Mrskro

Jennica; I'm more than happy to brag about my kids My DD was 14 and my son was 12 when my DH suddenly passed. My husband was the fun one too, I'm an introvert so not big on lots of people. We are 2 years out now and my kids are thriving. My DD made the honour roll last years, all 90's She's an introvert too, but has put herself out there, runs an anime club at her high school, organized the teachers to run a hockey team (they hadn't had one before), and had a party for her friends here over Christmas. She's in grade 11 now and is planning where to go for University. She works part-time, coaches a hockey team of 6 year olds with her brother and is a happy normal teen. My DS is the outgoing jock of the family, he's made an elite rugby team (heading to Vegas for an international tournament in a couple weeks), plays hockey, and football. The sports are a kind of therapy for him, he broke his wrist in November and it's was tough on him not to be able to participate 100%. He has a learning disability, in the same family as dyslexia, he's worked hard to overcome that and came home with all 90's his first semester in high school He's/we've been really lucky to have a lot of fantastic men step up for him, coaches, father's of friends, other dad's of his teammates.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your boyfriend and that you had to find us. No that doesn't sound dumb. Right now you can't imagine living without him. And there is nothing wrong with that. Your loss is so new, and there is nothing wrong with not being able to look to the future. Hugs

So I'm sitting here having a beer at 1:48 (no judgement) because I just can't anymore. I've had three I'm sure well meaning phone calls this week from two of my aunts and a friend. And they all went the same way ... so what's new? I'm beginning to hate this question as much as I hate when people tell me that I'm strong. I think "what's new" has replaced the early "how are you doing?" with the head tilt, at 2 years out. I hear it in their tones, that they want some magic answer, that something, and I hear it to be someone is new. That life is great again, I don't know. Well no there is absolutely nothing new! I'm a single mother, with no family (my parents and in-laws have all passed away) and my only BIL lives in England; working full time, raising two busy teens, and I work from home (which 99% of the time is great, meeting new people is the downside). Both kids play hockey, the boy plays rugby, they both need 40 hours of volunteer time to graduate; so they run a tyke hockey team (6 year old kids), the girl works part-time. I have no time for anything new! You know what's new, DD got her beginners driver license and I'm trying to teach her how to drive a manual jeep! Which is resulting in tears, usually mine! I was going to start a thread on that too, but might as well put it all in one. I drive my DH's jeep, it was brand new when he died. 158 km. I like his jeep, I don't want to get rid of it. But it's manual and if one more DGI tells me to trade it for a standard so it's easier for DD I might just lose my shit. And even if I trade it, how does that help? We are still a 1 car household with 2 drivers. I'm just going to turn my phone off and drink my beer.

Needytoo Hugs to you as you wait for your result. You aren't alone, we are here for you. Praying for good results! The anger gets to me too, I find I have less patience for the BS little things in life anymore.

Yeah the "I didn't feel like it" thing would have drove me insane. And BF finds that acceptable? Yes kids need to understand no, reasonable no's. That was not one of them. I'm frankly a little shocked that he didn't see that his kid was just being a jerk. It would be one thing if he was babysitting your son and told him No to something and your son turned around and called you to ask you. Now my 14 year old son is a jerk at times to his sister. For example, he'll be in the kitchen getting a glass of water. DD "can you get me one too?" DS "NO" Me " BOY!" brings her the water. We hosted a superbowl party Sunday 3 other families, kids ranging from 6 - 17. DS was amazing with the little kids. He's their go to guy when they are here. "B can you..." almost non stop. He fulfilled every request without a complaint. He explained to them about a 1/2 hour before kickoff that he would get them anything they need and during the game he was out. But then there's his sister, during halftime we brought out sweet treats which the darling boy appeared to be guarding with his life. Sister asks can you pass me one? and the standard NO. Someone else asks him, sure. I'm pretty sure I could see the steam rising from her head. He did give her the treat, but he knows I'd kill him. I'm sorry this is so tough on you. But my honest reaction would be to get out now. I'm sorry.

you have to use the Reply button instead of quick reply and use the attachment button

I love that! We need pictures. My daughter designed the one I want based on one of my DH tattoos. I just need to set aside the time to get it.

I don't think you need to be head over heels. You've been honest and I see it as he's ok with that too. Enjoy the ride ! My best relationships came out of going with the flow. I didn't ever know it at the time but that's what they were.

Fuck being alone and having to prioritize my kids. How the hell do you decide which one comes first when you are alone ? Fuck the jackass that said I have to go on the once in a lifetime, first international tournament with the boy and leave the girl alone on her birthday and then tell me two weeks later she shouldn't be alone on her birthday. Well no shit Sherlock. Fuck this. All of it. Where it seems like someone is always being short changed.

It's funny, I didn't really think about it much until this topic came up. I definitely became more introverted after his passing. Rob was a huge extrovert and made sure I got out there. Now, because I've had to go to all the kids things alone now, I find it taxes my emotional batteries and I don't have a lot left for other socializing. Spending 2 hours making small talk with other parents on the team just about kills me. I do have to admit this forum has been a huge help for me to work through the emotional side of things. xo

Thanks for the replies... I doubt he knows, I'm not in a small town and this coach isn't from here anyway. It's an invitational regional thing, all Ontario. I think I'm gonna have to put on my big girl panties and talk to him.

Widowat33 I'm sorry things didn't work out. Its sounds to me like he needs to get his shit together. Hugs

So my DS was invited to join a competitive rugby club last fall. He started playing rugby after DH died so it's been a weird world to navigate for him, not having his Dad there. We knew people at our home club so word spread among coaches etc about his Dad. Now we've got a second club where it really hasn't come up as it's just been training and parents aren't around much anyway. Anyway, he came home yesterday from training and was off. Turns out the coach had been asking the kids about whether their parents were going/thinking of going to Vegas (we are competing in an international tournament in a month or so). When he asked DS, he just asked if "is your Mom coming". So darling son tells me that he's kinda of upset... does the coach know about Dad? Does he think Dad just isn't around? Why does he keep just saying Mom? Well now I'm stressing about it...I don't want the coaches thinking his Dad is a deadbeat and just gone; but I really don't know how to ask? I'm thinking its because I would have filled out parent information as just me, but there isn't exactly a box for hey his Dad died. UGH, this just never gets easier.

I'm pretty sure I can be classified as a virgin again I need sex, hot sweaty sex!

imissdow; I'm not dating so I don't have any advice per se, but I am definitely your cheerleader. I think you handled it very well! No we don't need our kids permission for anything, but realistically our decisions affect their lives too and it would be nice to have everyone on the same page. As for introducing a guy to your kids, there is no rules. I'm of the opinion there is nothing wrong with it. We can't actually date in a vacuum, the kids and NG;s will eventually have to meet and I agree if it's going to be an oil and water situation, sooner is better.

Hi Merle; I had the same issues. I tried ambien, melatonin etc. Most over the counter drugs gave me multi coloured dreams. I hated them all. I ended up having to get a prescription from my doctor. He took a day or so researching which one he liked for me. I didn't end up finishing the prescription as my sleep pattern returned to somewhat normal before it was over.

INTJ here

I've read her book, It's ok to laugh, crying is ok too. I loved it. I used to be a huge reader but since DH died I haven't been able to, I hadn't put much thought into it, but I think you hit the nail on the head, the silence in my house, reading seems to amplify it. Thanks for the link, I'm going to go listen now

Hi Tina; I'm afraid I can't tell you what to do. But I will tell you that you aren't alone. We have a thread for it http://widda.org/index.php/topic,39.msg104.html#msg104. I think it's normal to crave that human connection, to miss that intimacy. I disagree with Mike, I don't necessarily think its a recipe for disaster to act on those feelings. But one night stands and flings can lead to adding to your loss. Not everyone is cut out for it. And I don't think its demeaning if everyone is on the same page. I'm two years out, I've done the one night stand, I've done the FWB thing, and right now I'm doing the single and celibate thing and I'll admit it, I want sex badly!

I'm so sorry you've had to join us. For me and my kids, I found if I asked them to talk about their dad they shut down, but they love hearing our stories, so I did the talking for the longest time making sure they remember him and remember our lives together. It's been a couple of years and now they seem more at ease just talking about him.

THANKS!!!! :)

Hey Klim; First off congrats on the meet and greats. I'm not sure I could muster up the energy to go on three in one week. Good for you! I'm struggling with this too, I've taken down my profiles because frankly I just don't know what I want. I'm not sure how to re-invent myself in my 40's or if I even want to. It seemed so much easier in my 20's to look toward the future and make those 5 year, 10 year plans. Now it's my least favorite question. Where will you be in 5 years? Part of my problem, I think, is if (and it's a big if) I meet someone new now, won't any of my plans change anyway, in order to adapt to what they want and need.

Oh Blue Green; Isn't that the question? Unfortunately there is no acceptable, the one thing I've really learned along this journey is there is no right and wrong except for what we determine is right for ourselves! For me it was around 5 or 6 months, an ex contacted me out of the blue and invited me to a concert, a band we saw together a lot of years ago was touring. It was then that I realized, while I wasn't ready for a full on relationship I didn't want to be alone and sad and could see myself opening up to the idea. The light eventually cracks through the darkness, the smiles come more easily and laughing becomes second nature again.

Rayspumpkin; Been there done that, my husband chewed tobacco. I kept a tin and every now and then still open it just for the smell. There is something about the senses that brings memories flooding back.

I feel like it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of thing. You don't hide it and someone can think you aren't interested in them "enough", are just playing the field etc etc You hide it and you're moving too fast, putting everything into one date. I wouldn't read to much into it and see how things progress. I think you'll know if he's going to move too fast in person. Good luck!