hachi Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Wish I knew who to give credit to for this, it is from 2 boards, ago. ~ Adapted from "The Awakening" by Sonny Carroll (Thanks Wifeless!) A time finally comes when you "get it" ... when, in the midst of all your tears and insanity you stop in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out "ENOUGH!! Enough fighting, crying, guilt and struggling just to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes. You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings and that any guarantees of "happily ever after" must begin with you ... and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that your lost spouse wasn't perfect, nor are you; and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who and what you are ... and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of newfound confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did or said to you (or didn't do or say) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that everyone will not always be there for you and that everything isn't always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself ... and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties ... and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You learn to open up to new ideas and different points of view/ you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really want out of the rest of your life. You learn the difference between WANTING and NEEDING and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown through the grief process (or should have never brought into it in the first place). You learn that principles such as honesty and compassion are not outdated ideals, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build your new life. You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you begin to relearn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them to be. You learn that alone does not necessarily mean lonely. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear and depression so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our souls. So you take more time to laugh and PLAY. You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you TRULY BELIEVE you deserve, and that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working towards making it happen. Most importantly, you learn that in order to really "move on" you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it's OK to risk asking for help, whether it is from a friend or a professional. You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it under a cloud of impending doom, gloom and sadness. You finally ACTUALLY learn that life isn't always fair - you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes-bad things happen to good people ... and more importantly, you learn not to always take it personally. You learn that nobody punished you and everything isn't always "somebody's" fault. It's just life happening. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison your whole world. You learn to be thankful and take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted - things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about - a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Then, you begin to take some responsibility for yourself and by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself again and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire. You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mokie Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Awesome. Just... awesome!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mangomom Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 <3 This is where I am these days. Thank you for giving it words. Bless the anon OP for the ability to verbalize it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 So wonderfully stated! Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Hugs, hachi! Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rifatheroffour Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Hachi, A very interesting and thought provoking read. I am especially struggling and or working through... "You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you TRULY BELIEVE you deserve, and that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working towards making it happen." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Thank you so much for writing this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hachi Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 Hachi, A very interesting and thought provoking read. I am especially struggling and or working through... "You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you TRULY BELIEVE you deserve, and that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working towards making it happen." It is interesting, and not to pick the whole thing apart, but a few lines down, it says, FINALLY, more importantly, You learn that life is not fair and YOU DON"T always get what you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to good people. Overall, I do have some of these moments of clarity, where I can see my life as it really is, and how I want it to be. I wish I had them more often, but mostly I just do the best I can do, every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tweety76 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I hadn't seen this before and this is exactly what I've been feeling lately. The "enough of this BS" phase started for me at 9 months mark and the feeling has kept growing since then. This is so well written!!!!!! Admins: Please pin this post to top!!!!! Posting it to Newbie section might not be a good idea, but having it here on top of the threads might get someone in the early days to read it. Understanding it will take time but this is really important one! Thank you hachi ! Forgot to say this the first time posting... I said to a colleague yesterday that I have a new motto: "Life happens and then you life". Surprised myself stating it with full force. Things really change! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WifeLess Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 hachi, Thank you for posting this. Very inspirational. After some online investigation, it appears that this is a slightly edited version of "The Awakening" by Sonny Carroll. --- WifeLess Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Grateful to be experiencing so much of this. It did take time and and different experiences to get here. I am grateful for the amazing life that I have had. For having Cindy as a friend for 37 years and for having been a couple for 28 years. Life was kind to us on so many levels. Sometimes, I refer to my "new life" as the bonus round. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hachi Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 hachi, Thank you for posting this. Very inspirational. After some online investigation, it appears that this is a slightly edited version of "The Awakening" by Sonny Carroll. --- WifeLess Thanks Wifeless, I guess I was just too lazy to find it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I LOVE this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Thank you for sharing this Hachi. I feel like this is the clarity I am grasping for but it's just outside my reach right now. I will read this again and again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kmouse Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I remember someone posting this when I was in pretty early days and I remember doing a cut 'n paste into my journal. It struck me on lots of levels, but probably most with hopefulness that I'd have that moment of awakening. Six years down the road and I can look back on the journey and see a whole series of awakenings and I sense more to come. You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. This is probably one of my favorite lines. It took lots of time for me to get the smile to stick, but it finally did. With lots of faith and hope, I trusted that good things would come, and in time I became open to possibilities. It's been long and it's been hard, but it's been worth staying the course. Glad you posted this, hachi! Thoroughly enjoyed revisiting it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SimiRed Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Great post, Hachi! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 YES. Thank you for posting this, Hachi. I needed it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OSAAT Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 This is so true. Thank you for sharing. The quote "time heals all" is complete and utter BS. We have to first make a decision to change, and then learn to adapt and change and go with the flow. Learn to live life on lifes terms, not our own. Time is neutral. What we do with that time is what makes all the difference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndysWife Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I really like this post. I spent a lot of energy resisting every bit of it as it was happening though. Thanks for sharing it again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robunknown Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Sometimes, I refer to my "new life" as the bonus round. Mac, This is a thought that has pulled me out of the dumps some days. I think in one alternate universe, she never died. I think in another we both didn't survive her cancer. But in this one, I lived, and I ask myself, "What am I going to do with this extra time?" Thanks for the OP too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 I was looking back and came across this post and I thought I'd revive it. Good post Hachi, glad you brought it over from the old board! I feel like I'm finally here and that's a good thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 Love this, thanks so much for sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tweety76 Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 @Hatchi a post worth the ones I saw 3 years ago in the original board. Such great words we know are true. Thank you <3 Been there, done that and moving forward Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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