gracelet

I'm pissed off at International Widows Day. It can get to fuck, as can channels which are presenting such a one sided story to the reality for widows in the west. I ranted in more depth in my blog.

If it will shut them up, let them have the bench, but make them pay for it. You need financial stability as, I hate to remind you, you're on your own. Also, I hate to remind you that your husband's happiness is no longer relevant - he's dead. Do what YOU want. If the in laws don't want to pay for it, you can helpfully offer to buy a couple of fold up chairs from IKEA which they can keep in the trunk of the car to take out when they visit the grave. ;-)

We can also do a group karaoke rendition of 'All By Myself' and film it.

Massive progress for me this week in that: 1) I went on a tour to my local gym 2) I found out my company offers a subsidised membership of said gym 3) I joined the gym! They do all sorts of cool classes, including aerial circus tricks and pole ballet so I'm looking forward to meeting new people too.

y'all know my debauched blog (in my signature) Another widow blog that I love the the White Elephant in the Room http://whiteelephantintheroom.tumblr.com/

This board is predominantly North American so I'm doing an Internet waving thing at those of you who are on the other side of the pond, just so you know you aren't alone, especially the newer members. I'm in London. Just in case you haven't ventured into the Bago section of the board, I'm flagging here that we are having a BAGO in Amsterdam 17-19 July. http://widda.org/index.php?topic=40.0 There are ten of us confirmed and we are all staying at the same hotel. G x

Would somebody mind volunteering to coordinate us all and get an email chain going? Like contact details, what we look like, when to meet, when everyone is arriving. I normally would but I am so swamped with work that all my strategic and organised brain energy is being consumed... I am SO LOOKING FORWARD TO MEETING YOU. It's going to be a bit mental. You're probably going to be sorely disappointed at how blah I am in real life.

I'm with a couple of friends who have spent time in Amsterdam . Here is a suggested itinerary: Friday (waiting for everyone to arrive hence late afternoon start) - River cruise - Dinner - Red light - Coffee shop - Meander down canal Saturday: - riijks museum - lunch - Van Gogh museum - cheese tasting - dinner - party Sunday: - Anne frank museum - flower market - lunch - Heineken brewery Obviously we don all have to do the same thing at the same time but these are just some suggestions. I've been recommended that we each buy an Amsterdam pass as it fires entry to many of the above. Also, Anne Frank house should be booked in advance. If everyone is up for it and agreed on Sunday morning, Injo, do you think you could book us tickets? Grace x

Widow bestie and I hatched a plan last week. We are going to do a joint trash the dress photo shoot!

I've seen that film. It's CREEPY! The girls I've been with since Elle have been polar opposites to her - tall, long hair, very slim, extra femme. Elle was my height, had short hair, was average build and was pretty funky in what she wore. She'd never normally have been my 'type' but I completely fell head over heels for her - for her mind, for her humour, and then for her body. However, I'm realising that one of the most attractive qualities I seek, and one that I will not compromise on, is ambition. I'm not saying my future spouse needs to be gunning for CEO, but she does need to feel passionate, to care, to decisively want to make a difference. Elle had these qualities too.

I read her post on facebook and it brought me very close to tears. As I was reading, a bunch of colleagues were celebrating engagement drinks for one of the girls right next to my desk. I didn't partake, pretending I had too much work. I had to leg it out of the office and I haven't had to do that in a long time. For me, aside from relating to pretty much everything she wrote, the most pertinent thing she said was quoting her rabbi: "Let me not die while I am still alive." I admire her ability to be so articulate just a month after her husband's passing. I could barely string a sentence together. Sometimes, I wonder too if she's reading this board (hello Sheryl!)

Prayers coming from the other side of the Atlantic. Love to you, SimiRed.

Itenerary: http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2015/04/24/travel-10-cool-things-to-do-in-amsterdam/

Bollocks. It's that time of the month again where i get reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally sexually frustrated. Girl I like went awol after we had sex and I told her about DW (not simultaneously obvs). Then she re-engaged via text. Then she went awol. And I actually liked her :-(. It was going somewhere. Then nada despite me not being all desperate. Don't get it. Even sex would have done..! Today I tallied up my 'conquests'. Yikes. I shouldn't really be adding another one night stand to the list but part of me is just thinking, fuck it I'm 29. Also, a drunk one night stand is a FAR more sensible option than Boy Widower with whom I'm spending the weekend in a hotel (with friends). Must. Not. Go. There. Ugh. I'm allowed to play the field, but I'm not comfortable with that (when sober). I want someone who will actually get to know my body. To Tinder or not to Tinder. That is the question.

My friend who was my best man at the wedding has told me that he and his wife are pregnant. They are the first of my friends to get pregnant. Reading over previous messages here about people finding it difficult to rejoice in others' pregnancy news, I never really empathised. Now I do. I am happy for them but so sad too. I was supposed to be a mother by next year. Writing 'mother' in reference to myself seems so bizarre. I want babies. The biological clock has started ticking. Sigh.

Love to you my NY widow bestie xxx

I'm hosting my glamorous Tatler featured celeb Aunty from Malaysia this weekend. We've been having a great time but some of her life and the people she mixes with are so superficial. They have no idea what heartache is. They don't give a shit about social inequality, that the gap between rich and poor is getting bigger and bigger in the UK, or seem to think that investing their taxes back into the health service is worth it. It makes me sick that they are so extravagant with money. Who the fuck comes to lunch dripping in DIAMONDS?! Jeez. Aaaanyway. Just ranting with a glass of wine. She loves me dearly and she means well but my aunt has just told me that when I next go to visit malaysia (where she lives), I should get my 'eye troughs' sorted out by a cosmetic surgeon. Jeez. I'm only 28! I didn't realise widowhood had aged me so much. I guess all that crying and dabbing at eyes with tissues takes its toll. Surely the is another solution?!?! I was proud of the fact that although sometimes I feel like shit, I look great thanks to widowrexia. But now I'm told I look old. Thanks Aunty. Opening up the floor to all of you. How do you stop widowhood taking a physical toll on your faces?

I think I might actually be his perfect woman. Apart from the whole not liking the cock thing and errr, "You're vagina clean shaving and the crack of your ass." I am not shaving to the crack of my ass, thank you very much.

Think she found that blog post... Because a miracle happened and she messaged apologising profusely! Hmm. I'm not letting her off lightly. I think it warrants a conversation.

I've been writing for a while. I think she might have found my blog... In the event that this happens again with someone I'm dating, I've written the following post for them! http://eerilycheerily.com/2015/05/28/dating-a-widow/ Have found it therapeutic. What do you think? Am I missing anything out?

Oh, I'm sorry to read that Karen. Another Eurobago in the future hopefully.

Dammit. I didn't find her. She's relegated back to Tinder Girl #4. I've had radio silence for a week and haven't seen her face to face since I told her about being widowed. She said she wouldn't run away because of it, but it feels like she has. Granted there is stuff going on in her life that may mean she's just not ready for any sort of romance period but a message or call acknowledging that would be nice. You'd think she'd clock that I am scarred by being abandoned - wife here one minute and gone the next - and have some sensitivity to that. But no. I deserve better but this still feels shitty :-( Fuck this. Becoming a nun but stocking up on vibrators.

There's a Kelly Clarkson song, 'Since U Been Gone', which says 'I can breathe for the first time'. I constantly have it going through my head. The thing is, despite the fact I miss Elle to pieces, in some ways, I feel liberated. Does that sound warped? I was so under her thumb and until the end, I was more than happy to be. Now, I realise I'm a party animal, a flirt, a diva, the attention seeker that my wife always was. People who know me now but never knew my wife find it hard to believe that I was ever the submissive. I feel guilty in a way for finding my mojo. Does that make any sense? Obviously I wish she wasn't dead, but t has unleashed a life in me that's actually pretty damn fun. Granted some of it is reckless. One thing I've started again that I never did when I was in a relationship is sing. I did a big gig last week and my new crew of friends who have become friends were there, including he widow besties. I really felt ALIVE! For those of you who haven't seen on faceyb, I'm going to gloat just a tad and post the link to our recording of Eye of the Bootylicious Tiger. I'm the one with the bob singing Eye of the Tiger. I had so much FUN. I just wish I had Elle in the crowd cheering me on and kissing me with pride. Dammit. Why did she go and fucking die??

This thread has been so tame compared to the YWBB equivalent... Describe those dreams!!

Brenda, Very similar things happened to me. It sounds like we have a few things in common! I indeed decided to let it go. She's dead, nothing's bringing her back. By no means is my wife on a pedestal though! I have the serenity prayer pinned to my noticeboard and I find it helps me. Whether or not you are religious, the message I think is powerful: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. There's a heck of a lot I can't change, so I choose to focus my energies on surrounding myself with positive things and positive people in my new journey.