Amor

Thanks for the update Jess. I am trying to decide when to move my things. This is one hard thing to do. I may have to hire a mover or maybe I will do a uhaul box. That maybe better because of where I live. Movers are hard to come by. Good luck with your move! Amor

Welcome home and wishing you a speedy recovery!

MAwidow, Feeling like you are floating through life is very well put. I feel that way at the moment but I know where I am now is where I should be for now. Amor

That is wonderful news. I hope you do get to go home and continue healing. (((Hugs)))

When I wrote the question I meant date of death but wedding anniversary work too. I am sorry you had a hard day on you wedding anniversary. I would think of the song on the radio the song he would dedicate to you that day. Forever missing the special things we love that no one else had with your Love. Cherish those moments. There is nothing wrong with still thanking him even if he is not listening, it makes it better when I get it out.

What did you do or are planning for your sad anniversary? What helped and what did not help? Who did you invite? Was that the right people to invite?

Take out when I drank coffee hiking or sailing

How are you doing today both physically and emotionally? Here with a listening ear if you need. I hope for a speedy recovery and will continue to pray for you. (((Hugs)) Amor

Jess, Are you settling into the new place ok? Any suggestions, helpful hints, happy thoughts, or advice for people who will be moving shortly? Amor

yes we can be happy and sad at the same time. This is hard to imagine but it happens often. I miss my Love but I have found some happiness as well. I really have a hard time with the uncontrollable roller coaster of emotions from moment to moment. Having to hang on for dear life even to get through then be happy then sad, angry, ect, ect all in the same moment is way more then overwhelming. I guess I am learning to roll with it instead of against it.

Suki1, thank you that may work. Donswife: You have talked to your Love for so many years it is a hard habit to break. In private only you will know. Nokindadancer: You are so much braver than me. I hope one day can say that and not feel like the end of the world.

I loved the way you wrote that. I have been there. Today I am trying to look for anything better because my Love would hate it if I did not try. I hope you can find a way to remember your Love and find happiness, comfort and things that do go your way. (((HUGS)))

I too wonder how to answer that question. Yesterday I accepted a new position at work. I went in today to talk with my new bosses for paperwork, ect. They asked me if my husband is looking for work. I said he is not currently working. My heart sank, then more when they said "hes lazy." I worked side by side with my husband for 7 years. This one will be very hard to do now. I did not want to explain my story nor ready to admit to an employer that just hired me. I still wear my ring, have is picture in my wallet. I hope one day I can be more comfortable saying the words but as of yet I do not want to say them. I can not openly explain what I have lost to just anyone. Am I the only one who wants to hide their loss or knows their love will always be married to them. What do you put on employee forms married or single?

I got this quote in my Love's email yesterday. I was feeling down heart'd like I could not succeed at anything anymore. I had a job interview that I thought I failed really bad. Success... ? Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. ? ― Thomas A. Edison : Today i got a job offer. My love was trying to tell me something special.

Jess, I wish you the best place to be! Thank you all for the insight. I got a job offer today and found a house I like. I will think over it this weekend. If I decide to take it I will have moved well over 3000 miles from home. I hope this is the right decision. I am nervous, scared, excited and missing my Love so much! Amor

Guaruja, I wore nice clothes for awhile out in public too. It helped me not feel as bad and others would not look at me like I was as much of a miss as I truly was. So it helped. The other day I was chatting with a new deaf friend. When I told her my Love died she asked if I was really married and that my Love really died. I showed her pictures of me wedding to prove it.

Irreplaceable friends are such a blessing. I have had a few and I do not know where I would be without them. One of them is my husbands best friend and his wife. I had never met either of them until my Love died. Cling to your best friends that are irreplaceable and thank them for being there always. Then do the same in return.

needytoo, I am glad you and your kids have been able to have a good time. I know it is hard to be confused and not know the next step. I am still there but I have decided I will try my best not to worry and try to take one day at a time. I have been able to meet so many great people here that are willing to be my friend and encourage me the best they know how. I have been blessed with that. Hopefully soon I will know where I should work or where I should be. Until then I am glad I have the opportunity to be with great people! Best of luck finding the right place. Amor

Thank you needy. How is it going? Wishing you the best of luck and find a place you love and are loved back!

Thanks for the hugs. I am wishing with all of my heart for my Love to come back! Knowing now that is not possible crumbles the heart. I hope all of us get the peace we need and the comfort at the right time.

I am so sorry you have to find new work. It is hard but this will give you an opportunity to find a better job and maybe know where you will fit in best. I am on that journey now. Many interviews so far no hire as of yet. 1,000's of miles from home and trying to figure out a new life. Maybe this is the best place for me at the moment. I have a few great people helping me. 8-9 months is very hard. This brake has done some good. Wishing you the best!

I am at 261 days without my Love. I was just starting to get better and able to focus again when yesterday I went full force back to grieving. All out not able to hold back. This wave was the first of the storm. Cried until I slept then woke up crying again. I need my Love here with me. The hurt is consuming me.

Missing my Love so much! It hurts to wake up knowing again that my love is not here. But for those few seconds of having peace think he is there is worth the pain later. I hope you can have comfort with the small moments of being with him again. I became a widow a 32. All I need is him back in my arms.

I had many little times where it reminded me I was now alone. But I still struggle with saying it. The first moment was last call when dispatched announced this as the last call and retired my loves number. I knew I was truly alone as a partner and wife.

The pain of not having my Amor here is worse than any other thing that could go wrong. It is like nothing else matters at times. Things I used to stress about are not much more than a thought. Enjoy the tears from your heart, for you know your heart is still working even though it feels shattered.