klim

I'm having a little trouble with the "active" label. DH and I were active together, that was our thing....it's what I know. It's what I feel comfortable with. I like to hike to camp to bike..but I like hamburgers and fries....it's a balance. I consider myself tall/big/fit but I'm not buff or lean. I don't have the classic physique of an active girl. So I go looking for those seeking an active partner and yes quite often I think they are just saying they want someone lean and fit. That is not me. So I try saying outdoorsy...and I get people that want to camp interior for the whole summer and eat dried whatever.... Just saying, labels don't always help, that is why these sites are hard to navigate.

Arneal that sounds like Tinder... So.... I let one guy know I wasn't interested ia second date saying he was nice but I didn't think our activities/ interest matched...He texted back "LOLhahaha" "Too Shallow" I did not understand so expanded "I like hiking you like antique hunting ec. He responded "well you were too old but I didn't care, you said it!" ( he was 49 and I'm 54) I have no idea what his problem was but as you can see that is why I wanted advice about letting them down easy........and I also think I'm happy I made the call as early as I did based on how he handled it.

Hey if it works it works. I think a lot of people ( ok maybe just me but I swear some one else said it)put a pile of pillows beside them in bed cause it allows them to relax...what's the diff?!?

By the way I like some of the sassy/ sarcastic/witty profiles, they catch my attention. I don't like when they go too negative about the online dating scene( if you're on it you know it's not perfect).....I feel like these people will go negative on other aspects of life as well and I'm looking for a positive person. ok this may sound weird but one aspect of this online dating that I don't like is rejecting people. I have preferences so obviously some guys that reach out to me do not impress me or I don't think they are compatible. I hate telling them that. I often just ignore but it's worse if I start a conversation or have coffee and realize somethings not clicking. How do you gracefully tell someone NO.

I am just getting a handle on this myself. I've had one 2 yr relationship since being widowed and many of the activites we did were similar to what my dh and I did. We cycled and hiked and travelled but not luxury travelled. I liked that, that part of life was similar. BUt bf was a different man then dh with some similar characteristics. I've done only a bit of dating and I must say when I'm interacting with these new people I'm trying to keep an open mind....maybe I'll like someone whose more laid back.....maybe I'll like someone whose more high class...more worldly.....more artsy... more touchy feely....I'm testing the waters. But I have to say I think I'm looking for someone who keeps me in my comfort zone....we will see

Ok which sites do you use??? People that don't know anything( my married friends) are trying to tell me which site s are for which type of dating. Seems they all have reputations. I suspect there might be better options depending on age as well. I'm on the slightly older side of "young widow", I'm 54. I know of OKCUPID POF TINDER EHARMONY. I know of MATCH but right now I'm being fiscal and not paying and they don't let you get too far. So far I like POF....... I get the most compliments from the junior set on OKCUPID And my friends are telling me TINDER is for Hookups but it looks pretty similar to other sites. OPinions????? Experiences????

ok you guys are becoming my online dating advice posse....should we have new thread for this? Right now I feel like a cocktease online. I'm talking to 6 ar 7 different guys...a lot of them hinting toward coffe dates, some of them trying to line them up. There are some of them I think it's a no...but my personality is such that i always try and give people a chance, i root for the underdog, I hope for the best......so am I stringing them along or is this ok to give them a chance.I'm not professing any high interest but just polite conversation, friendly and light. Thoughts?

Last year avery pretty purple flower grew through one of the cracks...thought it could be a nice trend if it caught on!

Yep you read that right. The pavement is so broken up , the weeds that grow through it needed mowed. Now how does this relate to my dh. Dh never wanted to get a new driveway because he was always working on cars and said he would just mess up a new one with all the oil and stuff. So now I have a really really messed up driveway.....and I can't be bothered to get estimates and all that....so I mow the drive way!! Onwards and frowards.

The open FB page thing...I admit to trying to find the guys on facebook if I know their name! More info for me! opinions please....guy wants to meet for drinks...I'm fine with that ....then he says on his deck....I say no....maybe another time. Next day...we agree for later that day....after I drop my son back to uni I text and ask where should we meet....He says he's in his hotub and I should come join him....I say no....he works on convincing me he is harmless....I say no, not appropriate for a first meeting. This morning he says ok TIM Horton's then.if he hadn't have tried tose other moves I probably would have said yes....but now I think it's a no.

well semperfedelis it sounds like you had both extremes a really really rotten one and one that might be working out. ok so if a person doesn't have picture on their profile how do you ask for one ...I just feel like I seem shallow if I want a pic. And I've already been involved in a conversation so if the pic shows up and I don't like what I see how do I back out gracefully( guess I am shallow).... This should not be this difficult!

So it drives me crazy when I try and send a message to someone the same age as me and I get blocked by a message such as "Soulseeker only accept messages from females ages 24- 45" and he's 53. And I mentioned before that I seem to get a lot of attention from older guys online.....like 10 years older. And honestly I don't look old/act old.....no grey hair,I'm rockclimbing in my pics...so I don't get it So now to top this feeling off I got picked up by an 80 year old at the park the other day! Actually it was kinda cute(I think). They have a concert series in the park and went with a friend. lots of people were up dancing including a number of older folk ...the band was playing buddy holly,beatles that type of thing.....so at some point my friend and I decided to get up and join in. We're bopping around for one song and then the next one was "only you" by the platters.....so we and all the other singles exit the dance area. Next thing you know this elderly gentleman has followed me over to my picnic bench and asks me to dance. of course I couldn't refuse. During the dance I found out he was 80. I think that's a record for me!!! Thing can only go up from here!

Definitely an each to your own situation. Depends on your finances and their finances......but the bottom line is you want to make sure they are working towards independance and recognizing responsibilities and that they not take advantage of you. Good luck on finding your balance.

I do make contact with guys first and some guys make contact with me first. Here's the funny part: when I pull up the" you made contact first" page with all the thumbnail pictures and compare it with the "they made contact first" page there's a few things I notice 1) people who want me are way older than the ones I want...by an average of 10 years....(and I'm not choosing young'ns, I do tend to choose my own age). 2) the visuals are more pleasing on the page where I make first contact.....so I guess those profile pics are important.

uuuhm....guys....do you like whwen a lady contacts you on the online sights or do you find that forward? I suspect this has been asked before but we're kinda on the topic. Gals do you do much of the contacting?

Wasn't that fun (no spark there) but I wasn't sitting home on a friday night.....

Interesting observations...it's sad that we have this perspective now but it does enable us to view many situations differently.

K think I'm glad none of you know me in real life...... I've got a date for Tomorrow night..... if you have been following this breakup I was feeling pretty unlovable/ pretty unsure there were no other fish in the sea......so what's the fix for that ..... go on the dating sites...... to just check things out. Was not going to meet anyone till July I said to myself, said I. Then ended up chatting to one guy...who knows people I know ...who grew up next door to my cousin... who seems friendly , has kids of similar age to mine......so..... we're meeting for a drink. Not totally feeling right because , my head is not totally clear of breakup crap...... ooooops....probably should of delayed it but just got caught up in the moment!

Perfect , take the time off......sounds lovely to me. You might not know yourself , with sleep from reduced stress you'll feel rejuvinated. It's called a sabbatical, a hiatus, and extended holiday....what ever you call it , it sounds like you deserve it.

Busy is good. Th breakup is good.....if the relationship didn't work then it didn't work. You realize I'm just repeating the mantra I'm trying to use , but it seemed like it applied. take care.

Thanks for the support folks....just got myself worked up there the other night....always worse when I'm over tired...I lose the logical part of my brain first and the emotional part takes over when I'm tired. Day light and a good sleep last night and life looks doable again. Up ...down...up down. life's a roller coaster. ps . I really do appreciate this online connection.I don't reach out to people in real life. To them I will appear strong. Here with some anonimity I let go a little more.Thanks for that opportunity.

Going to try this ....you don't even have to read it I just really to vent .... someone suggested this so you are going to get the rant. Honestly you don't have to read just acknowledge. it's the middle of the night here my head is buzzing. I hate and I hurt. I hate that I let myself fall for a guy who I knew was not entirely emotionally available. I hate that he did really enjoy me and perhaps at some level love me but couldn't get past his ex girlfriend. I really really hate that he started contacting her near the end...yes I found that out when we were breaking up., I hate that although he says he doesn't know what he is going t do moving forward I think he is going back to her and I am all alone. That seems majorly unfair.I hate that he could not recognize how good I am. I hate that if he ,who by my own judgement was a pretty good guy, couldn't see it , how am I going to find someone to love me. I fear being alone. probably now more than when my husband died. When my dh died I had one mission and that was to ensure my kids came through it all right...that gave me purpose and direction. Now I can just wallow and fret and fear. I fear I won't find any guy that at this stage of life is not broken. I am so not strong I'm sad and mad, confused and really really tired( it is the middle of the night) I want to text him and tell him he really messed me up....the thing is he knows that and cried about that when we were breaking up ...so screwed up. when I hurt he hurts but he is the one causing the hurt. crazyland. k vent over for now maybe now i can sleep. thanks for listening or at least pretending to .

Thanks cw I'm trying... ..like you said it's hard...and making it more difficult is I met him when I was trying to keep myself busy from the loss of my husband. So my keep busy strateiges are pretty much all reminders of him. I joined an outdoors group,hiking biking etc...a good healthy outlet,except now these group remind me of him....and the people in the groups knew we were dating and say "hey where's your plus 1..your partner in crime. We will see we will see......I'm not very good at this by myself stuff.

Flip flop ....flip flop... yes ,no.......indecision. A very bothersome place to be. I understand. I'm trying to tell myself it's normal.Just part of the process. And here's your post basically verifying my feelings. The situation is different but the changing of the mind is there. Knowing that the situation is not entirely working and yet reluctant to break free because of the nice parts. Good luck sorting this out.

Captains wife your explanation was exactly what we seemed to be dealing with...and as you can see with the new thread we are trying to let go so he can figure himself out.