SimiRed Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I just wanted to give a quick update for those that think about me and wonder how I'm doing. I don't remember the last things that I've updated on, but I am doing so much better than I was just 8 months ago, leaving a bad mistake. Wow, eight months and what I have managed to accomplish is just short amount of time is mind blowing. It feels like forever ago, but sometimes it feels like yesterday that I was writing in complete fear on here to my many supporters that gave me strength and courage to keep my feet moving. Thank you, I don't think I could have done it without you. Seriously, I didn't want to let any of you down, I had to survive...keep moving and I did it! I find myself thinking of my dear late husband so much more lately, I miss him so much and I felt for a long time that I had just let him down, I disappointed him with the path I chose, the wrong path into a relationship that broke me down, made me feel worthless and that I never deserved better. My first step was finding a safe place for me and my son and I have accomplished that. I am finding stability in my life everyday, it's so different. I feel like I can breathe again without the fear. It's an awful feeling to be emotionally and mentally attacked by someone everyday. It's an awful feeling to watch someone violently attack your child and leave bruises. That's over now, I feel amazing! I have a beautiful home that I decorated with my touch, my things, my heart and soul. I have reconnected with ordinary life, I had forgotten what that was like. I have my late husbands urn sitting on the hearth, it was the very first thing I carried into my home. Walking into an empty house for the first time was so scary, but I carried my heart in my arms, even if in spirit, and it felt amazing. I cried when I placed the urn on the hearth, overwhelming feelings came over me. Feelings of "I made it", see, I did it, I'm safe, our son is safe, and we're okay. It feels good to have it where I can see it, and know I am where I finally belong. I had no furniture, no bed to sleep on, no plates or cups or the simple everyday things we all get use to. But, I have those things now, little by little I've built my safe place, my home...the first time in a long time that I can say "My Home". My son is a straight A student, he's responsible, he has faith in me again, and I have gained some faith back in myself. I plant my flowers in my yard, I'm happy again. Wow, can you imagine...I'm allowed to plant flowers and leave a spoon in the sink! I can do this...yep, I can do it and I can do it well. I can get on that 32' ladder and clean my own gutters, I can fix the leaky faucet and survive the flood in my basement after 11" of rain in one day. Yep, pouring down rain and I'm outside digging a ditch to re-direct water. But, it's okay...cause I'm okay. I put in a drain basin and resolved that problem all by myself. (See, I'm not a moron like x said I was). I have a new job! It's been stressful learning a new job, but you know what...I can do it, two others that started when I did have already quit, I'm not a quitter. I had to drive 3 hours one way for training...for three days. I made it, even though I was fearful of getting lost or being late. Of course, I stayed in a hotel since I wasn't going to drive back and forth for three days. But I did it. I wake up everyday at 4:45 am, wake my son up before I go out the door at 5:50am. My son makes me so proud, he hasn't missed the bus yet, he gets up, gets dressed, fixes himself something to eat and finally when he's on the bus, I get a text. "Hi Momma, the door is locked, everything is okay, see you this afternoon". He has changed so much, he is so much like his Daddy, it's amazing. He sings in the shower again, he laughs again, he's happy. Leaving an abusive relationship is only the beginning of a journey, I still have to mentally heal, I have to learn to trust again, myself first, since I don't ever want to fall like that again. I have to learn to live again, for myself and my son...not for others. Someday I may learn to love again, but I don't know about this one. I need to learn to respect and forgive myself , that's the hard one. Unfortunately, I'm scared. I almost like the quiet now, it's not so loud. Thinking of my late husband comforts me. Life is too short to wake up everyday with regrets, love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones who don't. I'm taking my second chance, grabbing it with both hands. And, Oh... I'm restoring that hot rod I mentioned in the past. I will learn to love the things I have forgotten or wasn't allowed to do. Just learning to live again....the sad thing is, I miss my late husband so much more, I want him by my side again, so he can be proud of me and know that yes, I will be okay, and I will make sure our son is okay. He was a great man, a wonderful husband and someone who I will always be proud of and no matter who comes into my life, they need to accept that....or keep walking! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 There is so much I could say, Tracey, but I love you and I am so proud of you. I wish I had the conviction that you have! Hugs, Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 Thank you for posting this update. It's was very inspiring how you have moved on and I'm so happy to hear you and your son are thriving in your new environment. It is understandable that new trust will take time. Your late husband I'm sure would be so proud of both you and your son now. We all learn from mistakes - what is important is the next steps you take. And your positive attitude will carry you far : ) Lots of widow support and hugs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sojourner Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I'm so glad to know that you and your son are in a better life now, SimiRed! (Let's hear some self esteem working now, tho.... How 'bout not "just me"..... But, "here I am!" ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I am so moved by your story, by your strength by your courage. What you have done for your self and your son is amazing and inspiring. I hope you continue to find happiness and trust in yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManutesGirl Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 Tears reading this. You are amazing! Thank you so much for posting this update. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Callobg Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 2 thumbs up 👍 👍!! You go girl, with your independent self! We're all so proud of you! V/r Boris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 It feels good doesn't it?😊😊😊 So proud of you and how wonderful your son is doing well. Healing takes fine and patience....and you are so on the right track!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmg19 Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I'm so touched and moved by your update. Your honesty and integrity have served you well. No pretension, no blame, just building a future for your son and yourself and showing your real character. You have shown each of us something to incorporate into our healing and growth. SimiRed you have my respect and all the blessings and hugs I can send. Thank you for sharing this inspirational update. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 Tracey, thank you so much for continuing to share your story with us. I think about you often and have for some time. At first it was hoping you would have the the courage to leave the bad situation and then once you did, sending positive thoughts for you and your son to build a new life. I had really high hopes for you, but you keep exceeding them. I hope it is not taken as patronizing to say I am so proud of you, so I will go with I am so proud to "know" you. Keep on updating us as you continue your journey of healing. You are so inspiring! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max2507 Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 Wow, what a wonderful update. So glad you are doing well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patriciad Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 I am so happy to hear that you are doing well. I have thought of you and hoped that you had found some peace in your life. Pat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathyr Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 Wow! After the hell you went through, the pride and joy you must be feeling for accomplishing so much has to be astronomical! I'm so thrilled you and your son are both in a happy and healthy place. I have a strong feeling that your late husband is so proud of you and cheering you and your son on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 Woo Hoo!! Simi, you are amazing and deserve to be very proud of yourself. So much courage and conviction. You did it. I'm so glad to know your son is thriving so well, too. You have continued to be in my thoughts as I've been really rooting for you to put that terrible person behind you. Thank you for letting us know and for being an inspiration. Sending you love and hopes that your happiness continues to grow and bloom, just as the flowers you planted will. Tight hugs... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SimiRed Posted February 21, 2016 Author Share Posted February 21, 2016 I couldn't have done it without the strength of the "widda pose'" standing beside me!! Thank you!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizpah Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Your experience has affected me deep down - I think of you a lot. This post brought tears to my eyes at many points, and I almost never tear up. Your bravery and accomplishments are really inspiring. I'm so grateful that you've shared all of this with us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forgottenwife Posted February 23, 2016 Share Posted February 23, 2016 That's over now, I feel amazing! I have a beautiful home that I decorated with my touch, my things, my heart and soul. I have reconnected with ordinary life, I had forgotten what that was like. I have my late husbands urn sitting on the hearth, it was the very first thing I carried into my home. Walking into an empty house for the first time was so scary, but I carried my heart in my arms, even if in spirit, and it felt amazing. I cried when I placed the urn on the hearth, overwhelming feelings came over me. Feelings of "I made it", see, I did it, I'm safe, our son is safe, and we're okay. It feels good to have it where I can see it, and know I am where I finally belong. You are a true bad ass and an inspiration. Although we were there to listen and cheer you on, you alone took the steps to begin rebuilding your life. I am so glad to see your update! Enjoy this beautiful life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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