Trying

I was completely stuck and unmotivated at a year, year and a half. I would get a short burst of motivation and then I would lose it again and do nothing but the bare minimum for days. I don't recommend my cure which has been moving and planning a big change professionally. I have gone from doing nothing to being crazy busy and stressed. Small daily and weekly goals are a better way to go. I also would add at least one weekly fun activity as a goal. I sometimes forget to have fun.

We are on the same schedule, we move on Sunday. Tonight I am at my sisters lake house in NH dropping off 2 of my kids and getting a 2 day break from the packing. It's crazy because there is still so much to do but I am grateful for the chance to step away from it all. I am downsizing too, though not as much as you because I still have 3 kids at home. Being on such a tight timeline is helping to keep the sentimental emotions at bay, decisions have to be made quickly about what stays or goes. I will be glad when it's all over. Big hugs and prayers that it all goes smoothly for you!

I wanted to update everyone and thank you for your support. My son had his colonoscopy and endoscopy today and there was no sign of Crohn's disease! I am sure you can all imagine the incredible relief for him and for me. After walking into the same day surgery unit that I took DH to every year, and seeing his old Doctor who I haven't seen since his final hospital stay, I really didn't think I would be able to keep it together. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and I hope that this will ease his stress. We are going to look at dietary triggers, starting with eliminating dairy and see what happens. He still has to go back in 6 months for an MRI to follow up on some enlarged lymph nodes but the Doctor is really not concerned.

Maureen, the sheer fact that you put yourself out there, that you took on this enormous road trip, that you followed through with John's wishes shows the most amazing strength. You are actively choosing to live which means, to me, that your potential for joy and love more than possible. It is a tough road and you have to keep making that choice every day to embrace the life you have. Be patient with yourself as you recover the emotional toll this trip has taken on you, I am in awe that you accomplished all that you did. If anyone can do it again it's you!

I'm sorry for your loss, and for your mom's too. i think that your manager and coworkers knowing your history will probably be a relief to you.

I totally agree with Maureen in theory and look forward to the day that I get there. The reality is that I think for anyone who hasn't been in our shoes it's almost impossible to understand that we can love and miss the one we lost at the same time as we love and appreciate the one we are with. It's hard for me to wrap my own head around some days.

I had new guy and his boys over for swim and pizza to take a break from my packing, they were gone by 8 and I was in bed by 9:00. Way too exhausted and stressed for much more than that!

I agree with Flavor of the Month, if the schedule will make you unhappy it doesn't matter if the job is good. "After interviewing and further reflection I realize the hours and schedule will not work with my availability but thank you for considering me". Simple.

Well, the estate lady ended up screwing me over so now I don't know what to do with the if stuff I have to sell, I'm running out of time! This week I accomplished a lot but have so much still to go - registered for for 2 seperate programs, one part time online certification to start in 3 weeks and one full time on site to start in September -picked up my glasses, got haircut, got dogs rabies shot -packed up you guests son's room, basement and pool 75% done This weekend: -get older 2 sons to finish packing their rooms -finish filling dumpster -finish packing pool house and basement -clean out pantry and freezer -take smaller items to donate that Estate lady is now not helping with -come up with new plan for furniture and larger items that estate lady was supposed to take care of Oldest son has colonoscopy and endoscopy Monday morning, then I drive the other 2 to NH Monday night and I return for closing on the new house Thursday and prepare for movers next Sunday. I am totally overwhelmed!

(((PJ))) my heart goes out to you and your "mom", cancer is such a f***ing bitch and doesn't care who it hits. This woman has obviously been such a blessing in your life, I'm sorry you are faced with yet another painful reality. All of my thoughts and prayers for strength and peace for you,your "mom" and all of her loved ones.

I think it's great that he wants to do your kind of vacation, that should make it easier on the kids plus it's a good sign that he's willing to compromise and try new things. I think a long car trip with 3 kids will be a big test to see exactly what he's made of! Lol

Big hugs Maureen, you did it.

I skirt the subject less these day because I can talk about it without breaking down. Most of the time. For whatever reason I don't like people to think I am divorced and the father of my children is some kind of dead beat Dad who didn't love me. So when the topic goes to areas that point out that I am a single mom I usually bring it up. I think it takes practice to get comfortable sharing your story and figuring out how to give the super short version and then move the conversation along at times when you don't want to get into it so much or the reaction you get makes you uncomfortable.

Big hugs Maureen. You will Get through this with grace and tears and your love with John shining through. There is no right or wrong way, there is just your way in the moment. The anticipation has been building up for so long, and I know for me that adds to the panic. You have all of our virtual support for this big step.

I often cringe when people praise God for saving someone because of the power of prayer or because He has a plan. If there is a plan, it is not something we can comprehend. Good people suffer tragedies every day. My DH had literally hundreds of people praying for him. Murderers and rapists live to ripe old ages every day. I can't make sense of any of that. I do, however, believe in God, and I believe there is more to creation and afterlife than can be explained in the bible or by any religious doctrine. I am a Christian because that is the background I was raised in. I do not blindly follow all that my church teaches but I take comfort in taking time to reflect and have gratitude and to acknowledge that there are forces greater than me out there. I pray, in my own way, and offer sincerely to pray for others. As I have gotten older and experienced many of life's miracles and tragedies my prayers have changed. I used to ask for problems to be solved, loved ones to be cured, answers to be given. Now, I pray for strength and peace for myself and for others facing difficult times. Of course there are times when I am still angry about the bad things that happen to good people or that I plead a break from the hard stuff. But basically, my faith is about surrendering to the idea that I am not meant to have all the answers while I am in this life. I don't think my way is the only way or the right way. For me, looking for meaning or answers to the "why" questions only causes me more heartache but I don't begrudge someone who believes that God saved them personally because of prayers. Just don't fool yourself that when you don't get the desired outcome that it's because you didn't do something right or that you deserved something bad.

I have found that when a wave of grief strikes after a period of doing pretty well, I am still shocked by it. Intellectually I know there are ups and downs and that I will never be "over it" but emotionally it is tough to keep going back to that pain. There will be more great days ahead for you, until then sending you a tight hug.

I guess I will never be of the mindset to live my own life as I see fit and too bad who it hurts. I need to find some sort of happy medium between the way I have been doing things and that extreme. As long as I am still raising my children I feel I am responsible for how my decisions effect them emotionally. I agree they should not dictate my decisions but a respect for them and their journey does influence how I proceed. I want them to have a long term relationship with this man who they really have a lot in common with but they need time to get past the idea of any man to get to know him personally. Time to move from baby steps to kiddie steps at least. As far as friends and extended family, I still don't quite understand why I haven't expressed that I am in love with him instead of allowing them to think he is just someone I spend time with. Yes, I am a very private person but I can't be hurt if he's not invited places if I don't let people know how important he is to me. I will start with my mom and my sister when we have a few days together next week, I know my mom will be supportive. My best friend is helping me on moving day, she also should know how serious things are. I think there is some little bit of irrational guilt I feel about being in love again. As if I have no right to more than one great love in my life. I don't really believe that, but it's there some where, in the dark part of my thoughts. You all are saving me money on my therapist as I work through all of this with your input!

Even the "right" decision can be emotional. Losing the pool doesn't mean losing the memories and it sounds like there are some wonderful ones, sending you hugs as you let the pool go.

Sending up prayers for all of you.

What a total jackass to take advantage of you when you are vulnerable! I can say that it's better you found out now before it got more serious or that it's not you it's him (all true!) but that won't help the fact that you are hurting right now. I'm really sorry you are going through this.

Wow, that's a really tough situation to be in. She is probably not ready to face the complete truth about her son, his behavior and his emotional issues. You are in a difficult spot because she will likely be defensive if you try tell her what you are seeing. Maybe you can simply tell her that you can relate to parenting a struggling son, that you support her without judgement, and that you have not and will not interfere. Any unsolicitated advice or observations will probably not be appreciated by her. I hope she and her son get the help they need and that you can salvage your friendship. Good friends are so hard to come by, especially someone with shared experiences

The "what ifs" can drive you crazy, I know. I hope you can focus on the joy and excitement of officially beginning your life together and embrace the future with your love. I can't wait to see the pictures!

Maureen, speak from your heart and you will honor John, his life and your amazing love. I am sure that the anticipation of the interment service had been weighing on you this entire trip. I hope you have some down time after to be alone with your thought.

I posted in BAG about the big changes I am making with moving and career. This has prompted a conversation with my all too patient New Guy. A conversation he has every right to want to have, a natural conversation for 2 people in a long term monogamous relationship to have. It started out like this "I know what you're goals are for our relationship but what is your plan and time frame for us to get there?" As most of you know, I have been extremely slow to integrate him into my life because my older kids are resistant. He has met some friends and my SIL, my FIL knows about him and is supportive but they haven't met, my mom and sister know about him but haven't met. The main issue he brought up is that even the people who know or who he has met, have no idea that we are in love and very serious. I tell people we are dating but don't elaborate. Nobody thinks to invite him anywhere. He is my best friend, my love, my biggest supporter and I want to have a future with him (it's hard for me to say "forever" anymore because only the person who dies first gets to have forever). So why am I not shouting this from the roof tops? Why do I worry so much about how everyone will react to me being in love? Why have I let my kids have so much power in limiting my relationship? With all of my new beginnings with career and moving, I want this to be a time of new beginnings in our relationship too. Even though we will stil live apart, I want to be a real couple in the eyes of all. How do I make this leap out in the open that has already been between us for so long? How did others manage this shift from telling people you are dating to telling them you are in love and please invite him to Thanksgiving dinner?

Doing well on my goals! Met all goals with the addition of ordering large storage shed for new house and obtaining paperwork for building permit. I'm not sure if I'm kicking ass on this move or the move is kicking my ass, depends on the day! This week: -Make vet appointment -Pick up eye glasses -get hair cut (color gray roots myself first) -Complete registration for classes -Finish packing up familiy room, pool house,basement playroom -Meet with estate sale lady Tues to finalize plans made over the phone, identify all remaining items to sell, donate or move