Needytoo Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 I think you should count your blessing on that one Momtojandj. I have been continuing on getting advice from one lady online on how to date over 40. She has some great advice and then some times she contradicts herself, but lets face it life is unpredictable and there is no magic formula to this online dating thing. I am also reading Deeper Dating, so far really has nothing about dating but how to get in touch with yourself. I have been having some other life issues this week and avoiding the whole online dating thing. The guy who has an amputated leg is still messaging me and I have no idea what to say to him. I really like hiking and it might be something he can't do but I have been doing it by myself and really enjoying it so is it an issue? My brain can't decide. He loves motorcycles and I am a bit terrified of them. The other guy I have been chatting with decided to end it, he is chatting with another lady and he said it is serious. Oh well. Last night was back on there and do these guys actually read what they put in their profile. I agree profile writing is difficult but when they just write they like the outdoors or when it is totally full of negatives it is very hard to strike up a conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StillWidowed Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Speaking of prosthetic limbs....I had a girlfriend who was messaging a guy back and forth on the computer. They decided to meet. He had no arms. When she told us this story I was in hysterics. I'm sorry, but that's usually something you should tell someone before you meet. Just sayin'. Yes, I'm politically incorrect. Don't send me hate mail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Needytoo -- I so was wondering the same thing! Is it that there are trolls who look for women (and men) who have 'widow' on their profile? Is it an automatic assumption that we are desperate? The best one was this guy who sent me a message: 'Are you here for a casual thing too? When are you coming to [named the state]?' -- honestly? No! I am not flying/driving to another state for a hook-up! My profile also states clearly that I am looking for friendship to hopefully lead to something serious. I wrote that I am not looking for a friends-with-benefits type deal. I am not interested in younger men. My profile is very clear about the age range I like, yet I get 'I want to meet you' messages from 27 year olds. My current top range is about 62; I get messages from 70 year olds. And (politically incorrect moment coming -- I'm with you, StillWidowed! ... please don't hate me!) the young ones look like babies while the older set ... thus far anyway ... look a too old and don't seem to have any common interests. Interestingly, there is a story on the news right now about having realistic expectations about dating. This woman is talking about not getting lost in the fantasy of the thing and not getting swept off your feet. Where was she when I was getting chatted up by the Florida guy lol! I have had a couple of other fakers show up on my time line and I just ignore them when I find out. On a positive note (so far), I found a guy near me about who I can check a bunch of the good boxes. We've had two dates (one lunch, one dinner) and I'm doing my best not to blow it ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momtojandj Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Adding to my week.. So mentioned guy going crazy when I said I didn't want to meet. So today , I reopened by okcupid profile, just so that my friend could have me look for a guy she saw. Anyway , I was on all of five minutes , enough time for someone I messaged with months ago to spot me. He starts sending message after message , that I disappeared on him , that I'm a aloof and a player . Then says I don't want to meet you anymore, then keeps sending messages. I blocked and deleted the whole profile again. Is it a full moon ??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Hi Momtojandj, I had a couple of successful messages with a woman, and agreed to a generic meeting, then got on the phone with her. She was such. a. drag. complaining about her life - overeducated, not holding a job, kid problems - that after the call, I had this "wtf" moment. I messaged her back that I didn't want to meet, and good luck. Well, that uncorked an epic rant that I should go find and repost. It's definitely one of those messages you don't want to delete from your account because they make good stories! Message after message about how rotten I was, based on almost nothing other than stereotypes from my profile. In a performance art kind of way, it was amazing. I was glad I just didn't care at that point :-) Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Wow, Rob! That is epic ... I had another phony reach out to me the other day: I liked his profile and within moments had a message; he asked if I wanted to connect with him off the site, gave me his email address, and indicated that he worked as a doctor for the UN. Yes, go ahead and laugh now. The email was a 'doctor.com' freebie address, his profile photo is on at least half a dozen websites with people of different names, and there is no one even remotely related to the UN with that name. Sad ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quixote Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Not online, haven't made that move. And I'm not really sure if it was supposed to be a date. But I'm pretty sure I got dumped before it even happened. I know this horse trainer and playwright-- we'd go for rides together at the old barn, she'd loan me various horses that needed to be exercised. Really well trained beasts. Anyway, she's also a playwright and one of her plays was being performed down in San Diego. She invites me to come see it with her and grab dinner after. Anyway, I'm not entirely sure why, but two days prior she shoots me a quick text to tell me it's off. I run into her at the barn and ask her if everything was okay with the run. She gives me a quick "yes", pops a headset on then rides off. Keep in mind, we usually would hang out several times a week. I'm dim, but could tell something was up. I try to send her a message via Facebook and discover she's unfriended me. Best guess is kind of hard to explain if you're not into horses, but she's a big time natural horseman/bitless bridle evangelical. And I just had changed trainers for one of my horses from another natural horsemanship trainer to a more traditional trainer. It's the only thing I can think of. Makes me sad, more because of the loss of a friend than the date. And it was tough enough letting my last trainer go: she was a friend, but just wasn't getting my mare to where she needed to be. Did I mention I just passed the 5 year mark since losing my wife? Let's just say my willingness to deal with unnecessary social drama is pretty low this week. On the plus side, my landlady just brought a new little Icelandic mare onto property today. So there's a new female in my life after all. Horses, I understand. People, not so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Quixote - my first reaction is that your friend was very crummy in how she did all that. To unfriend on social media? Call off a get-together with no conversation? Giving the cold shoulder? Maybe something else is up that has nothing to do with you, but still. Agreed - it's time out for unnecessary drama for all of us. Wishing you the best! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quixote Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Thanks. Yeah, I would have thought after a year of friendship, we could have a talk at least. I don't know if it's widowhood or just getting older, but I just don't have the desire to deal with interpersonal antics Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatianakm Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 I am only guessing here, Quixote, but perhaps this lady heard it through the grapevine that your were replacing the trainers, so for the fear of being also replaced, she beat you to it and hence the cold shoulder. Why don't you approach her and ask her kindly, but straightforwardly why there is such a sudden change of heart. Girls are complicated, temperamental and sometimes downright moody :-) But just like with the horses, you've got to be self-assured, but not arrogant. You've got this. Perhaps this friendship can be salvaged, or at the minimum you can clear the air and file it under lessons learned. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quixote Posted June 11, 2016 Share Posted June 11, 2016 Oh, I hear you, T. But while I'm sad that I've probably lost a friend, I just don't have the emotional space for confrontation right now. If she wants to talk, she will. If she doesn't, she won't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 Was stood up again by one legged man. Go ahead laugh, I am. Was chatting with this other guy that said he just moved to the area. I noticed he was always showed that he was online. I finally asked what he did for a living, he then fessed up he was unemployed. Next. This brings up a question. I have had a few guys ask what I do for a living. It does rub me wrong especially when they haven't even asked my name yet. But then again it is a question that you ask people? Any comments on this? I just don't think I am asking the correct questions and waste so much time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 I personally don't mind that question- whether asked of me or whether I ask the guys. (Although it might be nice to ask your name first- there is etiquette to this!) I was looking for a professional while dating so it was important to me- and the guys I dated probably wanted to know if I was financially self sufficient and maybe what my career said about me. Where I am put off is any salary related questions... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quixote Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 Yeah, it might be just a "getting to know you" thing-- after all, work is a big part of most people's lives. Epilogue to my drama. I decided to text my friend about the whole Facebook thing. She apologized for being juvenile, but then called my choice of trainers "reprehensible" and told me that she was trying to get her head around the fact that I seemed to be a good person, but did "that" to a horse I claimed to love. "That", by the by, is having the horse train at a barn with the first American to earn an instructor rating from the British Horse Society, and has turned out several high level competitive eventing horses and riders. But modern competitions require a bit, and bits are evil (and also used by 95% of the horse world). For the record, after a month at the new barn, my horse is fitter, visibly less nervous, and to my eye happier. I told her flat out-- if it's down to her or my horse, it's the horse every time. Yeah...so, that attitude might explain why I haven't had a date in over two decades Then again, my late wife was kinda nuts about animals, too. We generally agreed on training methods, though. Heck, it was something we'd do on a night out-- "Wanna go socialize the dog tonight?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 Quixote I think she might have a little bit of an ego problem. I worked in vet medicine for over 20 years and wow did I see the "experts" in everything. But there is that side of me which kinda understands her side, because as we know there is always two sides to a story. Had a guy invite me over for a bonfire on his second sentence. Just doesn't seem right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momtojandj Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Guy emails me and ask what's my favorite position .. Oo wait .. He did say I was gorgeous first lol. I asked him if that line really works and do girls really say .. Ok let's have sex ? Ugh .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momtojandj Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Ok here's another fun fact.. I have gotten maybe 3 or 4 in last week email me, and not really my type and on top of that they live maybe 1-2 hours away . Now if I really was interested , maybe I would try. Since not my type , I say distance , too far. Well don't you know, all four try to convince me they don't mind driving to meet me . What the heck ! I can't get guys in my town to want to meet me, but guys a state over are ready to meet ? I give ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Ugh - what is wrong with some of these guys on these dating sites.... I thought this dating article was interesting....and have seen this myself http://elitedaily.com/dating/benching-dating-trend-ghosting/1528137/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StillWidowed Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 And even if you think he's a "fuck yes" and he's not looking at you as a "fuck yes" then you need to move along in that situation too. Men really are simple creatures. If they're hungry, they eat. If they're tired, they sleep. If they're interested, they pursue. If he's texting you and not asking you out, break off contact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serpico Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 And even if you think he's a "fuck yes" and he's not looking at you as a "fuck yes" then you need to move along in that situation too. Men really are simple creatures. If they're hungry, they eat. If they're tired, they sleep. If they're interested, they pursue. If he's texting you and not asking you out, break off contact. I guess you could save yourself some heartache this way, but it seems you could also me missing out with such rigid guidelines. While some men (and women) are probably this cut and dried I don't think most are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StillWidowed Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Missing out on what? A man that isn't showing interest or asking you out? Yep, I'll gladly miss out on that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portside Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 SW - I think Serpico was suggesting the benefit of dating a 'yes' in order to discover if he/she develops into a 'f*** yes'. Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StillWidowed Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 I understand what you're saying Mike. My point is that I see many women (my own girlfriends included and in fact one along the lines of this subject right now) that is very much into a guy and he's absolutely benching her. To her he's a f*ck yes, but to him she's an option. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serpico Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Missing out on what? A man that isn't showing interest or asking you out? Yep, I'll gladly miss out on that. Well, are you showing interest in asking him out? If everyone used your strategy no one would ever ask first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StillWidowed Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Most men, not all, want to do the pursuing. So we're going to go with the majority right now. If he's not pursuing a woman and asking her out, he's probably not interested or benching her for a rainy day. We can keep going back and forth on this. You have your opinion and I have mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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