Trying

The beauty of loving someone is in those small moments and the little things we do for each other. Thank you for sharing.

Auto pilot is a necessary phase to move from crippling grief to functioning in the world. We are all very different in our timeline of when we move from just surviving to thriving but it is possible. For me, at more than 2 1/2 years, I bounce between auto pilot and happiness or contentment with less frequent waves of intense grief. I see this as hopeful and not something I could have even imagined in the first 6 months. For now, if you are functioning and getting through 75% of the necessary parts of your day (showering, eating, paying bills, work) then you are ok. The first time you feel genuine happiness in a moment it may stop you in your tracks because it will feel foreign and maybe a little wrong. But soon you will have more moments and eventually those moments will turn into hours and the hours can turn into days. Be patient until it starts to change and do not feel guilty when it does.

I haven't been in your situation, I am a relationship type person, so feel free to take my opinion with a grain of salt. The fact that you are hurt by learning she slept with someone else tells me that your feelings have moved past casual. While it's not fair to blame her because of your arrangement, it is fair for you to tell her that your feelings have changed. Then you and she can decide if it's time to change the terms of your relationship or move on. Continuing on the way you are seems to me like it would be too painful for you. I can see the appeal of a casual relationship with no strings attached but our hearts were meant to connect to people. I hope you find a solution that meets your practical needs without sacrificing your heart.

I'm also so happy to hear you and adp are making steps to be together! Good luck weeding through everything in the basement. I had to do so much of it last year when we moved and I know it isn't easy. I am determined to not hold onto so much go forward but that is easier said than done.

I agree, there are no rules, do what is right for you. Around 6 months I started trying to take them off but I would endlessly reach for my finger to twist the rings that were missing. I didn't like the idea of looking "single" without my rings and hadn't taken them off for over 20 years. On our first wedding anniversary apart I bought myself a new ring for my left hand and I continue to wear it now. For me it symbolizes my past and my present with 2 ropes connected. Other widows wear their rings for years. no one gets to have an opinion but you.

My middle son graduated high school yesterday. I'm very proud of him and so excited to see what the future holds in store for him. I did pretty well at the graduation but after I was so emotional, his Dad should be here, beaming with pride, standing next to me and celebrating our child. I'm sad for my son, I'm sad for Tim that he is not here to see him, and I am sad for me. No one will ever share the love, pride, stress and anguish of parenting these 3 children with me again. So today I wake up with puffy eyes and go back to my life and doings what needs to be done, solo parenting as best as I can.

How about instead of leaving the gift in your office she call him and offer to take him out to celebrate his success and give it to him herself. Then she could ask him why he didn't attend graduation instead of blaming you. I'm so sorry that she made a difficult day even worse.

My heart goes out to you. This one guy and his issues is no reflection on you, how lovable you are, or what a wonderful partner you make. This is his issue. I know that this won't change the hurt you are feeling but it does mean that you have no reason to lose hope for your future. There are good and available men out there who are looking for someone amazing just like you. After your heart has time to heal I have no doubt that you can find someone to share your life with, if that is what you want. For now, just be patient and gentle with yourself. Keep yourself busy but give yourself time to be sad. Vent away anytime.

Beautiful

Feeling like there is never enough of me to go around is a common theme in my new life. I'm sorry you don't get to sit in the audience for your son's graduation. I hate that all of the happy milestones are tinged with loss.

Congratulations! What a great week for you😀

My heart goes out to your daughter, change can be really hard. It's an emotionally charged time But you know this is the right move for all of you and she will be fine. Enjoy making the new house your home!

So happy for all of you!

Thinking of you as you face this difficult challenge and mend your heart. It sounds like you need some new activities or adventures to distract you, have some patience with yourself in finding your way.

I am definitely a different mom and not better. I Am not as on top of things as I used to be. I let things slide because I get tired of always being the bad guy and the nag. DH and I balanced things out so well and I haven't figured out how to balance good cop and bad cop by myself. My youngest is 12 and a great kid, very easy. I probably have let my guard down with him because he's so good but I need to step it up as he is entering those teen years. I have been giving him more chores around the house since my middle son will be heading of to college at the end of the summer and both of the older 2 are working. DH and I were always big believers in the kids helping out around the house and in the community.

This is my third summer without him and the last summer with DH was when he was so sick, in and out of hospital and chemo. Summer 2013 was all about being his caregiver, 2014 I was still in a fog, 2015 I sold our house and moved. Here I am in 2016 and I think I forgot how to enjoy summer. I think I am ready though, to embrace life, to slow down a little, to get back to enjoying time spent with family and friends.

What a beautiful discovery that reinforces all you knew about the man he was.

This thread has really sparked some soul searching for me. I have been struggling with everyone feeling as if they are not a priority. Part of it has been that I was in school all year and that took time away from everyone. Part of it is my kids still having difficulty adjusting to the idea of mom and another man. Then there is my boyfriend whose incredible patience is starting to wear thin. He understands why I am slow to take the next step because my kids are just starting to come around but he wants to be married and together. His kids are younger and very happy with me and my kids so he sees it as all positive for them. Now that my schooling is over I am really going to focus on being more present in all of my relationships. Slowing down, focusing my attention on the moment and the one I am with.

There are certain things that we strong women are perfectly capable of doing but should never have to, dead animals and changing a tire are on the top of my list.

Such a wonderful post to read, I'm so happy to hear that you are embracing your life.

Good luck, I hope it takes it like a gentleman though I would imagine there will be some attempts to persuade you. Enjoy the weekend with your kids!

Being strong doesn't mean you don't have fears and anxiety, being strong means you keep going despite those fears. I'm am so happy to hear your results were clear and that you have found an oncologist who understands beyond the just the medical implications of your diagnosis. What a great way to start your summer!

It's most definitely a generalization and not an indicator of love or depth of grief. My assumption is that it applies more towards the elderly. Having worked so many years in geriatrics I have witnessed the power of "will" in survival as well as death. Some people hang on inexplicably long when they have unfinished business or are waiting for a loved one to come from afar to say goodbye. While others with seemingly insignificant ailments give up or surrender and are gone quickly. I don't think healthy younger adults have that kind of power over our strong bodies, which is probably a good thing or we would we see many young widow/ers dying of broken hearts.

School done, passed my license exam today!! Im enjoying putting the studying behind me tonight but next week I have to start figuring out the details of my new career path :-\. Maybe school wasn't so bad after all.

We always said that if my grandmother died first my grandfather would be right behind her, we couldn't imagine him surviving without her. Her health started to fail and she needed some outside help he was so worried and heart broken. He dropped dead of a heart attack in the house and she rallied and lived a few more years. Not that she didn't grieve or miss him but we knew they went in the right order.