RobFTC

Look for "Unread" at the top between "Hi" and "LOGOUT" - that was what I had missed. Take care, Rob T

Maybe Jess - but now I have read everything (or marked it read) :-). I hadn't noticed, but I bet you're right, yay! Take care, Rob T

I'm an engineer, but I don't lay pipe! :-) Take care, Rob T

Looks good, but ... there was a great "new unread messages" link front and center before, and it's gone now :-( That has been almost the only way I have used the site for months now. Help? Take care, Rob T

Caveat - my group is very quiet and I am thinking that I should have stepped down already. You FC homies, yes, it really is as slow as you think, and I'm sorry. All I have done in some time has been to pay the dues. I have had good luck with breakfasts, lunches and hikes. I would not sweat setting up a perfect event as much as setting up more and different events that work with different people's preferences and schedules. If you can, also try to get other people suggesting events, and even empowering them to submit them without your action. Adding co-moderators earlier rather than later is helpful. My group was inches from the big buzzsaw blade when I took it on - the prior admin has burned out and then moved, and hadn't said a single thing until we were all getting e-mails that the group would close in a week, then three days, etc. I would perhaps consider insisting that members come out once a year or so - more members costs more, but many on the list won't bother letting you know they are done. An annual fee might say that a little more directly, and I think meetup.com can help you take care of that. Take care, Rob T

If you are doing a home renovation, you can hire a general contractor or line up and coordinate all of the work yourself. It costs more to have a GC involved, but their know-how can save you some time and a lot of frustration. I think the same can *potentially* apply to a good matchmaker. Caveat - I have not gone that route, and I worry a lot about how I would be able to tell a good one from a bad one - and a bad one would indeed be like feeding a few hundred perfectly-good dollars to a goat. You're social milieu may also not be conducive to getting recommendations. Take care, Rob T

Non sequitor, but ... triplets? Wow. I have twins, and we were in a multiples club and so we knew parents of triplets, and we were always impressed since that was more kids than parents, and more kids than hands :-) Hats off for handling this alone - I wish you still had your husband's help (hugs). Take care, Rob T

It seems like you might do about as well by almost completely ignoring inbound traffic, leaving your profile visible, and making a point to contact guys you like. That all seems like a fine idea, knowing the cesspool guys' attempts to reach out tend to come from :-) Take care, Rob T

I'm sorry for the turbulence, I have been there. My 50th was awful - seven months out from losing Michelle, and surrounded by my kids and in-laws that almost couldn't be arsed to even acknowledge my birthday. If it weren't for Facebook wishes, I'd have thought I was in a cave. Michelle would have made a fuss, made the girls do something for me, and carried everyone else along. It was a very lonely time. I hit 55 this year, and I'm not really sure it will be better without intervention except that I am used to it. I probably need to throw myself a party. Take care, Rob T

Yes, this makes me crazy. We have iPhones, and they are set up as related devices so that we can all see each other on "Find My iPhone" - that helps. If they are where I expect them to be, I can relax a bit. Traveling last week, I tried about five times to phone or text #1 daughter, and only got to her by having someone else had her the landline handset. After discussing her unreachability with her, she finally picked up the cell phone call on the last day of my trip. She will have that phone go quiet for a few days. I pay for phone service, and have an option to basically turn the phone into a stick that happens to be able to call or text me or her sister, and little else. Reminding the kids who really like their phones who is paying the wireless bill helps sometimes :-) Take care, Rob T

Yup. Talk is magic. I do get some good discussions with my kids. We eat dinner together most nights, and we always talk. Saturday afternoon, after handing out a list of consequences for stuff that happened while I was away for a week, we got into an update of the prior week's political events as if nothing negative had happened. I realize this does not cover enough time, but I am so grateful for it. I also have one teen who did NOT get the memo that she has to hide in her room and ignore me, so I can talk to her more often :-) Chat used to fill a discussion void for a lot of us, I wish more people would have been willing to try it. Take care, Rob T

True, but assuming your future spouse has an income, getting married also means more income coming in. I'm 16 years away from 60, but I have to think that even if I'm closer to 60 as long as my incoming spouse makes more than my wife's SS that's more than a fair economic trade. That only follows if you are certain that your prospective wife will walk if you don't get legally married before you're 60. Frankly, I am seeing more who would walk if I insisted on marriage. Another factor is that I don't want to work past 60, and my late wife's Social Security matters quite a lot from age 60 until I start collecting on my own account. Rob T

In this case, getting married has a cost, and it doesn't make sense to not know the cost. If you like the outcome regardless of the cost, cool. But one should know, and be able to talk about waiting and whether the certificate and the commitment are the same thing for the two involved. I am probably a little compromised that the subject is so damned moot in my life, of course. Rob T

For US residents, you lose access to your late spouse's Social Security account if you remarry before the age of 60. I would suggest knowing that price tag. As I get closer to 60, the wait seems more worthwhile. Take care, Rob T

I am so sorry for this complicated loss. You are not at fault; he made the decision. His manipulation proves that you needed to keep your distance, and whatever you felt you needed to do to do that has to be OK. Addiction is frightening and complex, and while he had a tough time dealing with it, he had to find a way to be the main person to deal with it. He did not succeed. Your feelings of love for his good parts and anger for his broken parts have got to be a very tough thing for you to deal with. I am sorry that his family made you feel unwelcome at his service, and I hope you can do something meaningful to note the day. Take care, Rob T

This week, I signed my girls up for driving lessons. They will take their 30 hours of training in the classroom, not on the computer, and I sprung for the extra for a one-day defensive driving section. The school will proctor their learner's permit tests, and then the fun really begins. I think they will each need something like 50 hours of logged driving time with an adult, with various amounts needing to be highway, night, etc. I think that as long as I don't run low on liquor for after the drive time, I will be okay :-) Take care, Rob T

Hi CW, It's discouraging to get the reminders of the things that narrow the field when it wasn't real wide to start with. I hear you. I am 54, and plenty of age-appropriate women have launched their kids or never had any, and don't want to deal with mine. I even ran into one woman who stated she wanted to find a man without any kids of any age, which I found simply weird. That's all their choice. Plenty also don't like my beard, or my face, or my belly, or my politics, also their choice. Sad for them, because I am a catch, and not just on paper. They click 'next' or swipe left at their peril. I would say that you only need to look at others on the board who have recoupled to feel better. Women and men with kids 24x7x365.25 have managed to find people who came into their lives and made friends with or even outright loved their kids. Some of those bonds do my heart good! There have also been some sad or even horrific stories (sigh). That's a real concern, but if you trust your gut, I think you can trust that you can filter out most of the bad ones. I did want to comment about the distance thing. I am an hour north of Denver, and on the couple of instances when I have agreed to meet someone who lived that far away, the distance was a real obstacle. On any one date, one or both can drive, but allocating the extra time to that all the time as an only parent was very daunting. I could do it more easily now that my kids are teens, but women still have to seem extra awesome to merit the extra time and logistics. It's also a way to see quickly who cares less about furthering the relationship. I know that some relationships have overcome far more, though, so I will never say never. Take care, Rob T

Other scammer red flags: - they take their profile down (or it is removed by the site ) quickly - big change in language and grammar from first contact to regular e-mails (they usually hand off to another person!) - their location changes from their profile or first contact to later - any of their locations mention Nigeria, Ghana, Somalia, Turkey Most of these are NOT individuals, they are organized criminals. They have been dead easy for me to spot, fortunately. Take care, Rob T

Shelby, that had to have cut through you like a knife to have heard that. I wish you strength for your next steps. Take care, Rob T

Worthwhile guys can and will do better than that. Take care, Rob T

You're only the second person to ask about that in the last month, Quixote. I don't know how it runs without more people. I used to run it, but I am done with the thundering silence. I am happy to see Sarah taking this on, and happily pass the torch to her. Take care, Rob T

It's me and the PVR this weekend, I think. Maybe some Doctor Who on Netflix UK (shhh! :-) I do have a 3rd date Tuesday, though. Take care, Rob T

I can't remember the last time I knew of anyone swiping right on me on Tinder. I need to get my butt off that site! Take care, Rob T

Hmmm, you're right, asking her might be an idea. She's usually not that creative. Still ... I asked her what she had done to look for it; she says she's looked every time she goes to or comes from the bus. I think she fell into the lie because she hoped she'd find it without my knowing, but then she felt trapped. I should have another talk with her about why I don't lie - that it's just too much work to maintain :-) I am almost opposite on the phone, I want her to revel in getting it back and get even more addicted to it. She's lost it in her room and needed help finding it, and I wish she paid more attention to where it was. Regarding payment, what I am thinking now is that she will get less when I transfer the quarterly funds next month. The idea of her earning it with chores might be a good one. Hmmm. Take care, Rob T

Hey G, I'm an engineer who's seen a pipeline, would you date me? ;D Talk about trends! Take care, Rob T