Virgo

Sending positive thoughts and prayers!

A lot of good points shared! Dating after being widowed is so different. There is a lot to factor in. I'm to the point that I would like to start dating, but I'm not being proactive about it. The few single men that I know have dropped subtle hints, but then there's that widow stigma. I don't know. Maybe I should do the asking instead of waiting for them to ask me out. I enjoyed pampering my husband because it was reciprocated. I did the majority of the domestic duties, but it wasn't because he refused to. It's just what worked for us. We all know that once you're on your own you realize everything that your spouse took care of. It's a team effort, or at least it should be!! SB-I had to laugh when you mentioned him bragging about being a handyman, but then not being able to fix anything. Why do men try to 'sell themselves.' Just be yourself. Actions speak louder than words anyway. It sounds like he is a good man, just not the man for you.

I've been getting my 3 cardio workouts, and 3 weight training workouts in every week, but I haven't been posting. Here's what I did today: 200+ abs, mix them in between sets Hammer lat pulldowns 45 reps, max 130# Hammer low rows 45 reps, max 130# T-bar rows 45 reps, max 55# Straight bar pushdowns, 60 reps, max 45# Straight leg dead lifts, 45 reps, max 105# Goblet squats, 45 reps, max 25# (these are no joke!) Drag curls on smith machine, drop set (over 100 reps) max 50# Dumbbell curls, drop set (over 100 reps) max 20# (in each hand) 20 minutes on the dreadmill

My goals for this week: Drop Good Will donations off. Take items to the resale shop. Get groceries. Work out at least 3 times this week. Hang the towel racks in the bathroom. Buy frames for mirror project. Cleaning/laundry. Clean/organize garage. Continue to get things ready for the community garage sale. Start planning my daughter's and nephew's Sweet 16 party.

That's where I'm at too. I have so much that I want to do I'm not sure where to start. I have several ongoing projects. Posting daily goals helps.

My moment was leaving the cancer center without him, and then traveling 3 hours to our home. Then entering our home without him.

2001 Cobra Mustang, but I'm going to attempt to sell it this year. I haven't even sat in it. Whenever I take the car cover off I tear up. My fil takes care of it for me. Starting it, rotating the tires, changing the oil, ect. He loved that car! It has less than 6000 miles on it. I have a lot of his stuff stored in plastic totes. I did go through his clothes, but his t-shirts are being made into quilts for our daughters. A few of his sweaters were made into pillows for them too. I still have a few of his clothing items hanging in our closet. His uniform shirt, his Vikings jersey, a few of his favorite long sleeved shirts, a couple of sweaters, and the last shirt he wore (unwashed.) I also kept a small bottle of his body wash. I just recently threw away his deodorant because it dried out. I still haven't gone through our (his) garage.

Questions- sorry you're having troubles with customer service. This is why I've avoided dropping my LH's phone through Verizon. Just less hassle to pay the little extra a month for now. I managed to get my toilet paper holder up by myself yesterday. The one side is just a smidge higher, which is bothering me. I'm debating if it's worth changing to even them up. It was an ordeal! I've never used a drill before. My LH's tools are everywhere in our garage. I had to find the drill, drill bits (still looking, but the drill had one), and a level. The level wouldn't fit between the toilet and the vanity, which is part of the reason it's not even. Ugh. I did measure, but I'm thinking making the holes larger made them unbalanced. The drill bit was a little small for the wall anchors, so I made them larger as I drilled. Then I hit a stud on the very last hole I drilled. I'm learning. I'm going to search for the drill bits, so I get the recommended size for the holes. I'm also going to search for our stud finder, so I'm not surprised if I hit one. lol My dad took me out for lunch today. My list for today and tomorrow. run dishwasher (done) handwash dishes (done) put new drawer organizers to use cut up cardboard boxes to recycle laundry clean bathrooms sweep/vacuum/mop floors organize filing cabinet gather bags for Good Will and take them to GW

HvnBound- that has to feel good to reclaim your master bedroom! I received most of my bathroom hardware today. Of course none of the old hardware fits the new, so I had to patch up the walls and paint the patched areas. Tomorrow I'll attempt to put everything up on the walls. My curtain rod came today, but it wasn't wide enough. I apparently ordered the wrong one. (ugh!) I replaced two light bulbs in my garage, which was a chore. My garage is a mess, so I had to move stuff around to get the ladder under the lights. Just odd jobs today. I put my indoor/outdoor Easter decor away today too.

A little update on the party planning. My ex sister in-law and I were talking about my daughter and nephew's Sweet 16 parties (my nephew is 8 days older than my daughter), and we thought we could host a shared party. After all, we'll be inviting most of the same guests other than their friends. The kids both liked the idea because the focus wouldn't just be on one of them. We're thinking about booking a banquet room at a local restaurant. My ex sil actually works there part time so it wouldn't cost us anything other than the cost of food. We're thinking appetizers from the restaurant, dessert table which we'll bring in, and maybe karaoke. Best thing is my daughter is actually excited now when she talks about her birthday. Yeah!

Before my husband died we never attended church. We both did as children, but not regularly. Our beliefs differed somewhat. I decided that attending church might help my daughters grieve the loss of their father (and grandmother.) Our pastor is very uplifting, sending the message to be more godly instead of preaching end of days. I would not attend a judgemental, depressing church. I want to feel inspired to do more for others and to be a better person, not feel like I'm being punished in some way for every wrong decision. It is hard not to question your faith after a loss though. I'm still slightly wavering.

His name was Phil. It's hard for me to express everything he was, because he was my everything. Everyone that was interviewed after his death said they would always remember his 'infectious laughter.'

My daughters are 15, 13, and 7. We spend a lot of time together, but I don't have a lot of individual time with them.

The light fixtures are up in the bathroom and look nice. I can't wait to install the new items as they are delivered. I also repainted my filing cabinet today and it looks nice.

It sounds like you're making the right decision. I know sex isn't everything, but only have sex once in the past two years would be a deal breaker for me. I wouldn't have made it as far as you have in the relationship. ((hugs))

tmwenger, I think that makes things even more difficult for us. Our spouses knew exactly what we enjoyed. Now we're back to the awkward beginning phase. Things with my friend need to progress a bit or I'm going to lose interest.

These aren't on the list, but then again I've never seen them used here either. INRAT- I'm not reading all that TTIUWP- this thread is useless without pictures PITA- pain in the ass WDYT- what do you think WWYD- what would you do

A friend of Phil's posted on Facebook yesterday that he was sick. Then today he posted this gem "Death might be a better option then this-feeling sick " Maybe I'm over sensitive, but shit like this bothers me. I just want to be a bitch and say, "at least you're not battling cancer."

I usually backspace when I think I'm posting something to revealing, to forward, or possibly uninteresting. We should always post what is on our minds because I'm sure another wid is feeling the same way or thinking the same thoughts. Sometimes validation for how we're feeling or thinking is just what we need.

Questions, do you want to come do my yard work? You got a lot accomplished in one day. Yard work is hard work! I did laugh at your story. I improvise quite a bit too. I guess we'll learn as we go. Thankfully I have a few guy friends that are willing to help me out when I ask. Asking for help is hard for me though. IfIonlycould, you got a lot accomplished too! I finished painting the bathroom today. I also painted the bathroom light fixtures. I really how they turned out. I figured since I was already painting I might as well paint my filing cabinet too. I've had the paint for awhile. It started out great, until I ran out of paint. I ran to the local hardware store, but they didn't have the same paint. I chose a similiar color. The color was really close, but the spray can was junk. It kept bubbling up and spitting out paint in between spraying. Aggravating! Now I'm going to have to buy more paint and start over. I'll definitely buy two cans of the original brand I started with. It's definitely better quality. I'm planning on finishing it tomorrow. I have a friend coming over to help me install the light fixtures in the bathroom too. I ordered a few items for the bathroom (toilet paper holder, towel racks, shower curtain rod, outlet covers, and a rain shower head), so I'll be doing bathroom projects all this week as those items come in. I'm going to start on the shower curtain too. That's the plan for this week. The bathroom and getting my butt to the gym! It feels good marking things off of my to-do list!

I started my daughters' bathroom. It's going to be a work in progress for awhile. I got two coats painted on all but one wall. I have a guy friend coming over to help me take down the light fixtures. I'm going to spray paint them black and paint that last wall. I still have to buy some new hardware (towel racks, toilet paper holder, rain shower head) with a black finish. My mother in-law is going to help me make a shower curtain. It's going to be like a rag quilt. I already have the material. My brother is also helping me make custom mirrors. My 13yo and 7yo daughters share a bathroom, so I'm trying to incorporate their favorite colors. I'm painting the walls a light grey. The hardware will be black. Their rugs are a dark pink. Their shower curtain is going to be a mix of patterns (chevron, polka dots, zebra) and colors (aqua, light pink, dark pink, black, white, grey.) My friend made a sign about 'princesses' with all of those colors (love it!.) Like I said, a work in progress. I just hope it comes together fairly quick. I'm just worried about my brother. Lol! I might have to go with a basic wood framed mirror and paint it. I won't wait on him for very long.

We all need a break. Some time to ourselves. Even our children do.

I'm sorry. I know you must be exhausted! I imagine this is how she is reacting to all of the changes in your lives. How old is your daughter? This is going to come as a small comfort, but I'm sure it's just a phase. All three of my daughters became extreme 'germophobes' after their dad died. They were in and out of the nursing home with my mom (ALS), and then the hospitals with their dad (leukemia). Their irrational fear was that they could catch what they had. I explained to them that neither were contagious illnesses, and even had our pediatrician explain it to them. This went on for months. They're still a little extreme with their fear of germs, but not as bad as they were before. My youngest daughter (7) would ask after EVERYTHING she touched "Is it ok that I touched that. Am I going to get sick and die? Should I wash my hands?" It was exhausting. Now once in awhile she will say things like, "My leg touched the bottom of my shoe. Is that ok?" It's not every 60 seconds though. It's not even daily anymore. My 15yo and 13yo weren't nearly as bad as my youngest daughter. They still wash their hands constantly though.

I agree that if he couldn't be bothered to get up then he obviously didn't want his driver's license that bad. If you have someone that he can stay while your on vacation I might give him the option to stay home and attend driver's ed and miss out on the vacation.

I'm glad you had a good time! I asked my daughters about planning a vacation over spring break, but they all agreed they weren't ready to go on a family vacation without their dad. Well, last Friday as soon as my youngest daughter (7) got home from school she had this weird look on her face. She said, "when are we leaving for Walt Disney World? I want to go!" I'm sure all of her friends were talking about where they were going. Lol! I told her you just can't pick up and go to Walt Disney World. We would have to plan it. I'm guessing they'll be ready to vacation somewhere later this year, or definitely next year.