BrokenHeart2

Wow SB. Sounds like an Everyone Loves Raymond episode. I'm so sorry your Mom is like that. Who needs that craziness from their own Mom. I hope she reads this. My Mom has been my strongest ally.

Wow, awesome thread! I just can so relate to what has been said. Thank you!

I've had plueresy and it's awfully painful. So glad SVS that's all it was! Still so scarey all considered! Yes widowhood does suck! Yes RTOF I'm sorry you space geek isn't there with you Hugs to my wid community!

I was shocked and disheartened when I read that YWBB went down and so happy the wid warriors jumped into action! You all rock big time! Thanks for keeping our special community together!

Jen, from a very young age my Dad always told us kids (6 of us) that life isn't fair. Yup, he was so right and now I get why at a young age he drilled that into our heads. No its not fair and now I'm learning just how fucking unfair it is. He did that for a reason as I'm learning at the age of 55. Yesterday was his 27th sadiversary and Mom told me to hang on. She's been my rock, even though she is 84 and bedridden and not long on this earth. I'm glad to hear that you are going to keep going because you have no choice. This all sucks but we have to find a way to take baby steps to rebuild our lives like others before us did. Our western culture has imposed the impression that we all be happy all the time. That's bullshit. I see that you are just under 2 yrs that DH died, that was horrid for me at that time frame. I'm coming up to 3 yrs in May and I've seen a change and shift in perspective in me since then. I know we all grieve differently, I've learned a lot from our seasoned wids and just keep trusting that things will improve. Maybe not as fast as we would like them too but they will in due time. I hope you find a way to hang on to that too. Big giant virtual hugs to you!!

I too am in transition and get your anxiety BL! I'm prepping to sell the house we built together on the lake. Ugh. I'm hoping my story goes like yours mmg19! I love this

So true

Me too. I so get you and that feeling. Ugh.

Oh SVS I too miss this so much too. We just talked about stuff and now I have nobody to do that with. Just another loss people just don't get. I soooo miss also his loving hugs and passionate kisses. How does someone go from that to baron nothing and not grieve that loss too?

Where the heck have I been? I'm getting a roomba!

Haha love all this window washing talk! ALD, what's a roomba?

Glad to hear you are celebrating Him and you get some comfort from it. He sounds a lot like my DH. I think we were blessed to have had that wonderful love all be it too short. Feels so unfair. Hugs To you M

I have never lived in such a dirty house in my life. Cobwebs ha I just don't look at them I haven't washed my windows in over 2 yrs. Just don't care. I wouldn't tell anyone this but y'all Guess I am going to have to clean now since I'm prepping to sell

I too have come to the realization that its time for me to move. It will be 3 yrs in May and I have been alone here, so isolated and this house is way too big for me. We built this house together on the lake and the thought of moving into town sometimes makes me feel claustrophobic but I know its best for me to do. Ive started to purge and pack and I have hired someone to do some fixups before I put it on the market. Its going to break my heart to leave here and a the same time breaking my heart by staying.

I am so sorry Missing You that you have to go through this again. There are no words. Hugs to you.

Good luck Mrs. Dan!

This is a very interesting and great thread. I noticed many that posted are around the 3 yr mark +/- 6 months. Me too. I have lately in the past 3 or 4 months come around to accepting they really don't get it and I needed the freedom of forgiving their transgressions. I have also apologized for mine too in the depths of my despair going through this horrid grief (didn't say that to them it would sound like an excuse I just appologized). I feel like my closed heart has opened a bit, I actually surprised myself when I just blurted that out to my sister without thinking about it and in retrospect that is what is happening. I had to close my heart because I couldn't take anymore pain than what I was already in. Doing that also became very isolating. I'm feeling positive changes happening with me and the same time the pain is so strong but different. Bunny nailed exactly how I feel too! "Yes, forgiveness is very freeing, (I've managed it to varying degrees), but it does not require that you then have a relationship with them afterwards. Or, if you do, that it be the same relationship that it was. Post-widowhood, I just don't have the energy or interest in putting up with the things I would have beforehand. I'm much better at boundaries. And that's not such a bad thing. There are people who want to now be back in my life that I simply have no desire to be around anymore and I've stopped feeling bad about that" This widow journey sure is a mindfuck.

Thank you all! Your prayers are very much needed and so appreciated!!

Wow Mizpah "Love doesn't die People do So, when all that is left of me Is love Give me away" This hit me so much tonight. Thank you!

I found out today she is at the top of the transplant list which good and not so good at the same time. Her lungs are failing and needs this to be done ASAP. Prayers are very welcomed.

I have to agree, since I lost DH I too dont like that term "passed away" no, he died but early on I couldn't say those words without crying. I am surprised by how I can say it now without becoming a blubbering mess. I guess acceptance and time of this horrid reality brings a change I never thought would happen to me earlier on. With Valentines day tomorrow and being last name Vallentyne just elevates it that much more for me (we had so much fun with that)..... it was just our day and tomorrow will be the the 3rd one without him. I'm just going to huddle in with this -35C (-31F for my American wids) and watch tv. Other family issues, Im done for tonight anyway. Passed Away....ugh.

Thank you T. So well stated. I get what you are saying. I'm so glad you and your family found what's right for you all. I hope I can find that too!

Awe Amor, I too could have written your post. DH and I built this home together in 2001. It's on the lake and beautiful. I have finally found peace with my decision to move. There's a difference between peace with and happy about this decision. I wish people would listen to my words. So many think I'm happy about it. Nope, not happy about any of this I just know it's best for me to do it. Widowhood sure sucks doesn't it. Hugs to you.

Thank you Maureen, I was thinking that but didn't know if I was trying to rationalize or something has changed in me. I never used to be this way, yes some th,kings have changed in me in so many ways. Others I think are confused about me now. Thanks MD and A! Good news today, she was finally airlifted to Toronto,. My Sis And BIL drove to TO (blizzard conditions on 401 and had to pull off many times...that's Ont for ya). Kathleen with her parents there OFFICIALLY signed her consent form and is now officially eligible! They and all of us have been waiting a long time for this. The unfortunate part in all this is someone's family will feel this horrific loss to gain her healthy lungs and restore her health. We are all very aware of this and heartbroken at the same time. Such a dichotomy. Thanks for all you support. Blessing and hugs.

Thank you all. She has been having a difficult time breathing and has been put on a bipap machine to help. This machine is not good for CF because it dries the mucous. She has been fast tracked onto the transplant list and right now they are waiting for the helicopter to take her to Toronto. I can't believe this is happening. I pray she gets lungs in time. Everyone else seems so together and I feel like an emotional wreck.