klim

Still excited for you. Go byl GO!

Don't know much about anxiety but know there has been lots of different people here experienced with it, maybe they will have some insight. Anyways hugs for now.

ok Guess I should check in and be counted in the 3 year club as well. It will be 3 in less then a month. Life is generally good....but I still come here often to know that I am normal. I think this place has been my therapy...my place to journal. Thanks all for providing me with an interactive journal, one that talks back with sympathy, ampathy and advice.

That is very cool. As hard as it is to do try and relax, if anything the scrutiny is probably on NG and if he's cool with it then it should go well. And my experience with my NG meeting any of Dh's sibling, they have all been very supportive. One was a little emotinal but very supportive. Good luck

I've got an 18 year old in the basement, who has been told to get some sort of employment by the end of this month. I don't think he has put in an application yet. Next week I plan to "motivate him" by driving him around while I witness him drop of applications. He hasn't had any anger issues so I have been very tolerant and he has acted on a few other issues that I have put before him.( he has applied to school for this fall), so maybe not in the same category but I will be trying very hard not to "enable" him. Both my brother and sister had one of there kids go through quite a rebellious/angry tough patch. Both had some emotinal issues but they needed to want help. My siblings used the tough love recipe and it worked. They went as far as to disallow thier boys in the house and dropped them at a shelter..... their kids were back within a couple of weeks and ready to accept help.. That was when they were around 18, one might have been a bit older. They are now both in there mid twenties and going to school and doing well. I think the problems their kids were causing were pretty big but I'm saying it did work. I'm not close to that frustrated yet. Just putting it out there that I have seen tough love work.

I get you. I've had to repeat that "breathe" instruction to myself so many times. To make things worse for me one of my boys is not glued to his phone...he didn't even want one, I made him get it. It hasn't really helped though because half the time it's out of battery or he didn't grab it when he went out. Good thing is your teens are going to grow up and be more independant and what's happening now is just preparing you that. My older one headed off to Uni and I thought oh my goodness how will I adjust to not knowing where he is and what he's doing.Guess what , I did......and I think all those smaller doses of "i don't know where my kid is" helped me get ready. The only time I've been very strict about them having to answer me and very strict about being available is actually when I went on vacation. I told them I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself if I didn't know they were safe. At one point I didn't get an answer, so called my neighbour and made her knock on the door to get my son to answer his phone. Yea, a little extreme but my neighbour said she understood. .....and you know what ever since then when I go away and tell my son he better answer my texts ...he does.

Sorry ...it's all I can say.

chit chat chit chat

Going to chime in to promote meetups. My experience has been wonderful with these. Although I am not an introvert and I do see that that could be a stumbling block , I must say as an avid user of the groups around here( I think I belong to 10 of them) people in the groups seem to be great at approaching the newbies and being inclusive. If it would help you could contact the organizers ahead of time , explain you're nervous and I know most of the organizers at least around would be very helpful. They would maybe explain a little more what happens , or introduce you to a person who would show you the ropes. I don't know what exactly would make it more comfortable but it seems to work for all sorts of different people around here. I have found that these group just provide a nice gathering of likeminded people. A pool where you may find a new friend. Anyways good luck PJ.

Just so you know If you ever see I'm on Chatt, know that I am slow typer, speak in entire sentences with very little coding and don't know how to do any of the fancy things in chatt except change the colour of the lettering. Conversations go very slowly if I'm involved in them. So don't be a fraid to join if you see it bumped, it's not the same but it provides a little interaction.

I so understand. I have the teenagers in the room thing going on too. So I sit alot in the living room with my computer on my lap. and my cat vying for the same space. That is actually one reason I try going to the "bump this thread if your in chatt" mode sometimes. Unfortunately it does't seem too busy there lately....

Hello anybody home? I am and I'm bored ...going into chatt

Mizpah I whole heartily agree, I have definitely found this.

Cool...I just got excited for you! YOu did it cuz you thought it was right. Go with it. Enjoy

Hopefully they won't want to??? fingers crossed....alot of kids aren't running to get theirs right away. My sons were slow to get around to it. My 18 yr old has it and 20 year old ...not yet. BUt if they do want it and you can't handle it , you could go with the financial reason so you don't seem over protective. Insurance is huge for young drivers. If that doesn't sit well with you and you know you are going to have to relent, Make sure they take driver's ed and make agreements about times and locations they can drive. Your kids probably know you pretty well and if you approach this with, "this is really tough on me, you know how I am....so if yiu want your license we are going to have to set some conditions while I get used to it."......and my guess is you will get used to it Anyways good luck. ....and the reason I'm responding is because I have felt very much the same way about the driving thing.

So....I'm usually very positive, very strong. very happy. I haven't dwelled on the loss of dh too much, it sounds harsh but most of the time I'm not very emotional about it. I'm practical. It happened now move on. My worst times/ stress have been when my sons have had issues. BUT I'm having a little bit of triggering/stress right now and I'm not used to it. We bought a property in Florida that was going to be an investment but also a vacation home for when we retired. I'm selling it. it can't be my dream alone, he was much more into it than I was. I was onbaord because living in florida would make him happy and therefor me happy. It does not work without him. The fact that real estate was his game and not mine adds to the stress. BUt I think it's also because it's one of the biggest things I've done that acknowledges he truly is gone. Throwing away clothes doesn't count. That may sound weird, it's not like I live in some fantasy world that thinks he might walk in the door, but I don't know, there is just some finality to this action. Just wanted to share somwhere because I was feeling it and figured somebody here would understand

I'm older, my boys are older but still my responsibility, so not the same but here is my story. When I started dating I was not even sure what I was doing but I remember telling NG that I was weekends only as during the week I had to attend to homework duty and that my boys come first. My guys were 15 and 17 , not exactly needy, and yet I needed them to know they were important and that I would look after them. The point to this story is that he liked that in me, that I took being a mother seriously. He said he had dated others that had not given their kids feelings the right priority and he rejected them partly because of that. In other words he is happy to be dating a good mother. Because of the age of my boys their relationship with NG is not as important as it will be in your case. But I can vouch for the fact that some guys do want to date us partly because we are good mothers.

Just was going to pipe in on the cub /scout option......My boys did that when they were little and even though we were a whole family at that point, I seemed to be the cub parent. All the leaders were male so the guy time for your son would be good. Our group never did father/son things but some of the events were family events . My husband had no interest in these so I was the one who took them to the tree planting or tobogganing or christmas tree bonfires. I didn't feel out of place with the other dads cause there was always a few moms around. Not sure if this helps I just know at least here the scouting option was male oriented but not adverse to involved moms if you get my drift. Goodluck with this.

"And I like him for him. Not just as an escape. So now I can't think about him. Cause I really don't want him. Not like that." If you like him and it feels comfortable who's to say it's the wrong time. Is he available in that way?. If he's not married or with someone else, why not let him be your support and maybe more. Grieving can be done while finding comfort and even happiness that's connected to a new person. Only you are going to truly know when you are ready for what. Sometimes even we have difficulty knowing what we want. If you're honest in how you present your needs, wants and uncertainties maye you can still get the warm feeling he provides you. Wishing you peace as you navigate this tricky path

Not sure......but sounds like you are doing amazing at the upping the happiness and fulfilment end of things. You may have taken on a lot but sounds like you have succeeded in the things you added to your plate. The chaotic pace that you have been going should subside a little when you reach a new status quo. You probably have a busy year ahead , with setting up the business and getting sons in order....but the move is done, your schooling is done , the newness of NG is becoming comfortable and if your son gets off to uni, there'll be one less boy around the house and one more step forward for his independance....all that should help with keeping things calmer. The only thing I see on the things you listed ,that you could possibly put off to help with the calmness is the renovations.....but you probably want those cause their fun. As far as missing DH, stress will bring that out. Sharing the load was an important part of being a couple. I know with NG there are certain things where he is a support person but it's not like we share the load, it's like he knows I'm dealing with a heavy load and he props me up, if that makes any sense. Right now my kids are mine( i think they always will be because of there age) and my house is my house, and my financials are mine alone. When I'm dealing with those things he can only prop me up. I myself, seem only capable of changing little things to mix up the routine a bit. The home is the same, the job went from part time to full time but that's it.NG and I proceeded very slowly, not adding stress, so I don't if that's how I found balance but that's what I've done. Anywyas good luck and as I mentioned sounds like your moving forward, hopefully to a new ormal

I say Passed away. I say died. And I say i lost my husband. I actually think the lost one is the strangest...where did he go I can't find him???

The looking inward and finding what motivates...always a difficult task. People say find your passion.....I'm not sure I have one. I know a few things that I find pleasant and relax me, so I aim to do those. I like hiking, biking generally being outdoors. I'm not a fanatic ,I don't need to do this all the time but I like it. So I find some events and plan for them. The anticipation makes the day to day grind more bareable. I'd like to be able to plan bigger and further into the future but since I can't quite envision it these short term goals will have to do. So that's how I go on.

I don't cry at pictures...didn't even in the beginning much. But i do ask a question similar to Jess and say "how(the fuck) did this happen?". And usually I do add the eplicative in the middle, it seems appropriate. I cry most often when I have to handle something with my kids that would be so much better if he were here.

I am a teacher and know that feeling well. It's a double whammy. You feel betrayed by student that you've been working with, and for me the offence seems highly personal. And then there is the hassle of locating other keys and that wondering whether your locks should be changed.( i never did and nothing happened) Anyway just know it has happens to others(as you can see) so just providing a bit of empathy.

BUmbity ....bored...any body around?