Trying

I'm with everyone else here on the good advice you have received. You can be sympathetic and respectful about their desire to have a bench while politely letting them know you unfortunately are not in a position to contribute financially. I am a people pleaser and situations like this are very difficult for me but if we don't take a stand for ourselves we can not expect anyone else to understand our wants and needs.

Fuck everyone who has to point out to my son repeatedly all he has lost and endured in 2 years and ask him about his plans for the future when he obviously is struggling with the present. It goes like this: "Wow 2 shoulder surgeries in 2 years, you can never swim in college again?" "You missed second semester freshman year, how can you you catch up? You can't live with your friends because you dont have enough credits, that sucks" " your Dad would want you to do. X, y, z" "Is it hard to see everyone's posts about Fathers Day" "You've lost a lot of weight, are you sick?" His dad and 16 year old brother have Crohn's disease and dad had a neuroendocrine tumor in is colon, so no, he's not stressed already, really, we need you pointing it out.

Here's where I come off sounding like a total bitch, but here goes. I don't visit the cemetery very often though I drive by it daily. His ashes weren't supposed to be in a cemetery but last minute he wanted it for his mom (turns out my older boys go often too so he was right). Whenever I do go my MIL has it filled with mementos and stuff and it makes me crazy to the point I get agitated and need to leave. On Fathers Day we had DHs 2 nephews baptized then had the family back to my house after. My youngest and I stopped at the cemetery on the way home and there was the usual "stuff" every where plus 2 balloons. 1 was Worlds Greatest Dad. Not from my boys, but from her. I knew this would bother them, he was their Dad, they should bring what they want. The other was a heart shaped balloon that said I Love You with hearts all over. Again, more appropriate from a wife than a mom. It took everything I had not to pop the balloons and throw them away. It was a rage that was so out of proportion to the situation. The rest of the day everything she said or did annoyed me and I wasn't very warm and loving. Not real proud of myself for acting that way but my reaction was so strong and I could not get past it. Even typing it out I feel like such a bitch.

The little things add up, I'm sorry you seem to have an extra plate full right now. Feel free to grumble. And go ahead and cry at kindergarten graduation, other moms will be too, for reasons you may never know. (((Hugs)))

Big Hugs SR, you are doing so well and getting stronger with each step away from him. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and let momentum propel you forward.

I too miss having a handy guy around the house. I miss having someone to collaborate with, to bounce ideas off of, to tell me what is practical and what is too costly or crazy to do. Getting ready to sell and move myself I am having a lot of 2 year old moments thinking that he should be handling issues with inspections and lawyers while I pack, unpack and decorate. I should be picking paint colors while he gets the utilities transferred. We should be laying in bed at night planning and dreaming about our new adventure together. I miss the swearing, the dirty and sweaty way he got when working on a house project. The pride he had when it was done and he knew I was happy. Good luck with your project and making your new place feel homey. There is a certain satisfaction in knowing you can do it yourself, even if you hate that you have to.

I'm sorry you were so blindsided! Hopefully you will get to the bottom of what actually happened but if it was a big deal you would know something. No one was arrested or injured. Teen and young adult men are bound to make a few poor decisions while their brains are still developing. Maybe they are embarrassed to tell you what happened or the neighbor was just misinformed.

Rob I am sorry your girls didn't celebrate the amazing Dad you are yesterday. You've mentioned before that they don't seem to remember special days like birthdays and fathers Day for you. If they watch TV or are on social media, they knew. I would let a few days pass and talk to them about it. We need to teach our children how to treat the people they love. It sucks because their mom would have made sure they would make some gesture. I have told my kids I don't need presents or a big deal, just acknowledge the special day.

Stress, big life changes, grief, it's bound to catch up with you no matter how positive and optimistic you are. I hope you can give yourself a break, some times you just need to ride it out. And remember, here we don't ever have to pretend that there are no dark times.

Happy Fathers Day to all of the Dads doing it alone and to all of the Moms doing their best to raise their kids without a Dad.

The first year more things broke, every lightbulb in the house needed to be replaced at least twice, and each little thing felt like the end of the world. Decisions? Nope couldn't make any. Right now your job is to survive. Keep reassuring your kids (and yourself) that you will be strong and in control but you need some time. I'm sorry people seem to be stepping away. Sometimes it's because they just don't know what to do. Right now you barely know what someone can do for you to be able to ask. Reach out to a select few you think you can count on, but you will be surprised who steps up and who doesn't, it usually not who you think. We are all here for you, we get it, and you can repeat yourself a million times and no one will care.

✔️Have had 3 house showings plus realtor pictures so I feel like all I am doing is cleaning up! ✔️11 year old's pool party was a great success, having oldest lifeguard was a big stress reducer ✔️Cards and gifts bought for tonight and tomorrow. ✔️Dog scheduled for groomer Tuesday on realtor open house day New goals: Empty out desk and 2 filing cabinets by Wednesday when my SIL will move DHs office furniture to her new house. Clean out storage cubbies in my bedroom Clean out built in cabinets in FR purge or pack Remember to breath, stress is over taking me!

Stay strong, it will be one more huge thing behind you!

Dating is most definitely harder when both people have kids still at home. Kids take up a lot of of time obviously but they also take up a lot of love and attention. We can't focus all of our free time and thoughts on a love interest. We worry about our kids, we have hopes and dreams for our kids, we want to teach our kids, make memories with them. When dating younger and before kids all of that energy goes into the romantic relationship. I struggle with not being able to be "everything" to my new guy. My kids come first. They are my priority. I make decisions based on what is best for them. Their struggles can over shadow everything else. Their milestones and accomplishments are my greatest joy. When new guy had a minor medical procedure this week, I drove him, stayed in the waiting, brought him home, fed him, tucked him into bed and had to leave him. I stopped back briefly in the evening and left him again. I would have loved to have been there more for him but I have other responsibilities and it leaves me feeling torn. He is divorced and shares custody so he has more time for me. His kids are much younger than mine so if we stay together the tides will turn eventually and I will be free while he is still tied down. My ramble offers no advice, just understanding. If it's right you will make it work and make sacrifices. If it's not right the resentments will grow. I wish you clarity as you figure it all out.

I'm so sorry to hear about your SIL, she sounds like such a fighter. Hoping for peace for her, her family and you.

Klim, just Fuck! I hope it's not too late to get it in. My guess is that if you e already put money down, they will take a form late. Good luck! And Fuck that you've got no one to lean on!

I don't think you are rushing anything, you have been cautious before introducing him, you will sleep in the guest room so as not to confuse your son who likely doesn't understand male/female relationship too much. My other though is that you have some issues that are holding you back from jumping in with both feet with this guy. How can you know for sure if you don't get to see him spend some extended time with your son? At such a young age he would be an important part of your son's life if you move forward with this relationship in a permanent way so you need to feel good about their relationship just as much as your relationship with him. This is a great way to get a sense of how he interacts with your son, does he respect and follow your parenting rules? Does he know how to have fun with him or is he more of the "children should be seen and not heard" way of thinking? It's a great sign he invited you both and has put some thoughts into activities your son may enjoy. I say go for it, have fun!

"We enjoy the limited time we get to spend together that our schedules allow. I am interested to see where things go!" Or something like that is plenty of good for an answer to the inquiring minds out there. As far as yourself, if you are ok with how things are, great! Are you ok for either of you to also be dating other people casually at the same time? That would be something I personally would need to have defined. I could be good with not getting serious if life is just too complicated but not sure I would ok with some one I had some feelings for dating multiple women. It's a personal decision and you may want to be playing the field a little yourself. It's a good idea if you are both on the same page about it so no one gets surprised. Good luck going forward! And I hate the word boyfriend, it make me feel silly saying it so,I really don't!

You are sounding stronger and more determined every day! Keep believing in yourself and doing what you know is right. Don't give him an inch, a desperate, controlling, abuser is the most the most dangerous kind. Continue to out safety first over retrieving belongings. I am so proud of you!

I am so sorry for your sudden loss and my heart goes out to you and your children. There is nothing you can do in these early days of shock but grieve and let others take care of you. Drink water and yes, breath. Breath through the panic that inevitably sets in. You have come to a wonderful site for support, with people who truly understand what you are going through and who will assure you that you are not going to lose your mind permanently. There is so much practical and busy work that needs to be done in The beginning. Enlist some help, have folders and lists and always a pad and pen when you speak to someone on the phone. You will remember less than half of anything you are told so organization is important, find someone who can help with that. Again, I am so sorry but I hope you find this site a comfort, it has been my lifeline for the past 20 months.

Mizpah, I am so sorry you are facing such difficult parenting issues when you have no real control over how to help the boy. If they can't come together as parents in a coordinated effort there will be bigger problems down the road. In the mean time do not leave them unsupervised in the same room for even a moment, keep gently talking to WBD about your concerns with an emphasis on you wanting to help his son and you want his son to do well as he approaches school age. I'm sure he has some guilt that he has such limited time with his son and doesn't want to spend that precious time being the bad guy. The problem is, his son needs help and the parents (and you) need guidance on how to help him. I hope you can all come together and do what's best for the boy and protect the babies in both homes.

Adding my hugs to you. My 2 years is approaching as i am in the time of year when he was so sick. The sense of time is a crazy thing. There are times it feels so fresh and raw as if I just lost him and then other times, which are happening more frequently, when I feel like I've lived a lifetime without him. I'm caught between moving towards a somewhat unknown future and being stuck in the past, afraid that moving forward means letting go.

Wow, that is extremely thoughtful of them! That being said, I don't think I would want to celebrate in any big way. I have done my 21st and 22nd alone and mostly just quietly to myself, it feels very personal to me unlike his birthday, sadiversary, Father's Day that affect everyone. Whatever you decide let them know how grateful you are that they not only remembered but want to honor the day. I agree that the wedding and the start of a new marriage should be the focus, looking forward with a nod to the past.

Wow mmg, congratulations on the new career! I think teaching will be very compatible with being a single mom. I wish you the best of luck with this new chapter. I'm 46, almost 21 months out and contemplating a career change. It's scary and I don't have a real handle on the direction I want to go so I really appreciate hearing everyone else's journey.

He has been very patient and understanding but it is definitely becoming harder for him. He wants to be part of my life, my whole life. It's hard for him that they are so against him without even knowing him. He worries about me when I'm upset. He is a planner and wants to know what to expect and when and I don't blame him. Sometimes it's difficult to discuss because his kids are so young and it's very different dealing with a 19 year old.