RobFTC Posted November 22, 2019 Share Posted November 22, 2019 Hi folks, Last September, I got remarried. This September, we moved to a lovely house in the neighboring town. A week ago today, my daughter and I moved back into my still-empty house. It sucks. I feel like a failure, even as I appreciate the peace we have now. Some background - in August, we got my kids moved into dorms at the same in-state college a few hours away. One is still there, the other lasted one night and said "I can't do this, I have to withdraw." So we moved with her. The dreams of making love in every room in the house being dashed was the least of it. Instead of a new start and cooperation, we fought more and more often. A fight last Monday was about how we should approach the next counseling appointment. And my daughter's relationship with her went from "needs improvement" to "five-alarms". She has some stuff going on. The book "How We Love" has a quiz that tags her as a "vacillator" - I'm her Prince Charming until I disappoint or poke her feelings of inadequacy, at which point I'm demonized. I've sat through eviscerations that rocked me, and dealt with double-standards where every statement I made can be examined but hers are not open to the same, and gotten to know how long and detailed her list of resentments are. Nobody who's met her would believe it. And guess what, I'm no angel, either - I hate some of what I said and did. I got out to save my sanity, since we were 10x better at creating new issues than solving any of them. I didn't know I could pack up my stuff in two and a half days. I should have has us get counseling going six months ago. I should have broken out my favorite "Couple Skills" books around that time, too. We should have been doing checkins to avoid letting resentments pile up. I should have lead more as we tried to react to my daughter being with us. I wanted my reactions to be more measured without being a doormat, but I could not do that fast enough as things got worse. Lots to reflect on. Not for the faint of heart, this. I am, for the moment, much better off alone than in that situation, even through the holiday season. We may do further work, it's hard to say and I don't need to make that decision yet. For now, we need time. I'll take prayers if you got 'em. Take care, Rob T 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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