Mrskro

I'm not sure I think it's "likely" the guidance counselor talked to the family. The ones at my daughter's school refused to return my calls and were generally more disruptive to my daughter than helpful.

My son has a form of dyslexia, he can actually "see" the letters, but his right brain and left brain can't put the letters together to understand a word he doesn't already "know". If he reads locksmith he can't tell you what it means but if he hears it he can. I'm in Ontario and it took from grade 1 when he had an amazing teacher identify there was a problem as he could write but couldn't read until grade 3 to get formal testing and an IEP. They don't fail kids in Ontario but a parent can hold them back which I was lucky enough to have someone from the school board tell me to threaten the school with doing that; as it would bring the entire school board into the school to figure out what was wrong. He was tested almost immediately, the technology he's been given to assist him is incredible. He was given a speak to text program where he had to train his "dragon" to type for him, even though spelling wasn't an issue, making spelling tests obsolete. He receives all his books on the computer with a program to read to him. He has a program that will read PDF files to him, so he can scan handouts and put them into the program. For tests, he can request a moderator to take him to another room and read the test to him if needed. Sorry for the long post, but he's now in grade 9 and with a ton of great educators helping me once I got over the first hurdles he's now reading at about grade level and very rarely uses his dragon, the moderator or scanning documents. And his midterm report card was an 80% average yeah boy! I'm leary of the ADD label as well because here it almost leads to the education system writing the kids off, and as my son's teacher's noticed, once he could do the work with the technology the ADD like signs disappeared. He wasn't attentive because it frustrated and embarrassed him to not be able to do the work. I'll second the fact to no third grader should be doing that much homework! I'm more than happy to chat if you'd like. Nicole

OH Beth; I'm so sorry for your loss and that you had to find us. No matter how many times I hear it, I still find it so ridiculous that people feel there is a time line on grief. But speaking from experience (I just hit the 2 year mark) it does get easier. I do have kids, but I felt exactly like you did. My advice, take it one day at a time, moments if you have to. Be easy on yourself. Hugs

Mcdc10; I am so sorry for your loss. The what if's are tough, I'm sorry you have to deal with that too. Guilt is a unfortunately fairly common and terrible to deal with. This is definitely a place to express your feelings. We get it. Hugs

Pensions are different for different companies. My LH and I worked for the same company (I'm laidoff). His pension was "safe" no matter what I do. I could access his portion in 3 options, transfer to my RRSP, cash payout and pay taxes, or keep it as a pension when I retire. My pension from the same company, I did transfer out as I was unable to put other beneficiaries on it other than a spouse. So if I died it goes back to the company. I'm also not a fan of living together. The other financial things would worry me too. I'm in a good spot, my house and car are paid for. I've got a nest egg besides what I've set aside from LH's insurance for the kids. I know I wouldn't want to take on someone else's financial mess. Protecting myself and my kids inheritance is huge for me. I'm fairly cynical about marriage, the number of people I know that just divorce, walk away astounds me. I think marriage should be more about the commitment than piece of paper anyway.

I am so sorry for your loss. I think you will find you will be understood here. Hugs

I have found people define words completely differently, and I too don't understand why people are content to live in perpetual separation. A friend of mine is separated from her husband, its been 5 years. They are both in committed other relationships but neither has taken any steps to divorce. He has now posted on facebook that he is engaged. UH what? How does that work? I'm not sure it would be a position I'd want to be in. The term single parent gets to me too. I had one guy tell me we were in the same position being single parents. I replied with 'a tough spot to be in free time isn't a huge luxury anymore.' His response was it's not that bad I have my kids twice a week and every third weekend. OH yeah that's the same thing.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I agree renting it out may be a good idea. As for the amount owing. Most companies don't want to foreclose on property, in my experience they just want cash. I would suggest calling and keep asking for someone that can help (I wouldn't accept the first person that says no) and seeing if you can come up with a reasonable payment plan vs paying a lump sum. Good luck.

I'm also in the minority here. I'm with Klim and would be asking "what's the deal?" My son plays hockey, rubgy and football. I'm one of only a couple moms that go to the games and tournaments. If I didn't hang out with the dad's I'd be alone. One of the dad's from last years team and I had a pint while waiting between games last week. When I saw his wife this week, all she said was G said he saw you last week! He was glad to catch up since the boys are on different teams this year. I also inherited my DH's best friend when he died. He stops by here at least once a week to watch whatever game is on. We have a night out about once a month. I'm 99% sure his wife sends him over here so she doesn't have to watch hockey or football or baseball! I'm sorry you encountered a jealous wife, but IMO that's on her, not on you. It hadn't crossed my mind that this should be an issue for grown adults.

Canadiangirl; I hear you. My DH's best friend and I were talking a couple days ago about this. My son just started high school and wanted to know about his Dad's experiences in high school. He was upset that I always tell my stories but not his dad's. But they aren't my stories, I wasn't there for them. J (the best friend) said, "well then, I'll just have to pull the boy aside and whisper some of those to him then!" He lives in a different province but we've made plans to get together the next time he comes back to our hometown. My husband's parents have passed away and my BIL lives in Europe so we don't have alot of contact with his family. Really just at Christmas now. So the memories are really just mine now. sometimes it feels like an impossible task to keep all the memories alive. As for the laptop. I had one die too, and a company was able to revive it enough to pull the entire photo file and documents off of it! Hold on to hope for that!

hugs Way to go; I think this is great too!

When my in-laws passed away my brother in law and I went through the house, took what we wanted and I'm storing all the family photos plus a few larger sentimental items (he lives in England and we are in Canada) and I had an estate guy come in. We negotiated the whole house, so I didn't have to deal with disposing of the junk and he sold what he could. Everyone else in the family was notified when the sale was and if they wanted anything (we had let them pick sentimental stuff first) they were welcome to attend the sale and purchase whatever they wanted. It was amazing, no one came to buy anything. It's just stuff and once they were told they had to purchase it at the estate sale, no one wanted it anymore.

Nothing about that meetup struck me as a scam. They have a lot of local meetup groups that make up the 300 members. There are 4 in my general area alone. I for one appreciated the link. It is a cool concept and a great way to find other women who would like to travel. I know in my circle of friends, travelling with them means travelling with families and frankly that doesn't appeal to me.

Needytoo; I'm sorry that you are going through this. I've stepped away from a couple friendships that just weren't good for me. Boundaries have always been tough for me too. But I'm working on it. One thing that has helped me, (it came from here and I apologize I don't remember who said it)

Thanks TooSoon; I enjoyed reading some of those. This one line really resonated with me.

Oh Mike; I've been following this but haven't said anything yet, mostly because I instinctively didn't like her, and my mama taught me if I don't have anything nice to say sometimes its better not to say anything. But imo she's manipulative, and unfortunately she doesn't want what you do out of the relationship. And that's ok. But she need to go then. "if I could come up with positive things to add to my life I would have done it while with her and possibly kept her." This prompted me to post. I don't think anything you could have done would have made her stay. From what you've said, a lot of your relationship worked. So please don't put it ending on YOU! I wish there was a magic cure for the pain you are feeling, grieve, morn the loss of what could have been. Do what you need to do. Maybe do something with your son? Dinner out and a movie? A friend to go out with for a couple beers and watch a game? Thinking of you. Hugs

SoVerySad; I understand that sentiment of "my best days are behind me". I am only 42, but completely get that. I have two kids and I am definitely looking forward to them starting their lives, getting married, having kids. But for me, those are THEIR best days and hopefully my grandkid's best days. I'm not wallowing in grief any longer, but I do find my passion for life, when I don't have DH to share it with has waned.

My husband also passed away almost 2 years ago, on the 29th. My mother passed away when I was a teenager, my dad would have been only a few years older than as I was when I lost my husband. A few months after my DH passed, when I was picking out the tombstone, my father said to me "while you are at the cemetery, you should look into buying the plot next to yours and DH's for you when you get married again". Um, so much nope! I did tell my dad, that wouldn't be happening. There would be no new husband. (he remarried, it was a disaster until the day he died and then got worse with everyone fighting over his will). I explained to him, first off, I wasn't ready to even entertain the idea and secondly, I couldn't even imagine trying to integrate or try and adapt to another relationship. He passed away in January, and never stopped telling me he wished I would try and find someone. He didn't like the idea of me being alone. I think our parents don't want us to be alone. Even knowing his own remarriage was a disaster he couldn't help but want me to have a relationship. My loving aunts have now taken (including my 90 year old great aunt) up the torch and have decided they are going to make me a match profile. I'm not sure if its a generational gap, or they honestly think I need a husband to be complete or just think that will help them know I'm ok. I've given up explaining that I'm not going to remarry. They don't hear me anyway. Although I am sure they all come from a loving place suggesting it. Sorry, I'm sure this probably isn't what you want to hear or helpful. But that's been my experience with it.

Sad-Confused. I'm so sorry for your loss and that you had to find your way here. Unfortunately; you have to go on one day at a time. Be gentle with yourself. You don't have to be fine.

Oh Jen; Hugs. I completely get the feeling of being stuck. Most days I feel like I'm just existing. I'm not living anymore.

My DS and I were just having a conversation about this, what I'm going to do next. He just started high school and both he and my daughter know my only goal is to get them off to university/college and started in life. My only response was "I'm a woman without a plan, I don't have a what next...." I work, I'm raising my kids, I have friends but I don't have any goals or frankly the energy to set them. I feel like I have no future.

Love this Klim; I've been watching a few meetup groups but haven't had the nerve to go yet. It's great hearing a great story about them!

Mike; That was an interesting read. Thanks for sharing. I don't necessarily agree with it being an argument with not being excessively picky though. I do completely agree with the statement that it's easier to be well put together with a partner. Its the minutiae of life that friends just don't understand; and having a partner helps.

Well, a long weekend Sexy Widowed Saturday Night. Had a bonfire with the kids, and now watching the Comedy station, and honestly, I'm kinda liking it. Relaxing before the craziness of school begins.

Klim; I'm right there with you. My last few conversations have gone that way. Hey, how was your weekend/day/night/? - Great, I did x, what about you? - Oh it was good thanks. - and then "when can we meet?" The last guy I asked, why would you want to meet? We've exchanged a handful of meaningless messages. You haven't even attempted to engage in a conversation. I'm thinking I'm doing this online thing wrong, but I have no desire to get ready and go meet someone that can't be bothered to actually try and converse first. I don't have a lot of free time to just go meet someone that I may have nothing in common with. Is it normal for guys (and I'm sure the guys can say the same about women) to rush right too it?