Trying

I find with other parents who aren't close friends they either awkwardly avoid conversations and look at me with guilt and pity if they complain about their husbands or about juggling kids schedules with 2 parents or they totally don't get that my life is very different than theirs. Either way, it's usually uncomfortable. In the beginning I spent so much time avoiding people that I probably made it worse. Now there are times I feel bad for how awkward I make others feel. It's not their fault that they don't get it, they are lucky, just like I used to be. That doesn't mean that there aren't still times I want to dump a latte over someone's head!

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom, I hope your siblings step up and do their share. Wishing you strength and peace.

Got youngest son's closet and drawers cleaned out, still need to take stuff to Goodwill Outside furniture is out, all ready to open pool in a week except for a leak we found today in a water line. More cleaning out of desk and files done. This week: 1. Make reservation for Mothers Day, my mom is coming for the weekend! 2. Take clothes to Goodwill 3. Call plumber! 4. Mothers Day cards and gifts for mom and MIL.

Just remember that you honored your vows, " till death do us part", you did not choose for your marriage to end, you did not choose to have your son raised without his father. There is nothing to feel guilty about because this happened TO you. I think you are taking baby steps in the right direction. I don't think recoupling has to be the answer for everyone but I do think it's healthy to make connections with people, emotional and physical intimacy are a big part of who we are. Acknowledging the part of you that deserves that is a good step.

First of all, big hugs to you, I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time. You are about to make so many major changes that are both symbolic and literal acts of leaving your old life behind. Of course you will always carry Kenneth with you wherever you are but the things you can see and touch and smell that remind you of your life together will be packed up or left behind. How could this not cause a grief wave? You are doing what is best for you and moving towards your future but it isn't easy. I can relate to your feelings that you are giving your New Guy a more evolved version of yourself. I want to love better and more openly this time around. I don't want to take one minute for granted or ever cause my New Guy to feel like I don't appreciate him or cherish him. Tim did not get the best version of me but I learned so much from my relationship with him and from losing him and I think he would expect me to use all I have learned in my current relationship. Just last night I broke down in a wave of confusion, missing Tim and our old life at the same time as I was frustrated that I can't be with my new guy the way I want to be. Longing for 2 different men in 2 different ways at the same time. It's not something I can really put into words because I can't wrap my own head around it. You know this move is going to be difficult but you have already survived so much that I am confident you will get through this. I think we both will be able to make peace with our past and our present eventually, with a little faith and a lot of time.

Already in PJs and in bed, about to watch my third episode of House of Lies. Kids are at a movie so it's just me and the dog. Have to work tomorrow so I decided against the wine tonight and am having cucumber water instead. Who is more exciting than me?!

Klim, you nailed it exactly. I don't want to throw it in their face that I'm having sex, and like Mel I don't want to set a bad example. I think they should at least accept that I'm dating him before they have to accept sleepovers. Poor New Guy, there are some benefits to dating a widow but some definite downsides to dating a widow with teenagers. mawidow, his kids have asked me to have a sleepover, it's very cute! Mel, if I told New Guy he would have to put a ring on it, he would! Not what I want right now so I won't be able to use that line, lol. Swilson, it's not that the older 2 don't like him, they haven't even tried to get to know him, it's the idea of any man that's the problem. He actually has a lot in common with my middle son, if DS could ever bring himself to talk to him I think they would really hit it off.

That's pretty much mandatory behavior for an 18 year old boy. I feel your pain.

What an amazing accomplishment for your daughter and a tribute to her mother who has guided her. Thank you for sharing your good news!

Not being able to give our kids everything we want, seeing them go without, is the most difficult part of this journey. Even though she is being mature and understanding about your financial circumstances I am sure she appreciates hearing that you would give her the moon if you could. None of it is fair.

This topic has come up here before but it came up last night with New Guy so I wanted to get some opinions. We have have been together a year but my kids (18,16,11) have only known about it for 7 months. My youngest is comfortable around him, oldest is polite but mostly avoidant and middle one completely avoids contact other than hello. We have had only a few overnights and my children don't know about any of them. I don't want to set a bad example and I definitely would not have him stay in my home if they were there. New guy is patient and understanding but his kids are only 4 and 5 so he doesn't totally get why I didn't want them to know I was with him when we went away for a weekend recently. He doesn't pressure me to spend the night ever but he did ask last night when I thought I would be ready to tell my kids "staying at new guys place tonight". So for those of you with kids old enough to understand what sleeping over means, did you ever do this with a new chapter 2 love outside of marriage or moving in together? And if you did, how did you handle it?

I agree. I don't even like when some divorced women refer to themselves as "single parent" when the ex husband lives 5 miles away, has the kids 2 nights a week and every other weekend. That's a divorced parent. A single woman yes. To me a single parent is when you are completely on your own. No coparenting, no step parent. Just my opinion.

Last night it had dinner with a friend, she and her husband were one of our couple friends and there son and my middle one are friends. We were able to have conversations about all kinds of things that are current and relevant in our lives, not about my grief. When DH came up it was stories that we both laughed over and it felt good to talk about him, not even once did I tear up. When I got in my car to,leave the restaurant I realized that i enjoyed a night out with my friend, simple as that. Before, I would get in the car and feel a heaviness, a relief that the night was over and I was no longer under the "how are you really doing?" Microscope. Still having moments of active grieving, but I'm not living in active grieving. I am moving past survival mode and feeling more gratitude for the life I shared with DH and gratitude for all that I still have. Progress.

It's a little sad in some ways that we can't shut off that part of our brain that has learned the hard lessons. And for me, being with a divorced man who is able to say (and often does) that this is the best relationship he's ever had, and he has never loved someone the way he loves me, makes me stop in my tracks. My relationship with DH wasn't perfect but it was 25 years strong and I would still be in it if he hadn't died. That depth of trust and experience will take years to build again. I became an adult with DH so our relationship helped form who I am. With new guy, I am fully formed already. Yes, I believe we continue to grow and learn from new people and experiences and there are many things I want to do better this time around. What I'm trying to say is that I understand not feeling like you are living in a fairy tale. That doesn't mean it's not wonderful or right. And how wonderful to have someone who wants to be with you so much! Wishing you all of the best.

Sometimes it can just be a vibe you give off, not anything you said in particular. If you are thinking you might be ready to think about dating then your vibe will change slowly. Start with some innocent flirting with men you see in your every day life. Random guy at the grocery store, guy working at the hardware store. Just subtle, not suggestive or creepy, smile and make eye contact with some flirty chatter. Start to notice men. See how it feels look at men in a different way. See how that makes you feel, does it wake up that part of you that reminds you that you are a woman with natural desires to connect with someone. If yes, then maybe you are ready to start casually dating. I think your friend means well and it sounds like she got you thinking.

Not doing so great on the goals this week. My insomnia has been terrible which leaves me with little energy after working, kids stuff, making dinner. I have to work Sunday so not expecting a super productive weekend either. So for Saturday, aside from regular chores and a baseball game I am only setting one goal. 1. Clean out youngest sons drawers and closet and drop off decent stuff at Goodwill, bad stuff in donation bin. Ifionlycould, I hope your health issues ease up soon.

Just. So. Wrong!!

I'm disappointed I won't be able to make this one, I'm working on Sunday.

I have a former friend who I am working towards forgiveness with. I don't believe we will return to the friendship we had but perhaps polite and civil. I need to let go of the hurt and anger for my own good. I would like an opportunity to share the hurt she caused but I need to be at a point where I expect nothing in return from her. I don't know if she is capable of apologizing or understanding anything outside of herself so talking to her would be more about me Letting go. I also want to be able to speak to her without judgement or anger because she is on her own difficult journey. I am working through all of this so it can be a beneficial conversation for me without adding harm to her.

(((Lcoxwell))) I hope things settle down for you. We will all be here when they do.

Mizpah and Calimom I am so impressed with the major decisions and life changes you were both able to make. Mancino, I think some of us were born over thinkers. When a decision really needs to be made I can do with some confidence but when it's about me and what will make me happy or more full filled I get wishy washy. My current job pays the bills, is flexible for raising kids and something I should be proud of. I can afford to stay in my house a few more years so I'm not being forced to decide anything now. I almost wish there was some external pressure on me to make changes. I am keeping an eye on every new listing in our town so if the right house comes on the market it will spur me to get this one ready to sell quickly. As far as career changes, I am looking for a new challenge and more job satisfaction. The thought of going back to school and taking time away from my kids feels so selfish and the direction I'm thinking of going would not bring in more income most likely. So is it really worth pursuing? I guess I'm looking to feel passionate about something, to find that fire. Something to make me want to jump out of bed and embrace each day. Something that I requires me to think and learn instead of just living on autopilot.

I am very sorry for your loss. Your FIL sounds like a wonderful man and of course you should go to say your goodbyes. I wish you strength as you face so many memories.

1. It's a beautiful day! I am so happy to come home from work and open the windows. 2. My SIL is going to take DHs home office furniture for her new house, saves me from having to sell it when I'm ready to move some day and I'm happy his sister will have it since it a beautiful room full of furniture.and he loved her so much. 3. Made chocolate chip cookies for my kids and for New Guy, the house smells wonderful

It's either not the right guy or not the right the time for you if you are feeling "meh". I found the right guy at the wrong time and we have both been working through so many obstacles because it feels right. With a "just meh" guy I wouldn't have put up with half the obstacles for more than a few weeks. I agree with Mizpah, it's better to start loving life and felling alive first so you are open to a relationship and attract the type of man that will be attractive to you. If you are feeling "meh" then that's what you will attract.

Sending you a hug. Last year, my first birthday without DH was very difficult. I just had my second birthday without him last week and it was much better. I had lots of things scheduled with family and friends over several days which was a big help. Even if it's something small, make some plans for yourself, do something completely different than what you used to do. You will still have moments of sadness and loneliness but hopefully you can balance them with some moments of joy.