SimiRed

I don't think I can say anything better than what anyone else here has said. It's good to vent, I'm glad you did. Can you look on FB to see if there is a "Pay if Forward" site? In the search box type "Pay it Forward North Carolina" ( I use to live there), and join that site. There are people who put refrigerators, washers, dryers, clothes, small appliances, sneakers, etc. on that list. (Everything is FREE) You could even post for a "handyman" to help with the plumbing issues. Yes, IT SUCKS!! It's so not fair! Hormonal teenagers can be angry, moody, miserable and they all say what fist comes to mind. Don't take it personally, I have a 14 year old that screams at me sometimes and I feel guilty and like I've failed him in so many ways. I know one day when he is older (I've heard they don't get "normal" until 21-25) he will look back and understand that I did the best I could with the circumstances that were given to us. Like @Just Jen said "Please hold on. Today is one day-- this week is one week-- this month, this year, they're just for now. One breath at a time. You can do it. You're not alone.."

Most definitely are frustrating situation. The only getting hurt in all this is DN, and unfortunately he is the one who needs the most love and attention. I hope one day your brother can be the father that your DN needs.

This is Awesome! I am so happy that you have such a great support system with your in-laws!

Definitely Cheese and crackers!! No Internet or No Cell phone

@maddiekayesmommy, Glad to see that you made it here. I remember you from the old board, and it's good to hear that you are doing well.

{{{HUGS}}} Couldn't have said it better than Donna.

Awesome @DonnaP !! Helped the neighbors son write his resume' for an internship

WooHoo!!! I "LIKE" it!!!

Early Bird... walk or run?

My extreme care-giving has made me have the need to "control" my environment. All I ever could control was a clean house, organizing, clean, clean, clean, put stupid things in alphabetical order, scrub this... I still struggle with this and don't know how to stop. It's overwhelming at times, gives me anxiety attacks and it drives the people around me batty! I don't think I'll ever learn to let go of that behavior, as I just need something that I can "fix"... It's a terrible feeling when I feel trapped and I just want to run away.

@anniegirl {{{HUGS}}} No words, as I can relate to some of what you wrote. I've changed diapers on both husband and son. At the end, my husband lost the ability to walk or even move, was incontinent too. I bathed him every day. I fed him and used a dropper to put fluids in his mouth when his mouth was dry. The In-laws, yea, no help, they never showed up until one week before he died and I never seen them four years prior to his death. They lived out of state too. I remember telling his sister on the phone that you have to tell him, "It's okay to let go". She didn't, she said she didn't want him to go. His Dad... told him on the phone, "FIGHT, you have a family, you can beat this.". The day before he died, he was home on hospice, he was screaming at his Dad for never being proud of him. He screamed at me to hurry up and kill him. He couldn't remember who I was, he thought I was just his nurse administering his meds. He had glimpses or "clarity", I treasured those. My story is on the "Cancer Wids" thread.... I hate the death rattle noise... it is something that will never be erased from my mind. I am also remarried, and I do have a fear of having to do deal with death again. Maybe we will grow old together. I still struggle with letting go of this fear, I don't think it will ever go away. @Wheelerswife, Maureen. I love you, friend. You are an amazing person, a heart of gold. I can never thank you enough for taking the time to come visit me in NC. I knew, just knew from chatting with you, that my home was and is always open to you. Someday, I hope to bring Josef to Kansas and have you give us the tour! {{HUGS}} I read everyone's story, Hugs to all. It's a comfort that others understand, those in my life now do not understand at all. I have my moments of quiet, where I remember and I cry, and I miss it all. I would do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing, I loved my best friend, my husband of 19 years, I still love him. I miss him for me and I miss him for the Daddy my son didn't really get to know.

I also did not say "Goodbye", We said "I'll love you forever and ever..." I did tell him that our son and I would be okay, cause I think he needed to know that too.

@JaseBlade, I am so sorry you had to read those awful messages from others. The insensitively of others just amazes me at moments. You are an amazing person and Grace will always be a treasure to you. {{Hugs}}

I also volunteer and do deliveries for Meals on Wheels every Thursday. Does this count? I love to visit the elderly, they are so happy to see a friendly face! I makes my heart happy to help. Are we supposed to just keep adding to the thread and keep it going?

Congrats! Great News!

Love it!!! Count me in too! Drove a friend to the dentist yesterday. Donated to Comfort for Kids (children in foster homes)

Great essay...

@sj85 I am so glad you found us here! This is a community of wonderul people, who have first hand knowledge of what you are feeling! Keep posting, we listen, and most of the time all that is needed is an ear of someone that understands the pain. Hugs!!

CBB, HUGS!!!! Everyone here, virtual hugs! Cancer is a horrible thing, watching a loved one struggle so much, endure so much, and still have that smile for us cause they know we need it. My late husband is the one who was strong, he was a fighter as I know the rest of the cancer spouses were. Words seem inadequate to express the sadness, only the knowledge of the experiences that others have had too. Just makes me sad to see so many. To all of you, my heartfelt condolences. I should feel comfort that my late husband is no longer suffering, no longer looking for that "cure", no longer being poked with needles, filled with medicine and riddled with pain. {{{HUGS}}}

Agreed, I don't see myself as strong either, never liked being told that. Like @look2thesky said, "I was shattered", this is me too. Sometimes I struggle with other obstacles in my life and I get the same ole... "If you were strong enough to get through that, you can do this too". Well, I think I'm tired of being the "strong" one, like then, I will keep moving one foot in front of the other.

BrokenHeart, I'm happy to see that you are feeling a "positive shift". You'll still experience all kinds of difficult emotions and it may feel like the pain and sadness you've experienced in the past may come visit sometimes. However, this is a normal reaction to a significant loss. It sounds as if you have found healthy ways to cope with the pain and loss, and that is what will renew you and permit you to move on. We all go back and "visit" our pain, our sadness...and that is okay! We all have those days that the sadness overwhelms us. However, remember to focus on, "visiting the pain", acknowledge it, then come back to the now and continue your journey of healthy healing and learning how to breathe and rebuild again.

Cancer Wid here. Neuroendocrine, rare and no one really knew how to treat it. He did 3 different types of chemo, and many other treatments. Awful. @Meema, My husband was sick before he was diagnosed too, they gave him nexium and said it was acid reflux. My late husband was diagnosed at 36, when our son was just three years old. It took us ten years to even get pregnant , then this stupid diagnosis was devastating! He survived six years. Like @robunknown, I felt like I would fit in the Extreme Caregiving, but didn't know what "extreme" meant to others. I had no family around, so I did everything myself, along with taking care of a toddler. Yea, the last months were hell on Earth. Horrific, Hard, heartbreaking...you name it. I had him home on hospice for 3 weeks before he passed. I still cry when I think about this. In and out of the hospital numerous times, had his gallbladder removed, one kidney removed, then we were convinced to have a pain pump put in I should have never have let them do that. They could never control the medication, he couldn't walk...it was making his legs numb. Doctors knew, they knew... I was told in the beginning "it's manageable", right, false hope. I stood by his bedside when they had to put a pic (His port got infected and had to be removed) in his arm to give him fluids, and platelets, he screamed in pain. Only to be told that after 4 blood transfusions his count still wasn't coming up. Morphine at the end, hallucinations, screaming someone was cutting his legs off Asking me if I was there to take away the pain, cause he couldn't remember who I was sometimes. I laid on the couch next to the Hospice bed at home. I took care of him 24/7, I was exhausted, but somehow managed. I miss him, I was by his side when he passed...I am thankful for that last moment cause I needed that to survive. He told me to tell our son that he loves him more than 1000 pancakes and he'd love me forever and ever and ever...and then his last breath. I brushed his hair and changed his clothes before they came to get him, gave him the paper fish my son made. I tucked it under his "keeshond" (our dog) tshirt so when he got cremated he'd have it with him I watched them zip him up in the bag and walked him to the van...I went as far as I could...I promised I would, it was as far as I could go. We were suppose to have our "Someday" Someday, we'll retire, Someday we'll go to Alaska, Someday we'll grow old and sit on the front porch. Cancer stole my "Someday"...

Wow, 8 trash bags!! Awesome! I try to go through my sons closest and donate the clothes that don't fit anymore. I should do that to my own closet!

rooshy, Congratulations on your Graduation! Way to keep going and such a great thing for your son to do training with you! I was widowed in September 2009. I miss my YWBB friends tremendously, I allowed different circumstances to take me away from my past, some in my life do not believe in "not getting over it"... Time to stop letting them control me I am proud of your accomplishments!!

Great post, Hachi!