Julester3

Because it's what your heart wants but your brain knows can't happen. I hate it when I get these kind of dreams. It can throw you off so much. Hugs today!

Showing a cheery disposition is tough. I've been able to show the kids that I can be cheery through little ways like when we go to the movies and it's amusing. It's hard to do without something to help bring it forth so I used movies and tv to show I can exhibit a laugh or genuine smile. Sometimes sharing a funny story of their sad or when I was their ages can bring out a random smile. Draw strength from whatever think might help. Hugs today.

Josh. When he's in trouble: Josh-u-a!!!. Affectionately, always my gaming geek, my Yoshi.... Crap - tearing up too!!!!

I am so sorry you have to join us here. Hugs to you. I can relate. I also lost my husband to a heart attack and he too had no symptoms or warning signs. It throws you off kilter but as you process and work things out for yourself, things will look up a little at a time. There is no set time frame and it varies for everyone. Definitely don't think too far ahead. Focus on you and your kids, that is what matters. Accept what help is offered and don't be afraid to say what you do and do not need. It's okay to do that. We are here for you.

Just wanted to stop in and give a hug!

Mother in laws are hard to understand. Hugs for you!

My husband was a creature of habit. Almost always home at 6 pm. My brain knows the car is in the garage so I don't expect to hear anything and I know nothing will happen but my eyes look to the garage door when I am home at that time out of habit. Hugs to you!

It's getting pretty scary how good we are reciting Star Wars and Lord of the Rings!

The kids like to honor their dad. We start the day visiting him and placing flowers at his grave. We make foods he would have requested and we watch some of his favorite movies. We used to go to the Lego Convention that's always on Father's Day when he was alive but we haven't felt up to going yet.

Hugs. I feel this many times a day and moreso on a day like Friday, today, when the week has really taken a toll on me.

I also am staying Mrs. Last name for my kids.

Rooting for you Mac. The small victories add up and you can draw strength from them. Keep breathing! Hugs today.

That totally sucks. I hope it's just minor issues and nothing as severe. Hugs for you and your family.

I did get a date like that once momtojandj but at least it was before I left home. The guys asked for a quick picture on what I was wearing to make sure he was dressed in accordance. Sounded reasonable to me at the time. I was wearing skinny jeans, black high heeled booties and a black top from Ann Taylor loft which had cutouts covered with lace. I thought it was nice and casual for a night out. He texts me back wth I don't like your top. It's too traditional. Why don't you change it? I told him it's a very nice top and age appropriate for me. I am 42 not 22. He then texted me, "alright then so I'm out. Good night." I was so pissed at that time, speechless and then insulted on how shallow he was because I am sure he wanted my boobs hanging out. That too was gifted by a very fashion savvy 28 yo niece of mine so I didn't see what the problem was. I realized later when I was much more rational than emotional that it was so much better I found out at home before I left. I'd have been even more angry if I was already out. I couldn't do it. I always hold through because I hate to be rude. I am an intelligent adult and I'll at least try, you know.

Those sound like good positive signs.

I too think that upcoming birthday is causing anxiety for you. I bore myself silly with bad TV or music videos to help me fall asleep. Sometimes I crochet until I get bleary eyed and then I sleep a bit better. You might have to be creative? I hope you can find some rest in the coming days...

I am sorry you are here with us. It's good you have family and friends to lend you support. I also think those are great victories considering you are 8 days out. Often, I find it's the little normal things that seem insignificant to most people that really helps get you in a groove of some sort again. I was happy to get showered and dressed in fresh clothes the first few days but I often cry in the shower too because my husband loved to hijack my showers as often as he could. Now I shower as fast as I can so I don't start my day with a cry but at least I got a shower in the end and that's the good thing. Definitely read around here. It helps to give an insight I swear is hard to find anywhere else. Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself. Hugs! I'm in Chicago so if you just need a kindred spirit while you are here, keep me in mind.

The year of firsts is hard. We had a hard time finishing the school year as my husband died with one quarter left so the kids struggled like hell. The summer was a time to finally breathe and not worry about sucking anything up and pushing forward for the kids. I however had to work full time to support us. I get you on the crazy tired front. Just doing everything and never seemingly stopping. We would go mall walking, the movies, we did a grand tour of different fro-yo and ice cream places. I started to let a few things in the house go and focus simply on spending quality time with the kid to strengthen us as a trio. We did okay and it made us closer. I hope you can find a balance. We all need time to ourselves sometimes to recharge. Hugs for the rough start of the summer!

You only lose your self respect if you feel bad about your choices and make yourself feel guilty. If you discuss parameters and protection before the deed, health is not an issue. If you learn something about yourself and what you want in the long haul, I say it's a learning moment and worth it. Did I have senseless sex? Yes because my husband made me a sensual being and I was literally starving for sexual interaction. My human nature took over and I was flattered. What did I learn? Sex without love is just not fullfilling. It was so temporary. Will I do it again. Probably not unless circumstances are right. Do I feel I lost my self respect? No, because I learned something about myself that I never would have figured out just theorizing by myself at home. I had to discover myself and I never dated as an adult. I married by high school sweetheart.

You'd be surprised how quickly a guy could comply if you just want sex - it's just a matter if this is the type of guy to try it with. What do you have to lose? I tell myself I wouldn't be in this predicament if I wasn't a widow and that I'm an adult that will not regret what choices I make. I chalk it up to learning my way through this.

I think you can do it. You know what's best and it's causing you to have anxiety but realize that you can give your son that sense he's looking for, that seems lost to him since he never had the opportunity to know his father. Hugs to you.

Yeah, you'll never be the same person and you need to figure out who you are now as a result or who you want to try to be and then attempt to come to terms. I tried to find the independent, carefree girl I was prior to meeting my husband thinking that was a strong version of me. I can pretend to be that version of me and tap into that spirit but I still had to come to terms that I am not that crazy, sassy, naive girl anymore. I'm much older, wiser, a bit more reserved and careful, but I can compromise and take away what qualities I liked from that version of myself. I'd say it involved a lot of self reflection. In the beginning, I wrote a lot to my dead husband in a journal I created on my laptop and then the entries just started morphing into figuring myself out and then predicting what he'd advise. I'd try to challenge myself to say what are my current goals (all my goals are pretty much revolving around my kids and I don't like any long term goals or my own personal goals) and what I need to do to keep myself going from day to day (crafty hobbies - the busier I am, the more peace I seem to have because it clears my mind and as a result eases my spirit). Am I still a mess? In the inside, I am honestly still on the fence trying to balance and not fall off but on the outside, I am functional and people see me standing ready on the ground. Just be kind to yourself. It's all still so early for you in the grief state. Just know that it's harder to recall a good day versus the many bad days. Again, I blame the time vacuum for that! Don't look too far ahead, just make tiny goals, by the hour, by the day and hopefully you can find little silver linings in your day to focus on instead of the void we all know that's there and can't be avoided. Hugs! Time is irrelevant for us, I think. I think that's why we go through similar motions but in different phases and times. I feel like I am in a personal vacuum since my husband passed. I know and realize that time is passing but I don't feel it not that I care to. Hugs for you today. We all need a hug some times.

Just be kind to yourself. Don't push yourself if you don't think you can take going to certain places. Try changing your approach to a location like using a door to a building you'd normally wouldn't use, etc. My husband died at his tennis club. I can drive there and sit outside the club or go to the outdoor courts but I can't physically go inside the club yet and you know what? That's okay. I can get close but I don't have to trigger myself to a point where recovery will be hard and too painful. You'll kind of know what you can handle - listen to your instincts. Hugs to you and your family.

Yeah I think that's why I want to try speed dating where they are already there and maybe even try a matchmaking service to filter through for me. I sort of feel that if a guy is paying for the service he'll be less likely to blow you off because he's invested in it versus a free website. Does that make any sense?

I don't blame god for what happened. I happen to blame genetics for giving us the cards we were dealt. The kids are questioning their faith though so they have had no interest in going to church and I have to admit I'm not feeling very spiritual either.