trying2breathe

Leadfeather Sorry that you're dealing with this disappointment, it sounds like maybe there's something going on that you're not aware of? If you care about the relationship, I would ask her what's going on and what she's thinking. Possibly there's too much on her plate right now, but not to stereotype - okay I will - women sometimes can get a bit wonky when things are off. I'm going through some of this myself right now -

I too remember your post from 4 years ago, Maureen. My heart breaks for you, unimaginable to go through this tragedy twice. Big big hugs to you ~

Very well said, Toosoon!

Okay, I'm in! NG and I officially identified as boyfriend/girlfriend in December so I guess I qualify for this thread. Thanks, arneal - this will be a good place to hash our stuff out :

tybec Agree that it's not so much a budding relationship at 2 years. It is interesting how complicated things continue to be despite having more time with somebody, I foolishly thought that time would begin to make things a bit easier in establishing a new relationship. You now know how it is with him and his kids, the struggle that he will have with the custody battle and time available for you. Are you willing to stick around through all of this? You've got a heckuva lot on your plate, to add relationship stress to it is a lot. I think of a good relationship as a soft place to land in a tough world. Is he this for you, despite the struggles?

Agree with jgib, think about dating both however if you do don't keep it a secret that you're seeing somebody else too.

NG and have had little time together the past few weeks but spent NYE together and it was good. The relationship has shifted though, not sure how exactly but I plan to have a conversation with him about this. He runs hot and cold, I never know what I'll get these days with him. I'm in love with him, what started as wanting to just have fun has turned into something serious and different and it's starting to drive me crazy. Ugghh - wish I could go back to those early easy days when the relationship was simple. Virgo, sorry to hear, a week without communication - hmmm. Keep us posted on what's going on. tybec I bet it was tough to have those conversations, so good to do that though. arneal Glad that things are going well!

Oh good grief, so sorry that you're dealing with this. Crazy ex, indeed.

Meh ..... this holiday stuff is making me question my relationship with NG. We've seen each other once this past week, we're both managing visiting family, etc. He's been good about keeping in touch but it's wonky, for lack of a better word. We haven't exchanged Xmas presents yet and I'm thinking of telling him to forget about the gifts as it seems so anti-climactic at this point. To add to the frustration - I did end up meeting both daughters on separate occasions, both were not happy to be there and it was obvious that NG forced them into meeting me. It was painful to sit across the table with a 23 year old that refused to talk and was on her phone pretty much the whole time. Is it unreasonable to expect something more from a 23 y/o? Why would he force DD's into meeting me if they didn't want to be there? NG mentioned New Years - we'll see.

Hope that everybody is doing okay. My in-laws and my kids are here, NG's kids are in town too. Count down to Christmas - so far so good. NG and I are each doing our own thing and not co-mingling, not sure if I'll meet his daughters and that's okay. NG and I talked this morning and he sounded stressed, I hope to get a chance soon to find out what's going on with him. I let him know in a kind way that I have no expectations this holiday, other than family time and hopefully some good food. He told me that it bothers him that we're not continuing our relationship in a normal way right now, it does feel odd to have a change in routine because our families are here. Needy Yay for you on dealing with your stuff, bet it feels good to make progress and not rely on NG.

I think that what is okay is what feels right for you. The dynamics of a relationship and one where children are involved is complicated. My NG might be alone as his daughters are opting to be with their stepmother at her new fancy high-rise apartment for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. This breaks my heart as NG paid for their airfare, his house has been decorated in anticipation of their visit and he's planned Christmas dinner. I'm upset over this but am choosing to not say anything to him :-[ don't feel it's my place to get into the dynamics of this, especially where an ex is involved. I've been one to invite those that are alone for Christmas, and I'm torn on whether to invite him to my house for Christmas as my in-laws will be here and they're uncomfortable with my new relationship. I think that it would be very awkward for all of us if were here, unfortunately. Arggh - New Years can't get here soon enough!!

This time of year for me is bringing on complexities and emotions, lots of figuring out who spends time together, when and where. It was complicated before being widowed, more so now with NG. Needy - my heart aches for you too. Sorry that you're feeling left out, hopefully you can find some time to spend together with NG to connect and sort out some of these emotions. I look forward to Christmas, but honestly will be happy to have this over with and get back to some sense of normalcy. NG and I won't see each while family is here visiting - his kids and mine, my in-laws, and a slew of other visiting family. I may not meet his daughters as planned, seems that they're curious but not yet ready to meet Dad's new love interest. Ugghh - can't we just fast forward right on to New Years?!?! :

Hugs to you, Maureen - very sorry to hear of your recent losses. As wids we very well know the fragility of this life, hoping for some peace for you in the coming days.

So very sorry for your loss. This has been a place of great support for me and I hope that you find it's the same for you. Peace to you in the days ahead -

I agree also with SW's response, I try to live a full life and don't rely on happiness solely from a love interest. virgo - sounds like you're doing your thing and that's great! klim Sorry to hear about your accident, and hope you're feeling okay. Love that NG came through for you in your time of need his heart certainly is in a good place! arneal How fun to be gaming with NG! Makes for a whole new dimension in getting to know him! Things here are good - I finally admitted last week to NG that he was my boyfriend, we've had conversations about this since spring when he asked me to be his girlfriend. Funny that he says now the label isn't so important, he wanted to be exclusive which we've been for the last six months or so. Not sure why the words boyfriend/girlfriend were hard to say for me, it does seem juvenile at our ages to be calling ourselves this. The sentiment is good though, and I'm not freaking out about the newly determined status - somehow it's elevated the relationship just a bit although nothing else has changed. I'm happy to have my kids coming soon for the holidays, they'll be here for almost 3 weeks. NG's daughters are arriving too, and because the kids will be here NG and I will be backing off from our regular routine and not spending as much time together. I've not met his girls yet, he's met my kids just once. At some point we hope to introduce the kids, should be interesting ;D

Old school method of raking leaves. Neighbors used to drive by, stop and offer me their leaf blower - no thank you! ;D Preferred pet - dog or cat

arneal Rooting for you too on that "us" conversation - you got this! tybec Glad that things are working out right now, it's difficult for me also to not overthink - although I'm trying hard to just let things happen as they may and take it from there. The holidays are here again, so hard to believe. I find myself slowing down and getting into what I call pajama mode as it's been difficult lately for me to get much done. If NG weren't around, like those early days I'd spend much of the day if I could in pajamas doing not much more than existing. At four years out, the holidays are still difficult. I'm happy in a new relationship but feel sad knowing that this holiday and all those going forward will be different. My kids are coming home soon and we will carry on with family traditions but my heart feels heavy. Hoping that this cloud passes soon.

Yes, I deal with these issues too. At about six months with NG I secretly background checked him, thankfully nothing unexpected came up. And I've created a lot in my head that's unreasonable, insecurities crop up and assumptions that something bad is happening. So far all of it unjustified. Widowhood impacts my relationship more than I could have imagined, and becomes more apparent as time goes on. NG is patient and caring, and I'm grateful for that. arneal Hope all is okay ((hugs))

I'm thankful for family that have supported me and my kids, have stood by our side through the struggle the past few years.

I'm thankful that my kids are in college and doing well, and will be home for the holidays.

I'm close to my in-laws, and refer to them still as in-laws. My kids are their only grandchildren, so we see them frequently. Initially it's been a surprise to the guys I've dated that I'm in touch still with my in-laws. I explain that our relationship continues even though DH is gone, and then it's okay. I think it's great that your MIL let you know that she is supportive of you dating or not.

Thankful for a gloriously beautiful day here today - low humidity and not a cloud in sight.

Good question! I too was shocked at my immediate connection with NG, never imagined that I'd be in a relationship like this. I also take a step back and process every once in awhile. As wids we've been through the ultimate breakup, the death of a spouse/SO - anything else pales in comparison in my opinion. To not feel completely overwhelmed, I say that I've found somebody and am having fun. One day at at a time - enjoy the ride!

Two hour massage? Ahhhhh ....... what a treat! MrsReader Sorry to hear of the struggles with NG, maybe you're feeling that he's not worth the effort to try and work things out. The misunderstandings that I've had with NG I did want to work on, and he was receptive to what I had to say. There were several other guys I dated that I just didn't want to make the effort. Which gets back to the you just know - I knew from the start that NG was different, I felt more comfortable with him than I had with anybody in a long time. There are things to be worked on for sure, but I'm willing to try with him because I just know.

Glad that your mom is at rest now, and good that family is there. Hugs to you and peace in the days ahead.