Needytoo Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I am really trying to be an optimist as well momtokam. Learning to use boundaries and when to be assertive which in general has improved my life so much but there are still those life moments or certain people that I still have some issues on how to handle them. Kilm, I can understand your feelings and I wish I could give you some answers but unfortunately I have nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 Klim, I totally get the "This is too good to be true" feeling. It's so hard not to feel this. Most of the time it seems to be true. But, we have to try and think that sometimes it can happen. Are there any red flags worrying you, not letting you relax? Over thinking has been my specialty. I'm trying really hard to just go with the flow more. If it doesn't feel dangerous or overly worrysome, give the guy a chance. If you find yourself being too drawn in, too quickly, try and hold back a little. My specialty here too, so easier said than done. Maybe I'm trying to give myself some advice here too. (Very deep I know! 😁) And hey, of it works out, see if he has a friend for me! 😁(Kidding...maybe!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 Just keep trying needytoo....😊 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I hear you - I'm having trouble trusting...I'm dating a great man right now but I keep looking for red flags. #whatswrongwiththisguy. Just enjoy your time with these good dates klim! : ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 klim Maybe proceed with a little bit of caution with your new guy? Hope for the best but prepare in case something goes awry. I like the adage "there's a lid for every pot" - believe in the possibility that you may be a great fit for him, and enjoy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Is it wrong to always assume the worse? I don't think it's wrong, it's necessary in today's world to have a sense of caution with dating. I'm a glass half-full kind of person - although I know it's important, for me it's difficult to get into this mindset. Not to mention that it's disappointing when things don't go well. I'm trying to learn to be careful, have no expectations, and be pleasantly surprised when something goes right. Easy to say, not so easy to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 I think the biggest thing for me was to learn not to take anything personally. Women won't respond - who knows why? Women flake - I don't know why there, either. I'm not their flavor of the month; they have an oh-so-close-to-a-relationship pending; they aren't paid up; it's none of my business. I only need to worry about the ones who do want to meet. It's been easier. Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 I am trying momtokam. I find it remarkable that so many people find their partners through online dating because I am not finding it very easy at all, but I try to keep positive. I do understand that it most likely very hard for guys in my age range as well. I am reading profiles and trying to decided on who to send a message to. Right now I am on a free site and it seems like all the guys are truck drivers, handymen or retired at 50 (which translate to me to being unemployed). My husband was a truck driver so I know how that is. Handymen, guess some do well for themselves but right now I am suing one so really rather stay away from that. Guys who play in bands, great to have a hobby but dam hard to make a living on it. Their profiles either don't say anything at all or talk about fishing or hunting, I can't even come up with a question to ask them. Or the guys whose profiles are demanding a certain "model" type and then have a picture of themselves that looks like it is a mug shot,they really push my buttons. Maybe I should just try Match again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momtojandj Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Trying match again .. can we all write a book one day about our stories about online ? I really think it would be a best seller ! Like others, online isn't easy for me . I'll keep trying though . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Yes, klim ... I know that feeling. I think recognizing it is vital -- knowing that you can go overthink mode is important so you can pre-plan how to try and not let it bleed into your time with this person, particularly if you like him as well All the best! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted January 23, 2017 Author Share Posted January 23, 2017 Trying match again .. can we all write a book one day about our stories about online ? I really think it would be a best seller ! Like others, online isn't easy for me . I'll keep trying though . Good luck and here's to it happening this time! Oh boy, the stories we could write! I have been tempted to start a blog. Writing these adventures out can be therapeutic sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted January 23, 2017 Author Share Posted January 23, 2017 Needytoo, There is no rhyme or reason for picking who to write to. Different things get my attention depending on the profile. I also don't send out tons of messages. I am very selective. I have everything hidden, but on pof, messages still come through if you've been in contact before. I received a another message last week, from a persistent man too far from me. I went on to reply. While there, a profile caught my eye. Nice smile and funny headline, right up my alley. I added him as a favourite so I could find him again when I wanted to go back in at some point. Well apparently, once you do that, they can see your profile. I received a message back pretty quickly. We talked the whole week about everything and met Friday. We are still talking and arranging another date. My point is, I guess I can be pretty picky but sometimes something just stands out for me. It's not always the same thing. Be open and go with your gut, is the best advice I could give you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted January 23, 2017 Author Share Posted January 23, 2017 Rob, Sadly I have usually stopped responding if I am not interested. If I see a fabulous effort with real thought, I still will respond as a courtesy. I've had some backlash and it hasn't been worth it. Yes, concentrate on those that are interested and don't worry about the rest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 I have read so much about on-line dating, I even paid for a "course" on how to write an on-line dating profile. I think we should write a book and make millions. I guess I am the same as you Momtokam, there is something in the profile or their pictures that draws my attention. I sent out two emails and also received two emails from two different guys. One guy is younger and is very nicely built and he has no shirt on. Oh my!! Pretty sure he is looking for something I am not willing to offer. The other guy's picture is well, totally horrible. He has his face pushed up against a window. Why? I ask why? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted January 23, 2017 Author Share Posted January 23, 2017 Up agaist a window? Ok! And the young studs? They want a cougar experience. There are obvious takers as it seems to be quite a thing! No thank you! I forgot to mention before. I saw you mentioned earlier about the hunting and fishing guys.... The man I just met got me with his headline... "No fishing, no camping" I was hooked! 😁 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest wecouldbeheros Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 ok I've gone on 4 dates with a tall,wealthy fellow that is fun,flirtatious and enfactuated w me My first question (sorry but had to ask), why would he need a dating site to meet people? I wouldn't tell anyone I had any money until the 5th date ( : Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 he didn't tell me it's an assumption I made from car, house location, and owning a business....he could be in debt up to his eyeballs but he's not renting a room in a house like some of the guys I've met. also keep my finances quiet for a while but as soon as people know where I live they know I'm not dirt poor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 How is it going, everyone? Anyone have an inspiring story? My texter from afar, lost his job last week. Last night I received a message from someone that wasn't on my contact list. It was him; I assumed he used his work cell to text me before. Today he texts me to ask advice with his girlfriend. When are we starting to write the book? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 Needytoo, If he is asking advice about his girlfriend, cut him loose. You do not need that drama in your life. You deserve more. You deserve the real deal. This is not it. Nothing overly inspiring to share. My profiles are all still hidden so no funny material for you. I am getting to know my no fishing, no camping guy. No clue if something will come of it or not yet. I did go on my first ever, set up/blind date, today. That was interesting. Very nice man. Older than I expected but did not look his age. No immediate spark but may consider another outing if it comes to that. I have not experienced getting to know more than one person at a time, so that could get entertaining! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Needytoo Geez, what's he thinking?? Block him! Matchmaker set me up with a new guy - we've texted the past 2 days, mostly dog pics. Seems sweet, maybe we'll see each other this weekend. Not really feeling it, but we'll see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 not really feeling it but we'll see...story of my impression of online dating..... I don't know I think its just the inorganic nature of it......it takes time to form an opinion. In the past generally you got to know someone peripherally and then if they intrigued you then you try to become more engaged with them....that warm up period is missing in online dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Well-said, klim! There's something sort of odd about messaging, figuring out whether to make that phone call or text or not, and then figuring out whether to meet face-to-face. Maybe it was the surprise of meeting right away that made it different before ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 wecouldbeheroes just read your reply again.... "why would he need a dating site to meet people"...why do any of us need a dating site!?! cuz we're not meeting people in our daily lives. I don't think online dating is restricted to one economical or societal class of people....rich people don't necessarily have more friends. I don't know that's my opinion......do the rest of you feel like online dating brings in a certain type of person? ( ok I know...fisherman and offshore engineers) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 It could depend on the site, klim. There is a sort of new one (at least I think it's new) targeting doctoral level professionals. There are also those sites for people 50+. Neither of those sorts of age or profession-related targeting speaks to personality, however : Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest wecouldbeheros Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 You answered your own question. Makes no bit of difference to me, that is financial status. I once was on the jungle queen cruise ship in Florida. Long story short. Guy brings his gf on, they are sitting and then pass a multi million dollar home (if you were ever there you'd know), gf says omg what a beautiful house. Mind you she thought he was poor. He says you like it ? Yes. Happy Anniversary... It's yours. My point. Geez I have no idea. Oh yes, money is fine, great and everything, but in the end, matters little. It's the love people share. I guess I'm old fashioned. Maybe just old lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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