RobFTC Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 Dear Michelle, Hello my love, you should have been 55 today. It seems so long ago since I've held you, even though some memories are so fresh. You have been in my thoughts more this year than ever; I've missed you so much. The sun is turning the maple tree that you loved so much into a torch. That's like it was six years ago today, the last day we got out together as a family, driving up into the mountains to see the fall colours. I remember noticing you feel every bump in the road in your weakened condition. Your infirmities were already bad then, and would get worse. I had no idea I would wake when you breathed your last five weeks to the day from then. There have been some really good things this year. You would enjoy my weight loss and better fitness - I could keep up with your marathon walking now, I think. My singing is better, you might even agree! I wish we'd started going to the Spanish Peaks festival when you were still with us, as I know how much you would have enjoyed it. That has boosted me through this anniversary season in recent years - who knew? You might have noticed that I took a big risk on love this spring that didn't work out. No regrets, and I'm OK. I know that the hurt was just related to the height of the leap. The good news is that it opened up my heart, and I have been trying to not let it close up again despite the "feels". That's helping me do things like restoring and deepening friendships, which may be working. The girls - I wish you could see them now. I wish we'd talked in detail about your adolescent and teen years, so I could better know how to love Rebecca. She's got so many of your traits, without the smoothing out of the rough edges that you had over time. Sarah lacks her sister's rebellion, but has her own mysteries. Being able to talk about parenting them in depth to someone who knows them remains a gap in my life. You'd be teasing me about the citizenship application in this year of Trump, I bet. Being able to live anywhere like the girls can do seems pretty useful. I miss deconstructing politics with you, though the girls are developing into pretty good stand-ins for that. You would enjoy some of the humor and commentary, though maybe not the swearing :-) I wish you were here so that we could make a fuss over your birthday, but if you are where I think you are, you will be fine. I'm still counting on that pitcher of margaritas you promised me when I join you! Love you always, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizpah Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 This is so lovely. I thought I was pretty sentimentally dead inside, but you got me teary, Rob, and made me want to go home and write my own - inspiring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadiangirl Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 Beautiful, thank you for posting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kater Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 Lovely. Thank you for sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 Tight hugs to you on Michelle's birthday and in the weeks ahead. I can imagine how proud she would be of you and the girls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quixote Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 Beautiful. Damn allergies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 Beautiful, Rob. Allergies here too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 Hugs, Rob. I wish I had met Michelle. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmg19 Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 A lovely poignant remembrance of Michelle. Thank you for sharing today. Thank you for the words of wisdom you have shared with us on raising children. The Love and Logic suggestions, the way you have guarded your girls from the dangers of "tech devices", and the financial teachings that you use with your teens. You are a good man Charlie Brown. Good things are in store for your future. Blessings to your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momtojandj Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 Rob, no words . Beautifully written . Hugs to you :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hikermom Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 So beautiful, Rob. I can only imagine that Michelle would be so full of love and gratitude with how you have continued on - for yourself, for your daughters - and how you have carried her in your heart. That is how our loved ones will live on. Thank you for sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sikeuritgadeun Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 Beautiful. Makes me cry and miss my DH more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catnip Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 I'm sure birthdays in heaven must be heavenly!! Can you imagine? Peace to you Rob. ~Catnip Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatianakm Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 Your love for Michelle shines through, Rob. I am sure your sweet Michelle is watching over you and your lovely girls; you probably notice it too in those subtle signs they send us from where the margaritas flow freely :-) It must be an allergy epidemic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted October 4, 2016 Author Share Posted October 4, 2016 Thanks for the caring, folks. It was an OK day, maybe with a little more time to think than I needed, but mostly it was about good memories. The lonely gets a little thick around here on days like this. Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SimiRed Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 Hugs, Rob! Such a beautiful post! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donnak Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 beautiful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted November 7, 2016 Author Share Posted November 7, 2016 Six years today. I think for the first time, I didn't wake up right at 5am. I was just looking through some threads I had saved from the old ywbb, and found this. It was good to see it again. It was part of a vanity thread I kept updating as personally significant dates rolled by, and I am so glad I still have it. "At about 5am, something woke me, I never knew what. I sensed a change, and went over to check on Michelle. She had stopped breathing, and her body was settling into the bed with small noises. I held her hand and said goodbye, and cried for awhile. You know how in the movies, they close the eyes of the dead? I tried, and could not do it. I had a little time before I called the family, and before the girls got up. We let the neighbors know, and soon impromptu elegies were being said in the cul-de-sac and hugs were shared around. I thought of her in Heaven, finally able to dance after three months of serious disability, and perhaps meeting up with another member of our church who was finally should have beeen free of her wheelchair." I miss you, my love. Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Hugs, Rob. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marian53 Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Just lovely, Rob. Thinking of you today. xo Marian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted November 28, 2016 Author Share Posted November 28, 2016 Hey Michelle, it's me again. 18 years today since we said "I do". You were supposed to be here with me, marveling and being perplexed at these two girls about to turn 16, adding more human touches to Twin A, planning what we'd do together when the girls were off to college, and filling up my arms at night. We'll go out to dinner tonight, and I might show the girls that wedding picture that Facebook reminds me I posted two years ago, but wtf do kids know about anniversaries? I don't know if anyone else remembers the day, but you know I'll never forget, and that's enough. We're OK here, because while we will always wish we had more time with you, what you gave us was beautiful. Happy Anniversary my love, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adley Posted November 29, 2016 Share Posted November 29, 2016 Hi Rob, me and mine wish you and yours the very best for your anniversary. Thanks for being such an inspiration. Adley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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