Trying

Mel, I'm glad that others brought up the issue of showing you a receipt for a ring that won't come for 60 days. I keep going back to that when I read your post. Why show you? Why would it take 60 days? Why tell you that he could be having sex with his ex if he wasn't so virtuous? It feels manipulative to me based on you telling him that sex would have to wait until he "puts a ring on it". I think while it is possible to know someone is "the one" in a short amount of time I also think that it's hard to think clearly when you are in the throws of rainbows and violins in early infatuation. Again, none of us are there and only you know all of the facts so mine is just one opinion based on what you have shared. I wish you nothing but the best.

I so totally understand! This spring is finally a little easier for me and I look back at last year and have no idea how I managed it all with 3 busy kids. Things are going to fall through the cracks but you are doing an amazing job! Big hugs to you. Get through this spring and their current commitments and then really look at what you can eliminate going forward to make things more managable.

First of all, congratulations on seeing through your first date! That's a huge step, I know for me after being with DH for 25 years I was a complete nervous wreck. And. 6 hours?! That's impressive. I am now in a relationship with my first date but I think that's unusual. This guy may not be the one who you have to get used to or he may be. For me, the butterflies and the excitement and the immediate infatuation with new guy made me want to get to know everything about him. As time has gone on his annoying quirks have surfaced as have mine to him. It's not always easy and sometimes I wonder if I really want to live with some of our differences and sometimes I wonder how of earth he could want to live with all that comes along with me. I think it's harder at 46 than it was in my 20's to be flexible because I'm more set in my ways but I am also so much appreciate of love and don't want to take it for granted after suffering such a heartbreaking loss. Good luck as you navigate these new waters, try to just have fun for now.

I still hate that question although I am mostly past the point of getting teary over it, it is very awkward. Depending on the situation I usually try to state it matter of fact and move the conversation along. Sometimes I feel much more sorry for the person who asked than I do for myself. The pity look is pretty awful.

We have 3. The kids basement playroom which is where play station is, the family room and my bedroom. I have a terrible habit of needing the TV on to fall asleep at night even if I'm reading a book.

Fleur you bring up some good points, which is exactly why I bring up questions, to get different perspectives. I was not a virgin when I married nor do I expect that my sons will be. My mother knew I was having sex with DH before I married because I was on the pill but we did not sleep in the same room in her house when he visited until we were married out of respect. My older boys are not all that comfortable with the idea of me dating so it is out of respect that I will give them more time before flaunting my sex life in front of them. As an adult I think I have the right to some privacy and to my own choices but as a parent I do need to take their feelings into consideration. If this relationship continues and they still aren't supportive I would have to reconsider but I want to give them some time to adjust. If my son brought a random girl home from college I would not let him share a bed in my house but if he was in a committed long term relationship I would be more open. My new guy isn't random and we are committed as far as being monogamous and working towards a future but in their minds it's pretty new. I also have to admit that I spend way too much time worrying about how everyone else feels, my therapist and I are working on this but progress is SLOW!

Carey from everything you have shared with us your family has gone through a dramatic change in financial stability since DHs death. Your children, like you, are probably scared and understandably upset by this on top of losing their dad. While their behavior is understandable given the circumstances it is absolutely NOT excusable and needs to be dealt with swiftly and firmly. Lock up your purse and any valuables and explain to them what a breach of trust this has been while acknowledging that desperate times can lead people to make very poor choices. This is a time for a family to pull together not to take away from each other. Huge hugs to you for all you are having to deal with right now. I hope the tide starts to turn for you very soon.

Last weeks goals accomplished. I'm about to start some pretty major goals if things go as planned this week. 1. Make final decision by Wednesday about putting offer in on house 2. Find appraiser to get asking price to sell my house 3. If offer on new house goes through, schedule inspection 4. Do not completely go off the deep end making this decision

This can be a difficult day but I hope everyone finds a few moments of peace. To all of the moms doing it alone, to all of the Dads doing all of the duties of mom, to all of the children and adult children who lost their moms way too early, Happy Mother's Day.

Bravo on all of the progress you have made! I have a ton of purging still to do here and may be moving so I will be kicking it into high gear shortly. I have been feeling stuck in this house with the feeling that everything has to be in the same place the same way as always. I have not made any significant changes around the house as far as furniture or decor. The idea of moving into a new house and having total control of my space is very appealing. I hope you keep up the great momentumou have going!

Tight, tight hugs keeptrying. 6 months is such a hard time for many of us, it's when I started thinking, wait a minute you mean I have to keep doing this? Keep living without him? Keep feeling sad and alone? Keep dealing with everything by myself? Wow, it really is forever. Your due date must only magnify all of the emotions, how could it not? Add hormones and a major life change into the soup. Right now you need to focus on the baby, allow yourself time to just be sad, angry, scared a little bit each each day. You can't pretend it's not there or it comes out huge. You will make it through this and slowly things will begin to change. The awful, but wrenching grief comes less often and less severe. When? That's different for each of us, but it does come. Setbacks? You can count on it, there will be some. But you have made it through the darkness of the first 6 months and you will keep surviving until one day you look up and you will not be swimming against the tide but floating and enjoying the sunshine..

I hope you are hanging in, packing up and moving is such a monumental task but add the emotional stress n top of it and it's off the charts. I'm making a decision today about a move so I may be in your shoes shortly. The idea of the new house makes me so excited for so many reasons and I know it's the right thing to do but just the thought of packing up "our house" has me panicking. One task at a time, keep breathing, enlist whatever help you can find. I wish you peace and happiness in your new place when all of this behind you.

I'm proud of you for taking back control, it could not have been easy to do. Nights alone at home are tough, maybe next time make some plans with friends so you don't have to face the loneliness. The quiet can be unbearable.

Tell your FIL what he needs to hear, a general "yes auntie will always be in her life" and then when the time comes, you do what is best for your daughter. You have no obligation to anyone except your daughter. If he pushes alone time with auntie while he's still alive then you have to be more blunt with him but making a vague promise about after he's gone may keep the peace and allow your daughter to have a nice relationship with her grandfather. Inlaw stuff is hard enough when our spouses were alive but dealing with his family on your own is a no win situation sometimes.

So, my plan has been to start looking to downsize my house in about 2 years when I will have 2 in college (tuition for 2!) and only one left at home. DH and I built this house 15 years ago, it's too much upkeep, I rely on my teen boys a lot to help, and it's too expensive for me to keep long term. I have been following the local real estate market very closely because I like to do my research. There is a neighborhood on the far side of town that is on the lake, house on the lake crazy expensive but across the street less than half the price. There is a neighborhood association with beach and docks where we could keep our boat which would save me the crazy fees I pay at a marina on a different lake 30 minutes from home. Monday a house came on the market, smaller than my house, significantly less taxes, etc. Tuesday my 2 older boys and I met the real estate agent to see the house and it's perfect! Right across the street from the beach and dock, only $400 a year in HOA fees to keep boat and use facilities. The older boys are all in, youngest hasn't seen it yet and has some concerns about moving to other side of town but I know he will come around. I may put an offer in this weekend and I am freaking out!! My house is no where near ready to put on the market but if we hammer down we can get it there. I am so excited about the idea of a fresh start, DH and I always said we would be on a lake some day, boating and water skiing is a huge part of our family life. Leaving this house that we built together and shared so much of our life together in will be very difficult but I can't afford to keep it up and it is such a stressor. So many of you have moved on your own, left behind the home you shared with your spouse, how did you handle it?

I think you need to be honest with her about being a widow, it will only be harder and feel more like a secret the longer you wait. Then relax and enjoy getting to know each other and be cautious about the mental health issues.

Thanks for the suggestions and sympathy, I hate how many people share this problem! I will keep you posted if I ever get this sleep study scheduled.

People are idiots! Nothing even remotely controversial about her story. All of my best to both of you and to your children.

I've been taking Ativan since DH died most nights at bed time but it doesn't seem to be helping anymore, I've tried now waiting until I wake up at 1:00 am to take it since I fall asleep initially ok, but that's not doing it either. When I'm desperate I take Advil pm but it gives me a hang over so I don't like to do it often. Tonight I may break down because I've only had one good nights sleep in almost 2 weeks. Lack of sleep effects everything!

Success and wealth don't protect you from the tragedies of life. My heart goes out to anyone who joins our ranks.

Another night of not sleeping and I am going out of my mind! I have had insomnia for years and have tried just about everything. I'm waiting to schedule a sleep study but in the meantime I am on my second week of being up several hours in the middle of the night. It is so unhealthy and I just want to fix it and be normal!!! I can't tolerate sleeping pills, tried natural remedies, self hypnosis, nothing works consistently. Has anyone successfully fixed a problem with insomnia?

Wishing you peace and happiness in the year ahead. Tight hugs to help you get through today.

Sounds like a great trip! Although I have to say that many 6th grade girls might give me a headache, lol. I've got 3 boys and usually a few extras around the house so that's what I'm comfortable with. Have fun!

Big hugs MissingSquish. Maybe you need a break from dating, therapy and self help books. Grief work is exhausting and I know sometimes I need a break. Do something fun or crazy just for you. Distract yourself, feed your soul, find something to laugh about. I doesn't make it go away but it's good to have a few moments to almost forget.

It sounds wonderful and scary at the same time. I hope it keeps going at a speed you are both comfortable with!