Julester3

Thank you!

I didn't have to because something was done already in his honor. My husband's company loved him and his death was a terrible blow to them and their organization. They created an award in his honor where employees need to nominate someone who exhibits the traits they loved and respected of him. They paid for the creation of a unique light saber design that I chose and the winner will get one of these light sabers every year. As you could guess, he was a big Star Wars fan.

I followed my kids' lead as well. My 13 year old wanted a party with just her friends so I had a huge blow out party for her with her friends and a family lunch the next day. My elder daughter wanted just a family gathering because she had to perform at the playoff game with the school band in the evening. We brought mini cupcakes for the entire band. My kids know that their dad wouldn't want them to stop celebrating but by letting them decide what to do has been good for them.

The kids will be fine, if you are fine, generally. I find at 10 months out they are okay as long as I am calm and fine and keep my level headed cool. If I fall apart, they tend to feed off my emotions and fall apart too. We're all females here so I suppose it's a hormonal chain reaction, inadvertently. I think it's good to follow their lead and to be open. It's the only reason I think we are doing so well emotionally. We have other challenges (teenage stuff, etc) but they aren't related to losing their dad. They like seeing his clothes in the closet and his shoes in the mudroom so I left them there. They love to talk about him and recall funny, favorite stories. We aren't in a rush and I am thankful we have the ability to take our time.

I'd have an issue with it because my child recognized it and it bothered them enough they feel compelled to tell you. People have no right helping themselves. I hope you get it resolved without any drama or issues.

Oh man, irony is a bitch sometimes. Hugs.

The amazing thing is you are surviving. Hugs!

Hugs for you. I am sorry you are here with us. You sound overwhelmed and overrun by your in-laws. They don't have rights to anything unless your husband literally willed it to them. I am sorry they are not supportive. Keep your chin up for your kids, I find that if I am as solid as I can be, they in turn are more confident and do better. I am sorry your son is struggling. Sometimes they don't know how to interpret how they are feeling and it's hard to navigate at 6. I hope you can find help for him. My girls are ADHD, OCD tendencies with LD and other issues. It's a lot of work but with the right therapists, social workers, and psychologists to guide you through, hopefully your son will find some balance.

I am sorry you are here and that your relationship was cut so short. You are allowed to grieve and it makes no difference you were not married - your were committed to one another. Though I knew my husband since the 7th grade, we started dating at 18. Sometimes you just know. Be kind to yourself and know that we understand your feelings...hugs for you.

Sorry you are joining us here. There is a lot of good advice mentioned already and I heartily agree. Sometimes just looking through and reading posts here will resonate with you and give you food for thought. We are here to listen and know we totally get it since we are all walking the same path except each of us in our own unique way, space and time. There is no race and there is no time schedule except what works for you. May you find some serenity and take care.

Hugs for the emotional but celebratory day.

Talk about a narcissistic, toxic person! She's getting no leverage from directly manipulating you so she's trying to control you from outer sources. My MIL did the same using her nephew, LH's cousin to go after me. As a result, I cut everyone off on FB from her side of the family and de-friended them as a result. She confronted me and I told her I de-activated my account (a white lie to get her off my back). She doesn't know the difference and I honestly told her I don't know what FB looks like since it's "deactivated." As long as your mom knows the truths from the fiction, I'd keep the MIL at arms length, give her boundaries and stick to them. I've been doing this and it's been helpful. My counselor has also encouraged me and assured me that this is reasonable. I needed the affirmation. MIL is an adult, she needs to get through her grief on her own. Your responsibility is to yourself and to take care of you. MIL needs to get over herself.

I am sorry you have to join us here. I totally get not having an emotionally good day at work. I have closed my office door too when I need the privacy. I am just happy I have a door. Some offices just have a doorway with no door. Have to look for the silver lining in the situation somewhere! Also I understand the icky weather affecting you. I have that problem as well. Hugs for you today!

I think it's normal. I too would rather closet myself away but I force myself to interact. The first few months I avoided family, friends and neighbors. I do go to work everyday, I go to volunteer meetings for music boosters once a month, I go out and do hobby things with my friends. I know it's working because I am feeling a sense of peace. The empty void is still there and I feel it but I don't have to fixate on it as much as I used to. My hobbies are mine and not something I did with LH directly so I feel peace and serenity when I sew, crochet or scrapbook. It fills my idle time and keeps me from focusing too much on the grief. I hope you can find what works. I can only share what has been working for me. Hugs!

Crocheting the last trim on the afghan my husband always wanted but I never had time to make and meanwhile watching Harry Potter because it's on. It was a nice restful day today otherwise.

Hugs for you today!

First thing that instinctually jumps at me is that it's a protection mechanism. You were to be married but he's resisting and is a no show for no good reason. It's almost like he's trying to spare you a pain that could be worse like the kind we felt when they died and that you need to move on.

So sorry Nicky you have to join us here. I am sure the frustration for you is going through all the medical paces to find his problem for so long before really finding the cancer. It must have been hard to watch him those last few weeks. We are here for you. Time is funny in our position. I know it's changing and progressing but it just seems like yesterday my husband went to tennis and just died. I think we function in a time vacuum. I'm 10 months out and I don't know how I got here. Hugs for you today.

Fuck the Valentines crap everywhere: at the stores, on my Facebook feed, on the radio, on tv and my freaking emails. I fucking know it's coming and I'm fucking aware I don't have a husband for gratuitous Valentine's Day sex and festivities!!!!

That's a great story. I love how you shared with the kids anyways! I need to find mine. I have a feeling mine are at my parents' house (my sister owns the house now). I have all the cards I wrote to my husband/bf at the time because he retrieved them from his mom's a few years ago. I'd rather see what he had sent to me.

That is a terrible disappointment! I hope the tree can be saved.

Hugs Mrs.Dan. Seems to me you are re-assessing and reflecting on how things have been and it's negatively affecting you. I wish you some bit of peace today. Hugs!

I miss my husband's frisky hands, his covert kisses when I least expected them, and his confident smirk all the while. Well, thinking about it at least brings a smile to my mind now where I used to be devastated and sad.

I'm 9-10 months out and it can get incredulous how much time actually passes because I think for many of us, time is not moving really at the same pace as we perceive. It seems slower because we relive our sad moments over and over on our head trying to understand and accept what is happening to us as we go through grief. I am finding time is finally softening the blow for me but there is no guideline and everyone travels this path but at their own space and time. Hugs to you today.

Hey there porkchop46. Sorry you are with us here. I don't like my MIL in my house either. I too feel she will take things if I am not around. I gave her a sweatshirt that belonged to my husband on Mother's Day last year hoping it'd keep her off my back and prevent her from taking things. He had worn it and it even smelled like him a bit but wasn't one I felt the need to keep. My FIL asked for a specific Cubs shirt which was a favorite of my husband's so I had no problem letting him have it. The point is he asked and it was a simple easy request to an item I was okay letting go. I don't particularly like unsolicited advice either. It's like I have to remind people that I am a responsible adult capable of making decisions and deciding when I want to make such decisions. I also don't like people rushing me. I know people would give me all their opinions about me still having my husband's clothes, shoes and personal items in the house just where they belong. Right now I'm nearly at 10 months. I haven't purged anything. The kids find it comforting seeing his things around. They are not ready to let things go and that's fine. We are not running a race to anyplace where we have to address this issue now. The only thing I've taken apart was his wallet so I could cancel credit cards and such. Counseling is personal. My girls and I found it helpful but I think you need to go to it on your own terms when you are ready and you decide you would like to try. I chalk up people's commentary as just "trying" to make an effort to be comforting but are completely failing at it. I forgive them for their inability to say what would truly be comforting to me but I give them some slack for it and I try not to take it personally...well that's hard, actually. After a little venting, I can get over it.