On line dating vents and laughs......

[Mrskro]

Tybec.  That's awesome  Congrats! 

 

 

It's nice to hear the stories where it works out!

[arneal]

Thanks, Tybec -- you give me hope I started talking with a guy online and things seemed to have been going well. Suddenly yesterday, conversation went a bit cold. Now I know I can tend toward the paranoid (maybe he's got lots of work, other things going on...), but I am quite sad about it. I had hoped that we would be a good connection and it seemed to have been going that way. I am not giving up but guess I better take a few more cold showers and chill out  ;D

[widowat33]

So I met with the guy on Wednesday, up until that point we had been chatting online, texting and having 5 hour long phone conversations..lol.

Everything  went well. We had coffee, went for a walk. It was really nice, and he seemed interested. I did mention before I was looking for friends only..he has barely texted me since..just the odd one here and there. I'm not sure what that means?! I wish now we had never met, we were cool before,lol.

[Trying]

widowat33, I don't have online dating experience to back up what I am thinking so take it for what it is.  I don't think most men are on an online dating site looking for a "friend".  Maybe with potential dates you can just say that you are new to dating and not sure what you are looking for but would like to get to know them and see where it goes. You are under no obligation to be physical with any date but most people date to see if there is an emotional and physical connection.

 

Dipping your toes in is very scary but can also be fun!

[Portside]

 

Everything  went well. We had coffee, went for a walk. It was really nice, and he seemed interested. I did mention before I was looking for friends only..he has barely texted me since..just the odd one here and there. I'm not sure what that means?!

 

I tend to agree with Trying that us guys are not normally looking for friends on a dating site. Not saying your date isn't just I've never known a guy to do that.

 

If he hasn't been in contact with you much since your date perhaps he has decided you really aren't his cup of tea. I know it's disappointing but that's what this 'getting to know you' period is all about.

 

Keep your chin up! There are lots of good guys out there.

 

Good luck - Mike

[Needytoo]

Thank nonesuch for your advise, I have to agree. 

 

Had a coffee date with the same guy and he was a no show.  He is apologized that he totally forgot.  Not sure if I totally believe it but giving him some slack.

 

Joined a group on facebook on women over 40 dating.  I have a problem with guys wanted to get together the same day and not giving me notice, then it looks like I am too busy and not approachable. Most of the people agree that you need some warning for a date and last second seems like a "booty call".  But there is this one person who thinks I am so horrible that I just don't drop everything when a man asks.  I am keeping myself calm with her.  Interesting experience, lots of different outlooks.

 

Now chatting with another guy and he seems human. Keeping my fingers crossed.

[arneal]

All the best, Needytoo!

[Mrskro]

@ Needy

 

Now chatting with another guy and he seems human

 

This made me laugh,  I totally relate!

 

Good luck!

[widowat33]

I've been thinking about what I wrote and the replies. Of course they aren't going on a dating website to make friends..I'm not really sure what I was thinking,lol. We have been talking more lately, I think he wants more than I do. I think that's why it became awkward between us. I could never think of him as more than a friend, he just doesn't have the qualities I'm looking for, but he's still an awesome guy, just not for me!

I am meeting up with someone else tomorrow. We haven't established a friendship, just chatted a little..so maybe this time will be different? I'm going into this with more of an open mind this time.

[arneal]

Good for you, Widowat33; as an aside, I was widowed the first time at 30, the second at 47 ... I wish you all the best as we take this journey!

[Wheelerswife]

Of course they aren't going on a dating website to make friends..I'm not really sure what I was thinking,lol.

 

I'm not sure this is entirely true.  I've been spending a little time on dating sites myself, more or less trying to figure out where I am in terms of readiness for a new relationship.  I have had a few conversations with nice men and I have met one in particular who lives fairly locally, and we have both realized that maybe the best thing right now is to have a new friend.  We have talked fairly openly since we started corresponding and we just put it out there...no chemistry, but we care about each others well-being and we like spending some time together.  So we have a new friendship, and for both of us, that is a good thing.

 

Maureen

[Needytoo]

I think I found out why that guy stood me up for our coffee date because he forgot.  Last night he messaged me that he isn't doing very well, his prosthetics are making it very hard to walk.  I don't want to sound like a shallow human being but is this something you should or shouldn't tell someone early when you are dating? 

[Portside]

I think I found out why that guy stood me up for our coffee date because he forgot.  Last night he messaged me that he isn't doing very well, his prosthetics are making it very hard to walk.  I don't want to sound like a shallow human being but is this something you should or shouldn't tell someone early when you are dating?

 

I guess I belong to the camp that tends towards not sharing any physical limitations in an online profile or initial phone call/text. They will be evident when you first meet.

 

A date may not find that important or even noteworthy.

 

If you are unwilling to further your relationship with this guy due to him having a prosthetic limb, let him know immediately. However, if you liked most of the other aspects of himself that he shared, I urge you to  meet with him.

 

However - the fact that he forgot the date would signal, to me at least, a lack of consideration.

 

Good luck - Mike

[Wheelerswife]

Personally, I think that disclosure of significant limitations is a matter of honesty. I know that I will eventually ask someone to take on my risks, but I will be up front about those that I know. I don't know just what I will be willing to risk or accommodate to in a new relationship, but we all deserve openness from the start. My first husband never walked a day in his life. He was a great guy. But...I don't know that I could take on that kind of risk again, knowingly. I don't think that makes me shallow.

 

Maureen

[arneal]

So I don't know if anyone has already posted this but I thought I would share. It's called Google reverse image search: https://ctrlq.org/google/images/

 

We're looking at and reading online profiles, but who knows if the images we see are for real, right? Just like there are services to find out about phone numbers and email addresses, this one gives you a way to search pictures. Just save one or more of the profile pics to your computer and then upload where indicated on the page. It will show you either similar or exact photos.

 

I posted earlier this month about a man who I met on a site that was just pushing all the right buttons; I used this search after considering (note, I did not act on it!) going to visit him. Come to find out, the reverse image search sent me to like three or four different LinkedIn profiles, each with slightly different names and related stories. I sent an email to him that read something like: 'So I think I told you I am into technology; anyway, one of my software algorithms returned multiple hits on your photos and I'll need to understand that before moving forward. If you're trying to maintain privacy, that's cool, but let's get on a video call to discuss.'

 

Can you hear the crickets?

 

No texts, no email response, nothing.

 

I'm sad, but relieved. As Steely Dan says in the song 'Babylon Sisters', love's not a game for me ... I'm not in this to hurt anyone or to get hurt. Be aware, my friends, and be safe!

[Needytoo]

You are correct Portside, I do feel the online conversation should remain very light.  I messaged him and told mentioned that I feel bad that he is in pain and reminded him when he is feeling better we should attempt the coffee date again. Deep down I am thinking this relationship isn't going any further than being online. 

 

That is very unsettling arneal, good thing you went with your instincts on that one.  I have to say I think I received my official scammer copy and paste message.  Very long message and he went on and on how beautiful I am.  He is says he is a widow as well.  Didn't fall for it.

[arneal]

Yes, Needytoo: I tend not to be very trusting but got sucked in a bit on this one. However, I learn quickly and thank God without too much collateral damage ...

[Momtojandj]

Googled a guy I had a date with other night, google says he's 55 not 50. Also can't find separate addresses for the ex wife and him . I did ask him today on phone if she lived close and he said yes. Hmm .. Not sure about this lol

[arneal]

Momto -- amazing, isn't it?  :

[Captains wife]

Googled a guy I had a date with other night, google says he's 55 not 50. Also can't find separate addresses for the ex wife and him . I did ask him today on phone if she lived close and he said yes. Hmm .. Not sure about this lol

Yes - many men lie about their age to date younger women. I was dating a guy from Newport that lied about his age for months until I snuck a look at his drivers license and caught him red handed. So unnecessary.

[arneal]

Agreed! The crazy part about it is that I know on my profiles I put in the age range I'm interested in. I've had some younger men or men who don't fit my interests as listed try to reach out and I'm like, 'did you not read anything?' lol

[momtokam]

Thank you for the laughs SunshineFL! 😂

[Guest nonesuch]

Do people not check these things?  How long does it take to confirm online that information is completely false and there is no such company or interior designer here in Florida with that company name, or his name, etc.

While checking the offerings one morning, a fellow popped up in the chat box, declaring he'd go anywhere for love.  Hmmm, his profile lists his residence as only 20 miles away.  My sister lives in that little town.This would be easy! "Where's a good place to get pizza in ----?"  He told me he had to take a phone call.  He came back.  "So, Googling pizza parlors in ---?" I asked. 

 

  He was gone by that evening.

[Momtojandj]

Ok, so I was chatting with a guy online , went ok then we talked on the phone , twice. Well his voice and the way he spoke about certain things just turned me off. In my gut said something was off , or just not for me. So I told him nicely today I wasn't meeting him. That didn't go well . Wasn't very nice about it. What was I supposed to do ? Still meet him ?

[RobFTC]

What was I supposed to do ? Still meet him ?

 

Hell to the no - like I told someone recently, everyone has a cord to pull to get off at the next stop, and that should be respected.  Agreeing to an initial meeting is not a guarantee.

 

Take care,

Rob T