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Arneal, Had to laugh. I never have been called Mrs. Dh. But I relished the card with that on it, and now do. I was trained we all are MS so as to not denote status. I am in the south, so I am Miss to everyone no matter. If you are DR., go with that. I notice here, my female colleagues are often call Miss when they are Dr. and the males are called Dr., and sometimes are just Mr. So, go with that the DR! You earned it.

My sister church did a book study several years ago. I didn't think anything of it. I live in the bible belt, a Southern Baptist church on every corner. One of FB friends posted the 12 heresies of the story. I was shocked, read up on the controversy, and my church has a planned movie night Thurs. Also, I have a female pastor, too, so more liberal than Catholic or Baptist here. So, will see what it is.

I like her blog. Most is pretty relatable to me. One answer to the widow status. http://www.onefitwidow.com/dear-widow-police-i-wont-revoke-my-card/

On FB, I am hidden as far as my status. Only I can see it. Have decent security settings. I did tell NG yesterday after going to church with him that I need to let people know I am a widow, my thing, my issue. I told him, it is different than being a single mom never married or divorced. I am not being negative about those statuses, but I am different. I told him I don't want folks to think my son had a dead beat dad or no dad. My DH had NO DAD ever, and he dealt with that until we had our son. It messed with him for years. I am Mrs. DH until I remarry. Maybe old school. But I am not in the category of never married or divorced. At the funeral, people brought lots of cards, of course, and one was labeled to Mrs. DH. My MIL picked it up. Now she never married, and she is MS. Well, I am lucky she gave it to me. It was an incredible letter a soldier brought to me, telling me she and her husband stopped at the accident site and administered CPR until the ambulance got there. Also, they were medics. She wrote she prayed for my husband to let him know he was not alone and he was loved and God was with them all. The letter was for me, Mrs. We widows are different, not better, just different. NG is divorced, but his wife abandoned him. He has that to contend with, but not the same. He says he understands.

One yr. this SATURDAY! Going to a dance! Wow! How did we get here? Time marches on. And we are talking about moving in together. My mother was assessed at the Personal Care/Memory Care last week and my brothers are on board to move her as there is a room and there are no guarantees for this a month or later. So, NG is asking when I and son are moving and all. There is so much to think about and I AM TERRIFIED but also HOPEFUL. We may have a LONG engagement due to his divorce sitaution and me just keeping my son's and mine nest egg safe from any possible legal ramifications from his ex. IDK. I never would have thought to be here, yet here I am..... But it is crazy wonderful!

Makes my soul sing! Thank you for sharing such a joyous event!

Still working on this, and it is 5 years later. I am able to let go of more and more as it is a burden now, not a need to hold onto him in some form. So, that being stated, I would let it go. If it doesn't bring you joy and enjoyment, why just store it? Selling it is an option but takes effort. Maybe worth it? IDK. But move it on. You have what you need to remember him, yes? Not the stuff.... Oh, an article just floated around FB about your "Kids do not want their parents' stuff." The new generations are more about minimization and changing things out, maybe consumerism. But they don't care about lots of things such as antiques. Doesn't go well with the newest technology.

Sorry so long. Read the blog. I can see her points, although not pleasant to acknowledge. There are blended family issues all over. Just going to be. My mom's sitter remarried 2 weeks ago, a widower, 2 years out. He was married 25 yrs. and has a 22 yr. old daughter. When dating, she had issues with him talking about things that were innocent. Like, someone asked if he had traveled somewhere and he responded, "Yes, we did travel there often." Her feelings were hurt. She is divorced for 15 years and been single. I told her he didn't mean to hurt her as it was a fact, and even if he said "I have traveled there often," she would know it was with his late wife. I sent her info about dating a widowed person. She did not step into his home he shared with his wife. The daughter took possession and he bought her a new home and all new everything. Luckily,he had the money to do so. She seemed to need to be #1 with everything. And she can't be his first. And she had a bad marriage, so not the same for him and her past history. But she is his #1 now. She did not like anything with him that referenced his wife of 25 years. I hope she can handle it because his long term marriage didn't just disappear from his story. Now, my brother married last Spring, widowed 3 years. He had new wife move into his house with late wife, that she decorated, designed, etc. Found out he had not removed any items from her closet, her drawers. I feel sorry for new wife. My brother had not prepared her to move into their home. He didn't change anything, and she left her state, job, support network because he had all the material things. And he is unwilling to look at moving, selling the house. She didn't know what she was getting into and I feel bad for her. No children to worry about, all grown. In law stuff is there, and new wife is dealing with that which is dysfunctional. So, not a good way to start a new life. Me and NG. We talk. He knows my home is my DH's and my home. He isn't moving in. I will be moving and it will be a new home to me and him if we proceed together which I believe we will. He did ask me about removing family pics in the bedroom. He has talked to me about talking a lot about LH. He did tell me he saw a movie about marrying a widow is marrying her LH, too. He is taking in a bunch since I dated LH since age 14. He has dated many, married, divorced. We both have strengths and weaknesses due to our experiences and blending that is going to be interesting. I think starting new elsewhere is needed for me and will benefit us. My life here is my life with DH for 22 years. Time for change. But as others here have said, hard. I will be giving up my identity as DH's other half of 32 years. I know it will be a challenge to have folks not know DH EVER. But I think necessary for a new relationship for me.

Yes, I wonder about this, too, Arneal. My NG posted Happy Valentine's Day to me Feb. 14, and then asked if it was okay later. He is not into all that, but would allow the public FB if I want it. It feels so teenager like, but part of me wants it and then my other part says it doesn't matter to anyone but us, so forget it. We haven't posted a pic and it is a year next week. I hate pics of me and am getting used to a few selfies here and there. I just know MY FRIENDS will blow it up. And not sure the motivation as to why. A dear friend/widow lost her DH one month before me, car accident, too, in the state I live. CRAZY. Anyhoo, she has dated her guy 3 years and just posted relationship status in Jan. It was funny as they take pics all the time, vacation together, are seen together everywhere in my hometown. She just said it was time. My thing we have joked about is what to call each other. I hate GF and BF. We are in our 40s, have children. Sounds juvenile to me. He jokes to call me his "ole lady", and I am older than him. I don't like it, though. For others, fine, but not me. I like beau, but his ex started calling their oldest son Bo when she moved him out of state. So for him, it has a bad connotation. He told me I could introduce him as my "Lover" but that is tongue in cheek. So, still no consensus. He calls me "Love." Here is a fun link I found and shared with him: http://www.swimmingly.com/relationships/relationships-2/47-better-ways-to-refer-to-your-significant-other-than-boyfriend-or-girlfriend/ So, how do you introduce your new person?

With my faith beliefs, YES. All things SHALL BE POSSIBLE! I think you will never love the new person the same, because you cannot as you are not the same person, either. I believe our hearts can grow indefinitely with love. Those with more than one child experience that all the time. Your heart grows as there is not a finite amount. But no promises, as Lmsmdm stated.

HAHAHAHAHAH BEAR! That made me laugh. I assure you, if you really need that, some women will gladly oblige! But I know you want it all, too.

I am so sorry. I understand. I had a gall bladder attack 9 months after DH died, and ended up in the ER. Alone. My neighbor took me there. It was so awful. The triggers..... just difficult.

I am sorry you are going through this. Blending families is no Brady Bunch for sure. Hope your decision gives you some relief. Sounds very trying. Who knew this widowhood stuff could land us in such circumstances we never dreamed of? Hugs!

Yup, first Valentine's Day in 5 yrs. to have a lover's card :-* He couldn't come see me Tues., but did our Wed. night and my DS was on a school trip. Nice evening together. Then we went to Bon Jovi Sat. night. Had plans since Oct. Ate out and stayed in the city. Fun! Feel like a teenager!

Oh my! NG and I had a big talk. We had the long conversation a month ago today, using the 36 questions to fall in love. Well, He is ready. He said he will give me to about Next Feb. to decide, but I need to let him know if I want to "play him or trade him." I have had the same thought process. Do you see me as long term, not just good on paper, a lifetime? Or if not, let me go. Life is too short for me to be in limbo. This week is one year we connected on line! I am so excited, scared, thrilled, in love. So, the next step? I take my mother to his town next week for the evaluation for her care level needs at a senior living community. Probably she will need the dementia unit, honestly. Talking to dear son about moving, but he wants to finish MS in this hometown. I am honest with him that I think that would be great, but if grandmother needs to move, it would make sense for us to go sooner, than me travel all the time. Budding relationships, I tell ya! I am smiling, though. :-*

MrsDan, He is a keeper! What a beautiful display of love, commitment and caring. JUST WOW!

My son was confirmed at church yesterday. I was anxious but thought because my family had basically ditched me and my DS, which has happened in the last 5 yrs. since Dh died. My church of 22 yrs. is where I walked the Emmaus walk, did my testimony, was a Friend in Faith for 3 lovely now grown women. My son was baptized there. My DH's funeral was there. I just started feeling okay in the 100 yr. old sanctuary this Christmas. Our youth pastor and his young family had their last day as well. 8 years and he and my DH were great friends and my DH worked with the kids for 16 yrs. and the youth lounge is dedicated in his name. But it has been 5 yrs! My son was last due to his name. They laid hands on him to pray, and I just lost it. Ugly crying. I was so embarrassed for my 13 yr. old. I didn't see it coming. I was a mess. And realized I could be like this at every milestone of his life. His father should have been there. He was there for so many other kids in that same place. Some days are hard, even joyful days.

Things just keep changing. Some good. MIL has decided to move up HOME as she calls it. She is applying for senior housing. She has lots of support. She sees me dating NG now a year, and realizes if we continue, I will move. My dear mother is worsening, and her sitter is marrying tomorrow, so my mother may end up living in the town where NG is as they have the same senior care community but full range of services. My mother may need personal home care/memory care, and they have it. We have nothing here for dementia folks in our town. So, it seems to be working out in some way. Tough stuff to have care issues of elderly parents and my son is only 13. Sandwich generation for sure. It was hard but so much better with me and DH tag teaming it. I can't do it alone. So, MIL is making good choices for her needs. 25 nieces and nephews and 4 siblings and their spouses within 20 mile radius. She has the help she needs. Now to make decisions about my mom and ME!

The cats. I asked on-line at very beginning if deal breaker as some folks have severe allergies and/or hate them. I actually got on line when I got the two kittens for Christmas and decided I could not be a crazy cat lady. I wanted a man in my life. NG likes animals, but not a cuddler of animals. So, not petting or talking to them but tolerating them. He would have a dog in a heart beat. I love them, but my life style is not for a dog's care. Big cat is mellow as can be, but also cuddles on his terms, so not in our laps or anything. Not sure of the behavior except testosterone? Idk......

First, Trying2breathe. Yes, there has to be some chemistry, I think. With my NG, after talking on line and phone for about 10 days, met up. I wrote him I knew there had to be something there, as looking good on paper didn't always mean anything. I believe that, why some folks couple up, and it makes no logical sense but works. So, Good Luck finding someone that meets your dreams AND some chemistry. Arneal, Happy Birthday Weekend! Hope you and NG can celebrate it together! Yes, things like not having someone to text you to make sure you made it on a trip are just sad. Not having that person. The pick up at the airport. So glad NG is willing and able next time! MrsDAN, Thanks for the validation. Glad I am not alone with this. PS Big cat left me alone all night two nights ago. Last night with NG here, 4, 4:30, 5:00 a.m. banging, scratching, meowing at the door. Ughh.......... But on the upside, NG and I had a great time together, especially since we skipped last weekend. He continues to talk long term, now, me moving closer, blending families. Too bad the ex wife is such a control freak. Not gonna think about that today.....

Tough Tough Tough Blending families. Never thought we would be here, right? Communication, respect, honesty, all I have to go with. NG is divorced, too. Fighting with ex to get 50/50 shared time. He is so great with his little guys . His ex is a school principal, so claims expertise. He came from a divorced family, and he views my childhood life as a bit spoiled. We (NG and I) are really different in our backgrounds, life experiences and beliefs. So, talking it out a lot. I am hearing some things I need to improve with my son, and I get it. In your own backyard, it is different than helping others. But he has to be respectful, and he is so far. Good luck.

Uggghhh..... this new relationship stuff can be so hard. NG and I have spent pretty much every kid free weekend he has together since starting to date in March. Coming up a year! So, this past weekend, my kid had stuff Friday night, Sat. all day, Sunday morning and then Sunday night. Busy. I couldn't leave town truly. He had made commitments for Sat. morning and Sunday night, too. So, he didn't come see me though I could not get to him, which I choose to do mostly. I am bothered he didn't choose to come see me. He drives daily 77 miles one way to work. I know he gets so tired, and I don't ask him to drive to see me, another 70 miles. My head tells me it was just logistics, and he needed to rest, and he did all kinds of catch up things, too. My heart feels sad he didn't choose me, still. SO Middle school like but nevertheless, still feeling it. Blah.... PS My two kittens I got a year ago last Christmas have issues with NG. When he is here, the male one, who is big, scratches and meows sometimes every hour on the shut bedroom door. The cat does not when I am in here by myself. It is awful. Stupid cat.....but me and my son love them.

MrsDan, You nailed it on so many levels. I know you shared you have moved elsewhere, too. I think about how moving forward and away from my 22 yr. old home, community, and NO ONE knows my DH. And, yes, I think NG and DH would have been friends. And I miss the parts of DH that were so complementary of me that are not me. How can it be, so much still comes to my head and heart? How can you love a new person and have this attachment, story with another? I know others work through this with the board responses. Thank you for that. PS Widow friend who lost her DH almost one month prior to my DH's death to a car accident, too. She has been a relationship for 3 years. Lots of pictures on FB. Well, 5 years just passed, and she put on her FB page they are in a relationship. We all know, as they are open. But for some reason, that status change matters to somebody, maybe not her.

I just passed 5 years the 20th. I spent that weekend night with NG which helped tremendously. Last weekend, he had his kids. So, we did a blended weekend night with my son. My son and I stay in the MIL suite upstairs at this point with his boys being little, and that is most comfortable for now. Anyway, went to church on Sunday, and I have been several times now with him. But not with his kids. I am with my son, his kids and him, and I was so sad. It was 5 years to the date I would have attended church on my own for the first time without my DH. Why my brain was going there, I don't know. Widow world...... So, at the end of the church, they sing an upbeat version of "I'll Fly Away." I am holding it together. My son is checking me out, and then gives me a hug. This is the last song sung at DH's funeral, upbeat, by my two nephews. Many have told me it was the perfect song for DH, and they will never hear it again without thinking of him. NG is clueless of this, and singing and smiling and so happy hearing it. He is whistling it on the way back to his house. HOW can this wonderful new relationship still have such strange times of sadness at unpredictable moments? Just our world.... I am passed that feeling, thankfully, and we had our middle of the week time together. I guess it is just going to be that way.

Iloveyoualways, I read your post and it resonated. I felt ultimately abandoned and unworthy. I accepted I would not find another love now in my 40s. And I had an 8 yr. old. Having a kid in my mid 30s after yrs. of infertility, and bye bye bikini days. Since I dated DH since high school, he had me at what I thought was my best. I started gaining weight and dressed dowdy. I quit working out, something I loved and did for yrs. Then I decided I didn't want to be alone. Long story, but I am the least happy physically with me, but I am the best human I have ever been. And my NG loves this, all of it. I want to work out again, now, but goals are different. Health, strength, feeling good, not a certain number or size. And my NG tells me I am beautiful! Hang in there. Winter may be here but spring will arrive.