Jess

1000% agree. I know that is how I have a relationship.

This made me literally LOL. Thank you for sharing and you go!

The day before my husband died suddenly, we got a new puppy. I put pants on so seldom, pretty much only when I left the house. To my horror, I realized my puppy had been conditioned to know that pants meant I was leaving the house and she was getting a treat. So yes, it IS hard. I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you find solidarity in this community. You can do this.

I had myself listed as widowed for a while. Sugarbell is right, it brings a lot of creepers and scammers, which is disgusting. I am listed as in a relationship right now. A big reason why was due to it being a long distance relationship. People in his life could easily see me and learn a little about me, which is important to me with his upcoming cross country move. Echoing Sugarbell again, do whatever feels right to you.

Hi all, Since the OP has elected to delete her account, I am closing this one from further comment. Thank you for your understanding and feel free to message me if you have any concerns.

He is typically called my "man-type friend". Also he and his DD are referred to by friends as "Beardy and the Kid". They need their own sitcom.

That should work for Justin, his DD, and me. With that date we would likely arrive on the 20th and leave the 24th. Exciting! I hope you all are ready to keep up with me, I don't mess around when it comes to Disneyland!

Hi Torn, Wifeless is correct. Members are allowed to delete their own accounts. When this happens, their posts remain but it shows them as a guest. General Discussion is a fine place to post these kinds of questions, but also don't be shy about PMing any of the moderators or admins. We're here to help.

Jazzy, I'm now at about a year and half out and still get sad at the damn grocery store! I hate that place. I don't know what it is. I am so very worry for your loss. I lost my husband to a sudden seizure. It was the first he ever had and he didn't survive it. I had no idea it was coming. My dad moved in with me for a few weeks and I had a similar sleeping pattern as you have. Any time I would wake up he'd be sitting there and would say "You did good." After that, I started congratulating myself like a toddler for any mall thing I did. "Way to go, Jess, you ate a granola bar." "Awesome job drinking that water." "Oh my, did you just actually take a shower? Good!" As stupid as it sounds, it did help. It may not feel like it, but you are doing a good job. Much peace and comfort to you. You've got this.

I lost my husband suddenly as well. I never used to give much thought to death. I had the assumption that Joe and I would grow old and gray together and that when we had to say goodbye, it would be after decades well spent. We were together 10 years, married just shy of 8 years. And now he is gone. In the early days it is impossible to wrap your head around. Hell, some days it still is just so unbelievable. Your job right now is not to wrap your head around it. Your job is to keep taking care of your basic needs and accepting any help offered to you. You have gotten great advice in this thread so I won't rehash. You are right- you are strong enough to do this. You can and will do this. We will be right here the whole way and are rooting for you. I am so terribly sorry for your loss.

Today was our visit to NCMEC. It went really well. I had some tears upon seeing the plaque, but pulled it together for the tour. What an amazing tour it was! Our guides knew Joe and could speak about his specific work, which were the parts of the tour that meant the most to my heart. My SIL and I had many questions about emotional wellness of investigators since we saw firsthand how Joe was affected, so it was fortunate to have one of our guides be part of that initiative. We also got a tour of other areas, including the forensics lab where we met that very small team of people that do the age progressions for missing children as well as building probable faces and features of skeletal remains. The former was fascinating. The latter was very heady stuff, but hearing the passion in which they spoke about their work so that children are given back their names after death was incredibly inspiring. After our tour and visit was over, pretty much as soon as we stepped onto the sidewalk I lost it and had a good, old-fashioned public widda cry. It was cleansing. Over lunch, my SIL and I talked about how right it was that he had his spot on that wall. I talked about how it felt like he was now everywhere he should be. Part of his ashes are with my SIL, part are with me, and his name is on that wall. Those were the three things he loved the best- his wife, his sister, and his work. I have no grave marker for Joe, but now in a way I feel like I do- something that will tell anyone that passes through those doors that once upon a time Joe was alive and when he was, he was an advocate for children. Other than having him with me, I couldn't ask for anything more.

Woo hoo! Congrats!

The trip to DC is here. 8:30am flight tomorrow I am not packed for yet. I have a lot of nervousness to see my SIL again and to see how I handle the emotions of his honor. I feel it will be good, but still... butterflies.

This topic has been moved to Relationships/Remarriage. [iurl]http://widda.org/index.php?topic=1828.0[/iurl]

Hi everyone. I am locking this thread from further comment. We try to avoid this action as much as possible, but in this case our team agrees it is the right thing to do because of the direction the thread has taken. Thank you all for your understanding and as a reminder, you may PM any of us if you have any concerns.

Let's please take a step back. All viewpoints and experiences are welcome. Disagreements are a part of open dialogue. However, I have concern over the direction this thread may be heading and would like to see cool heads prevail so we do not go down that road. This board is not YWBB therefore hashing up issues with that board is not productive here. There is no pitting one group against another here. In fact, for me, the spirit of this board is that there is just one group- those who lost the most important person in their life and are searching for a way to live with that. I think we all have enough we are dealing with without looking for additional drama. If you are looking for drama, I suggest you look elsewhere. If you feel like something is lacking from this board that would benefit the members here, please PM a moderator or administrator for consideration.

Stephaniem86, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Not being able to eat, sleep, clean, shower, etc. doesn't sound gross to those of us who have lived this hell. For me, I didn't shower until the day of the funeral. I could hardly get off the couch. It took me about 3 weeks to eat solid food again. In the meantime, those around me kept having me drink pre-made protein shakes. It is hard to remember the emotional blur of those early days, and for that I am thankful. The people in this community get it. We know how this kind of soul ripping loss feels so it is a safe place to say anything you need to say. For now your job is to try to do the basic things to survive- drink lots of water, try to eat, sleep whenever you can. These things become so hard when your heart can't muster the strength to be motivated to do them, but try anyways. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you can absolutely do this. We are all here with you.

1. I only have to work a half day at work today and it is sloooooooooow. 2. It is looking probable that some time after the new year I will move into a new position within my department that takes me out of the daily grind and allows me to focus more on big picture development for the team, which I am more passionate about. 3. I went to the zoo yesterday with Justin and his DD. We had a great time.

Hi skidp and Helena, I am sorry you had to look, but so happy you found us. This group of people has done amazing things in helping me through my process of healing and living with this loss. I hope you find this community to be as big of a help as I have.

Hi sakeraki, I think the number one rule of widowhood for me is there are no "shoulds". None. There is no "I should be doing better", "I should be grieving less/more", "I should have my life on track". Our relationship to our partners was unique and we ourselves are unique, so our grieving and how we process this unthinkable loss is also going to be unique. The idea of no rules or "shoulds" used to really scare the crap out of me because I am totally a rules girl, but for me the more I focused on this being my loss to learn to live with, the more empowered I felt to make bold choices to help my healing. If right now your personal goal is to just get each day over with that is okay. Just keep in mind that is how you feel right now, it can change with time. I wish I could say how much time, but again, it is unique. I can say that I am living more than I am surviving these days, but it is still a work in progress. Maybe it always will be. I don't know.

I love this and am so happy for you. Thank you for sharing!

I pretty much spent Christmas eve on the couch in the fetal position just crippled from missing him and remembering how that was "our time", so I can relate a little to you missing your time with DH. I hope this wave crashes and dissolves soon for you, BH2.

I am so sorry things are so rough right now. So many times i wish I had a magic wand to make everyone's pain go away, but I can just offer that we're all here and listening. I don't think there is moving on from this loss. It's too great of a loss. I do think there is moving forward from it and taking the love with you to find strength. Easier said than than done, right? For some practical advice, if you are not eating try getting some pre-made protein shakes so you are getting some calories. Those helped me a lot when food was just too tough to manage or I just didn't care about staying alive. I am not sure if you have checked with your doctor recently, but if not it may be a good thing to make an appointment to talk about options for helping the increased anxiety. Grief is a strange beast. At times I feel like I have learned to live with it, but then it still brings me to my knees, typically with no warning. Sometimes it still feels so impossible this all is happening, like I am living someone else's life. We are always here to be an outlet so keep on posting. We hear you.

My brother and his wife came over for dinner. It was the first holiday meal I have cooked since DH passed. I did pretty good. Tomorrow is going to be more of a Christmas for me than today was as my guests arrive for the week and through New Years Eve. PS: The current attire is cookie monster pants and a shirt that says 'Merica.

Hi everyone. I am wishing you all are able to find peace, comfort, and joy today and all days to come. I am grateful for you all. Today is a tough day for me and I know it is for a vast majority of us here, but we are all in this together and no member of this widda family is really, truly alone because of that. Thinking of you all.