Julester3

I am so sorry you are here with us. I hope reading through has helped you in any way process or understanding your feelings. The circumstances sound very shocking but I do believe if there is an investigation underway, then that is why everything is quiet and they can't disclose anything to you.

They will pay you your children's SSI benefits from when your spouse died. I didn't even have a death certificate for 90 days so my appointment was in August, over 4 months from when my husband died. I got a big amount by the end of the month.

Hugs Carrie!

Our first Christmas we had to not do things traditionally at all. We picked and chose the celebrations we wanted to participate in. We did not host, rather I asked my sisters to. Then we traveled the next day. We have never ever left home around the holidays ever. We had always just stayed home and hosted a bunch of celebrations. We also changed how we decorated our tree and we took a break from Hanukkah since my husband was Jewish.

My husband died on the 7th of April. I didn't go back until May 1st. I needed time and then I needed to be sure my girls were okay going back to school. I work 40-45 minutes away and I wanted to be accessible to them if they needed me. I was motivated to go back for health insurance. I needed work to distract me.

So sorry you had to experience so much loss in a short amount of time. Does it get easier? Yes and no - the hurt and pain softens over time differently for everyone but grief can always follow you like a shadow. For me it took a lot of mental work on myself and for my children's I could help them: processing the loss, understanding we had no control, knowing we could not have done anything different to prevent it, and simply accepting the loss. I often tell my girls we never have to like our situation. It will always suck however we need to accept it and understand that it did happen and was not in our imaginations. Getting rest and taking of yourself is important. Just be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack. There is no race to complete, no strict or formal timeline to follow so do what is best for you. No one can dictate that to you. Hugs!

Mizpah said it well. I am sorry you are here with us and going through this. It sucks. It sucks so much like nothing you've ever experienced it! The what if's and regrets can eat you alive. Please take it easy, be kind to yourself and take care of yourself. Make small goals and find some thing to divert your attention from the grief to help you have a break from it. Hugs to you and we are here.

I have not had a relationship successful enough to have the guy meet my kids and it's for the best for all the reasons already stated. Hold off and be sure! Good luck!

Teenagers are complicated and my eldest also suffers with anxiety and grief management. She was also bullied and it destroyed her self confidence that never waivered before as it was her shield. I think with her defenses down trying to learn to cope the loss of her dad, it made her vulnerable. We all just want to help them get through but since they are at that door of adulthood and independence, we can only let them know we are there while they learn and understand what will work for them. It's great to hear that things are looking up with your son! Hugs!

I'm thankful I'm serving dinner so I am sleep in and that I only have to do the main dishes while my siblings bring the rest!

Hugs Sheri!

I took the girls out to dinner and a concert downtown as an early Christmas present last night and everything was running so smoothly. I am thankful we are healing and can enjoy these simple pleasures and experiences together.

Josh's parents are divorced and remarried. I refer to them as inlaws still or late husband's parents.

Absolutely vent! Work stress is an aweful anxiety trigger! Hugs!

I believe this is normal. We all have whatever interest or activity that gives us peace and becomes our coping mechanism/therapeutic activity but it only seems to last for the time that activity lasts. Each time though it does still help and the pain of grief that comes and goes on between seems to soften some, at least in my case. That hike sounds wonderful. Hugs for you today.

Is it bad that I go into dates like the scientist I am trying to analyze the guy and figure out his issues? There is this sense of curiosity I have in the psychology of some of these guys and how they got where they currently are. Divorced guys: you can see the trail - his fault vs her fault, changed goals, fell out of love, cheated, etc. The single guys who have had nothing or little to show for it do make me wonder...so what are they hiding to get this far in life with little to no relationship experience or longevity? If they were fine in the bachelor life all this time, hit 40 and now wanting the whole 9 yards? Are these guys I want to be with? Is there truly any thing in common other than what the stupid dating site claims we have in common? I am getting horribly scientific with it and I think it's just my own way to process this dating thing. Again, I never dated as an adult so this seems logical to me. My expectations are pretty low and I look for positive points in the experience. I don't want a casual hook up - it's empty. I know I need something worthy. BTW, nothing feels natural about dating, sadly. Right now, I have a divorced teddy bear of a guy. He won't even let me pay for lunch or contribute in any way. He's kinda old fashioned that way. I have 2 other guys texting me and are respectful but 1 is shy to even suggest a meeting (I asked him out for brunch and he deferred because it was his mother's birthday. He did ask for the rite to do the asking out next since he had to decline.). The other one is in the city with no car of his own (was recently in a car accident over the summer) but I don't think it'll work. His goals in 10 years are not what I would choose and I might never consider, honestly.

I am also finding 3 is a good number. I went up to 5 once but it was too hectic for me.

I joined meetup and found several interest groups. See if there are any in your area that interest you . You could be surprised and if anything it's something to say at least you tried. The hobbies keep me occupied when it's far to quiet for me. Good luck!

Hugs to you Rob. My eldest daughter is a lot like your girls. I don't know how we are doing it but we are trying and we are doing what we can. Peace to you today.

It makes sense this vicarious trauma. You had to go to work and didn't have time to process but you have yourself, your own children and then your students. I agree you are totally tapped out. You are split in so many places all at once that juggling it all is becoming very difficult. I don't think teaching is the issue per se but just the timing of how you got back into it was not ideal so you are not at your optimal best so to say. Also you are going to have an affinity for those students who lose a parent because you know what that is like. You can't help it. I have no idea how you can approach this but just wanted to give a person on the outside perspective. May be you need some one to help you work through and process this. Hugs!

It is hard! I am sorry for your loss and it's terrible to be tricked he was getting and feeling better when he really wasn't it. I do think our loved ones who are ill do that sometimes to alleviate our burdened feelings. I do think the order in which you lose people in your life makes a difference. I lot my dad first and I was closest to him so that was so hard but I had Josh and we had to try to make sure my mom would be okay. Then 4 years later my mother passed and though that was sad, I had to console my kids who loved her but at least got to know here and remember her. Losing my husband last sucked - I had to be a freaking pillar of strength for my kids if anything but I knew what had to be done after having lost both my parents already. Hugs for all you have to deal with in the days to come.

Don't do any free dating sites unless you really want to. Too many vipers out there and moved too fast so it was overwhelming. So far I am liking a paid dating service because you can set tight filters and I recommend you do so when you know what is important to you (faith, distance, education, interests, etc.). I have also heard good things about joining adventure or meetup groups surrounding a particular interest as well. I didn't try that yet. It's a hard step and it takes time so be patient and kind to yourself. Good luck!

Honey Coffee or tea?

Thanks for sharing Maureen! Hugs! I feel your frustration in your post as you sit in limbo looking for a job and wanting to get setttled but yet you can't! I hope the patience and waiting will end soon.

Caretaking is hard and watching our parents waste away sucks. I did it with my father until he died and later with my mother until we had to place her in a nursing home for her safety and round the clock care. I at least had support from some of my siblings at times and we gathered and got through the funerals. Hugs to you.