Mrskro

Exactly!

I didn't see the orginal post. But honestly I'm appalled at Portside's response. There was absolutely nothing helpful in it. Not one shred of actual advice anyone could use. I'm not sure if you've heard the phrase "if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all!" "good for you" "tough Nuggies" "you will destroy him emotionally" "force yourself to feel differently" Absolutely none of these comments were necessary or helpful. They were mean and spiteful. I'm not sure who pissed in your cheerios but IN MY OPINION keep that shit to yourself! This wasn't even tough love. This was a complete slap in the face, rude, ignorant and uncalled for. No one, and I mean no one can tell another person how to feel.

My teens and I saw this at the drive in this weekend too. Everyone enjoyed it.

Trying, That's wonderful! What a great post thank you for sharing. So happy for you!

Oh Jen; I'm so sorry. I have no advice, I just wanted to let you know I understand. I feel like I'm stuck, time is marching on and I'm stuck, I have no idea how to move forward or even what that means. I'm living a life I didn't want, don't want. Hugs to you!

Laura; I am so sorry that you had to find us and for your loss. I can completely understand, I could have written your post. My DH also died suddenly, sudden cardiac arrest, it was eventually determined he had myocarditis, at home, while showering getting ready for work. His heart just stopped. I did perform CPR and watched him take his last breath. I complete understand wanting to blame yourself, feeling guilty. But I was trained in CPR and emergency situations, that training just kicked in. And a wonderfully calm, and direct 911 operator, who told me what I had to do, when I told her I couldn't. To this day I still hate hearing that it was his time, he's in a better place etc etc. His place is here with me. I think Maureen has said everything else, be kind to yourself right now. Drink lots of water, crying is dehydrating. Try and eat, that was so hard for me. Take your time, do what you need to do. Unfortunately, people won't know what to do for you. Ask for what you need. Meals brought in, groceries etc. We are here for you. Hugs Nicole

I have tears in my eyes. So beautiful. Wishing you all the best!

Congratulations and best wishes!

Bumbleb; The garage or any space being cleaned out is a huge accomplishment, I've have the junk guys in twice now to haul away the useless junk. Good for you for taking the time off and working on you. I've found myself going around and around, work, kids, house, doing 2 people's job raising the kids. Keeping busy that now I'm not sure I can't NOT be busy. enjoy your time.

This resonated with me, so much. I feel like I'm missing half of me, and haven't figured out how to make myself whole again. Thank you for sharing your story. Hugs

imissdow; Anxiety is so difficult to deal with, by the people that have it and the people around them. He could be lying but I doubt it, anxiety isn't exactly a go to excuse people use. Yes, he could have told you sooner but speaking as someone that has anxiety and is an interovert, it's not an easy thing to talk about. Unfortunately, from your side IMO, there is only so much you can do. You're initial converstation was a great start. It sounds like he wants to try but hasn't been able to actually follow through. Maybe another converstation about what he thinks he can deal with. For me, an entire day with your sister and girls would be too hard, my mind would go to all the akward things that could happen, horrible silences all day, etc etc and I would panic and bail too. And if I did go, then the next day my mind would go into overdrive, what if they didn't like me, what if I made an ass of myself. Some outtings take me days to recover from. If he's willing, a shorter smaller first meeting might be better, ice cream with the girls. Maybe coffee with your sister. See if that would help? Everyone is different. My could be NG has anxiety as well, he actually went to college with my best friends husband and knows most of my friends. He still can't come to large parties with too many of us, but we are up to gatherings of up to 3 other couples now. And he knows these people. I wish you luck, I know its a difficult thing.

First off, IMO don't feel selfish or bad for getting what you need out of this forum. I was a "lurker" for a long time. I took solace in reading others stories and experiences. I completely understand not being ready for a relationship. I've got a 16 and 13 year old and they are very very far from being ready for me to have one and I've got a ton of issues between my step family and my brother and sister. I'm not in a place to want to subject my kids to a step situation. I did start of dating sites. Looking for someone to spend time with, not necessarily a friends with benefits, but dating. I miss the world of dating. I have an ex that came back into my life awhile ago, we have the added difficulty of distance. But we are in the same position you are. We are friends, casual, not exclusive but in so many ways more than friends with benefits. I understand how easy it is to fall into something you didn't expect or necessarily want. I can only imagine how difficult it is for you to hear that she has been with someone else. I don't have any solid advice. I don't know how I'd react. I'm sorry, only you can decide what you are capable of dealing with. I think you are going to have to do some soul searching to figure out where you are at now and have a conversation with her. Maybe just start with letting her know, you didn't plan it, but it hurt when she told you that. I wish you the best.

à tout jamais that poem is beautiful Hugs

I'm almost 2 years out and haven't disconnect his cell phone yet. I still text him. I miss not being able to talk to him.

Blue; So glad to hear you got tickets; I couldn't get any 1 min into it

OH I definitley think my parenting is different. For me, I feel like I only have so many battles in me. My DH and I were fairly strict parents, and for the most part that hasn't changed. But if my darling 13 year old son wants to wear the same shorts and sweatshirt every damn day, while it drives me crazy, I'd rather battle about school work and other responsibilities. Both my kids "get away" with more now then they used to, but they are great, respectful, responsible children. So I pick my battles. The house is a little (some days alot) messier but the three of us have more important things to deal with than who's turn it is to sweep. My daughter (16) complains that the 13 year old has way more freedom then she would have had back then. But there's only one of me and I can only do so much.

Sandrine; We are always here to listen. And at least for me I don't see it as complaining. I think talking or rather writing about it is a good thing. Feel free to express yourself here. I completely understand how difficult it can be some days to get out of bed. Take things slowly, one moment at a time. I found making a list of what needed to be done was helpful. It gave me a reason to get dressed. As for eating. I was definitely there, my poor children practically begged me to eat. That does get better too. (unfortunately I've now re-gained the weight I lost lol). Hugs

This really struck me. I could stand to do a little more of this as well. Good luck!

I have come to believe there is no "Normal". People like what they like. Some people believe age is just a number. But I'm with you .... I'm not a huge fan of big age gaps.

Congrats Jess; That is awesome! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

Virgo; Nothing wrong with that. Good for you for knowing you want more!

Sandrine; Welcome and I am so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you've found us and are finding some measure of comfort with us. I will say I'm shocked and sad your therapist says you should not feel a particular way. I would dare say most of us have felt that guilt of surviving; of wishing it was us instead of them. I would almost be tempted to find someone else. A therapists job, to me, is help work through feelings, not tell me I'm wrong to have the ones I've got. Right now, I would recommend taking things one day at a time, momemt by moment, the pain is still so fresh for you and raw. Drink lots of water, crying is dehydrating. Eating is a whole different animal, I know I couldn't eat much. Many of us have experienced the widow diet. Please reach out to us, read our stories. We are here for you. hugs

Mike; That is great news, congrats to your son! And thanks for ruining my thoughts that letting them drive gets easier

I agree with MissingSquish. Nothing you say to someone who is already being so negative and toxic toward you will make any difference to her. I'm sorry you are going through this.

I think it's because its a forum not classified as a support group. If you search young widow forum its the first one.