Julester3

So sorry for your loss but you found the place where you will find people who get it. My story is somewhat similar. My LH and I were together for 22 years as a couple and you could add another 6 years of just friends. We have 2 teenaged daughters and you know what? As good as it is to be solid for them, it is also healthy to show them your grief and share how you are feeling. It can help them process their own feelings. You are the family unit now and you need to work together. I would rather be transparent to my kids but they know it's so they are in the know and not blind to our new reality. It has been good for us as we close in to 2 years in April and they have stepped up and been more hands on to our family needs around the house and such. Be patient and be kind to yourself. We all process differently and at different paces. Normal will not be as you once knew it - it will be a new normal. You'll find it in time. Hugs!

So sorry you are here with us. It's so early on for you but what you are experiencing is normal. Becoming detached to friends and other family who are moving along in their lives is normal because it hurts to see that they are progressing and that you need to figure out what to do next once you learn how to survive. There is no wrong way or right way, just what works for you and take your time, this isn't a race. Be kind to yourself and allow those low days to come because you release the energy and you can feel a little better. Hugs for you today.

Over-easy please! Listening to music out loud or with head phones on?

Sewing cushions tonight! So exciting!

An RV! Dinner - eating out or cooking in?

When we experienced our first sadiversary, I was not interested in working that day so I took it off and called the kids out of school. If I couldn't focus to work, why should I make the kids try? We bought a small flower bouquet, visited the cemetery, and then went to breakfast in one of his favorite breakfast places. We kept it simple and it worked for us.

So sorry you have joined us here Loxlie. It's great you have a friend so close to you who understands. Being able to connect to other people in that way helps the process, I feel. All the range of feelings are normal especially in the beginning when you try to find your new normal and try to survive your first year of firsts. You are right though - the build up anxiety to big days are a lot worse than the actual day. Sounds like you have some good support and a plan in place - survival for us is a daily work in progress. Vent if you need to and keep reading. It really helps for the mental processing of our situations. Hugs to you today!

Thinking of you...

Hugs tybec!

I too felt a huge loss of companionship. My husband and I were homebodies. The kids are teens and were often running to their activities and with their friends. I felt so alone but knew I wasn't ready for relationships. I used my own friends and my husband's friends as well. I had them come over and hang out with me and stuff. It really helped. We did movie nights in and game nights in. I just couldn't go out yet. I'm lucky to have people I can call on when I need to.

So sorry for your loss! Many of us never predicted or planned for our predicaments. Everything will be so fresh and raw for you. Give yourself slack and as much time as you need. Navigating this "new" life is different for everyone but equally hard and challenging. There will be good days, times when you can find your smile or laugh again but there will be sad times that can wipe them out in a second. Take care of yourself and hugs!

Hugs Maureen!

Facebook was very accommodating about memorializing my husband's Facebook profile. A tequest and an obituary was all I needed. He never set anyone to have permissions to administer his account if anything happened. I didn't want to kill it or wipe him out. It was like saying he never existed. Doing this automatically alters your account because it changes your status. I then also changed a few things on my profile so I could continue my own interests and relationships. On a whole however I don't post or participate as much as I used to - other people's content start to effect me as I watch people have happy fun lives and we struggle and are sad. Also the memories of the day can suck sometimes. Definitely watch your permissions at first and limit your content access. Good luck how you decide to proceed.

I've done well booking wth Travelocity but always research airlines and hidden cost. Sorting by the cheapest doesn't always pan out because of hidden fees like charging for seat selection, charging for checked luggage, charging for carry on bags, etc. it's always best to also know if you prefer non stop or are okay with stops and know what times of day you prefer to travel. I like travelocity because if you need hotel and rental car, they sometimes have sales incentives to bundle than go a la carte. It's all a matter of where you are going and when.

The kids and I are out of town and visiting my FIL and family so it's apps and visiting all night long. In the past, we would host a party but I don't have the heart to carry that on.

Yuck! I am sorry she is going after you.

Hugs Sara! I am so sorry for you and your children. I do understand that surreal dream like feeling. I have moments like that and as a result i got a tattoo so that not only it reminds me that I'm a different person now but that it's my personal reminder that he was a part of my life and that this is my new reality without him. Thank you for telling us your story. It's interesting to learn how things are different in Sweden when it comes to medical decisions. Don't hesitate to talk when you need to. Hugs again.

I second the book Serpico recommends. A local widow who sort of mentored me a bit after I lost my husband was my email convo buddy and gave me that book. It really helped my perspective and helped me sort out the thoughts in my head.

It's hard to break that feeling of infinite sadness. It takes so much of your energy. I recommend trying to find a diversion - anything that can work so you can have a break. Movies, a book, a walk, exercise, anything. You're not truly alone if you remember we're here for you. We're only one post away. Hugs!

Traditionally, Thanksgiving we'd rotate around however my family more often than not because we lost both my parents on Thanksgiving, 5 years a part. My late husband was Jewish so we did Hanukkah with his parents and Christmas was always ours and we hosted. We did Christmas Eve with his stepdad's family. We hosted NYE at our house. Last year was our first without my late husband and we knew we had to shake things up, alter our traditions, and only do what we felt we could handle. I gave Christmas to my siblings and I hosted Thanksgiving. We went on a trip for New Year's. The kids wanted a break from Hanukkah and Christmas Eve. I let them and man, I got hell as an insensitive, self centered so and so from keeping my kids from their grandmother! Whatever. We survived Hanukkah with just 1 gathering and was subjected to annoying criticism by an uncle and we're obligated for Christmas Eve this year to attend. I was informed I was expected to do my part this year. I'll do it but it doesn't mean it'll improve them in my mind. They just proved to me that they are the ones who are insensitive and selfish. There lives aren't impacted anywhere near as ours were.

Just want to offer a hug. Holidays are already hard enough and it seems you have a lot of holiday memories stirring up and triggering. Yeah, I think dating at our age brings out those who just want sex and those who don't even know what they want. There is a reason they aren't attached or married at this point. I am beginning to think all the good ones are taken or they are still looking for a woman who looks like Cindy Crawford - a model who looks crazy fantastic at 50+. I too had that intimacy argument with a guy once. I totally agree with you that there are different ways to achieve intimacy that aren't sexual in nature. I am not having much luck however I'm not putting forth my best effort (I admit it) and I've only dabbled in dating for 7 months on and off. So breathe, take things slow if need be! And one more hug!

That is rough. I'm glad you and your kids had a little time with your MIL before she passed. I am sorry for your friend and her family - it will be hard but I think your presence will help - every person who attends I feel sort of lends some strength to the bereaved family regardless if they know it or not. Hugs and peace to you.

Sounds like you have some good strategies and a good support system, Chilena. Hugs!

Hugs Maureen. We understand these situations better than we would care to admit. Hope today you can find some peace.

My kids and I had to break traditions and do them all differently. We always went somewhere else for thanksgiving but instead we hosted it. We had one of my siblings host Christmas where we were the ones always hosting it. We travelled for New Year's instead of staying home. We limited our invitations. We would never decline any because we liked to be festive but we didn't have the energy so we picked and chose. We decorated the house differently. We became less materialistic and more into doing things together and having life experiences. With us being in the holiday season, these are the things that pop up in my mind.