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Prenup or Not ?


thejourney
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I am no where near remarriage or moving in together but we have already had this conversation.  I would get a prenup to protect what should go to my kids from their father and I would expect he would do the the same.  New guy is fine with this.  I think having those tough conversations about finances before joining lives is important. 

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We talked about it...but in the long run we didn't do a pre-nup.  We didn't have kids, and that may have had an impact on things.  We combined assets and re-wrote wills.  I don't want to sound morbid, but it really helped to simplify dealing with all of the legal crap after his subsequent death.  Do what you need to do for your own situation, but my advice is to get your affairs in order somehow.

 

Maureen

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I would do a prenup if you have assets and children. It may be uncomfortable to discuss but should anything go wrong, you will be glad you have it. Divorces get ugly. They are emotionally draining and legal fees are expensive. A marriage is a legal relationship. I have seen quite a number of my clients get divorced. The only ones who made out well were the attorneys. It's unfortunate but it is the reality. I vote for prenup.

Eileen (who will probably never marry again because it is too complicated! LOL)

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Guest tableforone

I prenupped in my first marriage. There were little kids involved and a psycho ex-wife. My husband completely understood why I felt I needed to protect myself and my assets. If he hadn't understood, we would not have been right for each other. I need a partner to see eye to eye with me on money matters.  If there are children involved or you have assets you feel might ever need to be protected, I say do it.

 

No need for a pre-nup in my second marriage. We bought a house together, redid our wills and life insurance.

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I guess it would depend on your financial situation. There might be reasons to do it and talking to a lawyer would be the easiest way to determine whether or not it's reasonable and practical.

 

My husband and I didn't do one. Mostly because we viewed our "assets" such as they are as ours and not in terms of future inheritances for children. We are of the opinion that if there's anything left after we are both dead, the kids will get their cut. In meantime, they can grow up, get an education and make their way in the world just like we did.

 

Obviously, we took a few financial precautions (life insurance and trusts) in the event that we would die while the kids were young or young adultish and still needed a bit of assistance but mostly, a pre-nup seemed like a bet hedging thing and not in a positive way. It seemed pessimistic and distrustful. That's just us.

 

We also rewrote our wills within the first six months of remarriage to make sure that everything was in order - just in case - because my daughter was just five and my step-daughters were still young adults and floundering a bit financially. We have since revisited because situations are changing as the kids age.

 

I know that some people feel that the late spouse's assets shouldn't be accessed by anyone but his kids but as I said earlier, when our spouses die (unless there is a will that set things up otherwise), we felt that our spouses assets were now ours. We were not elderly people with short life spans (knock wood) but middle-aged adults with a long time to go. It would be foolish to limit ourselves to maintain an inheritance for our kids.

 

You should do what you are most comfortable with and what fits with your ideas and needs. And get some advice - lawyer or financial planners - that can help you understand the financial risks and the impact on you personally.

 

 

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Appreciate all the comments. Logically, I know it is the right thing to do.  Though our assets are similar now, I work and she does not so I am more concerned about ongoing payments after a break up. Of course, we are not planning a breakup.  The other side of the story is that a pre-nup is like a get out of jail card.  Makes it way too easy to walk instead of staying and trying to work things out. decisions decisions ...

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Absolutely do a prenup / cohabitation agreement (unless you each have no assets/pension).  You need to protect what you (and your spouse) worked hard to build for you and your child(ren).  This chapter 2 may be a perfect relationship and may last a lifetime but there are so many failed relationships out there that started out wonderful.  When it gets ugly - it gets ugly.

 

My chapter 2 guy is in the process of moving in and I have spoken to my lawyer.  I want to protect myself and my son but I also want him to feel that he and his girls are also protected.  Neither of us are together for material things (or lack thereof!) so signing a piece of paper to make sure we are protected in the future - just keeps us safe. 

 

Should we choose to get married some day then the cohabitation agreement turns into a prenup.  I will need to adjust my will at that point to reflect any changes I feel need to be made.  I have no intention of using it as a "get of of jail free card" :)  I still believe in the working things out and doing what you can to make things work.  However, sometimes there comes a point, when there is no point of return.

 

Just my opinion.

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Nope, we didn?t do one. I was married for 25 years and she was married for 30. I have no reason to suspect that our marriage would end for any other reason than our first ones did. My FIL died last summer and my DW wife?s inheritance was split between me and our kids. So, my kids already have what my DW would have wanted them to have.

 

At this point (married 1.5 years) my Wife and I have ?our stuff?. However, we still have some ?my stuff? and ?her stuff?. She has a will and if she pasts in the near future I would make sure that her will is carried out as she wrote it. I have no doubt that she would do the same for me.

 

I can already see that as the years go by we will gradually combine things and eventually end up with just ?our stuff?. I?m sure that when we see the need we?ll end up reevaluating our assets and decided how we want to divide it among all of our kids.

 

In the end though, each couple has to do what they're comfortable with.

 

Bill

 

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  • 5 years later...

https://edwardsgroupllc.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/DavidEdwards_BlendedFamilyFinances_10Tips.pdf?vgo_ee=woiOI3GUXyh2xhq%2B0PKU9m7%2BX%2FpMfSStElYb34Re%2FNg%3D

 

Every  family is different.  I heard a podcast about this.  They called it a togetherness agreement.  Money and assets have psychological meaning.  To spell it out is important.  Kids know then.  Just like making a plan for death and a will.   My input.  Dating a divorced person with kids and ex makes a difference.  State laws are different.  Plan out to avoid undue distress.  

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I am almost done with a pre-nup agreement.  My fiancé and I have a big disparity in accumulated assets/income.  As I have the bigger assets/income, i paid for the agreement and both lawyers.  I hope we remain happily together the rest of our lives, and I wouldn't be marrying her if I didn't feel this way.  However, as all us widows on this site know, life can throw big curveballs at you.  If it for whatever reason didn't work out, I don't want to lose 1/2 of everything I've worked the past 25  years for.  I would rather pass/share my savings with my daughter if I were to separate from my wife.  I have provisions in the agreement that will leave my wife in a better financial position if we were to split.  My fiancé is fine with the agreement, as her sister is married to a man who is the lesser earner and feels her sister should have protected herself better. Hopefully we never need the agreement and share my savings for many years of travel and enjoyment!

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If I were to marry again, I would most definitely have a pre-nup.   LH and I didn't pre-nup but we were young, without kids and starting out on our professional careers.  

 

On 2/9/2021 at 1:02 AM, tybec said:

Dating a divorced person with kids and ex makes a difference.  State laws are different.  Plan out to avoid undue distress.  

 

I now very well understand this ^ and wouldn't want to leave anything to chance.  It isn't the most romantic thing to deal with when re-partnering, but it's life.  

 

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