hoping to have a little more balance. My new theory is I need to meet new people, male and female. I joined a ton of committees at work and trying out a community club to see if I want to join. How much effort does everyone put into this? I have found in the past it seemed this online dating stuff sucked up so much of my time, but I do want to meet someone. I am going to try datingadviceguys advice on sending out a few messages on a Sunday. I am up for any suggestions for first meet as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 I dropped off Match 4 months ago (hidden profile) and I just got a message from a guy who ghosted on me very quickly over the summer. His email said that our timing was "off" but could we reconnect? WTF? I've been internet dating for years and ghosting is so common...so don't take any of it personally- usually has nothing to do with you but the other persons situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 The ghosting thing is a mystery, isn't it? Sometimes it seems that for one or both people, either the conversation isn't going where they want (suggestion to hook up not coming quick enough, not enough common interests really) or they don't want to say that the other person isn't what they were looking for. The first time I reached out to this guy on one dating site and he said I wasn't what he was looking for, I was sort of hurt, but then I appreciated his honesty and took a lesson. I started doing the same -- thanks, not interested, good luck with your search sort of thing. As far as first meets are concerned, if you haven't made the suggestion before, consider doing so -- as in not waiting for the guy to do it. NG and I hit it off on the dating site messaging; I wrote something like 'we should meet for coffee or lunch or something'. He agreed and gave me his #. I gave him one of mine (the one I used exclusively for dating at that point -- I didn't give out my real # right away so as to avoid those that turned into weirdos lol). He called me and we talked for about an hour, then made plans to meet two days later. That was Memorial Day weekend last year and we're still connected Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 ... he brushed it off as lots of people have 2 FB profiles. Um ... what the absolute fuck? I've seen dual profiles a couple of times, mostly when someone forgets how to log into their first account! Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyanAmysMom Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 Can I ask a very frank question that really demonstrates my naivete? (and insecurity...) I'm in two conversations online with men who seem to be quite handsome..... Do men really actually like women with a little meat on them? 'Cuz I totally thought I wouldn't be attractive to some of the men that I am chatting with...... I mean - I'm at the top of the plus-size range.... So guys.... Are you interested in heavier girls? Or am I being "played" here? Please be honest..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsDan Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 ... he brushed it off as lots of people have 2 FB profiles. Um ... what the absolute fuck? I've seen dual profiles a couple of times, mostly when someone forgets how to log into their first account! Take care, Rob T Dan had two profiles. One used a nick name, and was him at his most real and personal. That was the profile I was "married" to. He also had a profile that used his real name. He used that profile for patrons, board members, certain coworkers, and some family members. Dan was a children's librarian, and very much loved, so people wanted to friend him on Facebook, and he also announced library programs there. Because Dan was completely irreverent, he also wanted to post where it wouldn't adversely affect his career. So he had that profile too. There was a lot of overlap in the friends list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 My reaction was more along Rob's reaction. I guess I can see it in your Dan's situation MrsDan. This guy's one profile seemed so vague though and seemed to be a way to get attention from someone (younger picture) and then come clean once he had your contact info. That did not sit well for me. I guess if I want to be more anonymous I could create another FB profile and just use that one for dating. What I did do was remove my cell phone from my profile. It wasn't public but I think if someone has it in their phone, FB likes to say they might know you and you show up in their recommendation, as part of their algorithms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 Good dates, bad dates or otherwise, the start of this year has been not a good scene for me. Even my matchmaking service has come up with ..... nothing. I was so discouraged this morning that I got out my wedding ring and I've been wearing it all day as a reminder that I was once loved. To hell with it all ...... :-[ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 Great point, MrsDan -- I have two profiles but I never thought of it that way ... one is the general one and the other is my author profile. Some people are connected to me only through my blog and writing, rather than personally. I didn't share my social media with anyone in the online dating world and it seems none of those who reached out to me was savvy enough to know how to find even my public professional profiles. NG and I are friends on Facebook but that came a number of months after we started seeing each other. He knows about both my profiles, even though he only follows my 'personal' one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 Oh trying tobreathe ...it's good to be able to remind yourself... if putting your ring back on works....perfect!!! It's a tough game to play.....and it's not really a game but if I put that spin on it I feel like I have to enjoy the effort I'm putting into it. I mess with scammers, laugh at the youngster and oldsters trying to get my attention , try and brush off those that reject me ( usually by being juvenile and in my head go through everything that was wrong with them even though some of them looked pretty perfect)...and lastly try and hold out hope that the next contact is going to be "the one" Enjoy the ride as much as possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 I sent out three emails on Sunday and had one response. He answered my question and that was it. Guys, why don't you ask a question back so we can keep the conversation going? Is this one of those "Men are from Mars" moments? The one guy that I have been chatting with also has two facebook accounts. He told me one was hacked, that is why he has two. Not sure if a facebook account can be hacked. I just assumed he had two because one was his life before his divorce. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest wecouldbeheros Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 What's with the two Facebook accounts. Never post what you don't want on the front pages of a newspaper. If one would ask FB has a habit of ruining relationships why would one want two. I dungetit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Needy -- yes, FB account issues are a real thing. A few of my very good friends have had it happen. I would get a second friend request and all of a sudden they would send a message saying to us not to accept it because it wasn't them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Thank you, klim. Right now I'm happily wearing my wedding band, and taking some time off from trying to date. I'm so cranky, nothing seems right. Not a good state of mind to try to meet a guy. I'll hopefully hop back on this horse soon : , and then enjoy the ride. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 try2breathe I have tried the old dating thing on and off for awhile. I went in totally blind and I don't recommend that, ask as many questions you would like to. Had my teeth cleaned a few days ago, my dental hygienist is so full of information on on-line dating. All her children found their partners that way. She is so inspirational. One guy sent me back two emails and pretty sure he has ghosted now. My texter from afar lost his job last night. I sent him a supportive text, but I am really thinking he is going to hit me up for money. Is it wrong to always assume the worse? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 Is it wrong to always assume the worse? I had a discussion about this very thing today. Not wrong at all when you have seen the same pattern over and over. I do believe that not everyone is like this though and the good ones, that will change this point of view, are out there. I am an optimist and always believe in the good in people. Sometimes this gets me burnt. I keep trying. I hope I can share a good story one day soon... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 ok I've gone on 4 dates with a tall,wealthy fellow that is fun,flirtatious and enfactuated with me. I'm having fun but I don't know, I'm not totally relaxed....it's like i don't beleive he could be that taken with me.....and of course I'm over thinking everything.....why can't I just relax! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 kilm - meet him and see, if that feels safe. All you can do! Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now