Trying

My heart breaks for you over this situation with your daughter. It sounds like it's time for them move out.

What a sweet story. I had never heard of a phone bar either but sounds more efficient than online dating, maybe we need to bring those back!

Congratulations!!! It sounds perfect and I can tell you I do not regret for one second moving to a smaller house with less upkeep.

At one month I wasn't able to even wrap my head around the fact that he was really gone forever. I am so sorry for your pain. I wish I could tell you there is a short cut around this grief but unfortunately you have to go through it. Keep reading and posting here, others in your timeline will help you feel like you are not alone and not crazy and those of us further along can hopefully give you hope that the pain will ease over time and there can be life after loss. For now, tight hugs to you, be gentle with yourself, take deep breaths.

Great job! So many things to tackle in widowhood that we would happy to have our spouses keep doing but there is satisfaction in knowing how capable you are and how proud he would be.

I hope the move goes well, it will be an adjustment for sure. I'm a list person and it became essential with widow brain to write everything down. I would make a list for the week of what needed to get done then a list for each day of what HAD to be done. I included everything like pay bills, make vet appointment for dog, do laundry. Then each day I could cross things off. Doing the tasks of 2 people all by yourself at a time where you are far from your best is a struggle but it can be done. Leave off the less important things for now. Hopefully your friends will be so happy to have you back in town and will bring you food or take you out in the first few weeks. By the time their attention fades you will be stronger and more confident. You can do this, and for every time you think about how much you hate doing it alone there will be another moment that you are so proud of yourself for doing it.

Kenneth I am so sorry for your loss, it sounds like your relationship was extraordinarily special. These early days and weeks and months are brutal and there is no short cut around the pain. Take it one day at a time, try to be gentle with yourself. You have found a place where there are many people who understand, it has been a life raft for me and I hope we can be there for you too.

Saying a prayer for good news on Thursday, what a scary time for all of you.

Your time together was cut way too short, I'm so very sorry.

It is very kind of you to help this woman despite how triggering it may be for you. I agree that you will be focused on the tasks you have taken charge of and you will get through it because you know you are helping her. I think afterward you may feel the emotions more so it might be nice if you can set up some support for yourself for that evening, someone to be there for you in case you need a shoulder or even just a distraction.

Tight hugs to you as you mark this passage of time without your best friend and love. It's not that we need an excuse like a significant date to remember them, because we do every day, but these dates can force us to dig a little deeper. Each love story is unique and beautiful, thank you for sharing a little bit of yours.

That is awesome! Totally meant to be. Deep breaths, you can do this!

Keep your focus on your niece and block out the rest of the "noise". I hope her strength continues to build and her gift of life presents itself soon.

Silwe, I had a similar dream last night. DH was back with no explanation and no discussion about the life I have been building since he left. NG didn't come up specifically but it was clear that he was taking over being the decision maker and I was expected to go along. I woke up upset that he didn't take me into his arms or seem to care about all I have been through. I hate that most of my dreams about him have been unhappy.

What is it about wids and the grocery store? At 2 1/2 years I still hate it and avoid it as long as possible. My husband and I never grocery shopped together so I don't have that trigger that some people do but I seem to always run into some acquaintance who I haven't seen in forever who wants to put a hand on my shoulder and ask " how are you and the boys REALLY doing?". I tend to shop with my head down which probably explains why I always forget something.

Thanks for the laugh! The fun part will be seeing not which of the residents find it offensive but who finds it hysterical!

My DH had Crohn's disease and died from a rare form of colon cancer. My middle son has Crohn's disease and a rare liver disease that is associated with it, for which there is no treatment. My eldest son has IBS and went through colonoscopy and all kinds of testing last year. Today I took my 11 year old for testing because he keeps throwing up. Our family just can't seem to catch a break. I want a pause button on this life.

Welcome back. I don't think you should feel stupid about how you felt at 1 year or any other time, it is simply where you were at in a given moment and the things you were telling yourself to get through the day. I work on positive thinking to get me motivated and sometimes it works, other times reality knocks me to my knees and I am right back to guilt and despair and wonder how I had thought life could get better. But looking back I can see there is an over all healing trend. I hope year 3 brings you an over all healing and positive trend and improved strength to weather the storms.

I also have bouts of anxiety and the trigger is not always obvious. Exercise, a change in routine, deep breathing, meditation apps can work for me if I act soon after I feel it coming on. When I can anticipate it because of stress I tend to write lists so I can check things off as I accomplish them, even small things, it makes me feel like I have control and also helps stop the endless loop in my brain of all the things that need to get done. I hope things ease up for you, it's such a terrible feeling.

I am so very sorry for your loss, especially at what should be the happiest time of your life with your new baby. Right now you need to focus on the basics, one day at a time, one hour at a time. Accept any help that is offered to you now because the offers will diminish over time. Make sure you are drinking plenty of water, trying to eat and rest. Hold that baby tight, there is nothing more soothing than rocking a baby. Do your best to not look too far into the future just yet, now is not the time and it will only overwhelm you. There are other widows here who were either pregnant or had newborns when they lost their spouses who can probably give you some practical advice about caring for a baby while grieving but I would say start writing down anything you think someone can help you with, no matter how small. That way when people give you the vague offer "let me know if you need anything" you can pull out your list and say "could you fold laundry while I nap with the baby" or "could you take the baby for a walk so I can have 15 minutes alone in the shower for a good cry". Keep reading and posting here, this group has been my life preserver for the past 2 1/2 years.

Congratulations, I am so happy for all 3 of you!

Fuck trying to be positive and make a life for myself when every decision I make pisses off someone.

SVS, I am so sorry to hear about your latest stress. I hope you are able to get some answers about what is going on with your son, it must be very scary for all of you. I agree totally that this is a job for 2 parents. I often say that it seems so unfair that the most difficult parenting times in my life have been since I am alone and when I'm at my weakest. Big hugs to you and your children.

There is a meet up group around here that I went to for a while. Once a month they meet for more of a support group type session and once a month for a social event, usually dinner at a restaurant. The restaurant is usually something casual with a separate room or area. They also add in a Saturday night movie sometimes. Good luck, I think it's awesome that you are doing this! I'm sure that once you get up and going things will evolve based on the members of the group.

It went great, you were right! I really need to learn to relax.