lcoxwell

Honestly, I never said goodbye, either. He was in a coma, throughout his last day and a half. While he was in the coma, I told him that I would be okay, because I knew those were the words he needed to hear me say. My final words to him, both the last time I spoke to him, before the coma, and that final day, while he was in the coma, were "I love you, Babe!"

I am very sorry that things are so difficult, right now. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through, at this moment, or how difficult this weekend was for you. I wish I had some advice to share or words of wisdom to pass on. Sadly, I have no words, but I can tell you that I hear you and that I am remembering you in my thoughts. ((((Hugs))))

This picture with New Guy was taken two months ago, on a brief, weekend getaway.

I don't know if I should be posting this here or in the "Confessions" thread. I found YWBB a few weeks out, and I spent weeks reading through EVERYTHING. The "Social Situations" forum gave me hope, but also had me a bit worried. I live in a remote area, where finding a potential date could be difficult. From what I was reading in the forum, online dating seemed to be the way to go, but it seemed like it might take a while to find someone I would be interested in dating. From what I was reading, online dating seemed to be an art form, with a learning curve, which might take a few months to figure out. I wasn't ready to start dating, yet, but I figured that, if it was going to take a few months, I didn't want to wait until I was ready to start looking. So, I researched a few online dating sites, picked one I thought would work for me, and developed a profile. Never in a million years, would I have ever guessed that I would end up in a relationship with one of the very first people I was matched with, and the only person I ever met in person. What can I say? I always was a fast learner, and our first few interactions with one another intrigued me. New Guy has never been married, because he knows what he is looking for in a relationship and refuses to settle for anything less. Our first date was very early on, probably before I was truly ready, but he waited another 5 weeks before asking me out on date #2. By then, I was definitely ready for dating, probably too early on for most people, but I knew that, the longer I waited, the harder it would be me. While I do not recommend dating early on for most people, it was right FOR ME. My New Guy is a remarkable man. He has a profound understanding of the widow brain, asking questions and encouraging me to talk about my Kenneth, when I need to. He recognizes that I will always love Kenneth, but he also knows that the heart has an unlimited capacity to love. New Guy is a secure and confident man, who knows I love him and who does not feel like he has to compete with Kenneth, or his memory. He knows he has more than enough good things to offer in a potential relationship, on his own right. New Guy tells me that he thanks God for placing me in his life, and he tells me he thinks God made me "nearly perfect". He has a calm and peaceful manner about him that is just what I needed after years of turmoil and struggling in my life. Being with him just feels easy and natural. He knows how to bring romance into a relationship, how to build chemistry, and he can kiss like no one I have ever dated. He's intelligent, funny, and engaging. He is also just as comfortable sitting at home or going out. Most of all, for the first time in years, I have someone who wants to take care of me, for a change, and I cannot even begin to describe how good that feels. New Guy and I are at the point, where we are talking about a future together, but we aren't rushing into things. We are taking our time and letting things develop naturally, and we pray about each and every decision along the way. Now that I have passed the one year anniversary of Kenneth's death, we are starting to talk more seriously about the possibility of me moving this Summer to be closer to him (he's two hours away). My Kenneth and my new guy are pretty much polar opposites, but I think Kenneth would approve. He wanted me to be happy, and he wanted me to find someone that would be good to me. Will I ever stop wishing Kenneth were here with me? Probably not, but life goes on, even when I don't want it to, so I am going to do all I can to reach for happiness, and thank Kenneth for teaching me just how precious life is.

I agree. You chose not to give into the temptation, and that's what is truly important.

If it makes you feel better, Michael, I may be sick, but at least my legs are shaved, and I'm all lotioned up, so I smell good. ;D

Thank ya'll on the get well wishes. I'm sure my dogs would appreciate it, if I would quit disturbing their naps with my coughing.

Hello, from sunny CA! I have the flu and bronchitis, so I am quite lovely tonight, with my stringy hair, sickly pallor, and dark circles. My voice has taken on a lovely, husky sound, and I can barely talk above a nice, sexy whisper. I had to cancel weekend plans with my New Guy, but my two furry, four-legged critters are happy to keep me company, while I recline in bed and watch Netflix.

This week, I reached the one year anniversary of my Kenneth's death. I cannot believe it has been a year, and that I have reached this point. I've been thinking about what I wanted my first post here to say, and I just haven't had the words. Then, as I was going back to save posts from YWBB, I came across something I posted at six months, and I think this still greatly applies, so I am going to share a slightly edited version here: I have finally made it through the shock of the first six months, and the reality of the second, and have now survived the first year. I am not really sure how I feel about that. On one hand, it feels like no time has passed at all. On the other hand, it feels like it has been a lifetime, since life was "normal", or at least what was normal for me. In the last year, I have had to adjust to no longer being a constant caregiver, unable to leave my Kenneth alone, unsupervised. I no longer have to split my time between work and hospitals, or sit in the ER all night long and have to teach all day. I no longer have to manage medications, juggle doctor appointments, do wound care, coordinate trips to dialysis, or get up multiple times in the middle of the night with him. I am not hiding car keys and bank cards, anymore. I am not paying attention and looking for any of the many warning signs that would signal a need to call the ambulance. I don't have to leave my cell phone on every minute of the day, just in case of emergency, and I am not having to feed, bathe, and clothe him. I am not having to take him to the bathroom anymore, or transfer him in and out of the wheelchair. I also don't have to hear him cuss at me and the nurses and doctors, or watch him spend his life in confusion and in pain. I miss being a wife. I miss having that one person, who was always there, to share my life with. I miss his smile, his laughter, his brown eyes. I miss his voice and hearing him say he loves me. I miss him. In many ways, my life feels empty, now. My house is no longer a home, and I often just feel lost and alone. But there are good things in my life, too. The kids are all healthy and doing alright. I can now go to church or out with friends and coworkers. I can leave the house to exercise, if I want to. I have also met, and am seeing, an amazing, supportive man, who loves me dearly and who completely gets the widowed brain. His presence in my life is calm and reassuring. When I am with him, I feel a peace that I have never known. Everyone is completely supportive of my new relationship, and friends and coworkers comment that I look "lighter" and "happier" than they have seen me in a long time. There is happiness in my life, once again, or at least glimpses of it. There is hope, and a light at the end of this long, dark tunnel of despair. I just have to wonder, though, if my words at six months still apply so aptly now, does that mean I am progressing, or does that mean I am stuck in limbo? I still have both moments of despair and moments of hope, so I just don't know.

Personally, I feel that the answer to the question, "Expect too much?" really depends on your individual relationship with your significant other, on how often and how well you communicate, and on whether he has been there during times of need before, or not. In some relationships, this would, by no means, be expecting too much. In others, it might be. Only you can truly answer that, though the rest of us might be able to give our opinions. From my perspective, I think it is good that you are comfortable enough with him to communicate that you had a need and that you were hurt. The only way a relationship can grow is for the people involved to be able to share their thoughts and feelings and to be honest with one another. If you think you overreacted or handled it badly, then apologize, and go from there.

This picture was taken almost exactly three years ago, when we stopped for breakfast on the way home from yet another hospitalization. Two weeks earlier, he had been rushed to the hospital via ambulance and had been admitted to the ICU for nearly a week. It was to be the first of many admits to the ICU, but on that day (when the picture was taken), we were just thankful that he was still alive.

1) I have almost completely converted to using paper plates and cups and plastic spoons, because I just don't have it in me to wash the dishes. 2) I also frequently use the the cheap, plastic containers to store leftovers, so that when said leftovers have taken on a life of their own (because I haven't bothered to clean out the fridge), I can just toss them in the trash, container and all, without feeling quite as guilty for throwing good money away. Again, it lets me avoid dishes. 3) If I could reasonably justify never cooking again (financially and nutritionally), and just eat drive through or take out for the rest of my life, I would, because, you guessed it, I could avoid washing dishes.

Thank you for sharing this. There are some here, who didn't have perfect marriages, and who, like you, feel they can't share this with people in their real lives. I loved my Kenneth, and we mostly had a pretty good life together. His illness changed him, though, and there were times, when he became verbally abusive. I didn't share that with anyone, because I didn't want people to think poorly of my husband. There were times, when I was hurt and when I wanted out, too; and yet I stayed, because I knew there would be no one else to take care of him, if I left. I can honestly say, there were times, when I felt cheated, too.

Kenneth used to get his days and nights mixed up. He would sleep during the day, then stay up all night. I cannot tell you how often he would wake me up in the middle of the night, because he was talking to, or playing with these two: Boo - Our aptly named Pit Bull, who goes against the "fierce" stereotype and is afraid of everything. She also likes rearranging couch cushions, for her own personal comfort. Vinnie - Our Pug has no respect for personal boundaries. If you sit down anywhere near him, expect him to jump in your lap and lick your face. I tried to teach him better, really, I did.

What a beautiful gift, your Brooks gave you. Reading this, it is so easy to see the love that you two had for each other. I am so sorry that you have lost him, and that you have to go through this pain, but I hope you can find comfort in cherished memories of him.

This is well done, and I think you have a wonderful message to share. With your permission, I would like to share your video with my 8th grade students. We just finished reading a book that teaches people can be word bullies, and we have spent some time discussing how words can hurt. This video would be an excellent follow-up, showing one person's personal experience and reminding them to think before they speak.

I am so, so sorry for your loss and that you have to be here with us, but I am glad you found us. You will find an incredible amount of support among this group. Please, be sure you are taking care of yourself, and not just your little one. Eat when you can, rest when you can, and drink plenty of water. ^^^ I love this, by the way. Being an eternal optimist, even on the bad days, I always like seeing other positive attitudes.

I seriously started to post something about this last night. For years, I was going I n and out of the ER, hospitals, doctors offices, etc. with my Kenneth; I was exposed to MRSA (a form of staff infection that's resistant to medications - nasty stuff); and I was surrounded by students getting sick, every time a new "bug" started making the rounds. In all that time, the only time I got sick, except for my migraines, was with the occasional mild cold. Since my Kenneth died, I have had several colds, an ear infection (hadn't had one of those in about 40 years), a couple of stomach viruses, and yesterday, I went to the doctor and was told I have both the flu AND bronchitis simultaneously (as if having one of those at a time wouldn't be enough). The last time I went to see my grief counselor, a few days ago, I mentioned that I had been sicker this year than I had ever remembered being in my entire life. He, also, said this was normal. I have to say, if this is "normal", I would really like to be "abnormal" for a while. On the plus side, between the illnesses and antibiotics, that tear up my stomach and kill my appetite, I should be looking pretty good for swimsuit and shorts weather this year (minus the dark circles under my eyes and sickly pallor of my skin - but we can't have everything, can we?). :-\

I am always amazed at how encouraging the people are in this community. Even on my worst of days, I am full of gratitude for all of you. Lisapop....I tried reading a few of my old posts, and some were simply too painful to revisit, just yet, so I have been cutting and pasting, but not reading them, for the most part. MissingSquish....I completely agree. ((((Jen)))) Thank you, look2thesky. Baylee....This means more to me, than you will ever know. I needed to hear this today. Thank you!

Momtojandj suggested, in another thread, that someone should start a new one on the crazy responses we get through online dating. Fortunately, my one online dating experience has been a huge success, and I am happily dating the one and only man I ever met through an online dating site. So, sadly, (or maybe I should say happily?), I have no "good" responses of my own to share. I would, however, love to read others' funny stories, because, let's face it, sometimes, we just need to laugh.

Maureen, I just want you to know I read your entire story, and I completely understand the need to tell it, from time to time. Thank you for sharing with us.

Kenneth passed away two months before our son graduated from high school. I remember posting about it on the old board, saying how he should have been there. I'm sorry you are a mess, and just wanted you to know I hear you.

Kenneth's kids were mostly grown, when we first met. They are now in their late 20s/early 30s, so I won't include them here in this particular thread. My kids are now 19 (my son) and 20 (my daughter), and I will take a moment to brag on them. In the year, since my Kenneth died, my son, who struggled academically throughout school, managed to graduate high school, by the skin of his teeth, and has taken a few classes at the local community college. His grades aren't A's, but he likes the classes and he has B's and C's. Considering he has a visual impairment, social anxiety, and that he had to go to summer school and night school to graduate, that is HUGE. He doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, and has friends, who are trustworthy, with good reputations. I never have to worry about where he is at night, and I can always count on him to do what I ask. My daughter is a "go getter". In the last year, she and her fianc? planned both a wedding and a cross country move. They also paid for everything themselves. She is fiercely independent and stubborn and one of the most highly intelligent people I have ever known. At her wedding, she found a way to honor Kenneth and his memory and to make him a part of her special day, even though he could not be there physically to walk her down the aisle (or to have her push his wheelchair down the aisle, as the case would have been).

^^^ LOVE this! I laughed so hard, my stomach hurts. ;D

I really have to say, I am impressed that you were able to respond to everyone who posted. Simply amazing!