Julester3

The mourning is supposedly intended for the living but I too mourned our unrealized dreams and as well as the things my late husband wasn't able to do or experience. It's overwhelming when you think about it. Hugs to you. There will be a day where you can find a smile or a laugh and you will have a sense of peace. Let time do it's job. Hugs!

Hugs! Those what ifs can torture you. I find it best to work through them and to get your brain to comprehend that you can't control what you have no control over. In this instance, we are not the masters of our destiny. Destiny takes over and we have to begrudgingly accept so we can heal. We can never go back and fix these things. We don't like to but we need to move forward. As I tell my kids, it can and always will suck and we don't have to ever like it but we will accept our circumstance and move forward. Doesn't have to be fast or slow, just what works best for us.

I totally know how the concert you are going to. I was interested but other plans came up. Have a good time!

She is using the kids for nothing but selfish interest and leverage. I am in agreement - nothing will get better until the right legal steps are taken and he starts collecting proof - emails, voicemail messages, anything to show her incompetence. You need definitely need to step back for your sanity.

Hugs SW! You should never have to lower your standards and you deserve all the basic rites to a good relationship. I know your feeling and I have felt it but maintaining patience and maybe even stop looking and that right person for you just might drop into your lap. I wouldn't have believed that had it not happened to me.

Its's just a touch under 100 degrees outside and the next day or so. I chose to stay in my AC and bake myself silly. Now I need people other than my own kids to feed sweets to. Scones, fudge and chocolate mini cheesecakes! I'm also watching the LOtR marathon.

Hugs! Weddings are hard!

That is what was getting to me as well Virgo and why I went into dating eventually even though at first I was adamant on staying alone. I realized what I needed and with my girls off to college soon, I would be mostly alone. It motivated me to make an effort. Dating is not without its challenges and jaw dropping stories! I take it as a learning experience. 😉

It is weird not to have one on anymore and I get confused too sometimes just as you described. I don't wear my wedding ring, engagement ring, or my anniversary band either. I transitioned to a fashionable silver ring for a time to wear on the left hand but my middle finger but more often I don't wear anything at all.

I'm so sorry for your loss. He was so young and your lives were just getting started. Many of us here know all too well your experience. Grieving is a work in progress constantly and no 2 paths walk this journey the same way. Manoj has given the best main advice we all give and remember this is no race. Do things in your time. Hugs for you today.

I think that's a good solid plan to find involvement in things you can really invest time and effort to. I find volunteering and spending time with my interest/hobby groups are helpful. It fills the empty space and you are with people instead of solitude. It's a shame your eldest won't at least try some counseling to talk it out and understand his issues. We all can't work it out without a little help and support. Sounds like he's feeling that numbness or that the world is in black and white, no longer in full color. You do have a lot going on so of course the emotional roller coaster is going up and down.

I totally agree - the changing phases of life is different when it's divorce versus widowhood. Even though I am seeing someone, I know I have a lot of LH still attached to me including email accounts and cell numbers, still have some of his clothing in the house. I did change photos on FB and around the house I've minimalized photos of him unless the kids are in the photo with him. My FB activity is minimal as well. I just don't feel like participating actively as much as I used to.

I truly miss the small details of everyday life: the tiny things done in a day that just takes a brief second and just used to make my heart soar. The touch of his hand looking for mine when we'd be driving...leaning on one another when we would watch tv...the quick caress and kiss I got when I would move making dinner and he got home...not wanting to wake up in the mornings and he's cuddle me tighter willing the morning to move slower...sitting in a restaurant and his hand would massage circles on my pulse point...the wink or single brow raise to me when our eyes meet across the room...the ready smile he always had with those cute dimples of his... I truly miss these small gestures. I never realized how much I needed and cherished them until they were gone.

I'm very sensitive to music that was his tastes and collectively ours. We had such a long history together that music brings out the snapshots of our past life and on low days, it's super hard not to ignore it. I need to ride out the emotional roller coaster and get it though my system. Thanks for sharing your story. These stories truly resonate for many of us. Hugs today!

I don't think we can ever be what we used to be. We can be reminiscent of our former versions of ourselves but we remain forever changed from our experiences.

Just another thing we have to figure out in this day and age. Did you LH have Linked-in account as well for work or business? I had to take care of that one too. Hugs!

Definitely happy Father's Day to the dads here! Sorry the the kids don't have a good male presence in their lives. It's hard.

This sounds terribly frustrating but I think most families do experience that "know it all" individual who wants to shove their "knowledge" onto everyone else. I would agree with your line of thinking. He's got to have his space and time to himself. If he wants to keep busy and hang out with family more, good but it's got to be his call. He's an adult not a child. We did this with my mother after my dad had passed. And that foolishness that it's not the same if you've had 23 versus 59 years? It is hogwash! It's the same kind of pain - it's just some couples are fortunate to have more time that others. Hugs for frustration!

Just need to put this somewhere...so excuse my rambling conscience stream of thought. I believe I may have found the person I can see myself with in this second chapter of my life. We've been seeing one another exclusively almost 5 months. We're pretty compatible and have great chemistry. We are at the point to get to the next step: meeting each other's families and such. We've kept our relationship between ourselves mostly. My girls have briefly met him but have not officially interacted with him. They are a bit shy. He's divorced with 2 kids, younger at 9 and 11 where my girls are 14 and 18. His kids are aware he's dating but I have not actually met them. This step makes me strangely nervous. We have a really good thing and I have this fear that if they don't like me, it'll be over. Talk about a serious issue in my own self confidence! I know my siblings and my own kids are like, if you like him and he's good to you, we support you. I guess it's the fear of the unknown? I know his mother, grandmother, and sister have been anxious to meet me. We haven't been able to solidify any dates because of our crazy schedules. He has joint custody so the kids flip flop back and forth so it's been challenging but we manage to see each other 1-2 times a week. We text and call often. I have also met really good friends of his already and we've done things together as couples. They readily accepted me and it's been great. Is this seemingly irrational anxiety I'm experiencing normal? I also think I'm afraid to plan for a potential future. Grief has given me the fear to plan and dream. It's like a defense mechanism so I don't fall apart. I can't get myself to make any personal long term goals still. I am okay with short term but nothing over a year or two. It's amazing to me in my widowhood journey that I went from not being able to fathom loving someone other that LH to being okay to being possibly alone to finding a person who makes me feel loved and that I'm important to them.

You are definitely in early grief. It's still so fresh and ever present in your thoughts that it's hard to imagine what comes next. My own litany in my journey has been: "It will always suck and I don't ever have to get OVER it but I need to MOVE forward and ACCEPT it." Be gentle to yourself and give yourself time. There will be a moment when you will be able to laugh and smile again and see beauty and goodness is still to be had in this world even if it is without the one person we loved so dearly. Hugs for you today.

If anyone is ever in the Chicago area, lmk! 😉

I do think this is a sign and very good karma for you.

My girls were 13 and 17 when their dad died. I worked PT most of their lives, only stayed home when they were babies. I had to go to work FT for the health insurance and make enough money so we didn't have to make drastic sacrifices after LH passed. He was the main earner - even me working FT, I'm only making 1/3 his salary. I've felt bad not being able to do the things I used to with them but we sat and had a family talk and discussed how we need to work as a team. We could fail if we didn't make sacrifices, find a solution, and try harder. My kids took on burdens, simplified their needs, and helped more. It's hard for everyone but they learned to step up and grow up. We can't go back to how we were. We can only move forward and we just need to woman up and manage as we go. It's tough.

This is normal. I was totally like that when I started dating. So happy for you! It is an alien feeling at first but when you embrace it, it does feel great!

I was looking for guys between 40 and 50 and I got a few cancellations within the day of the M&G, only once under an hour of the date and ghosted left at the meeting place 3 times, so I agree it's common with both genders, not gender specific. I have never cancelled personally. I'm here to date and I was willing to giving anyone a fair shake and a meet. I definitely blame lifestyle of people within that age range and that if they do have kids, it's more common because of logistics based on the age of their kids.