imissdow Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Seems to be the question I'm getting lately. Just to clarify I have been on 3 dates with this guy the first being in late febuary. We talk on the phone at least once a week sometimes more and I typically see him every week and we talk for 10 or more minutes at that time. He is not looking for a serious relationship and has been very up front about that. Sometimes I wonder if he's rethinking that because of a couple of things he has said. I played around with the idea of wanting more but realized that at the moment I don't have the time or desire to do what it would take to have what I will eventually want. So we are good friend who have the occasional date. He is funny, kind generous, thoughtful and the type of guy I would want long term. He's also 13 years older then me with grand kids just a little younger then my 2 older girls. He started early and I started kind of late. He works way to much (like 80+ hours a week) and lives 40 minutes away so finding time to get together is a challenge. Thus why we have had so few dates. So several people have asked me if we are dating. I never feel like I have a good answer. I told one person we were good friends, another (who I know better) that we have had a few dates but weren't a couple. I wish I had a answer that was short and didn't go into detail that people would actually believe. I don't typically do casual dating, however with this guy it really just feels right. At times I find that really hard to wrap my brain around other times I'm really good with it. I know I'm kind of rambling yet I really don't know what to do with all of this. In my entire life I have dated (meaning more then 2 dates) about 5 guys. I married 2 of them. I tend to like things spelled out for me and this isn't and I really don't know what to do with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 You don't fit in a defined small box. You also dont owe explanations. Best of luck to you. Just do what's good for you and don't expect more from him. He is clear . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IronBear Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 "We enjoy the limited time we get to spend together that our schedules allow. I am interested to see where things go!" Or something like that is plenty of good for an answer to the inquiring minds out there. As far as yourself, if you are ok with how things are, great! Are you ok for either of you to also be dating other people casually at the same time? That would be something I personally would need to have defined. I could be good with not getting serious if life is just too complicated but not sure I would ok with some one I had some feelings for dating multiple women. It's a personal decision and you may want to be playing the field a little yourself. It's a good idea if you are both on the same page about it so no one gets surprised. Good luck going forward! And I hate the word boyfriend, it make me feel silly saying it so,I really don't! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
singinmomo4 Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 I kind of agree with Bear on this one (that happens so rarely). For some reason we women tend to feel we need to explain things in detail and people, in general, are far too nosy. I need to work on my short answers too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamNE Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 I find people endlessly curious about my dating life, and I don't like being asked pointed questions about our status. I too can tend to be an over explainer and I am trying to stick with a standard, " we are friends" until I am ready to say more. I feel judged, but maybe it's my own little hang up because others have commented negatively wondering why I think I need a man when I am financially set. It's hard dating in the same old town. I have sometimes wondered if moving away for a fresh start wouldn't make my life so much easier, though I am sure that has it tough side too. Sam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 "he's cool..we are friends" I have just been saying that to people for 9 months. Or just say "No". Your life your rules Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serpico Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 He is not looking for a serious relationship and has been very up front about that...I played around with the idea of wanting more but realized that at the moment I don't have the time or desire to do what it would take to have what I will eventually want. From what you say here I think it's pretty clear he isn't your boyfriend. Stick with 'nah, we're just friends' and that should do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IronBear Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IronBear Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Just say "no, we just have wild monkey sex" and enjoy their reaction. ^^^^ This sounds like something my Kenneth would have said, and it made me smile, thinking of him. Thank you for that! Now back to the OP.... Fortunately, early on, before we had decided what direction our relationship was going, my life with New Guy was quite separate from my day to day life, so I have never really had to offer explanations. My advice would be to do what is comfortable for you. Answer the questions, or don't. Personally, I like to answer other people's questions in an honest and straightforward way, and I don't feel the need to have some sort of short answer readily prepared. This works for me, but that kind of openness is not right for everyone. Other people prefer a little more privacy, and that's alright, too. Life is messy. Not everything can be placed into a nice, little, neat package or box. So what, if you don't know where things are going with your New Guy? So what, if you don't have a quick, short answer, when people ask? As long as what you have works for you, right now, that's all that really matters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairlanegirl Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 I feel judged, but maybe it's my own little hang up because others have commented negatively wondering why I think I need a man when I am financially set. Ummm....love? Intimacy? Sex? Because you like them? Who on earth says something like that to a person? What planet are they on? What century] are they in? Sounds like you do need to move somewhere where people get their own lives instead of projecting their hangups on to yours! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DansSoulmate Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Exactly Fairlanegirl, and why on Earth are people so interested in our romantic lives? They really need to go get a life of their own. And, I'm sorry but, in my opinion, there isn't a substitute for having someone special in your life to just spend quality time with and share some laughs. Money alone will never bring you that level of joy at all (again, my opinion). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayspumpkin Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 I love, love, love this!!! Before I met my DH, in high school, all I had were guy friends...strictly platonic, strictly drama free; and I loved it. Now, hang out with strictly platonic guy friend and all of a sudden, it must be explained, labeled, discussed, options weighed; um NO, he's a friend who happens to have a penis...end of story. We have fun together, he makes me laugh, & he sticks his dipstick somewhere else (I have a NON-guy friend for that) so, leave it be!!! I need the guy/gal camaraderie, plus I need a 4th to play euchre...that's all, but IF I did wanna jump in bed with him...who the h*ll are you to ask questions??? Us lonely widows; gotta watch us, we just might do something crazy...like LIVE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hachi Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Us lonely widows; gotta watch us, we just might do something crazy...like LIVE! Ha! I love this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lmsmdm Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Ha ha Bubba Edit to fix quote ha ha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 My family will barely speak to me because they think I'm having an affair with a married man! Like someone else said, typically throughout my life, my friends have been guys for the most part. That's just me, I get along better with them, no drama...etc. My best friend now I've known for 25 years. I spend a LOT of time with him. Oh, and I also spend a LOT of time with his wife, and their daughters. His wife has many health issues so I help out with a lot of things like errands, etc and he usually rides with me. She doesn't get out much so yeah I guess we do get seen a lot but seriously people need to lower their eyebrows and manage their own mess. Where was my family last weekend when I was violently ill in a parking lot and he held my hair and rubbed my back? Where are they when I 'm a sobbing mess at 3 a.m. and just need someone to listen? So let them judge, I don't mind playing Harper Valley PTA lol. All that to say, no , no one is entitled to an explanation on your dating life. Crawl out from under that microscope and just do you. Or as some others have said, say something wildly outlandish like you're trying to make a love child or something. That'll shut em up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejourney Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Or as some others have said, say something wildly outlandish like you're trying to make a love child or something. That'll shut em up. Would love to say this to some people - their reaction would be hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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