widowat33

That's great! Not only is it awesome to hear of someone who has overcome her struggles, but also encouraging to hear of a woman who lost a parent at a young age finding her passion and being successful at it. By the sounds of it you also played a large role in her success by supporting her and believing in her, it must feel wonderful for you to hear this great news.

That's great that they were supportive. I think that would be my biggest fear if I were to start dating, telling the inlaws. I know my boys would be fine with it, or I think they would be. My youngest is always asking me if I will be getting married again, I ask him how that would make him feel and he always says he would be fine with it and wants me to be happy. My oldest tends to prefer being around males so I really don't think that would be an issue with him either. My inlaws on the other hand... I have some good male friends, but they make comments about one in particular, of course he's the single one and it's almost hostile comments. I shared with another friend that I think they are worried that there may be more than a friendship between us. There isn't, nor will there ever be, but because he's helped me out financially (supplying material for my recent landscaping project for free, selling me a new car at cost, etc...) I think they get the impression that there is more to our friendship than there actually is. He's just a really helpful nice guy who I have known all my life. I am not seeking another partner, and really can't foresee doing so in the future, but if there ever comes a day that I do decide to I really think telling the inlaws will be the most difficult thing to do. They are typically supportive in other areas but that's one area I cannot see them being very understanding!

I don't think you are full of nonsense. I think we are visited in dreams, in fact my dh used to talk about dreaming about other people dying. He said he dreamt about his own death and was really upset, he died less than two months later, now I wish I had asked him what he dreamt about but I didn't want to push for info as I thought we had lots of time to talk about it. Different people believe different things and that's ok, there is no right or wrong when it comes to beliefs. Do you think it could be your cousins parents, if she was taking care of them in your dream? I'm sorry I know how much these dreams can rattle a person!

8 hours is good! I work 12 hour shifts and have only one or two chances to go for a quick smoke, so I got the nicorette gum. It helps with the cravings but not the habit..I'm not trying to quit though, yet, just trying to make it that long without one! I'm so sorry for the two significant losses in such a short period of time. I think people just don't get it. But their thoughtless and inconsiderate comments can hurt really bad. I had a lady recently comment on how I go out for coffee at my sisters restaurant and I'm always ALONE. Like sorry my husband died and now I do things by myself! Even though I'm alone I'm not lonely but that comment really hurt and pissed me off so much that I still get mad about it. I guess the only thing I can say I'm thankful for is I now try to be very conscientious when speaking to others especially when I don't know what they are going through! Good luck with quitting!

I'm so happy she is acting as she normally does and isn't in pain. As humans we know we shouldn't let another being suffer, but again as humans it is natural to not want to let go of someone/something we love. It's a hard decision, as I'm sure many here know. Thinking of you and your children. I know to some they are just pets, but I consider mine a part of the family too, and when they are gone there will be a void left just like any other loss.

No wonder you are exhausted. My dh's birthday would've been today, second without him here too. Birthdays were one of the things we really went all out for, so it's been a bit of a hard day. Tomorrow also marks the anniversary of when we first started seeing each other, I used to joke that I was his best belated birthday gift ever,lol. I realize I'm a little late, but I hope things are easing up for you now! Hugs

Thinking about your family.

I am at my highest weight, besides pregnancy, and hate looking in the mirror. I keep making these goals to lose weight and get healthier, but haven't followed through on them. I am too busy making excuses about being too busy,lol. Great job Rob. It's not easy changing parts of your lifestyle!

I have always been a slow and steady kind of girl But like everything else in this life everyone is different. I am not seeking a partner and probably won't. But if I were to recouple I would probably be more cautious this time around. With my dh I only had our feelings to consider, now I have children and would have to take their feelings into account as well regarding remarriage.

Sounds like an awesome party! Great job

I agree with Maureen. I started less than two months after he died. It was probably the best thing I could've done for myself. It made me get out of bed and work towards something positive for my future! Even though he was never far from my thoughts it gave me something to focus on. Of course it's not the same for everyone, so I'm hoping that it all works out for you!

I am taking mental health and addictions. I am in my last semester, we are in class for 7 weeks and then placement for 8 weeks. So only 5 more weeks of classes! I'm not sure what will happen next, but I know I'm not done with school yet! Thinking psychology maybe?

Thanks Sugarbell, I always feel so guilty after I lose it. I'm glad I'm not the only one who loses her shit from time to time. Yes I think I need to learn to zone out a little better. It was much easier sharing parenting responsibilities, now it's all on us, I think I just worry about the balance of being strict but not too strict, ugh. Sometimes this really sucks

Thanks SVS, Because of their ages the coaches prefer a parent being at hockey in case there are behaviour issues that need to be dealt with immediately (there are some kids on both of their teams who are not always very well behaved). I do sometimes drop my oldest off as I've spoken with the coach and he has reassured me that he has never had any problems with him and really couldn't foresee any issues with me leaving him there, so it does take some of the stress off. My new semester starts today, I do have two evening classes, which means some time at home during the day while the boys are at school, I think it will be the peace and quiet I need! It's funny, I was so upset while writing the first post because my oldest was not speaking to me and mad at me, the next morning he woke up and acted like nothing happened. We talked briefly about it and moved on. Thanks for the suggestions and well, just for listening!

My life has been very stressful lately, or maybe I am just not handling stress really well right now. I put this in this section as it mostly pertains to my boys. I am working, just a casual position but it's in a shelter for abused women and it's 12 hour shifts, and a one staff model (so we work alone) at any given time the shelter can be full of women and their children. When I'm done my shift I am worn out, not so much physically even though there is physical labour involved, but I am drained emotionally. I am very certain that this could never be a full time permanent job, but it will look good on my resume so I am toughing it out for the time being. I am also a full time student in college, and this semester is condensed so that we can also go on placement. I love school but it's challenging to complete everything on time and still find time for everything else going on in my life. This is where the kids come in... They are both in hockey, different teams, so in a week I am at the arena four nights at the very minimum, that's not counting their games in other towns, which for the most part take place on the weekends. I enjoy watching them play a sport that they both love, but I can't help but think about the many other things I could be doing instead of sitting at the arena, and of course I feel guilty even thinking that way. This past week they have had friends over after school and for supper a couple of nights, and my youngest had one over all day today. So my house lately has been overrun by noisy, active 10-12 year old boys. I encourage them to have friends over, but it's starting to get to be too much. Tonight I've had several breakdowns. After dropping my youngests friend off I took him to shinny, a fun game of hockey, I even let him stay out on the ice for an extra half hour longer than we agreed to. When I told him it was time to go I was met with attitude, which of course led to a huge blow up. He felt that I was being selfish by making him get off the ice to leave when he was having a fun time. I explained that if I was selfish I wouldn't have taken him in the first place. We talked it out, resolved it and things were better. Then just before bed both my boys started horsing around, I asked them to be quiet and my oldest commented that I needed to chill out. I lost it. I am not proud of it but I overreacted, I honestly felt like I was having an anxiety attack. I tried to explain to him that it had been loud in this house all day and the noise was starting to bother me, and once again I was called selfish because they were just having fun. I think out of all the things they could call me, selfish hurts the most. I feel like everything I do is for them, and obviously they don't appreciate it otherwise they wouldn't say it. I feel so out of control, even now. Today I have lost my cool more times than I care to admit. I am not mean to them or anything, mostly I just start crying. Tried to talk to my oldest, but he shuts down easily and wouldn't talk. Sorry this is long, and thank you if you are still reading my scattered thoughts. I just needed to vent about this. My usually sweet boys have been not very nice lately, and I've been too emotional lately to effectively deal with behaviour issues. I just feel like a failure.

((Sugarbell)) Sounds like a lot of stress. No wonder the cravings are so intense. As a smoker, different addiction I know but an addiction none the less, I know when I'm faced with stress I crave cigarettes. If I'm in a situation where I can't have one I get irrationally angry. Hoping you feel better getting it off of your chest, just talking can sometimes be a coping mechanism. Also hoping these next couple of months go smoothly, or at least as smoothly as possible.

I'm going out dancing. Haven't been out kid free in a very long time and while I'm looking forward to it, I'm also kind of wishing I was sitting at home in my pj's. Happy new year to all of you!

Trying, Mine are younger and I know you asked for advice, but I just wanted to send you a hug. You have been so helpful here, one of the firsts to respond to anything I post, I'm sorry I can't do the same. I didn't go to college until last year, when I was 33 years old. I wasn't ready, is it possible he's not either? Maybe he just hasn't found something he enjoys yet. I did work, but to be honest I lived rent free at my parents until I got married. I really had no direction in life either, or very many responsibilities until I had kids. Now that I've found a program I enjoy, I actually look forward to school, I am quite sure I would flunk out if it was something I didn't like. It's hard to be tough on our children knowing they have faced such a huge loss and I know that's why I'm easier on my kids than I used to be. I also know my dh would not want me to let them use his death as an excuse to get away with undesirable behaviour, so it's really hard to find that balance between being empathetic but also strict. Do you feel like sitting down with him and having an honest conversation might work? He's old enough that he might understand how this is impacting his future, and also the effects it's having on you. Of course not in a blaming tone, but what if you were to tell him that you are so worried about him that it's having a negative impact on those around him as well? As I've said mine are younger but usually when I talk to them about how their actions effect others it seems to help, because most of the time they don't realize it. Again sorry I can't be more helpful, just wanted to send you some support. Kids can be so difficult.

Mine are younger, my parents took them shopping, but the kids did buy gifts with their own money. Maybe it's because they are younger? I'm thinking once they get a little older they probably won't unless they are reminded, repeatedly. So sorry. I don't think it has anything to do with you, teenagers can be a little self absorbed and thoughtless at times!

Yay! Happy for all of you who are gettin some,lol. Maybe a little jealous too

Hmmm...what's the smiley guy all about Virgo? early Christmas gift?

1) worked my 12 hour shift today, and I don't work again for almost two weeks! 2) had five final exams this past week and aced them all, and have a three week break from school! 3) and I want to echo TooSoon, grateful for this place with people who "get it"

Yes! Thank you for posting this! For many of our married years hubby worked away, usually for two weeks at a time. I had to be independent, didn't have a choice. I loved the time we spent together, but was okay with the time apart too. I think that's why coping with the day to day stuff after he died wasn't all that hard, I was used to it. I was always the single one in high school, while all my friends had boyfriends, I just couldn't imagine anything serious when I was younger and of course the drama that came with teenaged relationships. I knew my dh liked me for several years before we got together I just wasn't ready for a relationship. But when the time came that I was ready it was amazing! I'm not convinced I will ever experience that again..and I'm okay with that. Even though our time together was cut way too short, I'm grateful for him showing me how to love and be loved. Some people never get to experience that. I am only a year and five months out, still early in some ways, and although sometimes I feel lonely I know I'm not ready for a relationship, and at this point I really can't see it in my future either. I have been doing a lot of self care and learning to be aware of my self identity, the biggest thing I think I've learned is that in order to be happy I don't need a partner, I just need to take care of myself, and do things that I enjoy doing. I see so many miserable married people and I feel sorry for them, and I see them look at me with pity when I'm doing things by myself,lol. Yep I'm with you on this one and relieved that I'm not the only one!

Steal away

I have had this conversation with others as well. I used to take comfort in knowing that he didn't leave me because he didn't love me anymore. I couldn't imagine hating someone I love so much, because sadly that sometimes is what happens when people get divorced. Is our pain worse than theirs? Why does it matter? It's still painful for people to make comparisons, there is no comparison, as I'm sure someone going through a divorce would feel the same. Emotional pain cannot be measured, nor should it be compared. Edited all my grammatical errors..I think?