2017...what will be different/better for you?

[Wheelerswife]

So...2016 is coming to a close.  For some of us, it was a terrible year.  For others, it was a building year - a time to take stock of our lives, for the proverbial putting one foot in front of the other.  Still others found that 2016 brought them to a good place again, something they might not have been able to even imagine after being widowed.

 

Lets start a post where we can talk about the coming months and year.  What changes do you expect or hope for?  For some, this might just be pure survival right now.  For others, big changes.

 

As for me, I have just finished my Master's degree in Higher Education Student Affairs.  School was the biggest constant in my life for several years now, especially after my second husband died.  I left my first career after my first husband died and wallowed awhile trying to figure out what came next.  I went back to school and got a second Bachelor's degree, finishing that a year after my second husband died, but I still didn't have direction.  Now, I have finally come to the place where I know what I want to do.

 

Over the next few months, I will be searching for a new job, selling my house, leaving the home I have known for the last 6 years, and moving somewhere back on the east coast.  So...this will be a completely fresh start for me, and something I hope will bring me the kind of professional and personal satisfaction that I have been striving for.  I'm hoping that 2017 will be a year of hope and maybe even happiness.

 

What about all of you?

 

Maureen

[trying2breathe]

Maureen  Thank you for sharing your 2017 plans,  it's an inspiration to know that good things can happen after loss.  You've worked hard and should be so very proud of your accomplishments! 

 

 

My thoughts of what I'll do in 2017 include starting to teach rehab exercise again, completing a certification course that I started in 2016, continuing to compete in ballroom dance, and trying to find love again.  Maybe I should take out the love thing, it's seems completely out of my control.  Feels good to write these things down. 

 

 

All the best for the New Year!

[Laura1612]

Yeah, you hit the nail on the head. Still on just survival mode. Yesterday was the two month mark. I like to think I have moved forward a lot.

 

I want to continue my blog most of all. Writing has been cathartic, and I use writing and social media to share stories about my husband and teach others about (my numb slog of) grief. I'm young enough (47), with an even younger friend base, that they have hardly experienced loss at all. I want to continue teaching them how to help me and help others, because it's going to happen to everyone.

 

I want to continue to share my thoughts on addiction and liver disease - the battle my husband couldn't conquer. My two words are "courage" and "compassion."  "Courage" to ask for help with addiction and to help others, and "compassion" for all of us to try to understand a disease we can't possibly understand if we have never experienced. I want to share that my husband wasn't "weak" or a "loser" for not being able to conquer. He kept trying, and I stood by him knowing he was trying. His body just said "no more, buddy."

 

And I will keep checking in here for support among an amazing group of people.

 

Laura

 

[Trying]

Great post!

 

2017 is going to be about growing my new business, Learning more about networking and marketing myself and pushing myself further outside my comfort zone professionally.  On the personal side I will be getting married next fall so I will continue to work on strengthening the bonds of our blended family.  Oh, and trying to drop 30 pounds before the wedding😳

[canadiangirl]

Hope to catch my breath, use that breath to get moving and get more fit, and use that better state of health to grow my hobby into a small side business.  Reconnect with some friends.  Feel more in control, move towards getting the house ready to sell.  You are an inspiration, Wheelerswife, I can surely manage these modest goals if you can manage the big changes. 

 

Bottom line is I just hope 2017 doesn't suck like 2016 did, surely that is a pretty low bar, although 2013 was a record setting low for me personally.  Best wishes to all for a better year.

[Guest TooSoon]

My whole life as I know it stands to get upended again in 2017 and I'm going to try to be present and honest with myself about the choices I/we will make or not make and above all hold on to Joy wherever I can find it. Maureen, you inspired me once and inspire me again. Sending you and all of you my love and solidarity. Feliz ano from Madrid! Xo

[Blue14]

To pull myself out of the downward spiral I've been in the last four months and try to find some, any, measure of happiness. Or at least a desire to have a future. Thanks, everyone, for being here. I don't post often, but reading helps.

[mmg19]

2017 is a new beginning for me.  Met K(a widower) in a grief group 4 years ago.  The group was small and after the 6 months with a counselor we all remained bonded and kept in touch.  K and I became friends, good friends, and after 1 year best friends.  We had already shared our grief, background, family situations, and had had very happy marriages.

 

Forward 3 years.  At some point close to 3 years out we became aware of the physical attraction and chemistry that had emerged.  Another year and we married in November.  So this is a new beginning, a blending of families, and building goals together.  Sounds simple but it is not.  His children are adults and he has one grandchild.  I have 2 teenage boys.  He is much more financially secure than I am.  We've worked through all the possible unknowns and integrated all the children, my parents, my ex-inlaws, and our separate friends during the past 6 months.

 

2016 holidays brought us all together and by the grace of God it was joyful, happy, and loving on all sides.  Now the hard work begins.  There are adjustments, choices, and decisions to make relating to what we hope is many years of love and happiness.  We are in the process of building "our" home.  I sold mine earlier and he has gifted his home to his children.  Life in 2017 will certainly be exciting, different, and we both feel better.  We both are on the same page with faith, values, and commitment to death do us part.  K makes me a better woman and I like to think I make him a better man.  My parents and our kids believe this to be true.

 

I'm so very grateful that new beginnings are on the horizon.  Our spouses died within 1 month of each other and I think they would both be very pleased that our paths have crossed. 

 

Blessings

[MissingSquish]

The things I'm hoping I'll be able to accomplish in 2017:

 

Letting go of my best friend, as our relationship has upset me more than comforted me.

 

Enjoying each and every day with my dog.

 

Continue to make good choices for my health, my body and my heart.

 

Grow confidence in myself.

 

 

[tybec]

I am starting the new year with NG and his kids and my son. Definitely different and better than last NY's eve.  I hope to discover if we have what it takes for the long term this year.  I hope to have the courage to take big steps of change for moving in the future to change my path, independent of NG.  You on this board INSPIRE ME!  I hope I have planned well with with my elderly mother to take care of her needs but to have a life, too. 

 

Healthy habits, always a goal.

 

JOY, PEACE and HOPE.  See this all the time this time of year, but I GET iT, NOW  ;D

[mbanyard]

Thanks for starting this thread Maureen.  It is great to see everybody with goals, even if it's just trying to move forward.

 

2017 for me will be, yes, continuing to find a new path forward, but with some real focus on myself (for the fist time in my life) and learning to use my strengths to make myself a better, stronger, person after this nightmare.

 

I am planning to go back into the classroom as a substitute teacher (just working on reinstating my teaching license), I am going to continue to teach private music lesson, I'm continuing to get into the best physical shape of my life (which may or may not lead to another partner in my life, but we shall see if anything develops in that arena), I am working on several shows in the coming months with some very interesting characters (I'm a singing actor, specializing in musical theatre and opera), and I am going to have two cd's I have been working on mastered and out on the market (VERY exciting).

 

I am also working on completing the renovations in my home that my DH and I always wanted, but could never afford to finish. (Not sure if this is more for his memory or for my moving forward, but the result will be the same - a safe and beautiful home).

 

Wishing you all success and peace as we all move collectively forward in 2017!

 

Misty

[Guest Lost35]

At seven and a half years in, the physical effects of the shock began to lessen and become tied to specific events, rather than a constant state of being.  This is huge.  I never knew this would happen.  I had the first dream where I saw his face a few months ago.  I think I'm starting to recover, physically.  The PTSD is waning.  Now,  I'm in a new place and learning to trust that things will be good again.  I am looking forward to the future.  Trusting that there will be good to come is such a gift.  So, in 2017 I don't really care what happens.  Just knowing that something good might come is good enough for now, and a huge thing indeed.  I'm more happy for that than I could ever put into words.  I have hope, and the recurrence of optimism.  What a great gift to start from.

 

-L.

[sikeuritgadeun]

I hope I can start living again.  Not just thinking I am.  It hurts to say this but I still awake crying, missing him so.  I feel more empty than I have over these past years.  I want to heal, to feel better so I hope that is something I can accomplish. I am so lonely and sad and I hope this is the year I can make changes and start to live, even if it is by myself.

[Kater]

Love this thread.  Thanks, Maureen for starting it.

 

I think 2017 is going to be big.  I hope not too big.  I have mostly decided to spend May and June in Manhattan just because I love it there and when will I ever be able to do that again?  Then I think I am going to take the next academic year off (assuming I can.  Still need to talk to them at work and arrange it) and spend some time in a couple of cities that I am looking to move to.  Maybe teach one course at the college/university in each semester, maybe do a yoga teacher training course, maybe do nothing.....  Some days it feels like too much to organize.  It would be easier to stay where I am and keep doing life as I have been.  But I want to feel the fear and do it anyway....I think....

 

I hope 2017 brings something positive for everyone here. 

[Needytoo]

What a great thread. Everyone has great aspirations for the New Year, which is great.

 

I feel I have grown so much but I do still have a problem with balancing it all out.  I hope to achieve it this year.

[widowat33]

It's great to read all these.

I'm starting 2017 in a new relationship, the first one since my dh died. I am not sure what will happen there, so I am going to focus on what I can make better/different for the year ahead.

I am going to take care of myself better. Yes I am doing the traditional resolution of eating better and exercising more, but it's more than that. I am going to be kinder to myself. I am going to stop putting myself down and instead focus on my strengths and work on my weaknesses. I want to learn more, maybe take some courses in my field and build up my knowledge. I am going to learn how to play guitar, I love music and have a guitar so why not learn how to play it. I am going to spend less time online and more time enjoying life. Read more books. Take more pictures. Spend more time with family and friends.

[Quixote]

Inspiring posts, everyone. It's that need we have to look forward when truthfully, most of us would give anything to roll back the clock.  I know I've felt that way until recently

 

But put me down for "I'd never thought I'd say this but..." this new year seems to have shattered that with an increasingly serious relationship with a formerly platonic friend I've known for years, but just recently allowed myself to look at romantically.  Longer story than I have space for here, and no doubt longer than the non involved have interest in .  2017 looks to be a more exciting-- and truthfully, occasionally difficult-- year than I had expected. 

 

And yet I feel happy for the first time in a long time.

[Wheelerswife]

Inspiring posts, everyone. It's that need we have to look forward when truthfully, most of us would give anything to roll back the clock.  I know I've felt that way until recently

 

But put me down for "I'd never thought I'd say this but..." this new year seems to have shattered that with an increasingly serious relationship with a formerly platonic friend I've known for years, but just recently allowed myself to look at romantically.  Longer story than I have space for here, and no doubt longer than the non involved have interest in .  2017 looks to be a more exciting-- and truthfully, occasionally difficult-- year than I had expected. 

 

And yet I feel happy for the first time in a long time.

 

I just love this post! 

 

Maureen

[Ursula]

Maureen, yours is the first post I am reading this year and you are and always have been an inspiration!! Your upbeat post is a joy to read.

I haven't thought about what will be different in 2017 but realise that my thoughts start to wander where they have not been in a long long time and I know I can continue albeit with a very broken heart and a dark shadow hanging over me. But I have a child to raise and I try to be a decent mum. 

I am trying to continue to grow as a human being, to be able to be kind and to live and let live trying to give a little where I can, because I can and because it is free all the while I am working and doing all sorts of things that I can enjoy. The sad moments in between are fewer now.

 

Good luck to everybody, may you continue to heal.

PS; I would never have thought that I will be writing this, so I guess this is progress..

[TofinoMan]

I have lost weight and didn't even go on a diet.

Yay lol

[Sugarbell]

We are living in a new town new house ( Actually my childhood hometown but I haven't lived here in 26 years--so it seems new)

 

Much more social...getting outta Stepford and back around a more diverse (not real diverse, but much better than Stepford) has helped me. Back with old friends...kids are busier than ever..I work everyday..its been challenging. Seeing someone again...but I have been dating on and off for years. But its stable and I am happy.

 

I am much healthier since we moved..and started out 2017 15 lbs lighter than I started out 2016. My brother is a trainer at the local gym...so I am there every evening..and my kids work out too. We are all in much better shape. Kids thriving. I have added secondary and special education certifications to my teaching credentials...teaching long term position in a very rural and very poor school. But I love it!

 

Just more at peace in 2017....2016 I worked my ass off to get to this place/point. Now I am just enjoying how far we have come.