Trying

Sometimes just knowing there are people out there who understand can get you through another day of having to put on the mask and pretend you are OK. I am so sorry for your loss but glad you found us.

Sounds like a great fit for you, look into the training and also the job opportunities. Have fun exploring your options while you take the time off to be more available to your daughter. I have always admired how you make some difficult choices in the best interest of your daughter. Finding a career that gives you the balance and satisfaction you want will be another great example for her.

Great job!

Acceptance doesn't mean we can't be sad. Sometimes it hits for no good reason and you just have to grab a glass and settle into the pity party. Hugs

I'm sorry you had to find her like that, animals give us that unconditional love we can't get anywhere else, so sorry.

I would personally think long and hard about about entering into a serious relationship with someone who suffers from clinical depression. It's not something you can fix for him. It's one thing to already be in love with someone who becomes ill during your relationship but to start a relationship knowing the other person has a serious illness takes a special person. Only you can know what you are willing and able to deal with and if the struggles will be worth the rewards of the the relationship.

I think it's just hard for me to understand hating someone that you made children with so much that you put your hate ahead of your children. I know many divorced couples who coparent very successfully, it is possible but both have to be willing.

Specifically those with kids. Your ex is alive, you once loved them enough to marry and make babies with them. The only person that will ever love your children as much as you do is living, breathing, and raising your children. When your child is going through a struggle, you have someone to discuss it with who can work with you to help your child. When you are feeling burnt out from being a single parent and running a home by yourself you will have a weekend to yourself to catch your breath and catch up or just take care of yourself. My kids don't have their Dad, yours do. When they need man type advice, he's not there. When they do something great, they don't get to see the pride in his face. He's not here to teach them to shave or to teach my younger 2 how to drive a car. Your kids have a dad who is teaching them to throw a ball, swing a bat, dig a ditch, treat a woman with respect, solve math problems, build an awesome sand castle. How are you not grateful for that? How is it that you don't see how important he is to them, just as important as you are. When they run to him with open arms, get down on your knees and thank God you picked a good man to father your children. I would give everything I own to be able to see my children run into their fathers arms again. Sorry for the rant, this is obviously not pertaining to abusive, abandoning or deadbeat exes. And yes, I don't get it just like they don't get my situation.

For me, hope means the risk of being hurt again. Sometimes the fear of going through this type of pain again makes me want to close out the world, close off my heart, and avoid any of the risk of rejection, pain or abandonment. More days than not, I am now leaning towards taking those risks because a life without hope comes with a guarantee of pain. I don't trust that the future will NOT throw me more curve balls, more struggles, more loss. Life has proven to me, even before losing DH, that pain is a part of it. What I am hoping for is happiness in between the tough times, love given and received, rainbows between the storms.

It's hard to get the focus back at first but having some structure and distraction can be a good thing.

I wouldn't know how to not have it come up. Bare basics in the beginning like ages and boy or girls. I would want to know about a potential partners family situation. Over sharing or having it be the focus of your conversations would be weird to me.

Sending you prayers and support for some peace.

Congratulations on making such a big decision! Sounds like a great move for your family..

I'm in healthcare too and began questioning my motivation to continue on the path I was on. Most people in my life don't understand why a physical therapist would want to become a massage therapist. It's seen as "less than" professionally. I don't care what it looks like, it's something that is calling me, something that I can make fit my lifestyle with more satisfaction and less emotional toll and frustration. When I give a massage (and I'm still in school learning) I feel so totally present, in the moment with the person on the table, and knowing I'm making someone feel good, even if I can't fix them, cuts the frustration I usually feel at work. So how about finding something that fills your soul instead of draining it? That could be looking at your profession in a different way or something totally new. I think it's awesome you can take the time off and figure it out. Selling our house and moving has afforded me the opportunity (and time) to make the changes I want.

I know I have said this before but you have to BELIEVE it in order for it to happen. You need to stop the negative self talk because that ends up being the vibe you put out. I have used mantras to help me with the negative thoughts that invade my head and as hokey as it sounds, they really work. " I am smart, I am desirable, I am lovable" or something that rings true to you. Start your day and end your day repeating this to yourself and as many times during the day that you have a negative thought, cut it off and say your mantra. Inside your head when you are around people, but say it out loud whenever you are alone. This whole idea of positive self talk is new to me and very against my nature but it has helped me tremendously. My other suggestion is to practice flirting. Flirt with a guy in the produce aisle or waiting in line at the post office. Not in an attempt to "pick up" a guy but as a way to reconnect with that side of you. I hadn't dated since I was 19 and met DH so it was really strange and awkward at first to be flirty but flirting makes you feel good and gives you confidence. You have so much love to give and you have proven that you make a great partner, who wouldn't want someone like you in their life?! It's scary to put yourself out there but the rewards can be so worth it.

Beautiful sign, when you're open they come through.

(((Darkrose))) I hope you feel better soon, it totally sucks not having someone there to take care of us.

I'm with you, the mornings are great but the evenings really suck! 3 days a week I am starting my one hour commute home in the dark already. Basketball practice that starts at 7:30 pm feels like the middle of the night, lol. The little bit of extra productive time in the morning does not make up for the short days for me.

I started dated new guy only 5 1/2 months after DH died. I would say I was just in the gray area but still very actively grieving. I was functioning day to day, not crying everyday at that point, and very lonely. I would say I had no business entering a relationship at that point but it just sort of happened. I continued to grieve while building a new relationship. He was very patient with me, allowed me to talk or cry when I needed to, gave me space to do the work I needed to do on myself. We fell in love quickly but our relationship has needed to progress very slowly because of my grief and especially my children's grief. We have now been together a year and a half and I have grown tremendously. We have gone through a lot together and I have gone through a lot on my own. I wanted to be very sure that I wasn't using our relationship as an attempt to fill that hole that losing DH has left. In many ways I wish I had met NG now, not a year and a half ago. I am in a pretty good place now and continue to do a lot of work on myself. But maybe I am where I am in part because of this relationship. He gave me a very safe place to learn that it's ok to be happy, it's ok to look forward instead of living in the past, that it's ok to miss DH and cherish the life we had together and still keep living for myself and my kids. He has supported all of the changes I have made, encourages me, celebrates my victories, soothes my worries. It takes a special person to love and support a grieving widow. If your new girlfriend makes you happy and gives you the room to grieve when you need to then I think it very possible to be successful in your new relationship. A new relationship should never make you feel like you to "be over it" already. It's complicated for sure, I wish you the best.

Jen I'm sorry your trip and the unexpected complications have triggered this anger. For me, I can handle the sadness better than the anger. Anger is destructive so I think it's good to let it out (except those times I have let it out on some poor innocent soul). You have reasons to be angry and you have reasons to be grateful. Both need to be acknowledged. You have earned your anger and your sadness in the crappy cards you have been dealt, you didn't chose to lose your love, to be a widow, to be raising your kids alone. But I promise you there are good things out there for you, make room for them, even if it seems like a huge risk. Big hugs to you

What I found was that I lost interest in the path my career was on. To move up would mean to get into management and away from direct patient care. This would mean more money but not at all what I want to do. Instead I am back at school and exploring a new but related career path hoping to spark some renewed ambition and satisfaction in my work. I have to say that I am feeling just that during this learning and planning phase. I'm excited and motivated and confident. This new career path will most likely not mean any increase in income and initially will be less. At 46 I am faced with the reality of 20+ more years of working and realized I needed job satisfaction more than I need an increase in my earnings. I would rather cut back than be apathetic every day.

We only have different academic levels for Math in middle school here (grade 6-8).

His name was Tim. He would give the shirt off his back and and grab a chain saw to get a fallen tree off your house. He loved to have friends and family over and always made them feel at home. He was an incredible Dad and dedicated his time to anything that interested our boys. He remembered everything he ever read or heard. He was type A, a pain in the ass, generous with his heart, his time, and his talents. He was my best friend and partner for 25 years.

I can offer no advice but am so impressed that you are talking to your MIL from the start. I think my MIL knows about NG but we've never talked about him. My FIL knows (and even met him briefly at my sons football game) and was very sweet about it. I know I need to talk to her but I hate the idea of upsetting her in any way. She's not the most reasonable person though in general she is very supportive of me. Of course you don't have to please anyone but yourself but the fact that you are sensitive to her feelings says you are a very caring person. Good luck!

It's good that you were honest with him. And sometimes you have to get the first big argument out of the way so you can learn about each other. Hope it all smooths over.