lcoxwell

Ignore my previous question. I had a migraine last night and took the "good meds" to try and get rid of it. Apparently, I was a little loopier than I thought! If my Kenneth were still alive, he would say THIS (^^^) is why they don't let me out in public very often. ;D

So I have a weird question, since I am new to all this picking teams and brackets thing. I noticed it allows you to add a sheet with an alias, so you can keep track of your picks. Does this mean I could do two brackets, one for who I think will win and a second one for who I wish would win? I've been so conflicted, and this would end my internal argument (which, frankly, needs to stop, because these arguing voices in my head are drowning out the usual voices I am used to hearing, and I can't handle the confusion). Oh, the pressure is just madness!

This is so beautiful and well written. I read this, and the tears started flowing. Thank you for sharing.

^^^ This is so true! I seem to be on a cycle recently, where I will have one or two good weeks, then CRASH, a wave hits. It takes me a week or two to ride it out, then here comes another one. I really have nothing useful to say, I just wanted you to know this truly resonated with me. (((Hugs)))

Welcome to the board, Dahlia, though I am sorry you have a need to be here. Like LostMyCharles, I had to smile at your description of how you expected your future to turn out. This would have made my Kenneth smile, too.

Good one! I get to watch Young and Restless every day, only my "Young and Restless" are middle school students with spring fever. ;D

I don't know why some monthly "sadiversaries" are so much harder than others, but I remember 6 months being particiularly difficult for me, as well. I also remember reading posts from others, further out than I was at the time, also describing how hard it was to hit 6 months. It is so unfair that you are having to go through this. You should have your dear husband with you, and I am sorry he is not here. As you try to make it through this week, just remember to be extra gentle with yourself. (((Hugs)))

In honor of all the MADNESS, and because AC and DIAH apparently created a monster by telling me how to do gifs, here ya go. Now THIS is madness! ;D

Here is a little cheer for our speedy heroes. Go team, go!

Gave up my "student free" lunch, so that a couple of students could have a quiet place to work on an essay that they needed to complete.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know that the sharing of our stories can be so incredibly hard and take us back to some vey dark places in our lives, but speaking as another extreme caregiver, it is important for me to read others' stories and to see that I am not alone.

I wish I could say there is a magical number of days that you have to endure, then things will suddenly get better, but, sadly, widowhood doesn't work that way. I am not going to lie to you. You are in shock, and when that wears off, there are going to be some really hard days ahead, that you will have to face. In time, though (and the amount of time is different for everyone), you will start to find a few moments, where things feel a little better, than they do right now. The pain won't always feel so raw. Gradually, at least some things will get better. Early on, I was advised to just take it one step at a time. I remember somewhere about 3-4 weeks after my Kenneth's death, I made the comment that it was really hard to take one step at a time, even if it is a baby step, if you are drowning out in the middle of the ocean, with waves crashing down over your head, and you can't touch the ground with your feet. A few wise widows/widowers farther out than I was told me that, when all else fails, just breathe. The teacher in the room next to mine is a widower, and every day that he saw me, he would ask me if I was remembering to breathe. I thought this was the most ridiculous thing ever, but it turns out that taking thoughtful breaths, where you are concentrating on breathing in and breathing out, really does help to ride out the worst moments.

I went to the gym with my guy and worked out for 30 minutes. I didn't want to overdo it, since I have been sick for the last few weeks, but at least I went for a little while.

I seem to be out of words of comfort today, but I wanted you to know I can relate to much of what you wrote. I can honestly say, I don't want to merely exist, either, but many days, that's where I am at. On the other hand, there are days, like yesterday, when I can find glimpses of a real life once more, and there is hope for a better tomorrow.

Since I am only just a year out, I have no real words of comfort. I just wanted you to know that I read your post and hope that today is a better day.

I love how the two of you found a way to honor the part, while simultaneously recognizing that your were starting your future together. Big hugs to you, my friend.

Big hugs to you, Chopperette! While you are almost a year farther out than I am, I can relate to the sentiment that time is a matter of perspective and that sometimes, it feels like yesterday. I hope your birthday next Wednesday is a good one.

1) you get in your truck and start to leave the house, but remember you forgot to put on your shoes, so you have to go back inside. You start to leave again, but realize that when you went inside to put on your shoes, you left your keys on the dresser, so you have to go back inside again. You start to leave a third time, and manage to pull out into the street, when you look down and notice you also left your purse inside, so you have to park once more and go back inside a third time. You start to leave a fourth time, and realize you should have gone to the bathroom, then decide it isn't worth it to go back, because at this rate, you might never leave. Ten minutes later, you FINALLY start driving down the street. 2) you have to dig through the pile of clothes you had planned to take to Good Will, in order to find something to wear for the day, because although you washed a load of clothes, you forgot to move them over to the dryer. 3) you have to feed the dogs people food, because even though you went to the store three times this week, you forgot to pick up dog food while you were out, and now you have on pajamas and don't have it in you to get dressed and go back out again. 4) you realize that you did not pay one of your bills on time, because rather than putting the envelope in the mail for it to be delivered, you instead put it in the glove compartment of your truck, like that made good sense. And last, but certainly not least.... 5) you run out of gas on the way home from work, because even though you have gone out multiple times in the last few days; and even though your truck has had the little warning light and the little alarm go off that tells you you need to put gas in the truck; and even though, as you have been out running errands, driving to and from work, and taking a coworker home you have passed AT LEAST seven different gas stations, MULTIPLE TIMES, you still forgot to fill it up with gas. (Please, feel free to add your own "Widda Brain" moments, either for our entertainment, or to stand in solidarity with me, so I don't have to feel like a complete imbecile.)

This is me, checking in. Thankfully, I am in much better shape this week, than last. I am currently sitting out on New Guy's patio, enjoying the fresh air and a gentle breeze. I've got on a pair of denim shorts and a hoodie that says, "California Paradise Love" on it. My feet are bare, my legs are shaved, and my long hair is blowing in the breeze. I also smell good, because I put lotion on a few minutes ago. Right now, as I am typing this, I am looking over at my guy and watching him read. I love these quiet times with him. By the way, Maureen, I now have an intense craving for Cadbury Eggs, and there are none to be had, at the moment. Thanks a lot!

I have made a point of practicing gratitude, as well. For one thing, losing my Kenneth made me realize just how short life really was, and I wanted to make sure I appreciated the good people/things I have in my life. At first, I started with something small and easy, posting on the "Three Good Things" thread that Chemie started, making a special point to post on the really bad days. It helped pull me up out of some of my darkest days. Thank you, Chemie, for starting that thread. You will never know how much it meant to me. The other thing I did was make a concerted effort to let the people in my life know just how grateful I am to have them in my life, and to thank them for all the wonderful things they do. I actively practice gratitude by saying, "Thank you!" much more frequently than I ever did, before being widowed. I especially do this with New Guy, because one of the things I worried most about, after Kenneth died, was whether I had told him often enough, just how much he meant to me, and how thankful I was to have him in my life. I never want New Guy to feel as though I am taking him for granted, and I truly am blessed to have the relationship I have with him. One of the things that has made our relationship a good one, I think, is because I have practiced gratitude, especially with him.

lolamei and nonesuch.....These stories are absolutely hysterical. You two really hit the dating jackpot, huh? (I hope you know I am just kidding on that one).

My Guy and I have commented on this same thing, several times. We think the terms boyfriend/girlfriend sound too much like something teenagers would say. I started calling him my New Guy, after seeing others use it on the old board. It just sounded more mature than boyfriend, though after ten months of dating, it feels weird to continue to call him the New Guy. When it is just the two of us, we simply call each other love, or my love. ^^^ Ha! Ha! That's hysterical!

I am about 4 months ahead of you, but so far, this has been my experience, also. I will have a period of time, be it days or a week or two, in which I will feel like I am making a little progress and the pain is easing up, just a bit. Then, another wave of grief will hit, and I feel like I am drowning all over again. Hang in there, and this wave of yours will also subside, once again.

In my personal opinion, goals and accomplishments are two completely different things. If you are able to cross a goal off of your to do list, then you have accomplished something. Let's face it, though, none of us would likely write getting out of bed, putting on clothes, and brushing our teeth on a list of goals, but some days, THAT is a major accomplishment. On a side note, I was the first person to post in that accomplishment, and I just passed a year a little less than two weeks ago. I say, post where you want to, and ignore the naysayers, but that's just my opinion.

We do have chat. Go to the General Forum, and you will find a thread titled "Chat Room Information", pinned to the top of the board, second one down. Follow the instructions, and it will get you there.