SoVerySad Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 I recently made a friend, completely platonic, who is luckily a hugger like I am. I can't tell you how much I look forward to those hugs. He's a musician I've been going to see perform, so often they are sweaty hugs after his performance is over. I could care less about the sweat. A few weeks ago, he hugged me before one of his shows started. He had clearly just showered before he came and he smelled so good. No cologne, just freshly showered man. Sigh... I had completely suppressed all my physical needs since my husband died. As I'm coming out of my hermit stage and trying to engage in life again, the desire to be found attractive and be touched, hugged, and kissed has started to reappear. Life was easier when those needs were suppressed and not active. I admit it has added to my struggle, as it makes me really sad I no longer have those intimate connections in my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 I am with each of you ... It's been quite a few years since I was physical with someone; my husband had prostate cancer and after the surgery, sex changed and then went away completely, for a total of nearly six years before he died. I've never been a highly sexed person but as you said, ScorpioGirl, when the possibility of any closeness is gone, it can be maddening! I have been seeing a guy who I really like and it's all I can do to not grab him whenever we are together. I imagine what it would be like to be intimate with him. SoVerySad -- the hugs, oh my ... the smell of skin ... and he's a great kisser as well. I am praying that it's only a matter of time, but it's just about killing me. Jen, I agree with you about the bravery. I'm pondering how to perhaps broach the subject in a casual way (is that even a thing when it comes to sex?) without scaring him away ... patience has never been a virtue of mine ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TofinoMan Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 I realize that this is largely a ladies thread. But yes guys miss the intimacy and sex to. My wife Jenny was actually more aggressive than me. I'm not complaining, actually the opposite. But I never had to worry about getting enough because she made sure of it. I would be trying to get up early and she would literally tackle me back onto the bed and say NO WAY are you leaving here till you have screwed me good. Or she would just join me in the shower and do a lot more than wash my back. I'm the guy who went from twice a day was a really slow day, to zero, and maybe never again. I dream of her tackling me naked onto the bed and going crazy on top of me. I felt that maybe it was just a guy thing to feel like that....so thank you for making me aware its a 2 way street ladies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScorpioGirl Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 SoVerySad - you are so lucky, manly hugs are the best. I would love to be wrapped up in a big manly bear hug. Arneal - good luck, it sounds like you could have something amazing with this man. TofinoMan - I always assumed it would be the same, if not worse, for a man alone but I guess you can't stereotype someone's libido based on whether they are male or female. If I ever am lucky enough to find love again I will definitely be making the most of it and not giving away the opportunity to have intimacy. I wish I could turn back the clock and make all of those no's when I was tired, stressed, grumpy into lots of yes's! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 Thank you, Tofino -- it is good to hear the male perspective for sure. Yes, Scorpio -- I hope so! I admit that I am concerned about personality differences; I don't rely on astrology but have always been interested in how much people tend to be similar to their zodiac sign traits. I have been reading about how people born under his sign and mine can best get along and have even done some reading on what excites those born under his sign so I (hopefully) don't miss the opportunity should it arise! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 Arneal I will tell you that when I started my post widow relationship after being with my DH 25 years I was shocked at how bold I could be about when where and how when it came to physical intimacy. I didn't rush into it even though it was all I could think about and I requested he get a physical and STD work up before I would even consider it. I had no idea what was the norm in dating after being out of it so long but decided I needed to do what was right for me and screw any rules. It worked out spectacularly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 Thanks, Trying! Dating is ... weird Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Warning - superficial post here lol. So this one guy from kinda far away that I met on an online site texted me a couple photos yesterday ... oh my was he yummy looking. Almost made me want to give the hook up a try. Glad he's not close. Sigh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted July 14, 2016 Share Posted July 14, 2016 Came across this and thought of this thread.... Copied text in case picture link doesn't work.... “When sex becomes a production or performance, that is when it loses it’s value. Be mutual. Be loud. Be clumsy. Make noises, be quiet, and make a mess. Bite, scratch, push, pull, hold, thrust. Remove pressure from the moment. Love the moment. Embrace it. Enjoy your body; enjoy your partner’s body. Produce sweat, be natural, entice your senses, give into pleasure. Bump heads, miss when you kiss, laugh when it happens. Speak words, speak with your body, speak to their soul. Touch their skin, kiss their goosebumps and play with their hair. Scream, beg, whimper, sigh, let your toes curl, lose yourself. Chase your breath; keep the lights on, watch their eyes when they explode. Forget worrying about extra skin, sizes of parts and things that are meaningless. Save the expectations, take each second as it comes. Smear your make up, mess up your hair, rid your masculinity, and lose your ego. Detonate together, collapse together, and melt into each other.” —Corissa Marie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted July 14, 2016 Share Posted July 14, 2016 Thanks, momto ... needed that. Today has been something of a mess. I woke up at 2:30am, couldn't go back to sleep. Cried until about 4:30. Alarm goes off at 4:45. Went to the gym for my usual morning class and it was good. Came home, exhausted. Just feeling low, lonely, and sad. Thank God my dogs love me, even when my eyes are swollen lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Big hugs to you Arenal. I don't think I have ever posted on this thread before but I think it is time I did. Before my husband I had a very good sex life. Unfortunately sex in my marriage wasn't that great ( there I said it). My husband has been gone for three years and it has to be at least 5 years since I had sex. I am craving it so badly. I don't generally remember my dreams but lately they are pretty fantastic. Wish I could turn it into reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Thanks, Needy. My first husband was my 'first' and it was awful, to be honest. I thought I never wanted anyone to touch me again. Abuse can do that ... it can also lead to bad choices, so when the first husband died, I wanted to know if I was as ugly and undesirable as he suggested. Couple of hookups and I was over all that. Met second husband and we were together for 16 years; he gave me an appreciation for intimacy but after getting sicker and dealing with prostate surgery, etc., our sex life disappeared. I wasn't mad about it or anything, didn't really miss it. I think I was so focused on making sure he was okay that it didn't matter as much. Now that I am alone, I desire to be close to a man again. As an aside, I went out with my 'met online' friend again last night. I have high hopes that we will be intimate one day. His kisses and hugs are amazing and I think he was turned on when we were saying goodnight outside the movie theatre. I could barely stand it so it could have been my overactive imagination ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tybec Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Arneal I will tell you that when I started my post widow relationship after being with my DH 25 years I was shocked at how bold I could be about when where and how when it came to physical intimacy. I didn't rush into it even though it was all I could think about and I requested he get a physical and STD work up before I would even consider it. I had no idea what was the norm in dating after being out of it so long but decided I needed to do what was right for me and screw any rules. It worked out spectacularly! Ditto to this. 4 yrs., 3 months no sex after DH died in a terrible car accident. I was fortunate to have learned to have great sex with the only guy I dated since age 14. First date with on line guy. Kiss on the cheek. I developed all these rules of what I thought I would and wouldn't do. I waited a while, but told him about the term I learned here, "skin hunger". His wife left him suddenly in the same yr. my DH died, so he related, although he had a long term girlfriend shortly after his wife left. He got it. He never pressured but gave me enough communication he found me desirable. So, we have been together 5 months now. I don't know where we are going with this .. But it is ALL good. NEVER would I have envisioned this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Thanks, tybec -- I am not a person who rushes by nature and I see he has that same trend. However, he's been more touchy-feely of late, not in a bad way or an overly sexualized way, but it seems natural. I'm teaching myself to enjoy the process. Interestingly, he was over for dinner on Saturday and while we were outside chatting after the meal, my neighbor (who was a bit inebriated) walked by with her dog. She was trying to be nosy and I was sort of rude as I did not introduce her ... anyway, in the midst of her conversation, she looks me up and down and announces, 'Dang, you're looking sexy today, girl!' I was so embarrassed in front of this man, I can't even tell you. As one of my friends said, it's all so junior high Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 Hope this isn't TMI ... Had a great evening with the guy I've been spending time with. To be honest, he makes me weak in the knees lol. Last night was about closeness and intimacy, not sex so much, even though we tied it up a little ... I missed that. The feeling and scent of someone else's skin. Spooning. Can't wait to touch him again ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdarrah1130 Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 My sex life with my DH was very vanilla and became almost non existent at the end. He took lots of medication for post kidney transplant and I think the meds suppressed much of the wants. I tried many time and got shut down, so at some point I just stopped trying. Let him initiate...... When I started dating NG, WOW things changed. Apparently there was a lot, lets say, suppressed. Intimacy and sex is whole new ball game and I LOVE it and I LOVE him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 There is something about the smell of someone else's skin ... feeling their breathing on the back of your neck when spooning ... I didn't realize how much I missed that. New guy is more touchy-feelie than my previous husband and while I thought I wouldn't like that, I find myself enjoying it. I think it just feels ... natural. With my previous husband, it felt very different. Not bad, but I wasn't used to it. Maybe he taught me what I should like about it and now I've figured it out with ng. Sigh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Sharing a real orgasm. Mutual sweat. That is all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 "When you touch a woman, make sure she enjoys it." -a wise elder to a young adult male Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Yes! Momto -- that is so true. I was commiserating yesterday about my first marriage, which was (between living together and marriage) a nine-year stint in hell ... the bad choice of getting involved as a young, clueless, idealistic woman. He was my first sexual partner and I was nothing more than a conquest and subsequent receptacle. He didn't take an interest in my pleasure or even to teach me. Thank God for my second husband, who was abundantly patient. I am praying that NG turns out to be a keeper since I thoroughly enjoy being close to him. We are learning each other's good touches, which is a new experience for me now that I have a clue as to what I'm doing LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted September 20, 2016 Share Posted September 20, 2016 Soooo ... for those who are involved in intimate relationships again: do you find yourself thinking about the next time you'll get to be with that person? I think I'm making myself crazy because I enjoy intimacy with NG quite a bit and find myself thinking about our previous encounters for days in anticipation for the next time we're together ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 Soooo ... for those who are involved in intimate relationships again: do you find yourself thinking about the next time you'll get to be with that person? I think I'm making myself crazy because I enjoy intimacy with NG quite a bit and find myself thinking about our previous encounters for days in anticipation for the next time we're together ... Once you start you realize just how much you missed it and you can't get enough! At least in my experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 Yes, momto, that sums it up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 My hormones are not playing fair..... The skin hunger is driving me nuts! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 i was out last night to a pub....at one point I was surrounded by 4 guys just all involved in a conversation.....so at times I lost my train of thought because I was going...yummm. No potential suitors in the bunch but still nice to be surrounded and they're good guys. But yes ...want some yummm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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