Wheelerswife Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 He was a really, really good man. He was the father of my first husband. My husband was born with a genetic disease called Spinal Muscular Atrophy. He was never able to walk. When my husband was 2 1/2, his parents were told that he would be dead by the age of 5. My MIL retreated into depression with this news and my FIL became my husband's primary caregiver. (MIL came back around when it became evident that her son wasn't really dying as doctors had predicted.) FIL would have done anything in his power to help his son, including icing and stretching out his legs every day and putting him into long leg braces and a standing box so that his spine would grow straighter. He never gave up on his son and believed his son could have a good life, which he did. Toward the end of my husband's life, when he was as fragile and dependent as an infant, my FIL would come by the house every weekday morning and patiently feed my husband breakfast one bite at a time and wait for my husband's personal assistant to arrive for his shift (after I had gone to work.) My FIL had his first heart attack in his late 30's and feared he would not live to be able to help his son when his son needed him. He outlived his son by 5 1/2 years. In the end, Alzheimer's disease and pneumonia got him at age 86. My FIL and I had a sweet and flirty relationship. He always smiled when he saw me, even when in the depths of the disease that robbed him of his memory and ability to communicate effectively. When my parents refused to come to my wedding, my FIL came to comfort me. He was a better father to me than my own father. He loved me for me, and for loving his son. I'll probably screw up the end of my semester by doing this, but I'm flying home to attend the funeral this weekend. I need to say goodbye to this man who loved me like a father should love his daughter. I don't know what it will be like seeing my SIL and BIL and their families, since I never see them when I go back east. My MIL will likely be very frail and I don't think she will stick around on earth much longer. She lost a lot of the will to live when her son died, and now that she has walked her husband to death's door, I think her time will come fairly quickly. I imagine I'll walk into that same mortuary where we held my husband's funeral. I will see the same rabbi that handed me the shovel to toss dirt onto my husband's casket. I will sit shiva with family and see the spread of Jewish foods. I know it is going to unbury some sad memories, too. I need to do this, though. I'm going.... Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 I'm so sorry Maureen. Your FIL sounds like a lovely man. So many losses to quickly. I'm glad you had a lovely relationship you your dear FIL. Hugs to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 Wishing that ... "All shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well!" ~~ T.S. Eliot Peace and (((HUGS))) to you, Maureen! ATJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ursula Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 Oh Maureen, I am so sorry. I am crying my eyes out reading your post. I totally understand that you want to be there for the funeral and I have been told by a Jewish friend, that the Jewish way of parting with a dead is very social and the deceased is celebrated and I believe strongly that helps and hopefully lets you go back home feeling more at peace. Many hugs, Maureen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IronBear Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 Sorry for your lose, Maureen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like he was a very kind, compassionate man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HvnBound Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 (((Maureen))) I remember you telling me about your FIL and know that he was a wonderful man, so sorry for your loss and the family's loss as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 I am very sorry for your loss. Your FIL sounds like a wonderful man and of course you should go to say your goodbyes. I wish you strength as you face so many memories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 Maureen I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you were blessed with a truly wonderful relationship with him. I know you will have courage and I pray you have the strength to handle being back there in that place under these circumstances. (((HUGS))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 So sorry Maureen - the additional losses are hard but its a good thing that you are flying to the services to say good bye. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 So sorry Maureen. You need to be there for him and for you. Biggest hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 Maureen, I am very sorry. I know it must be so hard, but good on you for going to his funeral. He sounds like an exceptional man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kamcho Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 I'm so sorry for your loss, Maureen. What a wonderful gift to have a loving FIL like him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CJF Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 So sorry for your loss. He sounds like a wonderful man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catnip Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 Hugs to you Maureen. I hope there was a wonderful reunion in Heaven! I can only imagine... Peace, ~Catnip Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baylee627 Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 Terribly sorry for the loss of your FIL. Hugs to you, missy. Baylee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IfIonlycould Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Maureen- I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds to me like you and your father in law were each others angels on earth. ((((HUGS))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Dear, sweet Maureen, I wish I had something better to say than, just to say I am sorry, but right now, I just have no words. I am sending you tight hugs and warm wishes. I know how inadequate those words are. I just wish I could do more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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