Amor

I like how you put a timeline. Tomorrow will be 2 years for me. Sometimes I think reality has not fully set in. But I can say I am trying to cope with this reality. Wishing you peace on this very painful day! Amor

Thank you for the hugs. This is just one hard thing to deal with. I wish my love was in my arms. I wish none of us had to go through this pain. HUGS back! Amor

Yes there are more than hundred ways to describe grief. Thank you for putting to words your feelings. Pain of grief is realizing your reality is worse than your nightmares. I wish I cold wake up to my love laying next to me and all of this be a nightmare.

Cherishing the memories, the best feeling the best part of my love. The touch, sweet words, smells. I am so glad I have those memories. I wish I will never forget those memories. Amor

This morning I awoke to not realizing my love was gone for a few moments I was wondering why he was not laying at my side. When I realized he was gone the wave of pain rocked my world. How can this happen, how can you have these moments almost 2 years out where you really believe for a moment he is still right here and never want to believe he is gone?

That is well put. Thank you for sharing it.

Oh Jen, This is so unfair, having the love of our lives ripped from us way to short of time together and stuck on this side of of darkness and despair. Losing who we were to become someone we never wanted to be. But we are here. Change what we can, try to accept what we can not change (do not have to like it), and know the difference. That quote I hope can get some out of the darkness or despair. Jobs can be changed. I did this same type of job different environment with people not knowing my past helped some. Moving away from your mom is possible. Did this pros and cons here. But I am independent and able to have my time to grieve when I need to without hurting the people around me knowing I am still grieving. Here I can grieve without people knowing I still am grieving. Kids hurt too. Talk to them. Let them know you still love them. Ask them to help you by giving you time to be alone, sad or what you need. Kids can be a great thing to have around. See them for who they are. Let them give you a hug and bring you out of sad times. Start looking for who you want to be now when you are ready. This is a hard journey. I am struggling with this currently. How can I live my life and be happy? This life does hurt but we can make some changes to make it better. Amor

I like how you said "I still feel married." So do I. Amor

I am so sorry she was so rude and not compasionate. It is very bad to have so many people are like that. Find a job were you will not have to go through this again. I have worked with several people that do not get it so when i moved to my new job i do not tell people what happened. Good luck with a perfect job where you can start a new life. Amor

Congratulations! I am so happy for you spot of sunshine! Kids have a great affect on letting you see past sadness. Amor

Good luck!!

My favorite scripture is I Peter 5:6-11. Giving all of your worries to God and he will take care of you. He is my only friend open to listen 24/7. I wish you and your kids peace. Amor

It will be awhile until you start feeling like anything else does matter. Remember your brain is over loaded with grief, pain, anger, trying to figure out a new way of living. Start one step at a time when you are ready to build your new life. The fog will start to clear in time and you will care more than now. Perception of what you care about and the degree will now change. Try to make the best choies you can. Amor

I am glad your sons were ready to help you.

(((Arneal))) I wish you peace and glad you are trying to find it. Amor

I am so glad you are working for a better company now! Hope you find a great sitter for your son. Amor

"When you find yourself in hell keep going." Unknown

Thank you for the post. It is a good read if nothing else. I am not there yet. Maybe one day i will help someone because i bec

I am so sorry the survival cpr stories brought you so much pain. It is ok to walk out and have moments of grief in a calm place. I know it hurts me too. I was not able to save my love but was able to save many peoples lives before and after him. This is a blessing i can still save people but the guilt of not saving him hurt so much more than i can ever convey. It is ok to miss your love and have times when you see, hear, smell that brings back the pain. Be ok with that fact you still care enough to miss them in whichever way you respond with painful memories. Other people may niot understand this is your grief. Deal with these moments your own way and in your own time frame. I am so sorry she was not able to be here with you forever! Amor

I truly hope you can remember the great times without a lot of pain. I am so glad you got 27 years together! Amor

I am sorry you are having these dreams. I hope you can truly be happy! Amor

(((Jingles))), I am wishing you peace and comfort. Amor

I am glad you are able to get something good out of the boards here. I know it has helped me being here. I often want to leave everything that we had the same. If I had enough money I would not change a thing. When you are ready you can decide what to do with any of your things, do not let anyone rush you into anything now. Amor

Jen thanks for the hugs. Linda5 i wish you well on finding the right place to be at tthe right time. Even if that you are lucky enough to stay in your home with your forever love. I wish you peace and comfort. Amor

I have not found a magic number for any milestone i seem to reach them slowly and not even realize i am changing. Or think i am doing good then start to drowned again. So many people have misconception about when you should be back to normal. I am not there and not sure i ever will be like i was before. Amor