Jen Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Do you know anyone that would be up for a FWB situation Jen? That way it would be someone you know and a safe. Not a soul, sigh. I've never had a lot of friends, and even fewer male ones. Just have to learn to accept life as a celibate, I guess. It sucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 You don't have to accept anything! This is your life to make of it what you want. Join an online dating site and start with some coffee dates. You need to realize that you are still a woman who not only has desires but is desirable! If you keep telling yourself you will be celibate the rest of your life then you will be. You are intelligent and witty and caring. This isn't just about sex, if that's all you want you can get it easy. It's about connecting to another person on a level that makes you want to be vulnerable and intimate. Whether that's for 1 night, 1 month, 1 year or forever isn't the point. You need to tell yourself that you deserve to feel and experience that level of connection again and that the right guy would be damn lucky to have you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 You don't have to accept anything! ...You need to tell yourself that you deserve to feel and experience that level of connection again and that the right guy would be damn lucky to have you! I cried when I read this-- grateful tears. Thank you for saying this. I needed to hear it from the outside, so to speak-- I don't have the internal resources to say it to myself and believe it. Maybe that will change... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gracelet Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Bollocks. It's that time of the month again where i get reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally sexually frustrated. Girl I like went awol after we had sex and I told her about DW (not simultaneously obvs). Then she re-engaged via text. Then she went awol. And I actually liked her :-(. It was going somewhere. Then nada despite me not being all desperate. Don't get it. Even sex would have done..! Today I tallied up my 'conquests'. Yikes. I shouldn't really be adding another one night stand to the list but part of me is just thinking, fuck it I'm 29. Also, a drunk one night stand is a FAR more sensible option than Boy Widower with whom I'm spending the weekend in a hotel (with friends). Must. Not. Go. There. Ugh. I'm allowed to play the field, but I'm not comfortable with that (when sober). I want someone who will actually get to know my body. To Tinder or not to Tinder. That is the question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Ugh. I'm allowed to play the field, but I'm not comfortable with that (when sober). I want someone who will actually get to know my body. You answered your own question right here. It's hard not to just give into temptation, the easy fix, but we know it's just a temporary way to fill a void. I guess it depends on how awful you feel about it afterwards. What do you really want? I have this mental battle myself. I have can think of two men that are more than willing to temporarily fill that void for me, but I just can't. I'm not saying I won't, but I haven't yet. I just think afterwards I would feel even lonelier. I'm to the point where masturbating isn't even satisfying. At least not mentally. It just makes me want sex even more, and reminds me of the love and affection I lost. It's hard going from having sex 5-10 times a week to none at all. Not even just the sex, but being touched multiple times every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Not even just the sex, but being touched multiple times every day. In some ways that's the worst part of this whole wid gig. No one touches me anymore-- well, my 9-year-old hugs me sometimes. I feel so disconnected, like there's an invisible force field between me and the world. No hand to hold, no one to snuggle next to at night. For the first time in my life I feel cold all the time-- it's 90F out there, and I'm wishing I had a jacket. Very bizarre, but I think it's a symptom of the physical and emotional isolation. On the rare occasion when someone does touch me-- a coworker pats my back, or the barista brushes my hand when giving me my coffee-- I swear it feels like I've been burned. I can feel it for hours afterward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Just a couple of hours of cuddling, that's all I want right now. My hands might wander. Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
singinmomo4 Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Just Jen, I don't remember how far out I was, probably 2 years, I got my first ever mani-pedi. Mind you, I'm about as low maintenance as they come. Getting manicures is senseless since I don't have nails and pedi's? Well, I've just never paid much attention to them. So, wids on the board were always talking about how great pedicures were so I decided to get one when I saw a groupon for a good deal on a mani-pedi. So I go in to get this done and yes, the pedi was really nice, but it was the manicure, and the person doing mine was a man and when he was massaging my hands, it really took all my strength not to cry. The feel of a man stroking my hands and wrists, I just wasn't prepared for how it would feel. I managed to keep my composure but afterwards I cried like a baby. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 At about a year out, before I started dating I would treat myself to a spa massage on a relatively regular basis - and always request a man as my masseuse. Honestly, it was so nice to be touched again - even if I had to pay for it lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 I think a massage, or even a manicure, would send me into a complete meltdown. I've got a lump in my throat just thinking about it. I miss physical contact so. Freaking. MUCH. I feel like some kind of degenerate, but it preys on my mind-- will anyone ever touch me again?? What will I do if the answer is NO??!? I wasn't ready to lose my sexuality at 39 years of age. I hate this. I just want-- Oh, I can't even. I hate this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 I'm 39 too Jen, 40 in August. To young to be celibate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Absolutely too young. It's not freaking fair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I need to be ..... touched, kissed, caressed, held, stroked, kissed, fondled, nuzzled, kissed, licked, pressed up against, kissed, & desired, by a man who wants me as much as I want him.......... Sigh....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Women who complain about not wanting sex with their husbands make me crazy now. My desire and need for that physical intimacy since losing DH is so incredibly strong. My appreciation of intimacy and the intensity that I feel the connection on so many levels is unlike anything I ever felt before. There is no more distractedly running through tomorrow's"to do" list or wishing he would just finish up already, I am completely in the moment, I hold nothing back, and kissing, I forgot how incredible kissing can be and could do it for hours now. Momtokam keep looking, when you find that man you will be the best thing to ever happen to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I need to be ..... touched, kissed, caressed, held, stroked, kissed, fondled, nuzzled, kissed, licked, pressed up against, kissed, & desired, by a man who wants me as much as I want him.......... Sigh....... Yes, please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 I have been getting the kissing, just no sex. In fact, I was just thinking the other day that it has been so long, since I have had any kind of sex, that I actually do not remember what it feels like. One day, I am sure I will greatly appreciate the fact that New Guy and I are sticking to our morals and not having sex outside of marriage; however, there are times, like tonight, when I dearly wish that man was a tad more like my Kenneth and would just take my clothes off and whisk me away to bed, married or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayspumpkin Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Not even just the sex, but being touched multiple times every day. In some ways that's the worst part of this whole wid gig. No one touches me anymore-- well, my 9-year-old hugs me sometimes. I feel so disconnected, like there's an invisible force field between me and the world. No hand to hold, no one to snuggle next to at night. For the first time in my life I feel cold all the time-- it's 90F out there, and I'm wishing I had a jacket. Very bizarre, but I think it's a symptom of the physical and emotional isolation. On the rare occasion when someone does touch me-- a coworker pats my back, or the barista brushes my hand when giving me my coffee-- I swear it feels like I've been burned. I can feel it for hours afterward. Hi, I think we are the same person...used to in the dead of winter I was in shorts & a tank...now it's 89 outside & I'm debating if I need a hoodie. For the love of pete...someone just hug me already...not a quick good bye hug, a wrap your your arms around me, hold me and let me breathe in the scent of you...but wait...don't; I might rape you. Great sex is not so easy to find in a small town where I know everyone else you've slept with Mister Playa...no thanks...keep walking...but you can hug me first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Right now I want someone to show me that I'm not as dead as I feel-- to wake up all those nerve endings that now seem to have gone on permanent vacation. I've been told I'm passionate-- I want somebody to help me prove that's still true. I'd make it worth their while, I think. Unless I really am the zombie I seem to be now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 ((hugs)) Jen My feelings right now...I'm over it! It just seems so overwhelming and to complicated. I'm sure I'll change my mind in a few days, but this is how I feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mel4072 Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Icoxwell, yesterday, my fianc? said he thought about just picking me up and taking me in the bedroom and just taking me. Crap that was sexy! Of course, we just stared at each other silently but I can't begin to describe how turned on I was when he said that. Lol! Late husband never would have done that. He never picked me up. Fianc? does pick me up for hugs and sometimes just to hold me. Time for a cold shower. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 Just in conversation someone I know mentioned they have not had sex since 2006. 9 years!!! She's divorced, not widowed. I just can't get that number out of my mind. 9 years!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 ok so last night apparently i needed some sex. Went the self satisfaction route. Thankyou BOB! But you know what....I pulled a muscle in my back.......how the hell does that happen!! So not only did I not have the satisfaction of real sex but I have a reminder of it haunting me today and maybe tomorrow! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gracelet Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 You poor thing. At least we're not men with permanently sore wrists. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bear1956 Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 Right now I want someone to show me that I'm not as dead as I feel-- to wake up all those nerve endings that now seem to have gone on permanent vacation. I've been told I'm passionate-- I want somebody to help me prove that's still true. I'd make it worth their while, I think. Unless I really am the zombie I seem to be now. Yep .. that is how I felt. It was like seven years for me. I was ready for a few years but never made it happen. Sex is good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Just in conversation someone I know mentioned they have not had sex since 2006. 9 years!!! She's divorced, not widowed. I just can't get that number out of my mind. 9 years!!! It was like seven years for me. I was ready for a few years but never made it happen. Sex is good. Seven years. Nine. AIGH!!!!! My parents got divorced in 1991. That was IT for my mother. She's been a nun ever since. I can't stand it. Please shoot me. Or teach me how to stop caring. My body has more or less shut everything down, but my brain persists in conjuring up vivid images that absolutely kill me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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