mmg19

I like your plan with low interest payback. Only a parent is privy to to all the circumstances and their own financial ability to help. My parents paid for my undergrad degree and it was a sacrifice for them and greatly appreciated by me. So many young adults today expect to have the house,car, and material things their parents worked 30 years to obtain. Needs and circumstances are not the same for all siblings. Being accountable for reaching financial security is the one constant in our children's lives.

I'm so sorry. Regardless of age, cancer is a beast and reminds us of our own mortality. You are a good person and your DD is placing your compassion in her memory bank. ((Hugs))

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Four years ago I felt I would have a difficult time being grateful and thankful for this holiday. Today I'm so grateful to be healthy, happy, and to have family and loved ones to share it. Being grateful is not words, it is a lifestyle. It is a daily walk with a purpose to be thankful for the people, family, co-workers, and friends that I see face to face on a regular basis. I'm grateful for the joy that has resumed in my life. I'm grateful for the family and friends that did not mark me off as beyond help. Beyond Active Grieving is a new normal for me. Memories are cherished and the process of healing and moving forward are part of my daily life. Happy Thanksgiving Blessings to all.

Love this Too Soon. How ironic that I just saw your post and my sexy widower and I are doing the same thing. It is doubtful that we make it to 9:30 before falling asleep. Life is good.

Congrats and Best Wishes. Think about all the vows that bring you joy, contentment, and happiness. No wrong or right. For me, I want "Till death do us part". We have both lost spouses and are Christians. Maybe I'm being naive but for me only death will part us and we both know that can happen but see it as 40 or more years. Middle age plus and excited we will be here for a long time and even watch the future grandchildren together.

SB Looks like you figured it out all by yourself. Best kind of learning. Time to move forward on your goals and let sleeping dogs lie. Best Wishes

SB Each situation is different depending on family maximum contributions. Do not take my observation as what is your case. But here is my take. 1. Each child will get benefit until 18 or HS graduation. 2. When first child graduates and benefits stop, younger 2 will receive the same amount as each previously received. 3. You will not get the amount received for 3 children after older 2 have reached 18. This was how I interpreted your question. I would talk in person with SS since that would give you the answer to your individual situation. The factoring and variables are quite complex if you go to their web site and it is confusing. If you are preparing budget, I would go on the low side. Better prepared than to have a drastic loss of income and be in a situation unprepared. Even if there is a distribution of benefits it does not necessarily mean you will get the amount than you had when there were 3 receiving. Make a list of all your questions and get answers from someone at SS in person. Good Luck.

Nothing changes at 16 for the kids. When oldest is 18, his is discontinued. Younger kids continue receiving the amount they were receiving. Do not count on the younger ones getting an increase. MAYBE depending on several factors which is per case. When I checked I was told no increase but that was 4 years ago. Seems to be discrepancies in the information given. Don't count on it. Two younger ones will still receive same amount they were getting until 18.

Sorry you are dealing with this but just like a fire if it gets no fuel it will die out. Less said the better. If you have had no contact with ex. in 5 years, your friends and community are not interested in the bad choice you made 5 yrs. ago. Truth always surfaces. I'm just sorry someone passed along information that may or may not be true to you. I find it hurtful that a friend would pass along FB gossip to get in your head. No comment would be my response to any future person who chooses to divulge information that involves ex. and/or new girlfriend. The only discussion you need to have is if this affects your children. They probably remember ex. slightly but what they do feel and remember is the great Mom you are and the security of your choices and love you give them. Hometown people that know you understand the grief and trauma that you have been through. This is all about who you are today and your accomplishments. Blessings

tybec, Thank you for response. I wasn't sure that my story was appropriate on your thread. Your sincerity and honesty in knowing yourself touched my feelings. Once I knew I could survive and even flourish on my own raising two boys, nothing less than "wanting it all" would work for me. Best Wishes.

I've read and re-read this thread and wanted to post but didn't know what to say or how to say it. Four years ago my soon to be spouse and I lost our mates. We met in pastoral grief counseling and for 6 months along with 4 other widow/widowers met once and week and shared the grief, anger, hardships of healing. For the next 6 months the group met for coffee or had brief phone chats since we felt such a bonding within our group. Neither of us had any desire or felt any need for more than this connection. As a result we shared family problems, children issues, and the trust issues of vulnerability in relationships. NG and I became friends, close friends, but never looked at the friendship as a couple. Fast forward to the end of year 2. We had survived the good, the bad, and the ugly of grief as well as moving on as a single parent with adult children and me with 2 boys who were 8 and 10 at the time of their Dad's passing. At 2+ years something sparked, we were hesitant but the courtship began. Slow, dinner dates, and other events which one would take a date. To make a long story short by 3.5 years we had begun to talk of marriage, a future, and dreams neither of us had thought possible in the beginning. Before the end of the year we will marry and to say I want it all is an understatement. My boys love and respect him as the Dad in their life. My parents and DH's parents as well as his adult children's families love the new extended family relationship. My boys still have the closeness of two sets of grandparents but have added an extended family as a bonus. We both agreed on setting up trusts for all the children and both sets of grandparents are in agreement he should be the guardian of my boys if I should die while they are minors. Yes, I want it all. Someone to lean on and someone to lean on me. We have each other's back. Adjustment to living together is expected but not feared. We both loved our spouses and we expect to grow old together. He is 55 and I am 47. The hours of disclosure with pastors, medical and legal representatives, and the selling of his home and the purchase of our home has been time consuming. I am grateful for all the time getting to know this man and the happiness I feel. I have learned so much from the diversity of people on this forum. Thank you for allowing me to be more of a lurker than and active poster. Blessings

I like Portsides assessment. Honesty is the best policy but I would say I don't know what the odor in garage was and use this as a teachable moment on the decisions he will confront as a teenager. If he were older and had more specific memories perhaps not being clueless would work. This situation reinforces my stance on not being naive and leaving teenagers alone at night with friends when I am not there.

I'm so sorry blue for your loss of DH and the lack of support. Use this forum to vent, share, and know you are not alone. I'm glad you have a therapist and you will turn the corner and it will be a process in healing. Families come in all shapes and sizes and although I can't relate to the in-sensitives of what you have gone through, I can feel the pain and recognize the strength you possess. Blessings

A lovely poignant remembrance of Michelle. Thank you for sharing today. Thank you for the words of wisdom you have shared with us on raising children. The Love and Logic suggestions, the way you have guarded your girls from the dangers of "tech devices", and the financial teachings that you use with your teens. You are a good man Charlie Brown. Good things are in store for your future. Blessings to your family.

Hugs to you. We never know when an innocent or funny remark may find us so vulnerable. Since becoming a widow, I have become more cognizant of what I say and know that I've probably said things pre -widowhood which were thoughtless. Blessings.

Just taking time to read posts today. Sorry so late in extending my condolences. You expressed so well what we all want time to take care of if we do our best and have wonderful Moms that lived my example . What a gift to receive at a time of loss. Blessings.

Sending ((hugs)) and understand the nervousness you are feeling. A beautiful legacy.

((HUGS))

Please read Mrs. Dan's post many times. Totally agree and she knows what she is talking about. Sending support your way.

Wow!! Hoping for lots of laughter, smiles, and happy memories. Oh Yes, and a coffee pot that keeps going to keep you awake. Thanking my good fortune for 2 sets of grandparents who have us all to a sit down restaurant each year of the birthday child's choice with two of their friends. Birthday boy chooses venue. Good Luck!

Every parent's dream is to hear words like this from a counselor about their child. Your efforts are being validated. I am feeling joy in reading your post. Good job Momma!!! I was told that parenting teen-agers would be more time consuming and would require more time than when they were younger. This is true for me. As much as I appreciate their growing independence, there are days when I wish they took naps, went to bed at 7:30, and loved mac n' cheese 3 times a week.

Sounds like opportunities are happening. Hope this works out. It is so difficult when we see what could be and hurt because a child does not see it, but love and patience will help. Good Luck and glad you have family support.

This is worth sharing. Thank you. I could not stop smiling as I read your post. This should be an inspiration and motivator for any and all who are considering meet-ups. So glad you are making both guy and gal friends. You have my vote for "SuperHero of Labor Day Week-end".

I'm so sorry and sadly this happens too often. You are a compassionate woman and a true friend. You are showing your children and others the right thing to do when loss of a loved one occurs. Our past, present, and future is so connected. We are not living on an island. Lest we forget our lives will be better because we walked this road and did the right thing with discernment. * Not better than what we once had but better than not meeting and serving where we can. Love and hugs to you and the grieving family.

((Hugs)) As a Mom I feel and emphasize with your worry, anger, and love. From everything you have ever posted you represent the best of parenting. Our kids are going to hurt and go through the pangs of dealing with life and I truly feel love and yes tough love always wins. For many it is more difficult to figure out what is going on in their head. One thing I have learned being a single parent is that change is inevitable and it is up to me to keep myself on firm ground and deal with issues one day at a time. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this hurt right now but you are handling it so well. Sending prayers and hugs to you and your son.