On line dating vents and laughs......

[Guest TormentedTwoStep]

Thanks very much for the advice, TTA.  I'm not exactly new at this, but I'm not an old pro either.  But I have already encountered some unsettling weirdness.  Like the pre-op tranny with heavy stubble that hit me up-no joke. Sorry, dude. I don't date anyone that's packin' wangage. Past, present, or future!

[momtokam]

I think I'm done with the on line crazies again.

 

Finally chatted with someone that seemed real, not a widower engineer new to town! Conversation and banter was great over a couple days. When I suggested adding voices to our words and talking on the phone, he deletes his profile.

 

Another multiple cut and paste master would not let up and finally asked if I was shy. I replied no but I am not interested in multiple copy and paste messages. He replied that it worked and he finally got my attention. I reply yup he did but I still wasn't interested. Then he started calling me difficult and said I didn't know how to laugh. Well bud, you have no clue about me or how much I actually laugh! Block!

 

Another widower wanted to email off site after message one. I replied that I would love to email,  after a couple messages on site to get to know more about him. Poof!

 

Serioisly, it's just so frustrating.

[Momtojandj]

Online now talking to mr negativity .. Trying to get him to say one positive thing.. So far I'm failing. I'm bored , telling him he's not for me soon .. 😂😂

[RobFTC]

Hey SunshineFl,

 

Thanks for mentioning your impressions of meetmindful.com - I have been reading stuff from them for awhile as well, and some of the articles are good.  I have a limited profile there, and haven't paid them money; for me, the population density means there just are not a lot of people nearby on the site.  But it could be good for people nearer to or in cities.  Worth checking out, especially if you like yoga :-)

 

I hope you're well, it's good to hear from you!

 

Take care,

Rob T

[momtokam]

Thanks SunshineFL.  There are some very good articles there.

[Guest TalksToAngels]

I think many of the vents are things that many of us have experienced.

The most aggravating to me seems to be you anticipate a nice meeting sit down whether dinner or coffee or drink whatever and within minutes start hearing about bad date and ex stories. This is was always the precursor for me, that the person was not near ready to meet or date. I think part of the problem is too many people on the sites are just wanting to meet too many people, with unrealistic expectations.

Thanks for the article SF I've previously seen these, wish there was a "dating after wid handbook".

That was realistic and informative. Unfortunately all the ones I've read seem way outdated.

[Needytoo]

Love the articles SunshineFL. 

 

I think I have a date Saturday.  Have no clue what we are doing but I think we are going out for supper.  Trying to keep myself calm. 

[Mrskro]

I just don't get it.  If you don't want to actual start a conversation why message someone.  Is it just me? 

 

him - hi  (I shouldn't have responded)

Me - hello, how are you today?

Him - ok, nice profile

me - thanks  (his says absolutely nothing about him)

him - yw

and then nothing.

 

Why bother???

[2ManyQuestions]

Mrskro - Sorry but that is 2 funny....

[Portside]

I just don't get it.  If you don't want to actual start a conversation why message someone.  Is it just me? 

 

him - hi  (I shouldn't have responded)

Me - hello, how are you today?

Him - ok, nice profile

me - thanks  (his says absolutely nothing about him)

him - yw

and then nothing.

 

Why bother???

 

Oh, it's annoying no doubt but could it be this guy is so damn shy that just saying 'hello' was a huge leap for him?

 

Possibly it's a jungle out there for him too.

 

Good luck, Mike

[Momtojandj]

Mrskro... I've learned I always answer , then ask a question . It's like leading a child to talk... Sorry guys on here 😉

[Virgo]

My date cancelled on me. He mentioned rescheduling. I told him I was available tomorrow, but he didn't text me back. I won't be contacting him.

 

I agree ... why bother?  Why ask to go out at all?

[Guest TalksToAngels]

To me Hi or Hey is the lamest excuse for an introduction.

Why bother, is right.

[Needytoo]

I find starting and keeping a conversation going very difficult, but I agree you can tell right away when the conversation just never going to develop. 

 

Sorry about your date Virgo.  I have no particulars on my date tonight.  Not sure what to do about it?  Still early in the day, hopefully he lets me know.   

[momtokam]

So much for the promise of spring!

Profiles hidden again. Just like the actual weather, spring has decided to be elusive so far!

 

Have fun tonight Needytoo!

 

I have a movie date with my minimal texter tonight.

Getting out will be good!

 

 

[Guest TormentedTwoStep]

Had a second "phone date" with a real promising prospect tonight.  All was really going good.  We were really clicking, better than I'd anticipated.  I was getting excited, and so was she.  Then she brought up having kids.  She's 10 years younger than me (don't judge) and raring to find a husband, bed him like mad and start a private ball team.  I'm not there.  That was a while back for me, didn't work out and I've moved through it.

 

She's on to a guy that wants babies outta the chute.  Oh well-I could always answer the 61 year old nurse that had three grandkids living with her.  I'm getting so hard up that something seems better than this continued nothing.

[tybec]

Well, I started on line the super bowl weekend, and I have been seeing a man ever since.  I contacted him, we chatted for several nights, then phone, then face to face.  I like him, a lot.  I married the only guy I dated since age 14, 28 years together, my late husband.  Can lightening strike twice?  Crazy, we talk so much and get along.  It is complicated, and I had to stop being a crazy teen like person, waiting for a message or text.  But it is getting easier.  Others are contacting me now, and coupled friends are living vicariously through me.  Could it be?  Could this work?  IDK  Oy, this world is so strange, isn't it?

[Needytoo]

Wow we all have been busy. My date texted me in the afternoon and we met for coffee and then went out for supper.  He is a little bit shorter than myself although he mentioned we are the same height. 

 

I am looking for someone that is a good communicator and enjoys life as well as some other things.  This guy could talk that is for sure. He loves his fishing, hunting and camping. It has been 8 months since his break up with his 23 year common law marriage. He talked about when he broke some vertebra in his back and other injuries, that was a little weird.

 

He opened doors for me paid for dinner.  It was a nice evening.  Can't say there was any sparks flying and I didn't think there would be the first date. 

[Captains wife]

I was hesitant about date 2 with this guy I planned to go out with last night - let's call him preppy boating guy. We had a good first date but he had a short marriage and has no kids. I am cautious of perceived bachelor types. But I am resolved to keep my toes in the water. When I showed up I wasn't really attracted to him but as I talked to him more as the night went on he became more attractive (and it wasn't just the wine). Just so great to talk to and we had such good laughs. I also liked he wasn't afraid to ask questions/talk about my late husband - he remembered the story from the news. And I had been admiring his fish cuff links on our first date so he brought me a pair as a gift on our second date- how sweet is that! Just wanted to report some good dating news from my side for a change. There will be a 3rd date....

[Guest nonesuch]

Oh well-I could always answer the 61 year old nurse that had three grandkids living with her.  I'm getting so hard up that something seems better than this continued nothing.

 

I asked my consort if he had had a lot of requirements when he first started dating again.  Oh, yes, a whole list!  Sooner or later, he joked, the list gets shorter and shorter, until

the only requirement left is "Someone who'll answer my ad."

[Guest TormentedTwoStep]

Date number three occurred yesterday.  We spent four hours together, talking at length about everything including widowhood.  She's local to me and we have some mutual friends.  I thought we'd really hit it off.  I felt some chemistry and was looking forward to another date.  Then she tells me she that I'm the first man she's been out with since her husband's passing almost three years ago.  She felt very confused, and didn't exactly feel released by him, or God to step outside her marriage (now over-til death do us part) and couldn't carry on a relationship, though she really enjoyed our time together.  Besides, she's thinking of packing up her house and moving to California where she'd initially met her husband.  That's a long way from our current locale in the Mid West.

 

I stopped and saw my folks on the way home.  They looked at me with this genuine glare of disappointment that I haven't been able to "move on" as it would look to them.  I left really dejected.  As I pulled up to my driveway, I couldn't bear the thought of walking through that front door one more time with no one on the other side to love.  Just as I've done everyday I've come home for the past two and a half years.  I couldn't help but envision my now ex-almost-Chapter 2 spending her Sunday evening with her new husband.  My fragile heart shattered into a million little shards all over again. 

 

I drove on past, found a bar and sat there for a good two hours watching basketball and starring at the two beers I'd ordered.  I don't like sports, I don't like basketball, and I don't drink alcohol.

 

After a couple of hours I put my payment on the bar beside the two beers, walked out and went to the house.  I walked through that solitary door into that solitary house and stood, a very broken, solitary man.

 

I'm afraid I've become so down hearted I can't be a good catch for anyone.  I'm afraid I've become stuck as the world moves on around me.  I have no single friends anymore.  The ones that were at one time are now coupled, engaged, or married.  We still talk, but no longer really relate in the realm of relationships.

 

Once again I'm a stranger in my own life, exhausted from all the "work" I've done on myself to improve and move forward, yet nothing changes-ever.  I don't know if I'm going to be able to keep this up. 

 

How's that for a dating vent?

[Needytoo]

That is a great vent TormentedTwoStep, I sure would have enjoyed sitting there with you having a few drinks.  I too wish I had more single friends.

 

I received a text message from my date, he said his cousin doesn't  think we are a good match? 

 

I have to agree, if you take your advice from your cousin who I never met we are not a good match. 

 

One guy on Match made me his favorite so I checked his profile he is looking for slim woman. I do have pictures and pretty well see that I am not slim.  Was going to message him but why should I? 

 

Trying to keep my chin up but wow this is rough.  It kind of feels like unemployment where you have to keep going to interviews and keep that "positive" attitude. 

[Captains wife]

That is a proper vent TTS - sorry that this sucks so much. I know it does....

 

Needytoo - that is the lamest line EVER. NEXT !

 

While I have had some decent dates recently, I just cant feel that connected to anyone....and I feel like I have my guard up big time. I am having trouble trusting what ANY guy says as I've been burned twice post widow and the thought of getting to know someone all over again just seems exhausting (again!)

I took my dating profile down for a while as I have met a few men that I would like to get to know better. But unfortunately I think some of them are sensing my dating fatigue - I mistakenly told the nice guy I went out with last night that my heart just didn't feel in it (this dating round).

 

I don't know what happened exactly - I used to enjoy dating but for some reason it doesn't seem as fun this time around : (  Hoping for an attitude change soon !

[Mrskro]

Alright all you online daters.  I have a question....I'm sure you've all been asked this before so here goes....

How do you answer "what are you looking for?"

 

I hate this question.  How do you say I'm looking to date....possibly find someone I'm compatible with .....without it coming off as "I want to get married right now!!"

 

 

[Captains wife]

This is what I wrote on my profile: I enjoy meeting new people yet my ultimate goal in online dating is to find my match for a long term relationship. Meeting the right person can take time - let's get to know each other and see where things go. So if someone asked me your question I would keep to that script. I'm not yet sure that my long term goal is to get remarried but I'm keeping it in mind - but don't feel it should be introduced so early in relationship discussions : )